You’re gone. Forever. The belongings you so highly treasured stay here with me. They haunt me with the memory of you. Sometimes I take a walk to try to escape from it- to slowly place distance between me and that wretched house. But no matter how far my feet bring me, thoughts of you always catch back up with me.
The wind will whisper just so, as if struggling to speak your name. Blades of grass tickling my bare feet will spark a memory of you and me, still young and hopelessly in love. It was something magic could not force between us, real and pure as our love was. I wish you were still alive, still above the ground I dutifully buried you beneath.
Look what they have done to you. My Regulus. They forced you to pack your bags before I was ready to let you go. Even in this simple life we lead- out by the lake, the snow cropped mountains, and the towering trees- they still found us. Those hate-filled snakes still found us, still hunted us when we felt safest.
They thought if they took you away from me, I would be useless. But there’s some fight left in me. For her. I must stay strong for our daughter. I haven't told her about you yet; the time just isn't right. She is simply too young to understand. But she will. I promise you that.
A lot of times, I bring her out into the field. She loves it so much. It's like she can't get enough of the beauty. Movement catches her attention at every turn. The waving grass, the fluttering butterflies, the racing hares. I wish you could be here to experience these wonderful moments. You would laugh until you could barely breathe. You would smile until your muscles begin to strain under the effort.
Surrounded by all of this peaceful quiet, she would never imagine that somewhere, past all of those lush green mountains and perfectly blue sky, that danger lurks. I wish to protect her to my greatest ability. I won't lose her like I lost you. I won't let my guard down.
For now, we are safe. They don't know about her. I have kept her well hidden from their hate filled gazes. For now. They will search again when the need arises. That day will come, and I hope to have prepared her for the attack that will change her warm cocoon of a world.
Know that I will love her as much as I have loved you, as much as two parents would. I have to compensate for the father figure she might never have the pleasure of knowing. We will miss you, think of you. Hopefully you are in a better place now.
Grief clouds my vision. I let the sharp edges of rock prick at the bare skin of my feet. I need to remind myself that I am still here, on Earth. That my daughter needs me to be every bit of the mother I’m supposed to be.
Despite myself, I think of you. Of your mussed yet neat dark hair, your eyes gleaming mischievously, as was their custom. The sun, high in the sky, warms the top of my head comfortingly. I long to link my fingers in between yours, but I can’t. I never will again. Instead, I gently take hold of Jocelyn’s hand. She eagerly drags me ahead, and I allow her. She gazes up at me smiling brightly, and I smile back. I can’t help myself.
“Mommy, come look!” Jocelyn shouts in excitement. Her tiny form skips agilely through the field, coming to a stop in front of the lake. A finger points over to the other side. I follow her finger to the edge of the forest.
Barely, just barely, have I spotted a deer and her doe. The mother watches us carefully, neck craned stoically, with wide orbs of black, protecting her young one. My lips curve up into a smile. I stand beside my daughter and reach down to stroke her fine hair. And there is one thing that I cannot doubt, in spite of all that has happened.
Everything is going to be alright.
A/N: This is just a little one-shot I had collecting dust, unfinished in my files. I had a stroke of inspiration and wrote out the rest of it. Oh and the title has a deeper meaning behind it. Maybe someone can figure it out? I hope you all enjoyed! :)
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