Chapter 2 - Hermione's Anguish
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"Somebody to Love", written by the wonderful Queen!
All was quiet one night in a quaint Muggle village. The wind blew through the trees with a peaceful sigh and the only light that shone was the moon.
Hermione Granger was locked up in a beautiful, little house there. She hadn't been to work in a couple of days, feeling too sick to even move from her bed.
The only thing she had done with herself was think about her life. What it meant to her, what it was worth. The way she had been treated by Ron had seriously made her consider whether life was just going to run like that. Whether life would forever be disappointing and cold.
To be honest, she didn't feel like living at all. That was why she hadn't been to the Ministry. Harry would be there, and he would surely interrogate her over her and Ron's break up, resulting , she knew, with a screaming match with the latter.
Ginny would be there as well, working for the Prophet, but she was always fussing, just like her mother. And Hermione didn't know whether that was worse or not.
But most of all, Ron and Malfoy would be there. The two people she disliked the most at this moment in time. She couldn't deal with facing them, only to be ignored or ridiculed.
Hermione rose from her covers and walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.
She faced the mirror that was stuck above the sink and saw that she looked a mess. She hadn't washed her hair, she hadn't cleaned her teeth, she hadn't showered. She hadn't even bothered to change into pyjamas.
Suddenly, she felt the unwelcome tears sting her face once more. Why she did it, she didn't know. Perhaps it was because no one understood what she was going through. Harry and Ginny had never been cheated on, they had only ever been with each other. She had no one else to confide in.
She needed company. No matter how much she tried to deny it, she did. But she didn't want the company of fiery friends who would want to know the particulars and then go off in a rage. No, she wanted the opposite.
She wanted someone who would understand how she felt. Someone who had been through the same. Someone who would comfort her and tell her that everything would be alright again.
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
She needed someone who would love her more than anything else in the whole world. But no matter how she tried, Hermione just couldn't picture it.
Seriously, it just felt like a dream to her. Her life felt like a dream. Living in the past, worrying about the future, when all she wanted to do was to enjoy the present.
Each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
Hermione's knees felt weak and useless beneath her. Since she had been lying in her bed for so long, they seemed to have seized up and forgotten how to move properly.
She was going nowhere. She felt like she was just drifting, with no purpose and nothing to hold on to. How she hated her horrible life.
Take a look in the mirror and cry
Lord what you're doing to me
She looked at her mirror image again, horrified at the state in which being bedridden had left her. She didn't even look like herself anymore.
Hermione thought back to every moment she had shared alone with Ron, going through every single, tiny detail, just hoping she could find something that she had done wrong. Maybe then she would learn from the mistake ... but the problem was that she hadn't made any. Ron had done this from his own free will, without any help from her.
Tears fell once more and her handsgripped the sides of the sink. What had she ever done to deserve this?
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody, somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Hermione had never believed in fate or luck (apart from the liquid sort, of course). They were useless in terms of real life, because you never knew when they were going to hit you. But she had always had faith. She had no proof that there was a God, but she'd liked to think that there was one.
And she had never questioned her faith until today, when everything seemed to be going wrong for her. She didn't see why she had to question it, but when she felt as alone as this, it made her wonder if there even was a God. He was supposed to be the meaning of benevolence, wasn't He?
She needed someone. Anyone. Someone who wasn't like her family. She wanted a best friend, someone whom she could rely on and love.
But who was there to choose from?
I work hard every day of my life
I work till I ache my bones
At the end I take home my hard earned pay all on my own
Hermione shocked even herself when she had decided to skip work two days ago. She had even faked her own sickness when calling in. The old Hermione would never have done that, but it was the only way she could get out of seeing everyone. It was something that would have to wait, until she sorted herself out first.
Apart from this day, she had always thought that work was her first priority. She had made more money in one month than some people did in an entire year, and she fully intended to ensure that she had worked for it.
Sometimes she never slept because she had so much papers to file through and forms to sign. But in the end, she told herself it was all worth it.
