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Badgers, Blushing and Gods of Lurve by LaylaBethJagger
Chapter 5 : Who Needs Intelligence When You Look Like That?
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 19

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Who needs Intelligence when you look like THAT?

I sighed, sipping my orange juice as I sat at the table. Emily had once again, attended Quidditch practise with Eric in the hope of seeing Professor Wood, and Oz had been invited to sit with Carson and Charmaine, and so I was all alone.

So naturally, I jumped when a book was placed next to my bacon, and the Red Headed Head girl was suddenly sitting beside me.

“Um...” I said slowly, staring at Rose Weasley as she smiled at me.

“You looked lonely.” She told me brightly.

I stared at her. “So...” I slowly concluded. “You decided to remind me about some Charms homework I forgot about...?” I looked pointedly at the book.

“This is Transfiguration...” She said slowly.


“What?” I said loudly. “I have Transfiguration Homework?” She stared at me. “See? This is why I’m failing!” I complained.

She rolled her eyes and nudged me slightly with my shoulder.


“You’re a silly dolt, Katie.” She told me with a giggle. “This is my reading book. I picked it up from the library for a bit of light reading.”



“Uh...” I said brilliantly.

She laughed loudly now, and nudged me again. “You’re so ridiculous.” She muttered once she had finished laughing at my original response to her extended hand of friendship.

I looked back at the “Light” reading. “You call that Light?” I demanded, frowning.

She sighed. “It’s fascinating, Katie. If you read a bit sometimes...”

I stared at her with horror. “Me?” I echoed. “Reading that?”

She sighed again. “It’s not that horrible.”

I nodded in agreement. “You’re right. It’s worse.” I concluded. “Those books don’t even star in my nightmares. They’re living monsters. They haunt me from underneath my bed.”

I was saved the humiliation of more embarrassing truth spilling from my lips by a loud Owl call, and suddenly the air was full of ‘flapping.’

Rose looked up to the ceiling with a smile. “Mail.” She said quietly, as if alerting us all to the presence of the screeching decibels of the owls.

As if we hadn’t noticed.

A single envelope landed in Rose’s hand neatly, and then a large tawny owl landed beside her. She rubbed the bird’s feathers fondly. “Good work, Minna.” She cooed to it affectionately.

My mail’s arrival was less perfect.

There was a clatter as the letter landed, balancing precariously on the edge of the jug to the orange juice. And then the plate of easy-over eggs that was infront of me was suddenly combined with my fluffy black owl.

I grabbed the letter before it could get ruined by the orange juice. “Morning, Scrubs,” I muttered to my owl.

Regular occupants of the Hufflepuff table continued their breakfast normally. They had been used to my mail arriving in this clumsy fashion since first year.

Rose on the other hand, wasn’t so used to it.

“Oh, Merlin, is he okay?” She asked anxiously, leaning forward to look at the Scrubs.

I stopped attempting to open my letter to look at Scrubs, still face down in the eggs. I leant forward and tapped him on the nearest wing. He leaped up, and shook himself slightly. Then he fluttered over to perch himself on the back of my chair.

Professor Macmillan walked past at this moment. “Morning Dalton.” He said smiling at me. “Once again, your bird has made an excellent entrance.”

I smiled up at him, “Thanks, Professor.” I said smiling at him brightly.

Rose then went into hysterics.

She began giggling like a mad thing, her hands shaking and her smile widening.

I stared at her cautiously. “Weasley? You alright? Weasley?”

She continued to laugh.


Still laughing.

I bet I could say anything right now and she wouldn’t even notice.

“I think my father is secretly a transvestite.” I muttered quietly, trying to gain her attention.

She continued to laugh, but I don’t think she heard me.

“I think my father is secretly a transvestite.” I said again, louder this time.

Still she didn’t hear me.


I flinched as the hall fell silent.

And then Rose snorted and was laughing again, encouraging the whole school to laugh.



“Have they stopped looking yet?” I hissed.

Rose stared at me. “Katie.” She muttered. “You’re being ridiculous.”

