Chapter Thirteen- It All Started with a Kiss
“Holy cheese and crackers!” Sirius exclaimed, “You kissed Lily Evans!”
“Shh…” James hushed loudly; they were sitting in a corner table in the Gryffindor common room. James had just finished a rather short explanation of what had happened this morning in the Hospital Wing. Sirius seemed rather excited, but James on the other hand, felt like he was back to square one with no hope of getting out.
“Why’d she run away?” Peter asked.
“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Remus said, “Obviously she’s with Gregory and she, technically, just cheated on him with James- Haha, that’s the last thing I ever thought I’d say-”Remus chuckled, James glared at him and Remus looked down and cleared his throat, “Erm- but anyway, she probably feels really guilty.” James groaned and banged his head on the table (causing a group of first years onlookers to look at the marauders strangely) why did this have to happen to him?
“Holy Cheese and Crackers!” Amber gasped, “You kissed James Potter!” I had just finished telling Amber and Sarah what happened this morning in the Hospital Wing. We were sipping hot chocolate in the Head’s Dormitory.
“But why did you run away?” Sarah asked, “You obviously wanted to do it.”
“
Because- I’m dating Gregory and…we’re good for each other and he’s nice and sweet- and I’m dating him and cheated on him. And worst of all I’m comparing Gregory with James.” I groaned, “I mean it’s like Gregory doesn’t even want to be around me, I mean- we’re supposed to want to be together- all the time, but…I just want to be with James…all the time.”
“You are finally realizing you’d rather have James than anyone, aren’t you?” Amber asked quietly, “About time.” I swallowed and nodded. I didn’t want to risk what I had with Gregory for going out with James. How long would it last if we did date? Would what I had always thought true- that he only wanted me because he couldn’t- would he not care after he had me? Would I ever forgive myself if I didn’t at least try?
“You need to talk to her.” Remus said, “You need to tell her, point blank, how you feel. You need to put it all on the table…
today.” James sighed; it was harder now than ever before. It’s easy to be rejected when all you have is a schoolboy crush. But that wasn’t the case since last year, when Lily told him that she wanted nothing to do with him. That was the moment he realized he was in love Lily Evans. The moment she told him she hated him was the moment he realized that the only feeling he could possibly feel for her was love, or her words wouldn’t have hurt as if being stabbed in the heart.
That’s when he realized that she was too good for him. She deserved better- she deserved Smith. Then this year, he never expected in a million years that Lily would be nice to him and to take a step beyond that, that they would ever become friends, or that she would ever hug him or comfort him or he would be able to hold her while they slept. Never in a million years did he ever expect Lily to kiss him.
And at this moment, as James sat with Remus, Sirius, and Peter, did James realize he would not go back to being just her friend. He knew she liked him in that way- at least enough to forget Smith for one moment and kiss him. He couldn’t let her slip through his fingers- he wouldn’t-not now-not ever.
I had to do it. I wandered around the castle looking for him, but I could not find him. I needed to tell him everything or I couldn’t live with myself. He deserved to know the truth; after all we had been through. I had to do it, no matter how nervous I was about what he might say.
James walked from the common room, looking around. He had to find Lily and tell her everything and if he did- he hoped- it would end up the way he wanted- Lily loving him back.
I saw him. He looked at me, smiling nervously and I walked up to him. He pulled me into a hug and kissed me on the cheek.
James saw her standing in the Entrance Hall from the top of the staircase. He was going to do it. James was going to tell her that- wait. James watched Lily walk up to Smith, who was walking up from the dungeons. Lily hugged him- she couldn’t have felt a no way near how he felt about the kiss. She was going to be with Smith. Anger and pain of the heart mixed throughout his body, covering and eliminating the confidence he had a moment ago. What was he thinking? Lily didn’t want him, why would she? She had Smith.
I pulled away from Gregory. I needed to tell him how I felt. If I didn’t tell Gregory what had happened between James and I, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. So, I pulled away from him and faced him determined.
“Gregory, I need to tell you something.” I told him, “It’s about what happened this morning in the Hospital Wing when I went to visit James after the accident.”
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.” Gregory interrupted, “I think Potter tried to push me off his broom, it was dark.” I could tell, somehow, that he was lying.
“Gregory, I’m trying to tell you something.” I said urgently, “I care about you; I really do….but….” I was about to tell him everything about me and James. How I had kissed him in the Hospital Wing and maybe, even how I liked it. Perhaps he would understand. We were good for each other, that is why I was somewhat confused when I said, “I don’t want to date you anymore.” The look on Gregory’s face changed so quickly, it was slightly hard to figure out how he was taking it. It changed from happy to sadness then to anger- and rested on that emotion.
