Chapter 4 : Chapter Four
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“Maybe she left early, for breakfast. She wasn’t there when I came down.” James nodded,
“Well I think I’m going to go get some breakfast, you going to come too?”
“No I ate earlier, I’ve been up for a while. I was still pretty jazzed from the ball y’know.” He nodded again then looked apologetic,
“I never asked how your night was.”
“I had the most amazing night, I can’t even describe how good it was.” James smiled but my eyes filled with tears again and it didn’t feel like I would be able to stop them this time.
“I thought you were going to go look for Lily?” James almost jumped to his feet at the sound of her name, it would have been funny if I didn’t feel the way I did about him,
“That I am.” He grinned and hugged me, after I stood to go upstairs, but it felt awkward, different to how it used to be. I wondered if he could feel the change too, “I’ll see you later?” I nodded, not trusting my voice to stay as strong as I needed it to be, and he let go of me.
As soon as the portrait closed I ran upstairs, the tears had started to fall already and I didn’t need people to see that. Susie was still asleep, it was one of those quirks we loved about her, she had to get exactly nine hours of sleep every single night, and she just wouldn’t wake up until she’d had them, and we were up really late the night before, because I couldn’t stop talking about my night with James, and how it would all be amazing now that he knew how I felt and seemed to feel the same way.
Gabby was just coming out of the bathroom using her wand to dry her hair when I flung myself face first into my pillows. She heard me crying and immediately panicked, “What’s happened? Is your family? James? Remus? Tell me what’s happened!” She sat down on the edge of my bed and rested her hand on my back, I couldn’t tell her; I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I shook my head and curled up in a ball on my side. “Come on Riley, you’ll feel better once you’ve told someone.” It was the same thing I said to her whenever she was feeling down about anything.
I sat up, still in my ball, and leant against the headboard of my bed. “I spoke to James.”
“Oh sweetie, what did he say?” she had a sympathetic look on her face and I had to look away. I looked down at my toes picking at the chipped nail varnish I found there,
“He said he had an amazing night, the best time in the world, better than he could have imagined.” Gabby looked confused,
“But surely that’s a good thing.” I nodded, showing that I agreed with her,
“It would have been a great thing if he hadn’t thought he’d spent the whole ball with Lily Evans. He couldn’t stop smiling, thinking that she was finally going to accept him and go out with him.” I fell back down to my side and curled myself up tighter.
“What did he say when you told him it was you?”
“Nothing, I didn’t tell him. I came up here after he left to go find her and talk about their amazing night together.” Gabby jumped to her feet,
“Riley, don’t you think he’s going to be a bit confused when Lily doesn’t have a clue what he’s talking about. You would expect her to remember it if it was that amazing. He’s going to be crushed when she turns him down again!”
“Serves him right for thinking it was her in the first place!” gabby retook her place on the edge of my bed and resumed stroking small circles on my back,
“Riley, you don’t really mean that and we both know it. you need to go and find him before he talks to Lily and she breaks his heart when she denies the night ever happened.” I sat up and nodded, I knew she was right, but it didn’t mean I had to like it,
“D’you know something Gabby? I really hate it when you’re right because it usually means I have to go and do something that I really don’t want to do.” Gabby had the audacity to grin at that,
“Off you go then. Actually if you wait for two second I’ll come with you, I’m starving.” I rolled my eyes at her ability to be hungry all the time but waited anyway.
We went back down to the common room discussing what I was going to say to him, gabby was understandably confused when I turned up the boys’ staircase instead of heading out of the portrait hole. “I thought you said he was going to go look for her at breakfast?”
“I did but that was half an hour ago, I’ll never find him without another marauder.” Gabby understood now. I knocked on the door and waited until on of them answered, thankfully luck was on my side and it was Remus who opened the door.
“I need your help.” Remus nodded and stepped out of the room; presumably because Sirius had some girl in there he didn’t want us to see. Either that or Sirius was sleeping naked again and he didn’t want to put us through the mental scarring again.
“What d’you need?”
“I need you to help me find James. He went off looking for Evans this morning and I need to talk to him before he speaks to her.”
“Why d’you think I’ll be able to find him if you can’t?” the question had me stumped, I had just assumed he would know exactly where James was.
