Chapter 13 : In Which Our Couple Gets a Dose of Life
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The following summer, we were made Head Boy and Head Girl. I was surprised that they’d pick two students from the same house, but it was Hogwarts. Weirder things had happened.
Despite rumors that the positions came with a shared dorm, I was sad yet a little relived to see that we just got our own apartments entirely. A big bedroom, a small bathroom and a tiny living room was tucked away behind a statue near the Great Hall. I got to pick my own password. Al’s apartment was just down and across the hallway. The first night of December in our seventh year found us in his living room, on the couch.
A board game lay on the table, but it was long forgotten as I lay on top of him while we made out. He picked me up and moved me to his side when things started to get too serious, and I smiled. We didn’t like to stop, but we hadn’t had any trouble doing so.
“I’m lucky to have you.” I said.
“I’m glad you think so. I think you’re lucky, too.” He said.
I slapped his on the shoulder softly. “Not funny.”
“Oh, I think it is.” He said.
I sniffed. “Obviously.” I said, putting my head on his shoulder. My stomach flipped, but I held my eyes wide open.
“See?” he asked, yawning.
I nodded, trying to fight it off. I was getting really good.
“Why don’t you let them come anymore?” he asked.
“I like being in control.” I said. “Besides, now that I know I can change them, they aren’t important.”
“Well, yeah, but what if they are important?” he asked. “What if seeing them helps you prevent something from happening?” he asked.
“I do my check ups.” I said.
“Oh yeah. You haven’t done mine for the week.” He said, holding out his hand. He was still only one of two people who knew. Usually I used something that belonged to my friends to See on them. But Al’s hand always worked the best.
I sighed. I didn’t want to See on him.
“What’s the matter?” he asked, his smile dropping with his hands.
“Nothing.” I said. Truthfully, soon after we started dating, I realized that if I could change the future, then my visions might not come true. This sounds obvious, but I was afraid that the future I had been dreaming out wouldn’t happen. I’d thought it was James for a long time, but now that I knew the whole story, I wanted it more than ever. But Al couldn’t know that he was the guy all along. I wanted it to be his choice. I “checked” on him once a week. Sometimes I saw something bad happening and explained it to him, so he could either prevent it, or prepare for it. But I also saw our future. A lot. And the idea that it wasn’t set in stone scared me. I hated those checkups for giving me a false hope.
What if he didn’t like me the way I liked him? The way I loved him? The Sees were just one possible outcome. While I didn’t want him to know about them, because I was afraid he would believe them, I just couldn’t believe that everything would turn out fine. It was messing with my head.
“Something is wrong.” He said, cocking his head to the side. “Wanna talk about it?” he asked.
“No. Nothing’s wrong.” I said. “I’m just tired. Give me your hand.”
He lifted his arm again and placed his palm in mine, locking his fingers around mine. I closed my eyes and focused on him.
Instead of seeing his arms or his hair in a fuzzy wedding See, or something in the time just after that, I saw him, painting a room in our new house. We were wearing messy clothes and laughing as he tried to paint the muggle way.
I breathed out slowly and let his hand go. This was getting to be too much. Where was the unending hope I had had for me and James? Why was I afraid to believe in such a wonderful future? I opened my eyes and saw his boring in to mine.
“What did you see?” he asked. “You looked happy.”
“I saw my birthday present.” I lied. I’d known what he was getting me for my birthday for weeks.
He stuck out his bottom lip. “That is so unfair.” He said.
“I know.” I agreed. “Would you feel better if I lied to you?” I asked.
He thought for a moment. “Maybe.” He decided. “How am I ever supposed to surprise you with anything?” he asked.
“I dunno.” I said. But I did. I could stop my Sees. All together. But I couldn’t tell him that. I needed to check on him. It kept him safe.
He looked at me, and then nodded. “Right then. You need to stop Seeing about me.” He said. “Can you, please?” he asked.
“Why? Then we wouldn’t see bad things coming. You would have gotten mugged a few months ago if it wasn’t for the Sees.” I pointed out.
