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Badgers, Blushing and Gods of Lurve by LaylaBethJagger
Chapter 4 : Otherwise Known As Oz
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 26

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Otherwise Known as Oz

I slumped into the fluffy yellow arm chair of our common room and groaned. Instantly, the other chairs in the room were occupied by Oz and Emily.

“I am going to beat the Magic out of Malfoy next time I see her!” Emily threatened, still fuming at my apparent mistreatment. “The stupid cow won’t know what hit her.”

I didn’t doubt that.

The weekend was long over, and considering that I had only visited the Hospital wing once, on a Saturday Afternoon, it was classified as one of my better days.

The seat directly beside me, which up til that point had been miraculously empty was suddenly filled. Charmaine smiled at me, resting her hand on my arm.

“I heard about Saturday,” She said apologetically, “Are you all right?”

I nodded with a shrug. “Trust me,” I told her seriously, “I have dealt with so much worse.”

She smiled at me. “I’ll bet you have.”


I sighed and let my head fall backwards. The ceiling, which was an exotic shade of black, that sparkled dark grey sparkles every now and again. It was a general habit of a majority of us Hufflepuffians to try and predict the sparkles.

Oz always gets it right, but he tells no one his secret.

“Heard you called Sabriel Malfoy as Stupid cow, though.”

Oh yes. Word had gotten around. For some reason, puking my guts up and having something to say about it now ranked me as a general Hufflepuff Hero.

Boy, do they have the wrong girl.

“Yup.” I muttered reluctantly. It’s not as though I wanted the attention of the entire house. It’s annoying and not all it’s cracked up to be. “And now I’m on Sabriel Malfoy’s Most Wanted list.”

Was it me, or did she just lean a little away from me. “She can’t do anything to you. She’ll be expelled.”

I don’t think that she understands the free pass that she has when it comes to Bullies considering her father’s head of Gryffindor, and all.

“What about Albus Potter though...?” Em said slowly, smirking at Charmaine.

Char rolled her eyes. Apparently she didn’t see the lure of Albus’s sexy face and hair. Everyone knows that the Longbottom’s have been good friends with the Potters and the Weasley’s ever since the war. Char says that Albus lost the appeal to her at the age of five when she saw him nude in the kiddie pool.

She fails to see how lucky she is—Albus Potter must have been a very sexy five-year old.

“Katie actually touched him!” Emily continued completely ecstatic by my good fortune.

Have I fully explained the perfection that is the Gryffindor Three?

It consists of the three sexiest boys in entire existence: Fred Weasley, Scorpius Malfoy and (the one, the only) Albus Potter. They are the three Poster Boys of perfection, also making themselves the most wanted bachelors in the entire school.

Emily, despite being devoted to Professor Wood, was even dazzled by the perfection of their mere smiles.

“And your hands had actually touched him. His arm was around you, holding you up!” She continued to blabber. “What was it like? Oh, my Merlin I still can’t believe you actually touched him!”

It was a good thing Eric wasn’t here— He’s not allowed in the common room, considering he’s not in Hufflepuff— but his dislike of the Weasley-Potter clan was still as distinct as ever.

And their presence at my rescue and bedside had irritated him more than impressed him.

Char stared at Emily, who had continued to gush about Potter, and then looked at me. “They’re not just pretty faces, you guys.”

I nodded, holding up my hands defensively. “I know...” I reassured her. “..Emily’s just have a fan-girl moment.”

“And they’re so hot.”


Food is good.

At the moment, I was able to actually think about some things. The day had gone relatively well actually.

I hadn’t been gruesomely murdered by Malfoy. Emily hadn’t bashed the magic out of said bully. I hadn’t embarrassed Eric any more. I hadn’t been caught doodling on my notebook in charms, and no unnamed plants had attacked me in Herbology.

I would eat dinner with a self-fulfilled feeling tonight.

Emily had gone to talk to Professor Wood about the upcoming Quidditch match and Eric was sitting next to Penny at his own house table for a change. It was just me and Oz, which meant that we were sitting in silence.

Oz is a general non-talkative person.

At this moment, he was looking at the Gryffindor table, obviously looking at one of the specific Longbottom twins. Charmaine was sitting next to Carson at the Gryffindor table, probably talking about some things in their lives.

Oz’s devoted eyes just continued to look at Charmaine.

Which is really cute. Oz is a nice kind of guy. He’s got that whole, cute nerdy style going on which girls like Charmaine like. And Charmaine is perfect for him. She’s funny, and pretty and they’re both amazingly nervous and shy.

They’re like a match made in heaven.

Time to interfere.

“Oscar Forest.” I said sternly.

His eyes flicked to me, a little lazily. “The third...” He added sleepily.

I ignored him. “Whatever. Oz. It’s time you did something about that specific Longbottom twin.”