I shook my head. “You’re not used to this, Weasley,” I muttered. “You’re always in the limelight, but for the good reasons.”

She snorted. “Don’t be so sure.”

I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah? When was the last time you declared your Father wears drag?”

“Does he?”

“Nah. Sometimes though, he wears these really ugly pink cardigans, and I can’t help but wonder.”

Rose giggled slightly, and then stopped. She sighed, and then scanned the perimeter.

“No one’s looking, Katie. You can come out.”

I slowly pushed myself out from beneath the table, where I had vanished too ten minutes previously, amongst the hysterical laughter of nearly everybody in the school.

I looked at my plate, leaning my head forward so my hair hid my face.

I suddenly became aware of clapping. My head jolted up and I saw Scorpius Malfoy, Albus Potter and Fred Weasley grinning wildly at me.

They all smiled and then seated themselves opposite Rose and I. “Bloody. Brilliant.” Weasley said to me, giving me the thumbs up. “Hilarious. Almost wet myself—OW!”

Rose frowned at him, pulling her foot away from where it had collided with his shin. “Don’t be rude.”

Fred rolled his eyes. “It was a compliment, you crazy woman...”

Rose seemingly pretend to ignore him. Potter and Malfoys both rolled their eyes. “Don’t worry.” Potter assured me. “No one thinks the less of you.”

I risked a glance around the room. Everybody seemed to have resumed their natural eating course, save for Indiana and Sabriel, who were both miming me tripping in the Library last weekend.

I frowned and glowered in their general direction.

All of the four Gryffindors turned to see who I was looking at, and when they saw, they all rolled their eyes simultaneously.

“Don’t mind them.” Weasley assured me. “They’re cows.” He looked at Malfoy. “No offence dude, but I lead the rebellion to kill them both.”

Malfoy shrugged and, with a snort, said, “Get in line.”

Potter continued to look at me. “Seriously, though.” She assured me. “They’re just people who thrive on playing each other’s weaknesses.”

I raised and eyebrow. “Having a potential Drag queen as a father doesn’t classify as a weakness in my books.”

“Classifies as bloody fantastic.” Weasley gushed.

The Ravenclaw Quidditch team took this time to appear through the doors. Professor Wood was talking to Eric, animatedly. I couldn’t se Emily though.

Eric took one look at me, surrounded by Weasleys, Potters and Malfoys and his face fell. He frowned at me slightly, before turning his back and walking towards the Ravenclaw table.

... Sigh...

Professor Wood, However, continued his path past our table. He paused when he saw Potter and the Crew sitting here. “At the wrong table, are we boys? Rose?”

They all shook their heads. “Technically,” Rose hastened to explain. “We’re displaying a show of inter-house unity.”

Wood smirked and shook his head. “No matter. I don’t mind. I think it’s good you’re making friends outside of the family. Don’t want even more inbred children.”

He looked pointedly at Malfoy, but Malfoy didn’t defend himself like I expected.

Instead he smirked and said: “It’s better than being a weird Quidditch obsessed maniac.”

There was a beat of silence and then:

“You are a weird Quidditch obsessed maniac, Scor.” Potter corrected him.

Malfoy turned a glare at him that clearly accused him of being a traitor. “Yeah, but I have better hair.” He stuck a hand into Potter’s hair and ruffled it, before turning his smirk to Wood. “Than the both of you.”

Potter pushed his hand away. “Scorpius my dear friend, that is impossible.” Then he ran his hand through his own hair, and struck a model pose.


Wood chuckled at them. “Have a good day, boys. Rose. Rose’s friend.”

Oh my God. I’m known as Rose Weasley’s friend?

I grinned at him like a maniac.

I’m Rose Weasley’s friend!

THE Rose Weasley

He turned to continue walking, when Fred Weasley suddenly said, “Oh! And congratulations Professor.”


He smiled at Fred. “Thanks you Fred. We’re really happy and I know that she’s thrilled. But remember,” he said in a whisper. “It’s a secret.”


He smiled one more time before turning and walking away.


They all turned back to the table and I stared at them accusingly. “That is so unfair.” I whined.

