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Whoops? by Rose Red
Chapter 3 : Of Violence, Beech Trees, and PDA
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 19

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A/N: Hey! So I just added some more to this chapter while editing, sorry for the inconvenience of re-reading but if you don’t feel like it you probably won’t be too confused.

So have I told you lately that I am an idiot?

Oh yes. An enormous, blazing, ridiculously stupid idiot. Why, you ask? Oh possibly because I have totally and utterly ruined the one chance I had to get rid of my stalker.

I am sure you are confused since last time we spoke it all seemed to be going so well. At least from your point of view. Albus Potter snogging me in the hallway is definitely not my idea of a good time. Well at least not for the sane part of my brain.

But anyways, so the plan seemed to be working. I even told you that the fake relationship was back on right?


So I may have….

Alright so I I slapped Al in the face and stormed off. Right after he kissed me. In front of about sixteen devoted fangirls.

Don’t look at me like that! I panicked! Plus Rosie already wants to murder me and I am being stalked not only by one creeper but also by a troupe of bloodthirsty fangirls dead set on my demise! Don’t you think that’s punishment enough?

Agh! Why am I so dim? Seriously whose reaction to a kiss is to slap someone in the face? I mean Al didn’t slap me in the face! I am such a terrible person! Plus now that I’ve totally ruined the Plan what am I going to do?

Today I decided to go sit outside since it’s probably one of the only nice days left until it starts to get quite chilly up here in the highlands.

Anyways, so there’s a root in the base of the beech tree that doubles as a chair so perfect you’d think that I sat there as the root grew around me. Sometimes I go there to think when the weather is nice.

I know what you are thinking, and no this is not completely off topic. Just keep reading, I’m sure you’ll get the connection eventually. I’ll give you a hint. I’m never leaving the confines of my dorm room ever again.

Once again I’ve had quite the traumatic experience. Not fun.

Right, so back to the story now...

I went down to the grounds to sit around and just wallow in my problems, maybe read a trashy novel and do you know what that creepy creepy boy did?

He stole a chair from Gryffindor tower and brought it all the way downstairs to the grounds just so he could sit there.

And watch me.

For a half hour. Which was when I promptly ran away.

Good thing my safety reflexes kicked in or the ogling would probably have continued for much, much longer.

Isn’t anything sacred any more?

Merlin, when a girl can’t go outside for the fear of being creeped on you know there is something wrong.

So yes now I have run away and am hiding in my newly discovered safe haven also known as the Room of Requirement. Or at least it’s newly discovered to me.

Wait a minute! Isn’t this room supposed to give you only what you need? I remember specifically asking for a place where I cannot be found!

If McLaggen somehow found a way to trick the R.O.R. into helping him I’m going to murder him! I don’t even care if I have to spend my life in Azkaban!! I’m going crazy anyways sitting here being stalked, I might as well do it there. At least its socially acceptable!


Why do you hate me? This is even worse! How the hell did he get in here? I did not require him! Stupid room.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” Wow. That was pretty synchronized.

“Hiding, you?” Oh my dear Merlin, what is with the simultaneous speech thing going on?

This is so awkward. What am I going to do? We are legit sitting in complete silence and I am starting to think the room is shrinking.

What is going on room? I think you’re malfunctioning, you see if you were sincerely giving me what I want this room would be extremely large right now. Like bigger than the entire universe. No, actually you wouldn’t have ever let ALBUS POTTER IN HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!!!

Oh Merlin I’m losing it! Seriously and completely and utterly and totally losin—

“You know? I really don’t understand you. At all. First you randomly snog me. Then you recruit my entire family to create a Plan to prevent your stalking at my expense and then when I finally agree to it you slap me in front of an entire hallway full of the people we were supposed to be fooling?”

Shite. I knew it was bad but it sounds so much worse when he puts it like that. Also when said speaker’s gorgeous emerald eyes are brimming with every emotion from hurt to excessive anger and back again.

Wait just a moment. Did I just describe Al as emotional?