Oz suddenly didn’t look so tired. His back straightened, his eyes widened and he looked me right in the eye. “What are you talking about...?” He demanded shakily.

I leant across the table and patted him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Oz.” I told him. “It’s obvious that you like her. It’s what we’re going to do about it that’s not so easy.”

Oz shook his head quickly. “No. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t like Charmaine.” He defended himself.

“Aha!” I shouted. Then I cringed, feeling the eyes of half of the student body on my head. I sunk into my seat slowly; until I heard the regular chit chat begin again. “I never said it was Charmaine that you liked, which proves that you like her.”

Oz opened his mouth a couple of times, obviously to protest, and then he sighed. “Yeah? So what?”

I frowned, “Don’t get your wand in a twist, Forest,” I scolded him, frowning. “I’m trying to help you.”

Oz shook his head when I got to: ‘Trying—’

“Please,” He begged me. “Katie. Leave it alone. I kind of feel like I need to do this by myself. Not with the help of you and Emily.”

I raised a sole eyebrow. “Who said anything about Emily?” I asked him frowning. “And I’m not going to say Anything to Charmaine.”

Then he raised the eyebrow.

“What?” I demanded defensively.

He continued to stare at me all accusingly like.

I frowned. “Look.” I told him. “I’m your friend Oz, I’m not about to go out and try to ruin your life. I’ll go undercover. I’ll be your secretive spy informative on all things Charmaine. How does that sound?”

His frown wavered. It seemed I was breaking down his touch wall barrier.

Make way for Super Katie!

“Come on, dude.” I persisted.

He looked torn between two thoughts now. “Emily and Eric never find out?”

I nodded. “As long as Charmaine doesn’t find out about this when you’re making with the snogging.”

Emily took this moment to sit down beside me. “Hey guys...” She cooed. “Whatcha talking about?”

“Dinner.” Oz replied instantly.

At the exact same moment I said, “Charms.”

She stared at Oz, while I tried to murder him with my eyes. Could he be any less conspicuous?

Emily brushed it off though. “Right. That’s not suspicious at all...” She said raising her eyebrows.

I shrugged, “We were talking about charms at the Dinner table.” I hastily excused us.

She shook her head. “I don’t care guys. I’m in happy land.” She said, reaching across me to grab the steak slices that were directly in front of my. I snagged a couple of pieces before she pulled it out of my grasp, poking my tongue out at her.

“What happened to make you so happy then?” Oz asked.

Conversation turning away from Plan Hook-Up-Shy-Birds. YES!!!

“You don’t tell me your news then I won’t tell you mine.”

Or not.

I opened and closed my mouth in a similar fashion to Oz, five minutes ago.

‘We were...” Oz stammered, hastily trying to explain. “Um... talking about...”

“Manicured Pink Pigs.”

Everyone looked at me. I grinned at them and took an obvious bite of my lamb. “What?”

Oz seemingly decided to ignore that. I looked at him, and he frowned. “I have more pressing issues, than... Manicured Pink Pigs.”

I stared at him. “Like what?”

He was silent for a minute. Then he looked between me and Emily and frowned. “It’s very weird and possibly scaring.”

Emily and I exchanged and glance. “Bring it on.” Em said loudly.

Oz hesitated one more second. And then:

“Lindsay had a girlfriend.”

Who: Team Dynamite: (Mrs Wood) aka Emily Cook, (Junior Jnr) aka Oscar Forest the Third and (Blushing Cabbage) aka Katie Dalton. (Emi-ahem- Mrs Wood chose the code name names.)

What: Operation: Find out who Lindsay’s crazy and Blind girlfriend is. Aka. FOWLCABGI. (We are looking for new name.)

Where: Where ever Lindsay goes once Lunch has finished

When: 1900 hours. (For those of you anti-twenty four hour people, that’s 7:00pm)

Why: This is becoming a bit self explanatory.

How: I think this “who what when where” thing is getting the tiniest bit pointless.

This is your Mission if you choose to accept it. Simultaneous nod. We do.

Lindsay excuses himself and says, “I have another prefect’s meeting,” for the third time this week.

His twerpy little Fifth year friends look annoyed. “This is the third one this week.”

He shrugs.

They let him go.


Team Dynamite stands slowly, and makes way to door. Walk out doors just in time to see Lindsay walking around the corner.

Team Dynamite follow, putting on secret identity masks whilst walking. He ducks into deserted classroom.

Door closes.

Lock clicks.


Blushing Cabbage is closest to door. Puts ear to wood, and listens. Mrs Wood starts to complain so Junior Jnr puts hand over her mouth.

Lindsay: Am I still seeing you tomorrow. Same place, same time? I haven’t seen you in ages.

Mystery Love: that’s Nonsense, silly. I saw you this morning. But yeah... here tomorrow.

