Chapter 5 : Sixth Year, Part Two
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He was fine, she knew, he had walked off the pitch, and yet she couldn’t help but feel worried for him. Two bludgers and a fall wasn’t exactly healthy. As she walked past the Great Hall, she decided a visit to the Hospital Wing was in order.
As she made her way to the stairs, she was pulled into a room she was walking past. She recovered gracefully, she had had a lot of practice, after all, and grinned, thinking it was James. It was not.
“Slytherin won, Lily. Remember our deal?” He didn’t seem arrogant about it at all; rather it seemed he was pleading with her. It was as if he didn’t believe she would come through. She hadn’t been planning on it.
“Right. How could I forget?” her voice dripped with contempt, “You wanted to talk. So I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen. Got it?” He nodded. She took a breath. “Leave me alone. Don’t talk to me. Don’t try and be my friend again. You’re not. I don’t want to talk to you; I don’t want anything to do with you. And frankly, I’m ashamed that I ever called you a friend. Of course, that wasn’t really you, was it? No, my best friend has disappeared. He’s turned into some awful person that I don’t even recognize.”
His eyes were wide with shock and desperation, “I’m still him, Lily! He’s still here!” He grabbed her hand. She pulled it away immediately.
“Don’t touch me.” his hands fell back to his sides, “Maybe you were him. Maybe the whole time I was so caught up in this new world you were telling me about, I didn’t realize you thought I was scum.”
“I didn’t think you were scum!”
“But you do now? Or is it just everyone like me?”
“It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like then, Sev? You don’t think that, but all of your friends do? I find that hard to believe.”
“I-I” he paused, “I- it’s not” he paused again, “I-“
“Just stop. I’ve told you before; you’ve made your choices. You picked your friends. I’ve picked mine. You’re not one of them.” She turned and began to walk away from him.
“Is Potter one of those friends?” She hesitated, but continued walking. “What, are you one of his little whores now?” she stopped walking. “I expected more of you, Lily.”
She turned around on her toe. “And I expected more of you, Severus.” She took a step toward him. “Looks like we’re both disappointments. As far as Potter goes, I’d rather be his whore,” she paused, her eyes narrowed, “than your friend.” She turned around again and walked away, ignoring his pleas of apology.
She wasn’t angry. She wasn’t sad. She was not storming through the hallways. Her heart wasn’t pounding. Her blood was not coursing through her veins. She was oddly calm, only slightly more than annoyed. At one point, she might’ve been furious. Just last year she very well may have been ready to tear someone’s head off. But at this point, she was beyond caring. In fact, she felt somewhat relieved. She smiled as she walked through the corridors.
She found the common room mostly deserted. A few stragglers were working on homework, but it was a far cry from the normal post-match euphoria. The heartbreak of this loss had affected everyone.
Quietly, she made her way up the stairs and to her dormitory. She found her roommates there, sitting in a circle, having an intense conversation. They hardly noticed when she walked in and began to change her clothes. One shot her a dirty look, another gave her a kind smile.
“He didn’t take anything for the pain?!”
“No, he just let Pomfrey fix his arms, then he left.”
“She just let him leave?”
“Goodness, no! She made Remus swear to keep him in bed, if he refused to stay.”
“So that’s where he is now? In his room? Oh, James! He’s so brave!”
Lily stopped searching for clothes. James. Of course, James. How could he have slipped her mind? She continued ruffling through bits of fabric. He was in his room? Surely the marauders were there taking care of him. But she had to see him. She smiled as she stumbled upon a particular piece of clothing. It was worth a shot.
Sneaking to his room was simple enough. The few people in the common room were too far wrapped up in their homework to pay her any mind. The practice she had acquired at sneaking to his room prevented any attention that may have been gathered at her presence.
She hesitated at his door. What if the marauders were there? Did he want to see her? Was he angry with her? She could change that. She knocked.
“Go away.” His voice was coarse. She walked in anyway.
“You don’t really want me to do that.” He looked up at her. Thankfully, he was alone. She walked to the foot of his bed. He was lying there, still in his full quidditch uniform. “How are you feeling?”
“Shouldn’t you go talk to Snivellus?” He stared directly into her eyes; his gaze was venomous.