I don’t think so.

Usually he’s just a big wall of nothing.

No seriously he’s like ice or something. We’ll be arguing as per usual (not like these past few days, they’ve been anything but) and it will take some serious insults to even get a tiny spark of fury in those eyes (usually ‘serious insults’ include slews at his family or if I publicly announce my malice but since I’m friends with basically his entire family I try to refrain from the former).

Why do they decide to emote now of all times? Because holy Merlin in a hat basket, if you think those eyes are sexy in general, you should see them now.

I think I’m drowning I’ll talk to you later yeah?

Okay okay I’m back down here on earth with all you regular people. Just so long as I do not look at Albus’s face ever again. Ever. Like until the end of time.

“Hello? So are you just going to ignore me now? Because I’ve already tried to get back out. The room won’t let me so it must want us to do something in here.”

“Erm. What?” On the cradle of Merlin and Morganna’s love child, why? Where the hell has all my eloquence gone?

I used to be full of smooth words and even smoother lines.

I was a badass. Slicker than Malfoy’s hair! And now for the last few days my most used words are oopsy daisy, ummm, erm, what’s going on, and best of all whoops?

I think I’ve been given a brain transplant in my sleep or something.


That explains everything! That’s why I think Albus Potter is fucking hot all of a sudden, why I snogged him in a hallway full of people, and why I can’t concentrate whenever he’s within two feet of me!

Wait. What kind of confundation is that? It seems like the only part of my life that is going crazy is the Al part.

Hmm. I’ll have to consult Rose about whether or not only a specific part of your brain can be confunded or not. Oh wait. Rose is currently not talking to me because I ruined the plan and slapped her favorite cousin in the face.

I hate my life.

Hold on.

I am, right at this moment, stuck in a room with said favorite cousin.

Maybe I can take this opportunity to redeem myself and hopefully simultaneously add a fake boyfriend back into my life while subtracting one creepy stalker.

See my entire brain can’t be confunded! I can still do maths!

Wait. What am I trying to prove to you again? I think I’ve confused myself. MAYBE I HAVE BEEN CONFUNDED! YES!!!!

“Uh Leonidas? Not talking to me is fine but could you please refrain from cackling evilly to yourself? It’s freaking me out a bit. Especially since we’re locked in such close quarters.”

Shite! I forgot about him! Okay it’s redeem myself time!

“Erm. Right, sorry about that. And...err...everything else too.” Oh the pain!!!! It burns!!!!! I never thought I’d see the day that I, Mara Leonidas would actually apologize (sincerely and without being forced by Professor Longbottom) to Albus Potter.

Okay so I think I’ve been dramatic enough for now. Let’s continue shall we?

“You’re kidding right? That’s your apology? So what, now you think that everything is just going to be okay because you fucking apologized? Well ‘I’m sorry Mara’ but that’s not going to happen!” Woah who stuck a wand up his arse? Oh right. That was me.

Figuratively!!! That’s the one thing I didn’t make that poor boy suffer through today. Thank Merlin. Eww.

Anyways enough of that. Can I just take a moment to snigger over the fact that while yelling at me Albus Potter felt the need to use air quotes?? Heh heh, who does he think he is, one of Lily’s friends?

Right. Back to my heartfelt apology and eventual redemption.

Hold on just a moment. Heartfelt apology? Not any more. He threw his chance at peace out the window. I’m sitting here trying to apologize and he’s being an arse!

Sorry Potter, passive Mara has totally left the building!

Not literally of course since we are apparently locked in this stupid room for some reason (it’s now probably the size of a broom closet, if you were times).

“Wait just a minute Albus Potter! Excuse me for trying to fucking apologize to you! To be the better person! You think you’re so great! Yeah I was a right bitch today but I tried to get over our paramount differences and make the best of this terrible situation, but apparently you’re too much of a git to get over yourself and realize that!” Hah. There’s my eloquence back. I must have been saving up.

