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Whoops? by Rose Red
Chapter 5 : Of Mauling, Quidditch and McGonagall
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 28

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I cannot believe him! Really who does such things? I had the entire situation completely under control. I even made a checklist!

1) Creeper creeping, check.
2) Creeper knee-ed no where pretty, check.
3) Creeper stunned, check.

See? No where on the checklist did I write:

4) Creeper completely unnecessarily levicorpused into the Great Hall by Albus to be publicly humiliated for the world to see,

but I might as well have since it definitely got a check. An enormous beast of a check.


Who am I calling an arse at this precise moment? Well, I’m not exactly sure. You know your life is complicated when you have so many problems you don’t know who to swear at first!

Originally I thought it was the creeper. I am completely stunned that someone can be so utterly thick headed!

How difficult are the words “No I will not date you, you exude an extremely creepy vibe and I don’t like you, dude” to understand? I wouldn’t think it would be that hard.

Then again apparently the words “What the bloody hell are you doing, PUT THE CREEPER DOWN!” are also very difficult to comprehend. Well, at least if you’re as pea brained as Albus Potter. Idiot.

Or, as I previously put it, arse. So it could really be either person at this point.

Although it was kind of cute. You know the running in and saving me thing.

Don’t even lie, you would swoon a little bit too. It doesn’t matter how independent a girl is (so long as the person isn’t saving you because they think you can’t handle it), there’s just something sexy about a night in shining armour. Or in this case, a wizard in a Slytherin quidditch jumper, just to be precise.

Oh Merlin. I just broke like eighteen of the Cardinal Rules.

First of all, I included the word Slytherin while describing something sexy.

I am a Gryffindor, Slytherin is only supposed to be associated with S-words such as slimy, sly and seedy. Never sexy. But I’m sure they instated this rule when there wasn’t anyone in Slytherin who could even be described as moderately attractive anyway (although I’ve heard that Mr. Malfoy was quite the Sex God back in his day).

Second of all, I called Albus Potter a sexy knight in shining armour.

I like my old perception better. You know, the one where I thought he was an arse and an idiot? Yeah can’t I just keep harnessing that feeling instead?

Damn brain. Damn hormones.

Damn Albus.

“Mara what are you doing up here? Don’t you have quidditch in like five minutes?” Shit! Shit, shit, shit! James is going to murder me!

What would I ever do without Alice? At least someone around here is prompt. Actually, Rose is pretty timely too but she’s still holed up in the library (transfigs test this week) so she probably went straight down to the pitch from there.

So really I’m the only one who isn’t on top of these things. Dammit. I need some sort of agenda or something.

Crap I totally just sprinted away from one of my best mates without saying anything! Oh well, she understands. Also I’m quite sure I heard her sniggering as the portrait hole slammed shut.

What is the quickest way down to the grounds from here? Thank Merlin for secret passageways! Not that I’m going to be on time anyway. Not by a long shot actually, since I still have to run down there and put my gear on! Why don’t I just keep my broom in my room? It would be so much quicker just to fly out the window!

OOF! Ouch, bloody hell! People should really watch where they’re going. Don’t they know better than to stand in the way of a distressed quidditch player sprinting towards the pitch? Merlin.

“Excuse you! Watch where you’re going. Some people actually like to look presentable throughout their day.” Ugh. Of all people, I had to run into Zabini? Really?

And excuse me? I look presentable! Just because all my hair happens to be piled in a ridiculous bun on the top of my head and I’m wearing running shorts doesn’t mean I’m not presentable! I’m going to quidditch practice for Merlin’s sake!

“Whatever Zabini, I’m late to quidditch. I don’t have time for this.” Okay so where was that passageway Rose showed me agai—Oi woman! I need that arm!

Ouch! Now I know why those girls keep their finger nails so long, those things should be registered as deadly weapons!

“Not so fast Leonidas. I heard about you and Albus.” That’s wonderful dear Vesta but I really need to be going and I cannot for the life of me understand your oddly threatening eyebrow gestures so can we please get to the point of this weird girly interrogation thing please?

“Yes, and?” What? I’m not being rude! Rude would have been to rip my arm out of her death grip and run to the field as fast as I could.