“I know. But I can tell that they bother you a lot. You won’t ever admit it, but they do. And I think that things would be easier if you would stop getting mad at me for fights we haven’t even had yet.”
I blushed. “That was only once.”
“Yeah. And the real fight never even happened.” He said.
“Fine.” I said, getting upset. “If that’s what you want. I’m going to bed.” I didn’t know why it bothered me so much.
“Izzy!” he called after me. “Wait.”
“What, Al?” I said, my patience waning.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.” He said. “Telling you to stop your Sees is like telling you to stop being you.” he said, his hands in his pockets and his eyes looking at the floor. “I can’t ask that of you.” he said. “I just get frustrated being one step behind all the time. You make decisions like you know everything, and I have to keep reminding myself that you really do.”
I stood in the doorway thinking about his words. He was right. I always made decisions without asking him, or even explaining why. And he put up with it over and over. It was so unfair to him. But it’s not like I asked for these stupid visions. What would my life be like if I didn’t see a probable outcome in every situation? I wanted the freedom to make mistakes and choose my own path. With the Sees, I never knew if I was choosing the path I wanted, or just choosing it because I was trying to have some control over my future. Suddenly the feeling of the whole thing just wore on me. I wanted to cry. I did cry. My hands balled up into little fists and I turned and ran out of the room.
I wish I could say that I didn’t want him to run after me. But I did. And he didn’t. I made it back to my door and yelled the password into it before slamming it shut behind me. He knew the password. He could have come. But he didn’t.
I felt another See coming, and this time, I didn’t try to fight it. I was too tired. I saw us playing checkers and drinking tea next to a big fire. We were happy. He had a book, forgotten on his lap, with tattered pages and dog-eared corners. He laughed, and I laughed. I jumped him but then had to king another right after. I sighed, sitting down in a soft blue arm chair.
Was he that person? No, not yet. He was Al. He was my Al. But we both he had a lot of growing up to do.
Soft tears continued to roll down my cheeks. Was I in love with him? Yes. But I think I was more in love with the guy in my Sees than the one down the hall from me. And I wasn’t sure that the one in my Sees existed.
I suddenly felt so alone in my empty apartment. I wanted to talk to Rue. I wanted to be back in my old bed in Ravenclaw Tower, laughing at silly things with the girls there. I didn’t want to be Head Girl, and I didn’t want to be dealing with the life of a thirty year old. I was seventeen years old. Things weren’t supposed to be this way.
My cloak was on and my feet were moving before I realized it. I ran towards the grand staircase, ready to rush to see my friends. But my foot snagged on the first step, and I crumpled in a ball on the floor.
Pain rushed up my foot. It didn’t even hurt that bad, but I cried anyway. I was so tired, so frustrated, so… alone.
I realized it then: even if people knew and understood my issue, they couldn’t understand what it was like to live with them. They could sympathize, but not empathize. No one would ever understand what it was like to be me. I tried to stop feeling sorry for myself, to not allow myself to lie there like a mess. But I couldn’t. I cried and cried and cried until my eyes ran out of tears. And I fell asleep.
I awoke an hour later, to the sound of approaching footsteps. I stood up and straightened my clothes just as Al came around the corner.
“Hey.” He said. “Where were you?”
“What d’you mean?” I asked, trying to sound monotone.
“I went to your room. You left your book bag, and I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” I lied. “I’m fine. I was just… method acting.” For someone who had to lie about her Sees so often, I was a terrible liar.
He cocked an eyebrow. “Method acting?” he asked, holding back a laugh and sounding skeptical.
“Um, yes. It’s good for your… people skills. Builds charisma.”I said, looking at the ground.
“Okay then.” He said. “Are you ready for rounds?”
“Yes.” I said.
He smiled and took my hand, leading me up the stairs.
A/N: I know, I know, I know, it was BORING. But trust me, things are getting there. Izzy is an amazing girl, but she just can't get things figured out. As a seer, she is starting to realize that by having control of the future, she really has no control at all. Bear with me, and you'll see how things turn out.
P.S. Prom was awesome. Had a great time :]
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