“I know I screwed up! I made a fool of myself way too many times today and you got stuck in the middle and I feel really bad about it obviously, since I just apologized to my freaking enemy but that’s not good enough for the son of The Harry Potter is it??”

And the hate just keeps on flowing. When will I learn to keep my big fat mouth shut while I’m ahead? That was a bit below the belt. And I’ve already used up all my illegal hits for the day (you remember, the skipping incident?).

You know what I did, pulling the ‘I think I’m so great because I’m related to Harry Potter’ card.

Actually usually Potter keeps that little piece of information under tight wraps (well at least as least known as he can get it since he’s basically a carbon copy of his old man, but he tries anyway). But he’s just so infuriating!!!

“Yeah. Son of Harry Potter. All I’ve ever been, all I’ll ever be.”

Okay. That’s generally not his usual reaction.

This is the part of the argument where things really start getting heated. Instead he just walked over to the plushy couch which just appeared (it looks like it was stolen from the Gryffindor common room actually...hmm I wonder if this room just recycles the furniture already in the school?) and slumped down into it.

Wow he actually looks pretty upset.

Dammit how come whenever I get mad at that kid lately he makes me feel bad, huh?

It’s not fair. You aren’t supposed to feel sympathy for your enemies. That’s against the rules.

Now, being the good person I am I have to go find out what’s wrong. Other than the fact that I wreaked total and complete havoc on his day and all.

“Erm, Al? You know I didn’t mean that right? It was heat of the moment, you know how impulsive I am. I speak without thinking about 99% of the time.”

I’m afraid that if I apologize again it will trigger another explosion or something.

Okay not really. I just hate apologizing to Albus Potter more than absolutely necessary.

Don’t look at me like that!

Just because I feel bad for him right now does not mean we are friends all of a sudden. He didn’t accept my first apology anyway. He doesn’t deserve a second one.

“No Mara you’re right. That’s all I am to anyone except my family, Scorpius and funnily enough, you. I never really noticed before because James was there as a buffer between crazy Potter obsessed girls and me, but now that he’s renounced the title of ‘Hogwarts Playboy’ it’s like everyone just wants a piece of me to be famous.”

Erg. This is kind of awkward. I mean really, when was the last time you were locked in a room that wouldn't let you out speaking of deeply important issues with your enemy who you snogged in a hallway and then recruited his family to mastermind a plan to trick the school into believing you were dating, that you then refused to use and conveyed this opinion quite physically by slapping said enemy in the face??

Wow the stress of today is definitely getting to me.

That would suck though. I couldn’t imagine being a Potter/Weasley, never knowing if someone was truly your friend or just hang around to be in the limelight.

“You know what Al? At this point in our schooling you know who your friends are. Just keep in mind who’s truly there for you. I’m sure the whole fangirl attack mode they’re in will die down eventually. Okay probably not because somehow you just keep getting exponentially hotter but something’s got to give eventually right?”

Shite! Shite shite shite! I think I just told Albus Potter I thought he was hot. This is a serious problem people!

Who tells their enemy that they admire their physical attributes? I’m really bad at hating people aren’t I? Maybe I should have been a Hufflepuff.


I mean I definitely don’t harbor that old ‘load of duffers’ stereotype but I think if my entire life was encompassed by yellow that bright I’d go insane. Especially if our dorms were that color. How do they sleep?

Right. Back to my big fat mouth and the fact that I just confessed to thinking Albus Potter attractive. To his face. While we’re locked in a room together.

And he’s smirking?

“Wow Leonidas, I never knew you felt that way.” Ugh that smirk. It makes me want to punch his stupid beautiful face.

Also to jump him, but I’m trying to keep that reaction buried in my subconscious. It’s not really working.

“Oh shove it Potter.” I would just like to mark this as possibly the single weirdest moment I have ever had in my entire life.

I am sitting, trapped, in the Room of Requirement (which does in fact exist, I learned today) with Albus Potter while we laugh our arses off after he confesses the fact that I may be one of his only true friends and I accidentally told him he was supremely attractive while trying to be comforting.