She took a breath, “I did already.” He raised his eyebrows. “And he asked if I was one of your whores.” His expression was curious. She could feel a blush sneaking into her cheeks. “And I told him I’d rather be your whore than his friend.”
He broke into a grin, “Did you, really?”
She bit her lip, “I did.”
He sniggered, “Excellent.”
“I thought so.” The two stared at each other.
“I can’t believe you made that deal.” His glare was back.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered timidly.
“Tell that to my two broken arms and twenty-five foot fall.”
She blushed again, “I can make you feel better.”
His eyes widened, “How do you plan to do that?”
She pulled her shirt over her head to reveal the very lacy bra she had found earlier. “I think we can work something out.” His eyes grew larger, and seemed to bulge out his head as she stepped out of her jeans to reveal equally lacy panties. She climbed onto his bed, “Sound good?” He simply nodded.
She straddled his waist, and leaned over to kiss him. She stayed at his mouth only for a moment before moving to his neck. As she trailed down him, she began to remove his uniform. He maneuvered as best he could to help her. The inklings of bruises were splashed across his chest. She kissed each of them tenderly.
Before she started removing his trousers, she moved back up to kiss him again. His hands roamed her. He pulled the strap of her bra down her shoulder and moved slowly down her body. Without breaking their kiss, she undid the fastening on his trousers and began to pull them down. He found her knickers and followed her suit. She sat up, and removed the two offending articles of clothing. She kissed him once again, before sitting up and lowering herself on to him.
His hands rested on her hips as she moved. Their eyes were locked onto each other. Lily was acutely aware of him taking in every detail of her through his glasses. The thought made her nervous, but he was smiling at her and she was smiling back and everything was perfect.
“Lily…” he turned his head to look at her lying next to him, “that was incredible.”
She blushed. “Good.”
He turned his head back to stare at the ceiling. His mouth remained open, panting for breath, and turned upward. “Really,” he breathed. She was pressing light kisses against his jaw line, “do you know how unbelievably sexy you are?”
“Yes.” She pressed a kiss onto his cheek, “but feel free to remind me.”
He turned back to her, “You are unbelievably sexy.”
She blushed and kissed him on the mouth.
She could feel his eyes on her. He was boring holes into the side of her head. His gaze was intense and violent. Icy cold, it gave her goose bumps, and sent uncomfortable shivers down her spine.
She didn’t like it.
She wasn’t sure why he was doing it. She had made her feelings perfectly clear. She didn’t want to be any where near him. And yet, there he was. Staring at her from behind a bookshelf. Perhaps he was seeing how honest he was. Calling her bluff. Well, in that case.
“Hey, Potter?” She got up from her chair, and turned to the table behind her.
“Yeah, Evans?” He looked at her curiously. She was leaning over his table and smiling flirtatiously.
“Could you help me with this transfiguration essay? I don’t quite understand it.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder.
He leaned back in his chair, head leaning against his hands. “Of course I can.”
“Excellent.” She turned her chair and grabbed her essay.
She sat across from him as he read over the paper. She leaned toward him, until she heard the library dorm slam and the librarian dock points from Slytherin. She plucked the essay from James’ hands. “Thank you, Potter.” She turned back to her table.
“I wasn’t done reading it!” He exclaimed.
“You don’t need to.” She didn’t look back at him.
“Then why’d you ask?”
“No reason.” She was blushing, and infinitely glad she was not facing him.
“Well, at least let me finish reading it!” He got up, and was now standing next to her. He snatched it up from where she had set it.
“There’s really no need for that, Potter.” She glanced up at him, “It’s perfect,” she realized saying ‘no’ would be pointless, “but if you must…”
He scanned the page. “There’s a mistake right here.”
“What?” she snapped, and grabbed the paper away from him. “Where?”
“There,” He smirked, “You forgot a coma.”
She glared at him, “Oh that’s funny.”
Lily was sprawled out over James’ bed. James was next to her, nearly falling off. “Lily!” he groaned.
“What?” she asked pleasantly. He rolled over so he was lying on top of her. Both of them were still basking in the afterglow of their sex.
“How can you take up so much space?”
She mocked offense, “Are you calling me fat?”
“No.” He laughed and kissed her forehead. “I’m wondering how someone so ridiculously tiny could possibly take up an entire bed!”