“
You’re breaking up with
me.” He asked the look of complete shock on his face.
“Yes.” I said quietly.
“For whom?” he demanded.
“Who said I was leaving you for any-”
“Oh, don’t lie to me.” He interrupted, rolling his eyes, a look of disgust on his face. “You wouldn’t leave
me unless you were going to someone else…or were just dim-witted.” I looked at him, shocked and suddenly angry.
“You arrogant-”
“Just tell me it isn’t Potter.” He spat his name. I crossed my arms, irritated by how he was acting.
“I can’t.” I told him. He rolled his eyes and looked at me, annoyed.
“You’re going to leave
me for Potter?” he said, full of disgust, “Potter? Are you flipping kidding me? A year ago you hated the bloke and now all of a sudden you like him? You know you’re falling right into his little trap, right? Rachel’s an example of that. She was so torn up when Potter and she broke up. I wouldn’t be the gentleman I am if I didn’t comfort her. Truth is- we snogged…amongst other things.” I looked at him sickened and began walking away. But he continued to call after me, “Potter’s getting my sloppy seconds once again, I hope you tell him that!” I walked up the staircase, angry and perhaps a bit hurt.
It can make breaking up with a guy a lot easier when he acts like a jerk when you do it. However, it makes you see a side of him you probably never wanted to see.
I walked up the staircase and saw Clara Verdingham, she was looking as it Christmas had come early.
“Did you and Gregory Smith just break up?” she asked, I saw her hand whip into her bag and pull out a quill and paper lightning fast.
“Yes.” I told her angrily, not caring at the moment that in an hour the whole school would know. I headed up to the common room. Now that that was over I needed to talk to James. But what if Gregory was right? What if I was falling into his trap? Would I risk heartbreak for the implausible fact that James Potter could actually love me? After a whole year of denial, it finally hit me that I would risk anything at all, embarrassment and heartbreak, if it meant being with James.
James wandered the hall trying to figure out how he felt: angry or heartbroken? A mixture of the both filled him up and he didn’t know how to deal with what he was feeling. He noticed he had wandered right to the Gargoyles hiding Dumbledore’s office.
“Licorice Wands!” he told them angrily. This was all Dumbledore’s fault! He had made him Head Boy! He had made him endure yet another year of Lily Evan’s teasing, having him closer than ever to her. He ran up the Spiral Staircase and banged on the door.
“Come in, Mr. Potter.” He heard Dumbledore call kindly. Angrier than ever James bashed into the room to see Dumbledore sitting, hands crossed, at his large desk.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” Dumbledore said calmly.
“I’m done!” James shouted, “I resign!” Dumbledore closed his eyes for a moment, and then continued to look at James, “I can’t take being around her any longer- I want to leave!”
“I assume you are talking of Ms. Evans.” Dumbledore said.
“Of course I’m talking about Lily!” James shouted, “Has it not been more than obvious that I’m in love with her? And you make me Head Boy!” Dumbledore frowned slightly.
“Mr. Potter, please-”
“My Parents are dead!” James continued, tears falling from his eyes, “There gone, I have no parents! And the only girl I love doesn’t want me!”
“James…please.” Dumbledore said pointing to the chair in front of his desk, “Please…sit.”
James took a deep breath then sat down. After a few minutes of silence James began feeling ashamed of himself. He had yelled at the Headmaster. His Head Boy badge would certainly be taken away.
“Headmaster…I apologize- I had no right.” James began, “I don’t know what came over me.” Dumbledore waved it off.
“It is perfectly alright, m’boy.” Dumbledore said, “You have endured a great loss recently and the anger is normal, but it is- perhaps- directed at the wrong people.” He waved his wand and a piece of parchment appeared in his hand, he handed it to James
The Order of the Phoenix
A secret organization of selected few created by Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin-first class, to oppose Lord Voldemort and his Death Eaters. Created in 1970. Now looking for new Members.
James looked up at Dumbledore. Was he asking him to join? But before he would speak Dumbledore spoke.
“I would ask that you show that to no one, however, it would not matter the least bit, only you will be able to see its text, however the word
secret should tell you enough.” Dumbledore said, patting James on the hand. “Now…You asked why I chose you as Head Boy. I run it by all the Professors at Hogwarts to ask their opinions on the students I picked. Lillian Evans was my top choice from the beginning- good marks- top student- excellent prefect. Plus after the Dementors were sent loose in Hogsmead last year and Ms. Evans protected Emily Sims and Gregory Smith before herself- it made her ideal for the position-a true Gryffindor she is.