“Nothing, just wanted to say congratulations. It’s hard to believe that someone finally snagged Albus Potter, who would have thought that it would be someone like...well, you.” That slag! How dare she imply that I’m not good enough for Al? He’s the one who’s not good enough for me!

Okay so that’s not exactly true. At all.

Albus Potter happens to be attractive (okay, understatement of the century. Seriously have you seen that boy? SA-woon), rich (again, serious understatement), famous (I’m just going to stop telling you the understatements yeah? I’m sure by this point you’ve caught my drift), intelligent and generally (I stress the generally because I’m sure you’ve witnessed some of his not so nice behavior. He’s a grade A arse towards me) nice.

So really Zabini is right and he is perfect and therefore obviously too good for me, not to mention this entire fake relationship is based on my problem, but for the sake of my fragile ego (haha) we’ll pretend that I’m the better one here.

And that congratulations farce? Yeah right, she’s glaring a hole in my forehead (thank Merlin that’s not possible...well at least without casting a charm first)!

Next time you’re trying to hide your inner fury and making underhanded threats you should be a little more sly there Zabini. The whole Ice Queen thing isn’t really holding up right now.

But apparently Al and I need to up the ante on the whole ‘fake dating’ thing. If Zabini is suspicious, I’m sure there are other people too. She’s not the sharpest tool in the shed after all.

“Leonidas, your late! Get your arse dressed now! You have laps to do and dives to perfect!” Yes, Oh Quidditch Nazi, I’m working on it! It’s not my fault that a crazed fangirl with an enormous vendetta tried to amputate my arm with her unnaturally pointed and long fingernails and threatened me (at least I think she did) while I was on my way here. Not that I was on time any way but we’ll just keep that little fact between me and you. And Alice of course.

Owww. I think I’ll just never move again. The nice little path outside the quidditch pitch is a relatively safe place to live right?

I mean, yes it may be a bit too close to the Forbidden Forest for my liking, not to mention that it gives little to no protection from random downpours, but frankly all of that is trumped by the fact that I’m quite sure that if I take another step my muscles will mutiny (with good reason, I just wish they would attack James instead of me) and my body will spontaneously combust.

No, I have not been attacked. Unless of course you include brutal workouts imposed by a crazily quidditch obsessed captain, means of attack.

That boy is a lunatic! He made us do laps. Not flying laps, oh no. Because that would be logical. Apparently we’re not “persevering until the end of the game” so we need to “build up our stamina” by running a bloody trillion laps round the pitch!

The only redeeming quality that separates James from the world of Evil Quidditch Captains is the fact that he ran with us. Thank Merlin we don’t have one of those ruddy captains who order everyone around and neglect to actually engage in practice themselves.

Like Flint. Sucks to be Al. Haha. Okay so I probably shouldn’t be laughing demonically at my fake boyfriend’s plight (yes I do use words like plight in every day conversation, don’t tease me) but I’m too bloody tired to think straight at this very moment so there.

Yes, the best comeback I can come up with is “so there!” Don’t mock me, unless you’ve just repeatedly dived about a hundred feet going ridiculous speeds and got yelled at for not spiraling tightly enough for the last three hours!

Oh I forgot to mention that detail didn’t I? Stupid Potter. And for once I’m not referencing Albus, what do you know?

Of course it is partially his fault. Stupid sibling rivalry.

Why did I ever want to become a seeker in the first place? Especially for a captain who happens to come from a long line of illustrious and amazing seekers.

Stupid Harry Potter.

Okay, I totally didn’t mean that. At all. We’ll just pretend I didn’t think that so that I don’t get lynched by the entire wizarding community, yeah?

“Mara what are you doing out here? You’re going to catch your death.”


“Mrgnrmmsgglsmn” Hmm. I don’t think that was as eloquent as I wanted it to be. Or as understandable. Why is it that I can think completely clear thoughts but they come out as a mumble of nonsense?

“Erm. What?” Yes Albus, I do know that I did not make intelligible words, you don’t have to point it out.

“Stupid Potter. Stupid quidditch. Stupid lactic acid!” There, that was much better. I am going to reward myself with a big piece of chocolate cake later.

Yes I do give myself prizes when I do good deeds like speaking clearly and properly. How else am I supposed to improve upon my public speaking and vocabulary?

What is it with you making fun of me? If you don’t stop this instant I’m not going to let you read about my crazy life ever again!

