He was with her every moment, every second until she lost her mind. It pained him to the deepest part of his suffering soul seeing her self-destruct, and even more knowing that he couldn’t help her. It hurt seeing how every day she became madder than the next, until at last they locked her up in a cell in San Mungo.
Sometimes she called him Rolf. Sometimes she started wailing to the top of her lungs, asking for her babies Lorcan and Lysander and he had to rush to her side, grab her hand and rub her head, calming her down while explaining in between heavy panting (his) and incessant squirming (hers) that she didn’t have any babies, that she was never pregnant. After a while she would calm down, start twitching, and fall back on her bed with her eyes closed as the darkness engulfed her. Draco would just stare at how her chest started to rise up and down normally in harmony with her steadied breaths, and he would know that she was asleep again.
Everyday he wondered if it was okay lying to her, but he always responded to himself that it was the only thing he could do for her to avoid the pain of having lost both her twins at an early birth. The thing was that she still remembered her children, and she cried herself to sleep everyday, muttering their names as Draco soothed her. But when he was on his bed, trying to fight off the insomnia that overcame him and was responsible for those bags under his eyes, somewhere deep inside him he knew that it was his fault that she was mad. Because she remembered herself with the belly, but when the babies came early she had fainted, and the only thing she recalled when she gained consciousness was a flat stomach and a lot of blood all over the floor, the bed, the healers, and her body. With Draco drilling into her thoughts that she was never pregnant and she was never pregnant and she was never pregnant, this information she started to believe, but having it so clear in her mind all the nightmare she had about pregnancy and believing that too hurt her. The two infos collided and created a short circuit in her, and Draco was sure that he was helping her lose her mind.
Every night her eyes burned in his shut lids as he tried to fall asleep. But as much as he medicated himself, her bulging blue eyes spinning uncontrollably in her eye sockets always managed to haunt him in his dreams.
He did not remember how he ended up caring for Luna Lovegood day and night. All he could recall was that this was his life’s mission: to save Luna from herself, but she was already so broken inside it was impossible to fix her, even by magic. And that killed him.
Everyone used to say Loony Lovegood was mad. Everyone, even himself, even Potter and his friends. But it was now, when he experienced it first hand, watching how Luna had her fits everyday, how she suffered, how it pained him- the real and cruel and scary madness- he deeply regretted it. Because Luna Lovegood had never been mad. She had just been a weird, eccentric girl. This was madness. She was madness. Not then. But now.
Draco was never really quite sure when he started developing feelings for her. It was just too late when they made out on her bed (the one she never left) and she squirmed like the exorcist before passing out on his arms. Making love to a girl that’s legally mad was really interesting, an especially wild night. But as the blonde beauty that was lying nude on his chest rolled her eyes inside her head, Draco noticed that loving her would be hard, and really dangerous. The girl was a threat, to everyone who cared for her and even herself, as she couldn’t escape her own mind. And it would be him in the end who would suffer the pain of seeing her locked up in a white room with a white pajama blouse, white hair all tangled and opaque and her skin pale as paper as she smiled a mad smile, showing all her teeth in a scary way. But he knew he would take his chances and make her his how many times he could before she was taken away from him, because maybe, he was demented too.
Now that she was gone –gone for good- he wondered why she tied a rope around her neck and pulled. Maybe it was one of her crazy ideas, to see if the theory of seeing your life flash across your face was true. He wouldn’t put it past her. That was one of the things he loved about her. But that took away her life. So he did not like it. But maybe she had other reasons for ending her life. Joining her unborn babies at heaven? Finding the truth? Or… was she truly mad?
Draco laughed at this. He laughed as he walked out of the empty room with the empty bed. He laughed while he returned with a rope. He laughed while tying it to the curtain pole. He laughed while circling it around his neck. And he just pulled.
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