“Hey! I don’t take up the entire bed!” He raised his eyebrows. “You get in the way.”
“Are you calling me fat?”
She laughed. “Definitely.” His jaw dropped. She pulled him to her, and continued to laugh as she kissed him.
It was colder now, and snow was beginning to fall around Hogwarts. It was late this year, it hadn’t started at all until December. Usually by now they’d have several inches, at least.
This upset Lily. She loved the winter. The crisp air as she walked outside, the sparkling branches, the pristine glory of the ground covered in snow. It all made her smile.
She had been outside, playing like children with her roommates. After they had lost feeling in their fingers, toes, and noses, they had decided to come back inside. Lily’s cheeks were flushed beautifully, several snowflakes had refused to melt in her hair, and they stood there sparkling like jewels. She was smiling, and giggling with her friends, still reeling from the excitement outside.
“Hey, Evans!” He hollered to her as she walked into the common room.
“What do you want, Potter?” She asked as sharply as she could. The smile she was wearing would simply not leave.
“You, of course.” He responded. The girls around her giggled wildly. He winked at one of them.
She was still smiling, “Not a chance, Potter.”
“I don’t understand you, Lily.” She sat at the head of his bed, facing him. He was at the foot, facing her.
“What’s not to understand?”
“Why don’t you want to be with me?” He was looking at her intensely.
“I do. I’m with you right now.”
“Well, that’s considered unacceptable in most polite company.” She smiled to herself.
She could tell he was fighting back a smile. “Lily,” he said sternly.
“I’m sorry, James.” She was upon her knees now, pleading with him with her eyes.
“I understood at first.” He wasn’t looking at her. “You hated me. Your best friend hated me. That makes sense.” He turned to her. “But now, now you’re not friends with him. And you don’t hate me,” He was pleading back, for entirely different reasons, “do you?”
“No!” she exclaimed, “Of course I don’t.” she grabbed his hands, “I just,” she moved closer to him, “I just like being with you, without having to deal with all the stigma.”
“What stigma?” He spat.
“James. You know. We could never be together without causing a gigantic stir.”
“Whatever.” He looked away.
“James,” she turned his face to her, “It’s almost break. Can we please not fight?” Her nose was brushing his. “Please?” Her lips brushed his.
“Merlin.” He sighed, “I just can’t say ‘no’ to you.”
Lily lay on her side, facing away from James. He was on his back, trying to regain his breath. He rolled onto his side, outlining her body with his. He kissed her lightly on the cheek. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing,” she whispered quietly. He wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her flush to him.
“Lily,” he whispered into her ear, “we shouldn’t keep secrets from each other.”
“I’m not keeping a secret.” She craned her neck to look into his face.
He pressed their noses together, “We shouldn’t lie to each other either.”
“I’m not lying.” She moved her head back away from him.
“Then what’s bothering you?”
“Nothing!” she said, finally indignant.
“Lily,” he brushed her hair back. “I know something’s bugging you, what is it? Please, let me in.”
“Okay.” She rolled onto her back. His arms were still encircling her. “It’s just, I-I” she looked away for a moment, but turned back, “do you think I’m a whore?”
He laughed. “No.”
Her face relaxed with relief. “Really?”
“Of course I don’t think that.” She smiled slightly, “There’s no way you’re a whore. You’re a sweet, gentle, caring, funny, beautiful, amazing person, who happens to be shagging the hottest guy in the school.” She hit him playfully, “Hey! Do not hit the stud.”
“Oh, you know where. Say it.”
“Say what?” she asked perfectly innocently.
“’James you are a stud.’”
She thought for a moment, “But you said not to lie!” He morphed his face in mock anger, and began tickling her mercilessly. “Stop!” she yelled.
“Say it!” he commanded.
“Okay!” he continued tickling her. “James Potter, you are a stud.” He stopped, but kept his hands poised.
“And you’re the sexiest beast to ever walk the earth.” He added.
“And you’re the sexiest beast to ever walk the earth.”
“And you have a huge-“
He began tickling her again. “Fine! Fine! And you have a huge,” he stopped, “Ego.”