Hah. That shut you right up. I’ll have to remember that for next time.

“Oi! What did I do? I just came over here to make sure the lump of person lying on the path wasn’t dying or something and what do I get in return? Insulted that’s what. Why are you so argumentative Leonidas? Merlin.”

Woah, what’s got his knickers in a twist? I wasn’t even talking about him. Stupid boy.

Actually, that was probably a good assumption on his part now that I think about it (I did in fact come to the same conclusion a bit earlier after all). This is probably the first time I’ve ever uttered the words ‘stupid Potter’ when they weren’t directed at him.

“Wound a little tightly there Al? I wasn’t even talking about you which should have been obvious since your demonic brother just jollily skipped (yes, James Potter does skip. On rare occasion he even frolics, but those rare occasions usually revolve around Elle and Elle only. I’ll have to tell you about her at some point huh?) away leaving his poor seeker here to die!”

Okay so I’m a bit melodramatic. Sue me.
Well maybe if you were a better seeker he would be more worried about your health.” That bastard! I’m a bloody good seeker Potter and you know it!

“You arse! I’m an exemplary seeker and you know it! Who won last years Gryffindor-Slytherin match? We did, so there!” Except he caught the snitch but we’re just going to leave that part out, yeah?

Okay so apparently he’s not going to.

Stupid Potter smirk.

Really though I think smirking is a genetic trend in that family. Even little Lily smirks. Ridiculous. Not that she’s so little any more.

I should probably stop calling her that because if she found out she’d probably eat me or something. NOT REALLY! The youngest Potter is not a cannibal! Man I can’t believe I actually have to clarify these things. Stupid tabloids.

“Leonidas, don’t even try. You’re never going to win this argument because I always catch the snitch.” That smug bastard. He’s going down.

“Yeah we’ll see about that Potter.” He’s not going to know what hit him.

“Why do you even try Leonidas, it’s obvious what’s going to happen? Just like every other year.” You know what? I have real things that I need to discuss with my fake boyfriend so he can just stop insulting my quidditch prowess right now!

“Whatever Al we have more important things to discuss than quidditch.”

“See it’s that attitude right there that lets me beat you every time. Nothing is more important than quidditch.” Nothing more important my arse.

But I am not going to let this boy drag me into a blazing row. Again. We need to get down to business.

Firstly, why the hell did he go ape-shit on the Creeper if I so obviously had the situation under control and secondly, we need to up the heat of our ‘relationship’ or something since even the dumbest of imbeciles (namely stupid Vesta) thinks we’re not really dating.

Okay so she’s not stupid. At all.

I mean could someone lacking any fragment of intelligence orchestrate such a devious interweb of lies? I didn’t think so either.

You probably have no idea what I’m talking about.

Let me give you a brief synopsis of the she-devil that is Vesta Zabini.

You see Vesta is that girl.

You know, the one who everyone ‘loves’ and wants to be ‘just like’? In a muggle girly novel she’d be the cheerleader.

Anyway so everyone loves her and she’s so great and beautiful and totally and completely fake.

And a bitch.

And really, everyone has secret ambitions to stab her in the eye socket and shave her head but no one does it because although you know she was the girl that spread the rumor about you being a lesbo, can never trace it back to her!

Ahem. Sorry getting a little passionate there.

Anyway, so yes Vesta is that girl. And I hate her. Someone really needs to take her down a peg or two.

Although me ‘dating’ Al probably puts a fly in her ointment.

Okay more like an elephant or two. In her seriously whacked out (I mean who wouldn’t be after inhaling so many hair spray/potion fumes) mind, the ‘Queen’ should marry the ‘King’ and therefore she should rightfully be dating Albus Potter. Actually, that’s not exactly true. In her twisted mind she should be ignoring said ‘King’ whilst he pines away after her day and night.

I told you; the girl is a loon. But sadly an extremely attractive one that gets everything she wants. And I do mean everything (excluding Al. Haha, sucker)

But yes, so now I am going to be taking the brunt of her threatening demeanor. Hopefully she doesn’t get as far as unleashing the Wrath of Zabini, but I’m afraid we’re already on our way there.

I really need Rose’s help in decoding those eyebrow gestures. What? If I’m going to be attacked in my sleep by the Slytherin Princess I’d like to know about it beforehand thank you very much.