Potter sighed. “Considering it was Weasleby here that spilled the beans, he can tell you.”

Fred shook his head. “And risk the wrath of Dominique Weasley? No thankyou...”

There was a momentary silence. Then...” What the Frilly Heck is going on?” I demanded angrily.

Hey— I wasn’t moody.

I was being loyal. Any juicy gossip on Professor Wood was an excellent best friend good books ticket.

They all sighed. Then Potter leaned forward. “You have to keep it quiet, alright?” I nodded in affirmation.

This gossip was definitely of the juicy variety.

“Professor Wood came to our house over the Summer, for Christmas.” –WHY!?— “He’s been dating our cousin, Dominique Weasley for yonks.”

Oh no.

“Well, finally, this Summer...”


“No...” I breathed.

It must have sounded excited because Potter nodded his head with a grin. “Yeah... He proposed.”

“So...” Emily said, seating herself in the seat next to mine. History of Magic was about to start, but Binns wasn’t here yet. “Saw you at Breakfast this morning, talking to Potter and Co.”

Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap.

“Find out any juicy gossip?”

No. Say No. Say No. Say No.

I didn’t answer her. She groaned. “Don’t leave me hanging, Katie.”

What about the Code of Women? We had a duty to our friends.

“Anything about our mutual friend Professor Wood...?”

No. Say No. Yes? No. No? Yes.

“Yo.” I cringed at my annoyingly subtle and calm answer. “I mean, Nes!”

She raised a quizzical eyebrow. “You been holding out on me, Katie?”


“Spill.” She urged. “Come on!!!”

I sighed.

Time to play it coy Katie.

“It’s not Gossip, per say.” I improvised. “Just... good news.”

Come on, Broad way actress. You can do it.

She looked interested.

It’s working.





“I...” Just found out that the love of your life is engaged to a Weasley?

“Speak, Katie.” She ordered.

“I... I’m doing a tap-dancing performance in the Entrance Hall tonight, as part of a bet.”


I used to be able to tap dance. Pretty well, in fact. I student taught it when I was seven.

Mind you, it was a muggle class and also a class for four year olds, but the basics are still the same.

So I had decided to work on a routine, that would work on not completely humiliating me.

This is also what had sent me careening into my tutoring session with Rose ten minutes late, but frantic.

“I. Need. Help.” I panted, leaning on the desk.

Rose stood instantly, looking ready to help me dislodge whatever piece of food had lodged itself in my throat causing my panting.

I brushed her away and proceeded to tell her the whole story—including the part with my best friend’s obsessive crush on her cousin’s fiancé.

Rose didn’t seem too shocked.

“Right.” She said slowly and calmly. “You have somehow, managed to shanghai yourself into Tap-Dancing in the middle of the Entrance Hall tonight. And you haven’t tap danced in years.”

I nodded. “We know this!” I said frantically. “We’re trying to figure out how to fix it!”

Rose regarded me with a look my mother usually gave me. “You have to be reasonable. Panicking will get us no where.”

My God, I would hate to be this girl’s daughter.

Off topic.

Focus Katie.

I nodded, sitting down in the seat opposite her. She was silent for an annoyingly long moment, and then:

“I know what we can do.”


“You are joking. ”

Rose Weasley has gone officially insane.

She shrugged, apologetically and shrugged. “It’ll be good. He can dance.”

I stared at my potential performance partner.

This was awkward.

This was embarrassing.

This was too frilly hecking good to be true.

Albus Potter smirked back at me. “My Mum had a themed ball a couple of years ago. It required that I learn Tap-Dancing.”

No Way.

I repeat: This was too frilly hecking good to be true.

“Don’t want to dance with me, Dalton?” Potter asked smirking.

I do want to dance with you! I do! I do!

My mind was chanting like that Peter Pan Movie.

THIS is what this guy does to me! Makes me quote BOOKS!!!— Even though technically, it’s the movie.

I sighed. “I do. It’s just...” I don’t want to fall on my ass and embarrass me infront of the guy of my dreams? “I still can’t remember how to dance.”

