Chapter 54 : Near To You
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Such pain as this
Shouldn't have to be experienced
I'm still reeling from the loss,
Still a little bit delirious...
- A Fine Frenzy
"This is bloody ridiculous," Lily growled viciously, leaning against the wall like I did.
"Mmm," I grunted shortly, glaring at the wall on the other side of the Entrance Hall, where the Marauders - and Chuck - were standing in a row.
"I mean, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that McGonagall would send students to the Forbidden Forest to serve their detention!"
"She's gone mental," Vicky mused, sighing.
"I'm sure she has a good enough reason behind it," Val said defensively.
Lily and Vicky both scoffed in disbelief.
To be honest, I was a little shocked to see and hear Lily Evans so vicious over a teacher - it was against the law of nature.
Freak of nature - Miss Evans.
"I don't mind," I said quietly.
"What?" Lily huffed, looking ready to explode. "After all you've been through, you don't mind hiking out in the Forbidden Forest - which by the way almost became your death place last time you ventured it! - in the middle of the night?"
I continued glaring straight ahead. I was still utterly annoyed by the 'if there's an emergency' card she had played. And now this, Lily Evans' pity.
Could life suck more?
"Personally, I find this whole situation ridiculous," Vicky said suddenly.
Not her too.
"I mean, why are the guys standing there like complete morons?" she demanded, as Chuck glanced in our direction. "Don't give me that look, Charles Perry!" Vicky called loudly, making Chuck grin like the idiot he was.
"What's the situation between you two?" Lily asked with raised eyebrows.
"Disagreement," Vicky answered shortly, and I could see her glance my way quickly.
"Ah," Lily said, and I felt my eye twitch again.
Fuck it all.
"Evening," came Filch's creepy voice, and I froze, as Malfoy and Snape appeared from the dungeons. "You're the lot, eh?"
"No, we just like to stand here for fun," James retorted darkly.
"I could easily include you to this party, Potter," Filch growled.
"Not necessary," Remus said before James could say anything. "Let's go."
I watched as everyone left - leaving only me, Sirius, Malfoy and Snape left with Filch.
"Let's go," Filch said, making the same words Remus had said sound much more uninviting.
I suddenly wanted to run for my life.
In the other direction, naturally.
We reached the brink of the Forest. Filch had been grumbling about hooligans and 'disrespectful teenagers' the whole way, but none of us seemed to even listen to him. Sirius very smoothly elbowed himself between me and Snape, which I was very thankful of.
I secretly wanted Sirius to punch Snape's teeth in.
"McGonagall has asked me to go easy on you rotten arses," Filch growled, a wicked smile playing on his lips.
"How delightful," Malfoy muttered darkly.
"Unfortunately, you don't get to investigate the dark corners of the Forest tonight," he went on, and I sighed with relief. "But you'll be spending the night patrolling the Forest, so that nothing gets in or out."
"Who would ever go there?" Snape wondered out loud.
"Someone who ain't as naive as you are," Sirius huffed.
"Shut up, Black," Snape snarled.
"Rubeus has left you these," Filch drawled on, throwing two misformed lumps of bags at our feet. "Sweet dreams..."
I felt another shiver shake me, as Filch walked back towards the castle. I slowly reached down to pick one of the bags up, and frowned at it. "Tents? We're supposed to sleep in tents?"
The others formed a circle around me, Snape and Malfoy noticeably further away. "A tent?" Malfoy asked suspiciously.
"What's a tent?" Sirius asked.
"A decent person would've left us instructions!" I growled, hunched over two metal tent poles, trying to get them to stick together. "FUCK!" I hissed, as the poles slipped loose again, almost hitting my head.
"You had them the wrong way, Quency," Snape muttered from the other side.
I looked up at him, and glared. "And what are you, Mr Tentastic?"
"I used to go camping with Lily," he said with a small shrug. "When... we were kids."
I stared at him with a disgusted sneer on my face. "Was that when your sick, obsessive crush was formed, Snivellus?"
I could hear Sirius and Malfoy argue further away - Sirius was waving his tent pole wildly in the air, while Malfoy tried to duck. "I'm sorry!" Snape snapped, snatching the poles from my grip. "I'm sorry about what happened! It was never my intention, I never planned to--"
"No, you planned to give my best friend some chocolate pumped with love potion, so that she would ditch my boyfriend's best friend, and be with you! What were you going to do then, huh? Keep giving her love potion, and hope she would eventually fall for you, is that it? That's just pathetic!"
"It doesn't work like that," Snape snarled.
"No, because no one loves you, Snape," I said, standing up with much effort. I could barely feel my legs, what with being hunched over for so long on the ground. "No one cares if you even exist, so why bother?"
I stomped away, not caring where I was going. I just had to get away from him. Without even noticing where my feet were taking me, I suddenly realised how dark it was around me. I slowed down my furious stomping, and came to a stop.
I heard a some rustling from a bush nearby, and I immediatly became alert.
"Hello?" I said carefully, listening closely to the silence of the Forest.
Until someone walked right into me.
"Susie?" came Sirius' voice. "What are you doing here alone?"
"I was stomping," I said, letting him help me up. "What are you doing here?"
"I saw you stomping," he said shortly. "What's wrong?"
I felt annoyed. "Nothing's wrong! Stop being so annoying!"
"Susie!" he called after me, as I pushed past him. "You can't dodge the subject forever!"
"Don't start with me!" I said loudly, swiveling around again. "How many times do I have to tell you to leave me the fuck alone!?"