“Stop being such an arse Al I actually need to talk to you.” Wow since when is this a normal part of my life. I am currently sitting indian style on the path towards the quidditch pitch with Albus Potter discussing our relationship and I didn’t even think it was weird!

Okay so it’s a fake relationship but still. Who’d have thought? Not Zabini apparently.

“Fine Mara what’s going on? This better not be a rant about my brothers Nazi-like quidditch tendencies. You know the practice makes you better. And you need it.”

Seriously is this boy gunning for a punch in the nose? Has he not realized that I do not want to argue about my quidditch skills right now? WE HAVE THINGS TO DISCUSS!

“AAAGH! MERLIN POTTER NO WONDER I HATE YOU! You’re a complete arsehole! You know what? I don’t even care any more! I’ll just let Zabini attack me with her bobby pins and crazy eyebrow gestures while I’m sleeping or something and McLaggen can just report us to McGonagall for assaulting him and we’ll never get our story straight and the whole Plan can just go to HELL BECAUSE YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS FOR TWO SECONDS!” Only this boy can make me loose my cool so easily. And yell such terrible run on sentences.

It’s like he was born knowing exactly how to push my buttons. Arse.

“Wait what? Stabbing? McGonagall? Eyebrows? What the hell is going on Mara?” Oh so now he cares about what I have to say. He couldn’t be this attentive ten seconds ago when I actually wanted to have a serious conversation? Obviously not because Albus Potter is the most annoying boy on the planet! AAGH!

But he looks so worried. It’s kind of cute. His eyebrows are furrowed in confusion that...caring? His fists are clenched as if he’s ready to take out anyone who even comes near me, not that he hasn’t done enough of that already today. How’s a girls supposed to stay angry at that?

Stupid boy. If your going to rile me up and force me into a fight, you could at least let me stay angry for a few minutes before going all cute and making me feel bad for yelling at you!

“Okay lets start at the beginning yeah? What the hell were you thinking running in to be the hero? I already stunned him! He was down for the count and you just had to go beat the dead horse huh? All right, so he’s a creepy little bugger but does he really deserve being further humiliated just for having a teensy crush on me?” Okay so you remember when I was doing that whole ‘tell you about my understatements’ thing earlier? Well, you can just scratch that because calling the Creeper’s behavior a ‘teensy crush’ is like calling the Queen poor or Sirius Black (Al’s dad’s godfather and possibly the sexiest man to ever walk the planet) ugly!

But calling it a ‘teensy crush’ proves my point better and I’m still a bit peeved at Al so it’s fine.

“Teensy crush? TEENSY CRUSH?? Mara he had you pinned to a wall and he was practically mauling you! How can you defend him? I was trying to protect you, not to mention further our cover! Any self respecting boyfriend would do the same! And okay, I’ll admit I overreacted a bit, but he was touching you Mara and I felt so guilty for not being there to prevent it since that’s my job and I just lost it. I’m sorry. I know you had it under control but I couldn’t help it.”

Um Al I don’t know when the definition of mauling changed but he was touching my wrist. I think you got the wrong picture there or something. And could you please stop being so infuriatingly cute? Seriously how am I supposed to be mad at you when all I want to do is step closer to you, brush that crazy black hair out of your amazing eyes and tell you that everything is going to be okay?

Wait a minute. This is Albus Potter. Am I about to become the target of a massive dungbomb offensive or something? Is he supposed to be the distraction?

“Um Mara why are you whipping your head around like a loon? There’s no one there.”

“Mhmm sure. That’s what you want me to think and then WHAM! I’ll be smelling like shit for a week!”

Okay so he’s looking at me like I’m spitting out nonsense (which I should be used to by know, seeing as I use up my crazy quota practically every day, but that’s besides the point). Maybe the Massive Dungbomb Offensive was taking things a bit far. But really what is the explanation for this suddenly protective (and dare I say jealous) behavior? I am extremely confused.

“You’re mad! Totally and completely mad! What are you even talking about? And you smell like Christmas, why would you smell like shit?”

All right so maybe I’m not the target of an epic dungbomb attack but I’m sure you’d be a bit suspicious too if your enemy just told you he felt guilty because he wasn’t around to protect you from creeping Creepers mauling you (read touching your wrist) in the hallway.

And they say I’m mad.