Wow. We are the two weirdest people ever. Okay not really, McLaggen holds that title for ever after the Chair Incident earlier.

“So why are you hiding up here Mara? I thought you were going to stick it out until the stalking stopped. Speaking of, you’re slaps sure pack a punch.”

I am really a very terrible person for inflicting any pain upon that face.

Wow, I must be on like hormone overload or something. I think that not one minute has gone by where I am not dwelling on Potters supreme sexiness.

This is a serious problem and I think it’s getting worse.

Stupid room and it’s confined quarters. I can’t even run away.

Oh haha Room of Requirement. You’re soooo funny. Do you know what it just provided for me? A treadmill. Hmm I wonder if that would work in here, you know, with the no electronics thing we have going on?

So now I am stuck in a room that is continuously shrinking and also stuffed to the brim with crap (cite the couch and treadmil). We have to get out of here.

“I’m not even going to ask what goes on in that head of yours. A treadmill, really?” Potter knows what a treadmill is? How muggle of him.

And that was when I explained the details of my stalking.

Actually I think he is the only one who knows the whole story. I haven’t seen Rose in days because of her self imposed seclusion, who else was I going to tell?

He looks shocked. And murderous.

Maybe this whole confessing the details of my stalking thing was a bad idea.

There are some pretty weird things in there, like when The Creeper somehow snuck up the girls staircase that one time and tried to get into our room.

Luckily I had though preemptively (since I’m so used to Potter and Scorpius just flying up the stairs as they please (how they get into the Gryffindor Common Room in the first place I will never know)) and blockaded the door from intruders.

This also meant that when Violet Finnegan tried to bring Vesta Zabini into our room she may have been flung back down the stairs, but that’s a win in my book so, whatever.

Anyways, even with Potter’s apparently newly required protectiveness of me (if I’m reading his face correctly) I finished off the story with the Beech Tree incident. Hmm. I am most definitely not keeping my code names consistent but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about anyway.

“Mara I don’t care what you have to say. We are implementing the Plan. Now. Well erm, whenever we get out of this stupid room I mean. I don’t care if you slap me a hundred times I am not leaving you to your own devices. That kid is crazy. Plus I think Rose would probably kill me. She’s already not talking to me for confusing you or something.”

Aww that’s sweet. Sort of.


I love you Rosie!!! Her cold shoulder is nonselective! I knew she loved me!

Please do not rain on my parade of best friend love here. I’ll have to give her a big hug once I see her. If we ever get out of this damned room, I mean.

“So just for clarification, the Plan is back on?” Don’t look at me with that pitying facial expression.

I’m not dim!

After all the confusion with the snogging and physical violence today I don’t even know which way is up.

Plus I may very well have been recently confunded.

Hey maybe Al knows about that, he’s quite good at defence after all.

“Also, can someone confund a section of your brain without cursing the whole thing?”

Okay so I’m never going to ask crazy person questions to anyone but Rose ever again. Apparently they are not socially acceptable in polite society.

Potter is laughing his head off at me. But he seems to be trying to get words out! Maybe he’ll answer my question after all!

“Hahaha.hahahahha...Mara I seriously do not understand you at all..hehe...but yes. The plan is back on.” Oh that’s good. Get yourself under control man! Sniggering for that long’s got to be unhealthy! And you didn’t answer me!

“Oi stop laughing at me you arse! It wasn’t that crazy of a question, especially after everything that happened today!” I hate being laughed at. Seriously hate it. With a burning passion. Especially when the laughee is Potter. That boy is so infuriating (even though he is completely helping me out with the stalker thing)! I can’t stand him!

“You’re still calling me an arse? I just decided to help you and this is how you thank me? Wow thanks a lot there Mara, you’re such a pal.” He was expecting a thank you? Yeah not going to happen there Al. He’s way to annoying for a thank you. Plus if he is going to throw the ‘helping me out’ card in my face every three seconds I would rather just deal with the stalker.