However, you, James Potter, have never been a prefect and you have always had a certain disregard for the school rules. Let’s just say the other Professors were quite worried about my sanity when I decided to pick you. However, I see many things many of the Professors might not care to notice. For one you are incredibly brave, you put your friends before yourself, and you have a heart full of love. It doesn’t take a genius to know how much you care for Ms. Evans. So, I decided to make you Head Boy, despite you’re troublesome past, and the job you have done this year has shown me that I have picked right. Your parents would be proud.” James felt tears weld up in his eyes again- he did not want to cry in front of Dumbledore again- it made him feel weak. “Plus.” Dumbledore continued, “I thought sticking the two of you in the same Dormitory would heighten the chances of the two of you getting along. And as I am told from Madame Pomfrey- I was right again.”
*****
James left Professor Dumbledore’s office and walked back to the Head’s Dormitory. Despite what Dumbledore had said, he still felt angry at Lily. But it wasn’t her fault that she didn’t love him. It was his fault. He had messed up his chances long before he was in love with Lily, by his pointless bullying of students and messing with Snivelus. He had lost before he even got into the game.
“Doughnuts.” I told Elliot and Patch, they let me enter and I nearly ran into the common room, just to find it empty. I looked out the window, it was quite dark- nearly curfew. Where was he? I walked over to the door that had ‘Head Boy’ imprinted on it. James snored loudly as I entered his room. His books were spread out across his bed, some on the floor. I watched him for a moment- peaceful and asleep. Then I slowly eased out of the room and back into the common room.
I guess we’d talk tomorrow, hopefully before the Quidditch rematch.
James opened his eyes and sat up in his bed, groaning quietly. Yes, he had pretended to be asleep, but he couldn’t talk to her after what he had seen. After all they had been through, she still cared less about him than some guy she met last year.
I woke up early- how odd. I sat up and stretched my arms, yawning loudly. Olly hooted loudly in greeting from her cage, and then flew out the window. I got dressed and went out of my room, just as I saw James darting out of the portrait door. That was weird- he usually waited for me, did he not hear me open my door, and he was usually good at hearing stuff. I guess that kiss made us pretty awkward between each other. I didn’t like that. I wanted things between us to be good. I had kissed him so suddenly I didn’t even have time to think. Did I regret it? No, of course not. But the thing is, did he regret it? How did he feel about it? Why did he have to leave so quickly and give me no time to talk to him about this?
I walked out of the common room and headed downstairs to breakfast. Amber was feeding Sirius eggs from her fork, while Sarah’s head laid on Remus’ shoulder. Remus looked paler than usual and very sick like, perhaps it had something to do with the full moon .
I sat down next to Peter, who looked uncomfortable and sad.
“Hey Pete.” I greeted, “Hey you guys.” I waved at the two couples. They greeted me and I let them continue to do their cutesy couple stuff.
“Have you seen James?” I asked Peter, he shook his head and looked around the Great Hall. I looked at the Ravenclaw table and saw Rachel and Gregory sitting together.
“I gotta go now, babe.” Sirius said to Amber, “I gotta get ready for the match.” Amber nodded and gave him a quick kiss on the lips.
“Good luck.” Amber said, Sirius smiled and kissed her again, “Don’t get hit by any bludgers.” Sirius kissed her again.
“Okay.” He said finally, after about two whole minutes of snogging. “I really should go.”
“I’ll walk you.” Amber said quickly and stood up and the two of them walked out of the Great Hall without a word to the rest of us.
I was already missing not having a boyfriend. I didn’t miss Gregory, just a guy holding me and kissing me and all those things boyfriends should do.
After awhile people began leaving the Great Hall, laughing and talking excitedly about the first Quidditch rematch.
“We’d better get going if we don’t want to stand the whole time.” Remus said and the four of us stood up. We joined the bustle of students leaving the Great Hall to go to the Quidditch Pitch. Amber came running towards us, zipping up her Gryffindor Jacket that Sarah had made us all years ago.
“Oh no, I forgot my jacket.” I told Amber and Sarah, “I’m going to run up and get it, I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, we’ll save you a seat.” Sarah said as I ran the opposite way towards to Grand Staircase. I jogged all the way to the portrait of Elliot and Patch, who were arguing over some nonsense topic and let me in without the password- I really should inform Dumbledore about this.