She sat in the shower, knees pulled up to her chest, allowing the cold water to consume her. It had been hot a while ago, scalding her skin bright pink. Now, it was freezing. Her skin was covered in goose bumps and she was shivering slightly. The icy droplets pooled on her blond eyelashes, blurring her vision and falling like tears when she blinked. She was glad it felt like crying at least, when her own tears would not fall.
She wasn’t sure exactly when she realized the problem. She supposed the knowledge had been there for a while. Hiding beneath tests, homework, friends and clandestine meetings with her lover, perhaps. Maybe, she was just ignoring it. But now, here it was, glaring at her, waving a giant red sign and screaming at the top of its lungs. She could no longer bury it, or ignore it. It was here, and it demanded attention.
He needed to know. And for that to happen, she had to tell him. He wouldn’t just miraculously find out. There was no other way for him to know. She could wait it out, maybe, until she knew for sure. Or until it was out, waving it’s sign and screaming at everybody. No, that wouldn’t do. It would take weeks for that, at least. She needed to know now. He could help with that.
He was a very helpful person, that James Potter. Resourceful, anyway. He would know what to do. Or he would figure it out. He always did. Especially when it came to her. It was amazing, really, how he could read her so easily. How he could say the perfect thing at the perfect time to make her laugh, or to comfort her. How he could know exactly what it was she wanted him to do. And better yet, he knew exactly what it was she needed, even if she didn’t.
Yes, she definitely needed to tell him. She would need his help with this; sooner rather than later.
“Lily?” A tentative knock sounded. She recognized the voice as Ella, the sweetest of her roommates. “Are you okay in there?”
“Yeah,” her voice was somewhat hoarse, “I’m fine, I’ll be out in a minute.” She turned off the water and pulled herself to her feet. She wrapped a towel around herself and walked into her room.
It was late. Tomorrow she would deal with this problem. Tomorrow she would tell him. Right now, she would sleep.
Lily didn’t know how to talk to him. She had barely decided she needed to tell him; she hadn’t put any thought into how. The direct approach would probably be her best bet. Honesty was the best policy after all. How could she formulate those words? They were completely foreign to her. She did not dwell on it. The words would come, even if she wasn’t sure how. One thing, she was sure of. Getting him alone would be easy. She was very practiced, after all.
“POTTER!” she stormed toward him in the common room.
“Alright, Evans?” he was leaning back in his chair, cocky as ever. His friends were surrounding him.
“I most certainly am not alright!” she screeched. She stared directly into his eyes.
“Well, I’m sure that’s something I can help you with.” He smirked. He stared right back at her.
“I can’t believe you.” She spat. Their eyes were still connected. She gazed at him for a moment longer before turning on her toe and storming out of the portrait hole.
She walked slowly through the corridor. After only a few minutes, she heard familiar footsteps behind her. He wasn’t rushing. She passed an empty classroom, and stepped into it. She took a seat on the table. He followed her in almost as soon as she sat down. He immediately walked toward her and pressed his lips to hers.
Thinking quickly, she broke it off before she was swept up. He looked back at her completely confused. “Didn’t you want to see me? Or did I really do something wrong?”
“No, no, I wanted to see you. I-I wanted to talk to you.”
“Talking?” He raised his eyebrows curiously, “This is a new development.”
“No it’s not!” she pushed him playfully. “I talk to you.”
He chuckled, “After.” She blushed and looked away. “So talk.”
She took a deep breath, and didn’t turn back to him. “I-I,” she sighed and ran her hand through her hair. She looked back at him. “I’m late.”
“For what?” He was more confused now than ever. “Shouldn’t you be going?”
“No, James.” She stood up from the table. She took a step closer to him, and looked him straight in the eye. “I’m late.”
His eyes widened and his mouth formed a perfect ‘o.’
AN: Yay me! I got this chapter up in less than two weeks! I think anyway, time has been passing strangely for me... Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for the reviews. :) Keep them coming! They really, really make my day. And lately, my days have kind of sucked, so they're like a little light in the darkness. :) I love them. And I love all of you. Please remember that when I tell you this next part. I will more than likely not be able to update for a while. Next week is crazy busy for me, and I know I won't have any time to write anything. Plus I have a bunch of stuff I need to write for my creative writing class... Because school is done in three weeks. Oh my. So yeah, I know. I'm a terrible person for leaving you with this cliffie. I'll try my bestest to write something before schools out! But, I make no promises.
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