Until today. Was working yourself so hard good for you? Or was it just another way of shutting people out? Alienating friends and then blaming it all on your workload. Sometimes she thought that that was indeed the case.
Perhaps that's what Ron was feeling about their relationship. It was all about work, work and more work. Maybe that was why he had left her for Lavender. It seemed to make sense now, anyway.
I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Hermione's knees buckled beneath her. She crashed to the floor with her hands over her face, sobbing into them.
That was why, she knew it. She was too uptight with him, never had any fun. Well, she had to make sure it would never happen again.
She prayed with all her might while sitting there. Faith was the only thing she had left now and she couldn't let it go, no matter what. It was the one tiny shred of light that she had.
Lord - somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me - somebody to love?
"Please, God," she thought, her hands clenched together, "Please help me to find the one who understands me. Please let there be someone, anyone, who knows what it's like. I don't care who they are. I need them, wherever they may be."
(She works hard)
Everyday - I try and I try and I try -
"I've paid my dues. I've been so close to death I could almost feel it. I've worked my whole life, trying to make the world a better place to live in for me and all else who live in it. The least I deserve is a person to take some of the pressure away.
"I know I've made mistakes, but who hasn't? If you learn from them and realise what you have done, that should be good enough for anyone."
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm goin' crazy
No one took her seriously any more. No one had ever really taken her seriously, except perhaps Harry (who, most of the time, ignored her correct judgement unti it was staring him in the face) and also the Weasley's, minus Ron. He had never taken her seriously.
She'd hate to think what the papers would write on this. If people found out, she would never be left in peace. They were both as famous as each other and were "supposed" to be together. She pictured the headline - "WAR HEROES SPLIT LEADS TO THE DOWNFALL OF GRANGER".
Ginny already thought she was mental for never leaving the house, which was bad enough in itself.
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe Who would believe her? Everyone in the Wizarding World thought that the sun shone out of Ron's arse, just because he was Harry Potter's best friend. She knew better and she had the feeling that his family did too sometimes, but this type of situation could get out of hand, when not handled with care. And she had a slight irritating inkling that it may do so.
Jesus, maybe she was losing her mind, after all.
Oh Lord
Somebody - somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
"God, help me to get through this. All I require is the strength to carry on, to move on without Ron. I need to get through this, otherwise he will win. And that can't happen, not again. Please help me to find someone."
She still kneeled on the floor, the cold, hard tiles leaving imprints on her legs. But she didn't care right now. It wouldn't hurt her, not as much as he had.
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat
I'm ok, I'm alright
Ain't gonna face no defeat
She was losing it. One minute she wanted to kill Ron, the next she wanted to forget him forever. One minute she wanted to curl up and die, the next she wanted to stand up and fight. What was she doing?
She had to make her mind up fast. If she left this horrible world for good, perhaps she would find someone that made her happy. It wasn't set in stone, but it was a possibility. But on the down side, she would lose her friends and her memories if she did that.
No, the only option was to fight back. She had to show the world that she wasn't just a plain, idiotic girl who was an easy target for sleazy boyfriends. She had backbone, she knew she did, all that she needed now was to show it.
Then perhaps, things would change. People would begin to take her seriously and not rely on the fact that she was smart.
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
Someday I'm gonna be free, Lord!
She had to break free from this life that she was living. It was too painful to bear at times, so if she made a new start on it, maybe she would save herself from an eternity of despair.
But first she had to get out of this damn house. The more she contemplated getting back on her feet, the more she felt claustrophobic and trapped inside the place.
Find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Hermione desperately needed help. From someone who she knew, but not that well enough that they would know everything about her.
Things needed to change now. She would not stand by and watch someone else try to ruin her life. She had blamed this all on herself before but
certain people should know by now the price that comes with having her as a girlfriend.
It wasn't her fault. And with that realisation, she felt like she was given a second chance, a second chance to make her world better.
Maybe she should start giving second chances? Then, she could be one step closer to finding that blissful haven of love.
Hello! Hope you enjoyed this chapter (though I doubt it! It was rather boring!) But, fortunately, Draco is coming into this next. YAY! Please read and review!
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