Lindsay: was it really just this morning? It seems like years (Merlin, fifteen year old romance…nngh…)

Mystery Love: Lindsay. You’re such a dope (agreed)

Lindsay: I do try –

Then Blushing Cabbage stubbed toe on the wall trying to get closer to the door, and though there was a faint attempt to muffle scream, it was futile. Scream possibly woke up all the sleeping babies on this hemisphere.

Team Dynamite forced to sprint back to the Great Hall, but are stopped when Blushing Cabbage runs into Professor Creevey

“Hi Professor...” I said slowly, smiling up at him.

Professor Creevey let his eyes pass across me, Em and Oz before looking back as me. “What are you three doing?” He asked accusingly.

Oh, By Merlin, We’re done for.


Why did that sound like a question?

“I heard a shout, and I came to investigate. You three wouldn’t know what happened would you?”

Huh, you would have guessed that my big toe swelling to the size of a small nation, would have given something away. And my limp.

But he seemed unaware of these things.

“What is on your face?” He continued to quiz us.

I realised belatedly that our stealth masks were still on our faces. They weren’t much. Black felt masks that Emily had packed in her bag for reasons that I don’t even want to know.

“Erm...” I began to explain. “Magical skin refreshers?”

Creevey smirked. “Really?”

I nodded. “Oh yeah. I bought them after hearing an ad on the wireless.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Is that so? Well, why do they look like cheap imitations of muggle burglar masks?”

I was silent for a moment. “Halloween special...?”

“Well...” I moaned as I crawled through the entrance to the common room. “That was a bust.”

Oz shrugged, munching on the muffin that the House elves had given him. Having a Common room situated right beside the Kitchen did have its upsides.

Mmm. Blueberry Muffins make the pain go away.

“We know they’re meeting in the same place again tomorrow.” Em said optimistically.

I sighed. “I still can’t believe that Lindsay got a date.”

Em frowned, “I still can’t believe that you stubbed your toe, while you weren’t walking.”

I threw my muffin at her, and then dove to retrieve it before she could eat it.

The Elf Rebellion, by Katie Dalton

The Elf rebellion began in the year of 1666, when a particularly strong willed Elf purposely set fire to the Bakery in which he worked. His master, Thomas Farrinor, told the Muggle population that he awoke in the middle of the night to burning. He told the Ministry of Magic, however, that his Elf, Manny, and he had been in an argument earlier that evening and he had walked into the kitchen to see said elf fuelling an open fire in the middle of his kitchen—

“This is ridiculous.”

I looked up at Rose, with a tired expression, and when her face showed no concern, I let my head fall to the desk with a ‘Thump.’

I received several ‘Shushes” for my efforts.

Rose sighed. “You just have to apply yourself, Katie.” She told me comfortingly. “You have the capability and you know the content. You just need to work on your delivery and determination to get it done.”

“I’m determined.” I told her indignantly. “I’m plenty determined.”

“Then why are you having trouble?” Rose asked me pointedly.

I frowned, “Because History of Magic is a subject for Pansies.” She stared at me. I shrugged indifferently. “Don’t even try to deny it,” I told her sternly.

She rolled her eyes and impatiently tapped my parchment. “Keep on going.” She ordered in a stern-er voice than mine.

Stupid Weasleys.

I can only imagine what her parent’s went through. Apparently, according to James Potter III, Ron Weasley was sort of like me. You know? A Slacker.

And his aunt was like Rose Weasley. Hermione Weasley’s scary enough on the news paper, or in interviews. Imagine what she would have been like pubescent?

Her maiden name is something Muggle-ish. Like...Grant... or Griffin...

Anyway, they were best friends become Weasley saved Hermione from a troll or something in their first year— FIRST YEAR! I know! In first year I could barely lift my wand let alone defeat a mountain troll with it— and they spent the next seven years of their lives fighting.

Talk about tiring. If I’d watched a dude go through puberty everyday, I would so not end up marrying the dude—


Rose’s disapproving shout distracted me from my internal rant. I stared at her for a moment. “Yeah...?”

“You’ve been staring into space for the last three minutes. What is possibly so important that it will distract you from passing the grade?”

“You’re parent’s marriage.”

I didn’t say that out loud.

Instead I said:


Rose was about to yell at me, but then she actually registered my answer. “Oh. Well, I suppose it is time we moved on. You can finish the Essay later, correct?”

I wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that. Corrective?

I settled for a nod, which she seemed to be satisfied with too.

But miraculously, before I was forced to pull out my charms textbook (I swear to God it’s possessed), Albus Potter and Fred Weasley seated themselves next to Rose.

“Aloha Rosie.” Fred acknowledged her presence. “Sup?”

I painfully refrained from snorting. People who laughed at Fred Weasley generally tended to wake up with purple skin. I could not however, stop my face from twisting unflatteringly into a nasty sort of amused shape. Weasley noticed.

Good Merlin—I’m dead.