Also, what kind of person goes around sniffing their enemy. Although I guess I can’t talk because I happen to know for a fact that Al smells like the perfect balance of goodness and boy without dunking himself into a tank of cologne (like the Creeper, seriously being within ten feet of that boy is a sensory assault on my nostrils).

“Right. Sorry ‘bout that and I can see how you’d be a bit upset about the hallway thing, although usually you’d just laugh or help the Creeper instead of saving the day but whatever. Next time could you tone down the public humiliation bit? No one deserves to be stripped to their pants in front of a group of third years. Those baby-Claws looked a bit vicious.” It was quite frightening.

“You think I’d help him? You seriously think I’d help that arsehole? What kind of person do you think I am Leonidas?” Great so that’s the only part of what I just said that he picked up on? Wonderful.

How do we always end up arguing about stupidity? Of course I know that Al wouldn’t help the Creeper. He isn’t a sketch-ball or an arse no matter how many times I may mentally call him that.

And why does he look so hurt? Seriously he looks like I just kneed him in the nadgers or something.

“I— I’m sorry. I didn’t really mean it. I’m just a little confused is all. We hate each other! And then you come around saying you feel guilty for not protecting me! It’s all just a little overwhelming Al.” Woah. I apologized to Albus Potter. Without being forced. And I only stuttered once. Rose would be so proud! I’ll have to make a mental note to tell her. It would make her day, which she desperately needs since she’s currently up to her armpits in transfiguration notes.

He’s staring at me like I’ve just told him that the Crumple Horned Snorkacks Lysander goes on about sometimes are waging a war with the Thestrals in the Forbidden Forest!

Why do people always look at me like that?

“Did you just apologize? To me? Are you all right? Did you eat something funny?” Haha you’re hilarious Al. Making fun of me for apologizing to you of all things. And then you wonder why it’s such a rare occurrence.

Lets recap my last two apologies to Albus Potter shall we?

Last time he starts yelling bloody murder in my face telling me how much of a bitch I am and this time he fucking laughs! Why of course I’ll apologize to you in the future! I mean who wouldn’t since you accept them so graciously! Merlin that boy is going to drive me crazy one of these days.

“You know what? I am sick of trying to be the mediator here! Would you just stop laughing at me so we can figure out a way to save your arse from three months worth of detentions before McGonagall finds us?” Seriously what kind of person is this confrontational? It’s ridiculous! Even I’m sick of arguing, and picking fights with Albus Potter is like the highlight of my week!

Hah. Now he’s the one that feels guilty! Well I’m not going to lie, I am pretty cute when I’m upset. Not that Potter would ever care. He probably still thinks of me as that little bouncy little brunette with the two pigtails who ran into him on Platform 9 ¾ in first year.

Yes, it was something that inconsequential that started our immense hatred. But I still say it wasn’t my fault. It’s not like I was lying when I told him he looked a bit peaky. I just didn’t want him to hurl on me, is that so much to ask?

“Oh shit! She’s going to murder me! I’m a dead man walking!” Okay I know McG is a little harsh on handing out the punishments but I’m sure she doesn’t threaten with bodily injury. In fact, I am positive of this because that one time Norris the caretaker caught me in manacles and threatened me with dismemberment all the way to her office she let me off scotch free for the ‘brutal handling of students’ or something.

“Um Al? McGonagall is harsh but I don’t think she’d hurt you. Unless of course, you consider scrubbing the floor of the Great Hall with a toothbrush bodily injury.” That is seriously the worst detention of all time. I had knee bruises for a week! But I’m pretty sure that’s not enough pain to insight such fear in Albus Potter.

“Not Minnie, if I get another detention my mum’s going to kill me!” Hahaha I should have known. Only Ginny Potter can instill that much fear into the hearts of Potter men everywhere. It’s been told that even the great Harry Potter quells under her death glare.

Man I wish she’d teach me. I think she knows who it’s prime target would be though (Al obviously) and that’s what’s stopping her. That or it’s an inherit trait that I have no chance of ever mastering, because Lily’s got it down pat.

Right. Back to laughing at Albus for having such an innate fear of his mum.

“Potter you’re shaking in your boots! How bad could your mum be?” He’s frozen. No, I’m not kidding, and unless there’s such thing as subconscious magic (hey, you never know) I’m fairly sure that this was not my doing.