“Because! You’re a marauder, don’t you guys have some sort of tracking sensor do you can always find each other?” Remus chuckled and shook his head,
“You’re best bet it probably the great hall, the kitchens, under the old oak tree, or in the library.” Gabby gave him a sceptical look at the last suggestion,
“Where would you go if you were stalking Lily Evans?” I thanked Remus for his help and he slipped back into the dormitory, barely opening the door, and the wince that crossed his face when he looked in confirmed my suspicions that Sirius was in fact sleeping naked with the curtains open again.
I went down to the great hall with gabby so she could go to breakfast, when I saw that James wasn’t in there I immediately left for the library; it didn’t seem likely that Evans would be in the kitchens, an out of bounds part of the castle. When I got there I looked all around and when I was giving up hope of finding them I saw them in the back corner of the library talking, Evans looked like she would rather be doing anything else than talking to James Potter. I got a little bit closer so that I could hear what was being said, “I thought you said you weren’t going to bother me anymore Potter.” He must have only just found her, if only I’d come straight here rather than going to the great hall first, or if I’d just gone straight down to the great hall to look for him instead of talking to Remus. I thought she was going to start shouting at him so I cast a muffliato charm around the three of us so they wouldn’t be disturbed.
“That was before last night.”
“Why? What happened last night to make it so special?” James looked upset at that,
“What d’you mean what happened? We kissed Lily, and you were kissing me back and it was absolutely amazing, we spend the whole of the ball together.”
“I wasn’t with you at the ball Potter.”
“Yes you were. I know it was you, and you recognised me, why are you pretending you didn’t?”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about Potter. I was with the same person all night, and it wasn’t you. I was with him until the unmasking.”
“Until your friends dragged you away from me.”
“No Potter, I was with him until the very end of the ball, I saw him being unmasked. Then we went for a walk in the grounds.” James looked confused,
“Then who was it? I was so sure it was you.” Lily shrugged, looking pleased that he wasn’t going to bother her anymore,
“I don’t know. Maybe you should ask someone else; maybe someone who saw you with her…” she shoved past him and I ducked out of sight, James sank down to the floor and his head went into his hands. I stayed hidden until I was sure he wasn’t crying.
I left it a few minutes before I went and sat down next to him against the bookshelves. “How do you always know where to find me Riley? It’s almost like you’ve got a map to me.”
“That would make these things a lot simpler, and you wouldn’t have had to go through that with Lily if I did. I’m sorry James.” James looked at me,
“You saw that? I didn’t think anyone was around, that’s why I spoke to her here. I didn’t want her to think I was trying to embarrass her.”
I’m the only one around and she didn’t see me.” he didn’t say anything so I continued, “James I need to talk to you about last night,” James nodded to show he was listening, “It was me, I was the girl you were dancing with all night.” He just looked at me with a look on his face that broke my heart,
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let me embarrass myself with Lily while you stood there and watched? She was starting to treat me like a friend before this, she was talking to me like she actually wanted to; she was coming to me to talk not the other way round. YOU’VE RUINED THAT NOW, HUNT!” he was on his feet now, and tears were falling from my eyes. He noticed that and stopped shouting, I thought he was going to sit down and talk to me about it quietly, “Don’t talk to me anymore Hunt.” Then he left me there. I pulled my knees up to my chest and dropped my forehead onto them and cried until I didn’t have any more tears left.
I stayed there for about half an hour before I pulled myself together a little bit. I didn’t feel like going back to the common room, and having to tell the story to Gabby and Susie, or to deal with the glares from Sirius, and now James as well. I made my way outside to the opposite side of the lake to where I usually sat with James. It would be harder for anyone to find me over here. I sat staring into the lake, wondering what the day would have been like if I had just told James straight away that it was me he was with, not Lily. Would he have had a different reaction to not wanting me to speak to him anymore, sure he probably would have been nicer about it, probably wouldn’t have shouted at me. he wouldn’t have accepted it though, he wouldn’t have wanted to be with me, if he would have then it shouldn’t have made a difference that I didn’t tell him straight away, if he wanted to be with me then he wouldn’t have been so excited about it being Lily that he was with.
I sat out there for hours; I didn’t notice when it suddenly got a lot colder, or when it started to get dark. I didn’t notice when it started to rain, I felt numb to it all; I couldn’t feel any of it. It was just me and the squid’s dancing tentacles.
AN: Sorry about the wait folks, and I know the chapter isn't good but I appreciate the reads and if there's anything you can think of to improve I would really like to know about it.. I think the chapter sucks but I don't know what to do to make it better, this was the best I could come up with. WORST WRITER'S BLOCK EVER!!
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