I ran into my room and opened my trunk, throwing things around until I found my jacket. I slipped it on and carelessly put all my stuff back in my truck and left my bedroom. Just as I walked out the door, I saw, across the common room, James leave his bedroom. He was in his red and gold Quidditch uniform and carried his polished broomstick over his shoulder.
“James.” I said, feeling as if I hadn’t seen him in forever. But James darted towards the portrait door suddenly. I ran after him, getting to him before he could open the door. I stretched out my arm and closed the door, rounding at James.
“What’s your problem?” I asked, not knowing whether to be angry or hurt. Why was he ignoring and avoiding me?
“Nothing, Evans, but if you don’t mind- I have a game to play.” He reached out to open the door, but I blocked it with my body.
“Oh, so it’s
Evans now?” I settled on anger. What was his problem? Was he mad that I had ran away after we kissed?
“Yeah, it is.” He said, his voice rising in frustration.
“And may I ask why?” I said, equally frustrated.
“As if you don’t know.” He said reaching for the door again, I pressed myself to it. He wasn’t leaving until we talked.
“I
don’t know, or I wouldn’t be asking, would I?” I replied.
“Evans, get out of my way.” He said, his voice hard.
The hurt came back in. He moved me out of the way and returned to opening the heavy portrait door. I grabbed his arm and turned him around to face me again.
“James, what’s wrong? I didn’t do anything?” James grunted slightly and snatched his arm away. Why was he acting like this? “You have no right to treat me this way- I thought we were friends!” I shouted, he dropped his broom and rounded at me. Surprised, I backed into the couch, him charging at me, I had never seem him look so angry.
“
I have no right? What a loud of waffle!” he shouted, irritated, “Damnit Lily, you’re such a-a-a tease!” I gasped and he ran his hand through his hair in frustration. “You think we’re friends! We’re not friend! You don’t kiss your friends!”
“I-I…”
“See- you have nothing to say, because you know it is true! You make me believe that you actually…care about me or something. But all you’ve been doing this year is playing with my feelings! I love you Lily! Don’t you get it? But it doesn’t matter, does it? Do you get joy out of my heartache, Lily? Do you enjoy me willing to risk my life for you- to keep you safe! Do you laugh with Smith afterwards, when I tell you things I’ve never told anyone?” James took a deep breath and swallowed, “Lily- I’ve wished, time and time again, that I didn’t have to love you. It hurts too much to love you. But even though you infuriate me beyond anything- I can’t stop loving you. But it will never matter to you that I love you more than anything or anyone.”
“James…” I said quietly.
“I try and try to get over you.” He said, more to himself now, “I want to get over you, but it’s hopeless, there’s no use…” he groaned and turned away from me, “You’re the only person I want to be with, and I can’t stand by and watch you be with someone else. I want you to be happy, Lily, but I want you to be happy with me. I can make you happy.” He turned around to me, his eyes pleading. “I would try harder than ever to make you happy and love me back. I know you’ve hated me in the past and I know all the stuff I did to you was wrong, and I apologize- I’d take it all back if I could, If it would even make a difference.” He stopped talking and I just stared at him. He swallowed and took a deep breath, not looking at me until I finally spoke.
“You really think I don’t love you?” I asked quietly, tears welling up in my eyes, “I wouldn’t have dumped Gregory if I didn’t think I loved you- if I didn’t
know I love you. I love you James Potter! So get
that through your thick skull!” I rushed over to him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him full on the mouth. James stumbled backwards in surprise and kissed me back, wrapping his arms around my waist and picking me up and spinning me around enthusiastically.
When we finally parted, James continued to hold me.
“Lily…” he said, smiling his crooked smile and cupping my cheek in his hand, he looked close to tears.
“We should go down to the game.” I told him, probably smiling goofily.
“I don’t want to.” He said, kissing me again. We parted once one and I hugged him.
“Can I ask you a favor?” I asked.
“Anything.” He said.
“Go flatten Ravenclaw for me.” I said looking up at him. He looked down at me and smiled, kissing me once quickly.
“Gladly.”
Final Score of Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw Rematch of ‘77
Gryffindor: 550
Ravenclaw: 120
A/N: The Epilogue will be up soon, thank you for reading my story. This is the final chapter, the epilogue is very short and not very important, but if you want to read it you can. Please Review. Pardon for any grammar/spelling mistakes. This story is dedicated to everyone who read this story all the way through, and the fantastic artists at the-dark-arts who have been making my beautiful chapter images and story banner, also to all the people out there who have ever felt the heartache of unrequited love. Love You All. 
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