Oh. So he wasn’t cursed after all. Just shocked by the fact that I do not cower in fear at the mere mention of Ginny Potter. Why would I ever do that? She’s my hero!

Not going to lie I totally have Harpies sheets on my bed back home. Not to mention a huge poster on my wall.

But that little fact can remain between the two of us yeah? Wouldn’t want my friends thinking I stalk their family like all the other bimbos around this school.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. We need to save Potter from the wrath of McGonagall and his mum (hehe) while simultaneously protecting my eyeballs from the evil wrath of Vesta Zabini.

Actually, I think the second problem is going to be the most difficult because I’m sure that Professor McGonagall (no I do not call her Minnie, it’s like a sacrilege or something) has realized the stalking by this point (she does have eyes after all. The Creeper doesn’t really understand the word ‘subtle’ very well) and so long as she believes our story the Plan should save our arses. Again.

So now we’re just stuck with fighting off the evil slag who’s out for revenge in the form of my precious eyeballs!

That’s just a theory based on her crazy eyebrow gestures. She may be after something much more sinister. Like my spleen!

Right. Back down to earth with the sane people now.

Vesta Zabini is not an organ harvester, she’s just a crazy bird with some serious issues and a horde of slaggish followers (I am using the word followers in it’s previously explained sinister ‘reserved only for Dark Lords’ form. Although in this case it would be Dark Lady’s right? Except that sounds like some sort of romance novel reference so we’ll just stick with the Dark Lord’s yeah?) who enable her to get dirt on everyone. And I do mean everyone. And believe me she sure knows how to use it. This is going to be an all out battle! I’m no good at girl war! What am I going to do?

Okay so maybe I’m taking this a little far. I seriously need Rose to translate that gesturing before I completely lose my head with crazy theories (here I will cite my previous exclamation of ‘Vesta the organ harvester’ as proof of my loon-ness. I probably shouldn’t be trying to prove that to you should I?)

Plus, what could she find out? I’ve got nothing to hide. Well, except that I had to resort to fake dating my enemy to get rid of a crazed stalker. So really the only thing I have to lose is my ‘image,’ which if I’m being truthful I don’t really have much of anyway. I’m pretty sure that most of the school knows of me as ‘that crazy chit who always argues with The Albus Potter.’

That’s doesn’t sound so bad, does it? It’s much better than losing a spleen anyway (although, does anyone really know what your spleen actually does?). I’ll have to discuss it with Rose because frankly (although my mind can’t come up with anything) I’m sure Vesta has something much more ominous up her sleeve.

“uh...erm...umm. Are you? Um. Are you Albus Potter?” Really? Are you serious people? It’s not like he’s Merlin or Harry Potter or something! He’s just some boy who goes to school just like the rest of us, so give the stuttering a rest please! Although I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t matter who the big burly sixth year was, if I was a first year I’d be stuttering too.

“Yep. What’s up?” See, he’s friendly Mr. First Year. No reason to be frightened.

“Um…well...erm…” seriously if that child’s eyes get any wider they’re going to pop right out of his head.

Poor little firstie.

“ wants to see you and...and her right away sir.”

Hahhahahahhaha sir!

Sir Albus Severus Potter! And I thought his name couldn’t get any worse.

Hey! He get’s a sir and I get called ‘she!’ How rude. Stupid little firstie.

Oh shit! McGonagall!! What are we going to do? We spent all of our planning time arguing about nothing and now not only are we unprepared but I’m still sweaty and gross from quidditch with about six tons of crazy, wavy brown hair piled into a nest on top of my head!

Seriously I saw some birds eyeing me quite jealously earlier.

Ugh, this is a mess. And Al is being no help at all. In fact, he’s doing quite a good impression of that firstie. You know, the eyes popping out of the head thing? Not really the most attractive look, not going to lie. Although it does look much better on Albus than the first year.

Of course I’m not really an unbiased observer, firstly because I’ve emphatically expressed my opinions on that boys eyes way to many times over the past few days and secondly because I am not a cradle robber.

But anyway, back to the issue at hand. Namely Albus getting detention for the rest of my life and the Plan going to hell in a hat basket.

