Chapter 1 : Choice
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I could feel his eyes on me from across the room. He was watching me so carefully, and I couldn't understand why. It made no sense for him to be the one watching me intently. It should be the other way around.
I turned so I could see him out of the corner of my eye, and I could now see that he was watching me. I quickly started talking to the person closest to me. That was a mistake. My best friend could always tell when there was something bothering me. And James didn't know about Sirius and I.
James frowned and put his hand through his hair, his eyes narrowed and now he eyed me intently.
"What's wrong, Remus?" he asked. I shook my head. I wasn't going to answer him. I wouldn't answer him at all. I would ignore that he asked me.
"How's Lily?" I asked instead, trying to distract him. James shrugged.
"Very moody, This pregnancy thing is overrated," he laughed easily, and patted me on the shoulder, "But don't think youc an distract me. What's going on? Sirius seems very subdued, and that's very odd...he seems so serious about something." I shrugged.
"Maybe something to do with the Order of his family? Who knows with him?" I said, "I'm just worried because I still haven't been able to find a job. No one will hire me with my, er, 'furry little problem'." I lied quickly on the spot. James narrowed his eyes again, but accepted it as an answer, and we went through the crowd of people over to Sirius. I could see some familiar faces looking at Sirius and James whispering. They're fans from Hogwarts had obviously never gotten over their crushes.
"Hey, guys. Where's Lily, Prongs?" Sirius asked.
"Lily decided to pass by this reunion. I said to her I'd stay at home with her, but she said, and I quote 'no, James, go and have fun. Go get drunk off your face'. I was quite shocked...but I will not be getting drunk. I will be a father in a months time. I have to be responsible," James said proudly. Sirius snorted, and I spat out some of the Butterbeer I was drinking.
"James Potter, responsible. Yeah, that'll be the day," Sirius replied.
"More likely to be responsible than you are, Padfoot," I said. He looked quickly at me, and our eyes met. I quickly looked away from him, and started looking around to see who else I knew from our year.
"Where's Snivellus?" James said suddenly. I looked around, but I couldn't see him anywhere. I shrugged. Maybe we could get through this night without too much drama. Though I didn't see why we needed a reunion barely two years after we had left school.
I blamed that stupid Hufflepuff, Philip Brashares, who organised it.
One of James's old admirers, Katherine Gregory, walked up to us at this point, and touched James lightly on the shoulder.
"Hey, James," she said flirtatiously, "How are you going?"
"I'm married to Lily Evans and she's eight months pregnant," James burst out. It seemed like he had been bursting to say it the whole night. Everyone turned to look at him, and then half of them started clapping. James looked very proud of himself, and everyone clambered over to talk to him. Katherine Gregory looked very put out, along with James's other admirers, so I tapped Sirius on the shoulder.
"Seems like James is going to be stuck here for awhile. Shall we go for a walk?" I asked. Sirius eyed the crowd surrounding James, and nodded. We quickly and quietly left the room and went outside.
"So, where's Wormtail?" Sirius asked. I frowned.
"I asked Prongs that before, but he said that Wormtail was busy with something, and that's all he knew," I said quickly, "I haven't heard form him in awhile. He's been acting very odd lately."
"He has," Sirius agreed. We walked in silence for awhile, and then Sirius stopped.
"I'm sorry Remus," he said suddenly, "but it's better this way. Prongs wouldn't understand, and we shouldn't hide anything from him. He's our best friend." I stopped ahead of him, and turned to face him. He was looking down at his shoes.
"How do you if Prongs wouldn't understand?" I asked before I could stop myself.
"Lily. Lily knows everything. She figured it out. She told me that James wouldn't understand. Not us. We're his best friends, but we're both guys. She told me that she didn't mind, but she knew James would," he said. I sighed. Lily. Of course. She was looking out for James.
"Sirius, just because Lily is his wife doesn't mean she knows everything about him. He could very well have no problem with it. Surely he would want his best friends to be happy?" I asked. Sirius laughed, a sad laugh, which I didn't like. I liked his natural, happy laugh.
"And how happy were we, truly, Remus? We just didn't work well together," he said. I turned away from him now, not wanting to face him.
"Why were you watching me so intently? You were the one who ended things with me," I said. Sirius groaned slightly, and I heard him slump against the wall.
"Remus, I didn't want to end things. I had to. There was no other choice."
"There is always a choice," I whispered. I turned around, and saw him sitting against the wall. I sighed, looked up the hallway, and then started walking back.
"I'll go see if Prongs needs rescuing," I muttered. I started walking, and then I felt his hand on my shoulder, and he wheeled me around, kissing me furiously. It was nothing like the other kisses we had shared. He was putting everything into it, because it was the end. There was no chance of us. He was saying good-bye.
He broke off from me, and then walked in the other direction.
"Tell Prongs that there was an emergency for the Order!" he called back, "I'll see you when mini-Prongs is born!" I nodded, and then walked back, trying to fight tears. It had to end this way. It was making us miserable but it had to end this way.
I was right when I said there was always a choice. We did have a choice. Carry on with the secrecy behind James's back, tell James and be shunned, or just end it.
And he chose for us. He chose for us to end it.
AN~ After ages and ages of me wanting to write a Remus/Sirius story, I did it. However, I posted it on another site a few weeks ago, where I can post original fiction and fan fiction, and I hadn't decided whether I was coming back to HPFF or not. I hope you enjoyed it, thanks for reading, and please leave a review!
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