I stood their rooted to the spot reading those words over and over again.
Who was it from?
What did they want?
Why now?
Why did it sound urgent?
What was I supposed to do?
I continued to stand there, staring into space not seeing anything just those words. Until Ivy came and ripped the letter out of my hands, curiosity taking over.
She became like a statue like me, we both stared blankly at each other, not seeing anything but those words and each other’s shocked faces.
She was the first person to snap out of it.
“What are we going to do?” she whispered dumbstruck.
“I don’t know. I can’t even be sure of whom it’s from” I whispered. I had the overwhelming urge to cry.
What if it was him?
What if he needs my help?
What if he misses me?
No!
I mentally slap myself. No. it is not from him he hates me. He has his own life now, he would not waste his time on me.
Maybe just maybe there is hope for us... I can’t go there not again. You’ve moved on and he’s out of your life and never coming back...
I know that...
I left...
They hurt me. So did he.
I won’t go there again.
I started shaking, I didn’t realise that it was the tears, running down my face... The angry sobs that threaten the solid foundations that I have built myself on these past three years-shaking it, distressing it.
I sank to the floor. I could feel more pain now then I had felt since my parents died.
What was happening?
Why now?
What does that person want with me?
Ivy was my rock she rocked me trying to quieten me like she had three years ago...
3 years ago-
I sat on the cold stone steps of my house rocking back and forth. Ivy was there sheltering me in her comfort.
“What am I going to do?” I choked out turning to face her for what felt like the first time in hours.
“I don’t know. You should do what Dumbledore wants you to do. He knows you; he knows what Voldemort is thinking and how to destroy him.” She replied attempting to placate me.
“But they will hate me.” I whimpered.
“You know you don’t have to do this Evie...” she said reassuringly.” But this is for their own good.”
“But-.”
“You’re their only hope! Even if they don’t believe it.
“Do you-do you think I should go back there?”
“No Evie, they’ll hurt you more... but you need to do what Dumbledore told you to do”
The memory flashed before my eyes. It would not go away.
The thing which shocked me most about this memory thought was that, I never listened to Ivy even thought my head should’ve, but my heart just wouldn’t, my heart was foolish enough to think that everything would just fix itself. I was foolish, there is no such thing as remorse in my world. There never has been and never will be, nor is there such thing as forgiveness.
Later I had gotten into my bedroom and shut the door, cutting myself of from my sisters. Ivy understood. I sank down on my bed, covering my head with my pillow, thinking about what it could’ve been. I cried for months about them, that part of my life, not wanting to believe what they had said. I was foolish. I had disappointed myself without realising it. I kept thinking about them, what they did what they hadn’t done...
They hurt me,
They killed my soul,
My light,
My fire,
My love,
Everything that made me, me...
Edited 21/01/13
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