“What are we going to do? I can’t get another detention! My mum’ll murder me! HELP!” How am I always the brains of the operation? This is silly. Especially since we have such intelligent friends. I am not included in that upper tear of intelligence, just for clarification purposes. Not to say I’m dumb or anything. I manage mostly E’s with the occasional O or A slipping in (okay, okay sometimes I get a P or two, but they’re mostly reserved for divination. Stupid farce of a class if I’ve ever heard of one).

All right well regardless of my mental prowess I need to come up with a plan. Preferably before Al hyperventilates and passes out because there is no way I can carry that boy through the castle. He’s much to heavy. In an extremely attractive muscly kind of way, not a repulsive flabby kind of way.

Right. Back on topic. A plan. We need a plan.

Hmm. What if I just...told the truth? I mean I know it’s a bit of a radical solution but it’s much simpler than weaving some crazy tale that is sure to contradict itself and implicate us as the instigators of this terrible situation.

I mean I can’t be faulted for being stalked can I? Right, it’ll be fine. We’ll survive.

Aagh! I’m not ready yet! How did we already get all the way up here? I don’t want to go in!

“Mr. Potter, Miss Leonidas could you please enter the room. I don’t have all day to wait for you to finish cowering outside my door.” How does she do that? Maybe it’s her crazy cat powers. Yep that must be it.

Al’s eyes are still going crazy like he can’t focus on anything. I wonder why. I did come up with a completely feasible, if not a little ‘new wave,’ plan after all. Oh. Hehe. I forgot to tell him about that didn’t I?


“Now why don’t you two tell me exactly why earlier today Mr. McLaggen needed to be removed from the chandelier in the entrance hall by not one, but three of our highly competent staff?” Seriously Al? Could you make this a little more difficult for me?

Oh my goodness. Albus Potter just whimpered. Haha don’t you just love blackmail?

“I’m going to take your silence as an admittance of your guilt. Now for punishment—” Wait just a moment there McGonagall. Let’s not be hasty, I haven’t even had time to explain myself! This is unreasonable!

“Wait just a minute Professor! My silence was a projection of my shock at the dramatic skewing of these circumstances, not an ‘admittance of guilt!’” Ha, that should have adequately caught her attention.

“So your saying that you didn’t attach, or play a hand in the attachment of Mr. Mclaggen to the ceiling?” Uh oh. The lips are starting do disappear. This is bad. Very Bad.

“Erm no, not as such. I just wanted to clarify the events preceding the erm...attachment...and hopefully explain why such dramatic action was necessary.” Man I’m eloquent on the spot aren’t I? It must be karma making up for the fact that I haven’t been able to utter an intelligent sentence in front of Potter for days now.

“Miss Leonidas are you trying to tell me that attaching one of your fellow students to the ceiling was necessary?” Oh shit! I think I’m making this worse. Much, much worse! We’re all going to die! Not only have her lips basically disappeared at this point but she’s giving us the Eyebrow. And yes I can actually decode this eyebrow gesture. It means sudden and painful death in the form of losing excessive amounts of house points and serving multiple detentions. With Filch (he’s got to be at least a hundred and fifty by now. We think he’s alive just by pure spite or something, at this point).

“Never in all my years have I heard such a thing! Resorting to physical abuse on a perfectly nice student, of the same house at that!”

Hold it right there McG, I thought cats were supposed to be observant! Are you lacking in visual capabilities? Have you seriously missed out on the ridiculous stalking going on here? Did you just say ‘perfectly nice?’ Perfectly creepy is more like!

“Oh yes of course he’s perfectly nice. That is, if you count constantly following someone around, trapping them against a wall and putting their arm in a death grip so tight it left a bruise perfectly nice! He’s a perfectly nice stalker! So yes, I do think my friends and I had every right to retaliate!” Oops. Generally yelling at your teachers is considered Very Bad Form. This is not good. Also hopefully she overlooks that ‘my friends’ remark because I’m quite sure she knows that Al and I are far from friends. But she did miss out on me being the victim of an ever increasingly obvious stalker so you never know.

Also I think I’ve just shocked a few years off the end of McGonagall’s life span. And I’ve robbed her of the ability to shut her own mouth. Crap, I really don’t want to be credited with giving the Headmistress of our school a heart attack. She is getting on in her years (not that I’d ever tell her that) after all.