“Something funny?” He asked me with a smirk.

I shook my head. “Nope...” I said hurriedly, “Purples not my colour.”

The three seventh years must have momentarily wondered where my brain had escaped to.

It struck me as interesting as well.

Rose rolled her eyes. “You don’t make sense at all sometimes...” She told me seriously.

I frowned. “Weasl—Rose.” I corrected myself. “I am trusting your capable hands with my delicate brain. Please don’t insult me when you’re bestowed with such trust.”

I heard a snort from across the library. I head shot up to meet the gaze of Indiana Stephens. (For those of you who have forgotten, that’s the She-Malfoy’s best friend.) “What brain?” I heard her mutter.

“My brain...” I said slowly and loud enough for her to hear, seething through my teeth, “It existent, large and functional, I’ll have you know.”

She snorted again. “Could have fooled me.”


She didn’t stop there.

“Why else would you need tutoring if you’re not an idiot?”

I looked right back at her. Then I sighed, and snapped my own book close. I looked at Rose, trying to stop the tears from forming. “We’ll have to pick it up later.” I told her hastily, pushing myself to my feet and stalking away.

I spoiled my exit by tripping over the chair leg of the nearest table.

Indiana burst out into calls of derisive laughter and the tears in my eyes that had been threatening to form suddenly spilt in large buckets.

“She’s such a stupid clumsy cow. No wonder she can’t walk around straight. Her body weight takes up the entire isle.”

I hastily scrambled to gather my books again before pushing myself to my feet and walking away. I didn’t need to look back to know that Weasley and Potter where both laughing, and Rose was smirking one of her secretive smiles.

Hufflepuff klutz falls again.

“Katie.” I heard Emily’s persistent voice at the bathroom door. “You have to come out some time.”

“No I don’t.” I called back out to her. “I’m never coming out of this bathroom again.”

I heard Emily sigh. I heard the two other girls who occupy our dorm, Shirley Turner and Lauren Mercer, ask her what was wrong, and Emily briefly explained.

Tell the whole world why don’t you?

“What will you do for water?” Lauren asked through the door.

I thought about this for a moment, looking around the well equipped bathroom Hogwarts had provided for me. “I’ll drink from the tap, and then the shower. And if things get really desperate—”

“Don’t even think about finishing that sentence, Dalton.” Emily warned me stonily.

I frowned, patting the toilet on the lid. “I understand you.” I told the motionless marble.

“Does she mean you or the toilet?” I heard Shirley ask Em.

“Don’t ask...” I heard Em reply darkly.

“What will you do for Food?” Lauren asked this time.

“I’ll survive on toothpaste.” I told them stubbornly.

“Oh.” Shirley said quietly. “Well, at least her teeth will be clean?”

I heard the distinct sound of Emily hitting Shirley across the head.

“Hey guys, what’s going on?” Charmaine sounded interested as she too joined the party. This meant that Natalie (the final member of our dorm) must have arrived, and brought Char with her. Char was actually in the year below us.

“Katie’s threatening to stay in the Bathroom permanently.” Em explained.

“And live on toothpaste.” Shirley added helpfully.

I heard the intake of breath from both Char and Natalie. “Because of what happened in the library today?” Natalie said nervously. Then she sighed. “I was there. Stephens was a right cow.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Em said, “She hasn’t told me anything, save for, ‘I’m never coming out again.’”

“Let me talk to her.” Natalie said quietly. And then there was a creak n the door from the pressure.

“Katie?” Her voice called out.

“What?” I demanded, a bit more harshly than I had meant to.

“I know that it must have been horrible, but you’ve do have to come out. I was sitting near the Transfiguration section, and after you walked out you should have seen the way Potter and the Weasley’s stood up for you.”


“What?” I croaked, quieter now.

“Yeah...” She continued, hearing my question. “They told Stephens she was a right minger, and a real cow for being so mean. And then Potter said that if she ever said anything like that ever again to you that he’d make sure points were taken from Slytherin, because he knows the Head Girl.”

The Head Girl?


“And then Rose stood up and said that Slytherin had lost fifty points from their house for intentionally hurting another student. And then Fred Weasley said, ‘I think you should leave now,’ and she did. And she was fuming the whole way out.”

There was momentary silence.

Albus Potter defended me.

To the sexiest girl alive? Indiana Stephens?

Albus Potter.



“Really?” I asked my voice breaking.

“Yeah.” Natalie told me in that fabulously reassuring voice.

“Can we come in now?”

I pushed myself to my feet and slowly opened the door.

Then I was bowled over by five sixteen year olds who had been set on making me feel better.

Hey. Sorry for that depressing bit at the end, but I wanted you guys to get a feel of the bad side of being quirky and clumsy.

Plus I felt the need to have a heroic Albus Potter in there somewhere.

Please Review. Makes my day.

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