"FUCK YOU, SIRIUS!"
I stomped my way back through the snow towards the blasted tent poles.
Those poles would end up sideways up Snape's arse if I had my way.
Filch eventually came to check up on us around midnight. Each of us did our patrols as discussed, but none of us wanted to be paired up - we were all loners, in one way or another.
Sirius didn't even glance at me as I returned from my patrols.
"Boys in one tent," Filch growled, as Sirius made a gesture to follow me towards the smaller tent. "Girls in the other."
I glared at him skeptically. "I'm the only girl," I pointed out the obvious.
Filch didn't seem to listen.
None of us spoke a word, as we disappeared into our tents. I could sense that Filch was having a field day over our low spirits - he seemed almost happy.
As I crawled into my pathetic tent, I cursed out loud. Since the other tent was larger, the three not patrolling had used a Heating Spell to keep the tent warm enough to not freeze us alive, while the other tent - my tent - was stone cold as the grave.
I muttered darkly under my breath, as I lay down, shaking slightly. It wasn't comfortable. It wasn't fun. It wasn't warm at all.
I wanted home, I realised suddenly.
I tried closing my eyes, and picture myself on Hawaii, or Ibiza, on the beach, and all.
Didn't help - only made me more miserable.
There was the sound of someone walking through the snow, and I tried my best to not hear it. It was probably one of the guys, going for a midnight walk in the moonlight, I thought sarcastically.
Guys had testosterone enough to match a space heater.
Suddenly, the zipper to my tent was unzipped, and I rolled around slowly to see who it was.
"Hey," he whispered, crawling inside, and closing the zipper behind him.
I stared at him for a moment, before rolling back on my side, and staring at the murky canvas of the tent.
"Couldn't stay there, for four simple reasons," he explained, even if I hadn't asked. "First of all, I hate them. Second of all, it got too crowded with so much attitude in the air. And third of all... well, they smell really bad, you know."
I couldn't help but snort.
"And the fourth reason?" I muttered.
"Well," Sirius said, moving around behind me. "I wanted to be here. With you."
I had nothing to say.
"You okay?" he whispered after a moment.
"Fr-freezing," I said, my teeth clattering loudly.
Without another word, I heard him take off his coat, and put it around me, and on top of that, his blanket. I looked over my shoulder at him, watching him slowly move closer, and wrap his arms carefully around me.
I didn't mind.
"Better?" he whispered coolly against my neck, and I shivered - not because I was cold, though.
I nodded once, and closed my eyes again.
"I love you," Sirius suddenly whispered, and I opened my eyes again.
"I know," I whispered back, and leaned back against his chest.
He kissed my neck, and I shivered again. His lips were warmer than I had expected, and I couldn't help but wonder how long it would take for me to get used to the closeness again.
"I know you don't want to talk about it," he said, and I knew at once what he was talking about. "But I only see two options."
"Yeah," Sirius said, as I squirmed in his arms, so that I was facing him. "We either talk about it... or have sex."
I blinked. "W-what?"
"You heard me," he said, his voice hard. "I'm sorry, but that's the way it goes. We either talk it through, get it over with, or... or have sex, and get it over with. One or the other, or I'm out of here."
I stared at him in complete disbelief.
"Fine," I said eventually.
Before he could even finish, I cupped his face, and kissed him hard. His words were muffled, as I pressed myself closer against him, kissing him hungrily. He made a sound of protest, as I rolled on top of him, straddling him.
I straightened, and threw off the blanket and coat he'd given me. With a determined look on my face, I angrily yanked off my own coat.
"If sex is what you want," I growled, trowing the coat aside. "Then sex is what you'll get!" I grabbed the collar of his shirt, and pulled him up, kissing him again.
"Oww!" Sirius complained, as I bit his lip. "Stop being so violent!"
"I said I'd have sex with you, but I said nothing about being gentle!" I retorted darkly.
I tried to kiss him again, but he grabbed my wrists, shaking me roughly. "GET A GRIP, SUSIE!" Sirius called out, his eyes wide.
I panted heavily, as did he, while I stared at him blankly. "Why?"
"You have to talk," he pleaded, his voice suddenly small and barely audible.
"Why? When have I ever wanted to talk about it?"
"Because I love you," he said, letting go of my wrists, and cupping my face. "And just because you're not saying it back, doesn't mean I'm going to stop saying it. I love you," he said again, kissing my forehead. "I love you..." his lips trailed down my cheek, searching for my lips.
"I want to..." I began, as his lips brushed against mine. "Say it."
"You don't have to," Sirius said, his eyes sincere. "Not if you don't mean it."
"I will mean it," I promised. "Someday."
"Until then," Sirius said, his breath intoxicating. "I love you, Susie Q."
I don't know why or how, but suddenly, I felt a violent emotion hit me like a tornado. It was like someone had opened a locker I hadn't even known existed in my system, and let out all those angry, bitter, sad, heart-breaking feelings I had ever had in my entire life. I felt my entire face twist in pain, and my bottom lip trembling, as I watched the sadness reflect on Sirius' face. Before a single tear could splash down my cheek, Sirius had already embraced me tightly.
And then I cried.
For the very first time.
And it felt good.
A/N: I LOVE THIS SONG ^_^ Again, one of those songs I had planned to have in the story from the very beginning, and again, a scene I had planned to have in the story, while most of the scenes and plot twists just happen during editing and so on... The Tent Scene :D Don't we all love 'em? xD
- Lily xxx
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by I K Darcy