“Are you saying—the boy is stalking—physical abuse? Well I never! I—well my dear I’m sorry for the grave misunderstanding. Would you like to report the frankly dismal behavior of Mr. Mclaggen or—” What? Are you kidding? She actually listened to my rant? Oh my goodness this is wonderful! Who knew? Sometimes honesty really is the best policy after all.

But I don’t want to get him in trouble or anything. It’s not like he is hurting me (minus the minor bruises encircling my wrist, but I’m sure that was accidental), he’s just a bit...well creepy, I suppose.

“Oh no Professor that would be unnecessary, I mean it isn’t like he’s causing harm or anything. Just some...well...difficulties, you could say.” And there goes my eloquence. But why is Albus pretending to be mute over there? It’s getting kind of ridiculous, I don’t think he’s uttered a word in the last ten minutes. I could use a bit of help here! And they say he has charm! More like he goes completely silent under pressure. That’s not charming at all!

“Are you—Mara that boy is following you around like, well like a stalker and you don’t want to do anything about it? Are you mad?” Crap. We got to get out of this office before Albus explodes. His ears are getting red and frankly if he doesn’t shut up soon he’s going to talk himself into that detention I’m almost positive I’ve just talked him out of.

Can’t he just go back to the silent fear thing? Please?

“Ow, bloody hell Mara what was that fo—”

“Erm. So Professor are we free to go now?” Yes I did just stomp on Albus’s foot. What? Don’t look at me like that, it was the only way to get him to shut up before we were stuck with detention for the next two weeks.

Plus I’m still a bit peeved with him about earlier. Need the practice. Pfft, I’m a brilliant seeker thank you very much, and I am going to beat him one of these days. Mark my words.

“I suppose, but Miss Leonidas if this continues…”

“Oh don’t worry Professor, we’ve got it under control. Thanks for the chat!” Now run, run, run!

Okay I think we’re safe. Or I spoke too soon. Apparently I am soon to be the victim of ‘Angry Albus.’ Great.

“What were you thinking Mara? You could have—She would have—why didn’t you get that bastard in trouble? He’s following you around and...and touching you! This is ridiculous! Go back in there right now and tell Minnie you were having a brain lapse and you want her to bring the punishment! The largest most involved detention of all time! Yeah! He deserves it, that arsehole!” Did he just tell me what to do? And what is his deal? I’ve been fine avoiding the stalker by myself for weeks now, why is he pushing so hard for punishment? We have the plan now anyway, so if we can just convince the Creeper that we really are dating this could end quite soon. Seriously what is Al’s problem today?

“Al what’s going on? We’ve got this. We have the Plan and I’m great with a stunner and I’ll be fine. There’s no reason to get him in trouble, I mean yeah, his means are a bit awkward but you can’t help who you like. It’s not really his fault.”

“Yeah you’re telling me.” Wait, what is that supposed to mean? Does Al like someone? Why would that be his reaction, aren’t you supposed to actually like the people you like? And why did he agree to ‘date’ me if he is interested in someone else?

He can’t like someone else while we’re ‘dating!’ That’s like cheating! Well, fake cheating I suppose, since it’s a fake relationship but still! Being fake cheated on is worse than being really cheated on because not only is it hurtful but very, very sad.

“Wait, you agreed to the Plan when you like someone else? So what, if the girl happens to like you back (which is very possible, we are talking about Albus Potter here) you’re just going to dump m—the Plan—and leave me to my own devices? Is that why you wanted me to get him in trouble? So you wouldn’t have to deal with me any more? You know what Al, I thought we were sort of getting over this ‘enemies’ thing but I was obviously wrong. You’re an arse who can’t do a favor for anyone except yourself!” I hate that boy! He makes me feel like I want to cry. I haven’t cried in front of another person since I was eleven. Only Albus can get me so upset over something so inconsequential! Argh, I hate him!

I need to find Rosie. Now. And possibly that chocolate cake.

Hi All!

So this is the longest chapter yet and it is chock full of Al/Mara-ness. What do you think? Anyone excited for the Gryffindor/Slytherin quidditch match in the future? I know I am!

Anyway, thanks so much to everyone who’s reviewed so far! They make me happy and keep me inspired!

PS. Did you like Al’s definition of ‘mauling?’ A little jealous? I think so.

Right, so leave me a review because I love them!

Rose Red :)

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