Okay not really. At all. Please don’t tell Albus that. We’re really bad at backing down from each others threats. It’s a ego thing. Meaning his is way to large, and mine is perfect of course.

“Yes I am calling you an arse! You were waiting for a thank you? Wow and I thought you were actually being semi-human for a change! No wonder you’re the only one of your family in Slytherin! Cold as ice you are!” Wow. I’m really picking the big issues today, huh? First the son of Harry Potter thing and now the Slytherin angle, I must just be gunning for a fight or something.

“You’re completely mad! Totally irrational! And a complete bitch! How could I ever think that this would work? I agree to help you and you throw it right back in my face! Well I should have expected that from the likes of you.” The likes of me? What is that supposed to mean? Bastard.

“The likes of me? THE LIKES OF ME? What is that supposed to mean, huh Potter? Someone who actually sees you for the arse you are instead of bowing down at your feet? Someone who actually challenges you?”

Okay really room? I don’t think you could get any smaller about now.

Seriously, the couch and treadmil have both disappeared and the room has now shrunk to about the size of a broom closet. Awkward.

Now I’m standing about six inches in front of Potter and I have no where to go! Hello room?

I am requesting you expand please? Thanks.

Okay that didn’t work. What the hell? Are we just going to be trapped in here forever? I need food for survival! We’re going to miss dinner!

“Yeah right Leonidas. You’re no challenge.” Excuse me? No challenge? NO CHALLENGE (wow I really need to stop repeating myself)!?!

Who is the only one who can rival him at quidditch? Who is the one who beat him (by .1%) on the potions O.W.L? What happened to me being one of the only people who knew the real him, hmm?

Where did that nice Al go? And then you wonder why I despise this boy. He’s got like multiple personality disorder or something.

Poor Harry Potter, they’ve probably been trying to cover up the affliction for years.

“You know what Al? This isn’t even worth it. Are you going to help me or not?” I’m not backing down but if this room gets larger I’m going to actually have to touch Potter. Semi-willingly. And that isn’t going to happen in my current disposition.

Seriously though why does he have to be so infuriatingly attractive when he’s yelling at me? Especially today. I did mention the spark in his eyes right? And the drowning?

Ugh. How can I even stay mad at such a masterpiece of manliness? You know, we could use this small space for something much funner than arguments. Like snogging for instance.

NO! No Mara, snogging Albus Potter is bad. Bad I tell you!

Arguing is much safer.

He’s smirking at me again. He thinks he’s won. Let’s just let him think that for now yeah? He is (hopefully still) saving my life from perpetual stalkingness after all.

Where’d the smirk go? He was all set to gloat a second ago! What are you doing Albus? Stop confusing me.

“You know what Mara? You’re right. I’m sorry for laughing I guess I should just get used to your madness, especially if we’re really going to do this whole fake dating thing.” Well I guess that’s as close to a heartfelt apology as I’m going to get…


Woah!!! The door! It’s back!!!! YES!!!

“Al! The door is back! We can leave! Oh thank Merlin!”

“YES!!!! I’m starved! We’ve almost missed dinner come on!”

Now that I think about it I’m quite famished. Woah! Albus Potter has just latched onto my hand and is nearly dragging me into the Great Hall!

Seriously can someone please help me before the crazy starving boy dislocates my shoulder? Really what is with boys and food? I mean they don’t eat for a few hours and suddenly it’s like were in a third world coun—

Food! We’re nearly there I can smell it! YES!!!

Don’t make fun of my contradictions! Food is great!

I believe that today was just meant to make me feel awkward. Can’t it just be tomorrow already?

Seriously I don’t think I’ve seen the Great Hall this quiet at meal time since….well...never.

What’s going on? Why is everyone staring at me? And why is my hand so war—OH MY MERLIN ALBUS POTTER IS STILL HOLDING MY HAND IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE SCHOOL!!!!!