Rose smiled. “I can help you there.” She walked over to her back pack and pulled out another Bible sized textbook. “I brought this for your charms tutoring...” She explained, “And I was skimming through it yesterday and I saw this.”

The slammed the book down on the table of the abandoned classroom we were in, and pointed to the top left of the right page.

“Risus Memoriam?” I muttered sceptically. “Sounds dodgy.”

Potter made a tutting noise. “Never doubt Rose.” He warned me seriously. “Ever.”

I looked at Rose, alarmed for a moment, but she just smirked. “It’ll re-awaken your memories of the classes you used to take. Since I don’t have a spell specifically for tap-dancing, it’s the best you’ll get.”

I stared apprehensively at the pages. Then I swallowed. “All right.”

Maybe this would help me? I’d become a fabulous tap dancer and dance the evening away with Albus potter.

Granted, Tap-Dancing wasn’t the most sexual of dances, or the most intimate. Or even serious. Or slow.

Merlin, who am I kidding?

“You can’t breathe a word of this being a last minute thing to Em, or anyone.” I told them both sternly.

Rose Nodded.

“And I’m going to say that I bet Potter that I could tap dance better than him. That’s the bet I was talking about...”

Potter nodded, then looked like he had something to say, but I interrupted him.

“—And I also don’t have twenty galleons to spare, considering I’m broke, so you’re going to have to let me win...”

Rose nodded, but Potter looked ready to protest. Rose shot him a look and he nodded reluctantly.

“Typical.” He muttered, “I save your ass—and what a very nice ass it is—and then you take twenty galleons off me.”

In a nutshell. HE LIKES MY ASS!!

It’s a tad chauvinistic, but I’ll take it!

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Rose told him. “She can give it back to you when everyone’s not looking.”

WHAT!!! Aw... come on.

Potter smirked at me.

I pouted. Rose rolled her eyes. “While you two act like children, I’m going to go see what time it is. We need time for you to practise, even if the spell works.”


“Let’s see what you can do without the spell?” Potter suggested.

I swallowed, and stepped over to the cleared part of the Library. Step, Toe, Click, Heel. Repeat. I finished my shifty routine and Potter looked vaguely pleased.

“Not so bad, Dalton.”

He then jumped up, did a little spin in the air and landed with an intricate tapping move.

“Not so bad, yourself, Potter.” I complimented him, not sure if I was talking about his tap dancing or the way I could see his abs through his shirt.

Probably the latter.

“Albus.” He said bluntly.

I stared at him.

He was a fitty. So what if his packet of crayons lacked a couple of colours? His tree didn’t need to go to the top branches for me to be satisfied, so I played along.

“What about you?” I asked.

He chuckled. “No, you Ninnie.” He told me.

I’M the NINNIE!?

“Call me Albus. My teachers call me Potter. And Scorpius.” He chuckled, a very sexy and manly chuckle, “Neither of which you want to resemble.”

I smirked. And then Rose Weasley returned and messed up our moment.


“Whats the time?” I asked quietly.

Rose swiftly checked her wrist watch. “Five Forty-One.” She said quietly.

“Dinners at Seven...” I told myself. “Which means we have about half an hour to practise. Emily’s done a pretty good job at spreading the word already. Can you do the spell?” I turned to Rose, apprehensively.


She walked over to the book, whilst pulling her wand out of her pocket. The lifted the book in one hand and looked down at the book.

“Right...” she said slowly. “I need you to sit down, and relax, and focus on all you can remember about tap dancing.”

I sat down and tried to relax my body.


Tap dancing. Tap dancing. Tap dancing.

“Ready?” Rose asked.

Tap Dancing. Tap Dancing. Tap Dancing.

“Risus Memoriam!”


What will happen next?

Will the spell go alright?

Will Katie be alright?

Will Albus Potter fall head over heels in love with her?

Will I shut up?

WARNING: None of those questions will be answered in reviews, but if you do review, I’ll update sooner, and so, in the long shot... they kind of will be.

Save for the last one. Cus No. That’ll never happen


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