“Okay Mara? Don’t slap me this time.” Wait, what? Why is he standing so close to me? What is that supposed to mea—

Mmm. Snogging is nice.

Very, very nice.

Great Hall.


Snogging in front of lots of people not so nice. At all.

Especially when about a hundred of them are Potter/Weasleys who have now started cheering.

No I’m not kidding. We’re not a fucking quidditch match people!

But wow. That boy just kills my brain. It’s like his kisses are drugs or something. I think this is not good. Not good at all. Can you get addicted to another person?

I sure hope not.

“Mara Leonidas you have a lot of explaining to do!” Crap. I forgot about Alice.

Not that I really had a choice in the matter, but hey I guess that was possibly the best way to reinstate the Plan ever. No explanations necessary. Just some nice, wonderful, great, amazing snogging.

Oh Merlin. I’m hopeless! Stupid hormones.

“Rosie! Help!” So now one tiny blonde (we don’t know where she got the hair from since her dad’s hair is definitely dark brown) Alice Longbottom is dragging me through the Great Hall, but she is also dragging along Rose whom I latched on to. Wow that girl is strong.

But I didn’t even get to eat!

I hate life.

If I go up another flight of stairs today I think my legs are legitimately going to fall off! Alice just dragged me all the way back up the stairs to our dorm room.

Luckily we know all the passage ways and shortcuts between the food and our beds so it didn’t take too long, but there were still most definitely way to many stairs involved.

“What the hell is going on Mara? When did you become okay with snogging Albus freaking Potter in public? When did you become okay with snogging Albus Potter at all? Oh My Merlin! You’re secretly dating Al? Why didn’t you tell me? That’s so romantic!”

Oh that girl. So delusional. Why was that the first thing she thought of? Why would I ever be dating Albus Potter? Unless of course I was trying to escape an insane stalker while he was trying to evade crazy amounts of incensed fangirl love.

Why can’t my life just be normal?

Oh that’s right. I go to Hogwarts.

Now. To get Alice to calm down before she starts bouncing off the walls and spewing romantic garbage at me. She’s going to be so disappointed.

“Do I have to tell her Rosie?” What? Just because I don’t fall for her romance mumbo jumbo doesn’t mean I want to be the one to completely ruin her faith in love. Merlin, what kind of friend do you think I am?

“Yes Mara. This is your fault now you have to pay the consequences.” Dammit. Have you noticed Rosie’s tendency to sound quite a bit like my mother? I’ve got to tell her to quit it. She’s going to wrinkle. Or start going prematurely bald.

I’m never going to understand that girl. Seriously. Oh I’m talking about Alice, just to clarify. So I just explained the entire ‘situation’ to her and do you know what she did?

No she didn’t burst into uncontrollable hysterics (the depressingly sad tearful kind. Not the extremely happy laughter kind) at our lack of love.

Instead she smirked. Yes smirked. This particular species (the Alice Smirk, just for clarification) is quite rare but definitely something to watch out for. I’m a bit worried now. Not only for her sanity but also for my safety.

I think she’s a bit confused. Maybe she didn’t understand the whole ‘I promise that I still hate Albus Potter’ part.

Or maybe it’s because she totally heard my nearly silent whisper about his crazy snogging abilities.

Don’t look at me like that! I couldn’t keep it inside any longer!!!

Now Rosie is smirking at me too. Gah! I can’t take it any more!!

“Stop the smirking you guys!!! Just because I think Al is an okay snogger doesn’t mean anything!! Alright, so it’s definitely more than okay. More like amazingly, wonderfully, unforgettable but...” Dammit! Why can’t I keep my stupid mouth shut?? I hate life. Also Albus Potter.

Stupid crazily good snogging. Ruining my life.


Hi Everyone!

What do you think? Do you like Alice? I realized that I left Scorpius completely out of this chapter which made me quite sad but don’t worry I’m sure you’ll see a fair bit of him to come! Anyways, as always read and review! I hope you enjoy it!

Rose Red =)

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