Chapter 11 : The one with the apology
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The lights in the room that I wake up in are dim, for which I'm very grateful. My eyes hurt even though I have opened them a mere fraction to peer around. My mouth is dry and when I try to speak my throat croaks. I guess the croaks are loud enough as two seconds later a medi-witch comes bustling in.
"Oh…Miss Corisi, you're awake?"
You don't say.
"How great." She says in a cheery voice. It hurts my head to listen to her.
"Now don't you worry about a thing. We've been looking after you for a while now."
My eyes widen. How long was a while?
"Oh no…don't worry. You've only been unconscious for 5 hours."
She puts a potion to my lips and I sip it. My head clears immediately and the feeling comes back in my hands and feet.
"You had us all scared for a second there, but your friends kept telling us how strong you were. I have to say that I didn't believe them at first but it seems you've proved me wrong."
"How long before I can leave?" I ask her. She looks a little hurt at my question but hides it.
"Bored of the place already? I'm afraid your going to be stuck here a while. A few days at least."
I push the covers off me and she moves forward.
"It's best if you just lie still. You've been to hell and back tonight."
I ignore her and force myself to sit up. I notice that I'm wearing a white hospital gown.
"I want to leave."
"Oh now…you've been through a big shock."
"No…I would like my discharge papers and if it's possible and pen and a blank sheet of paper."
She looks at me determinedly ready to fight me into staying.
"Look…I'm very thankful for your help but I don't belong here. I'm a muggle and you can't force me to stay here. If you would be as kind as to bring me what I asked for otherwise I'll just leave without signing anything."
I look at her and she looks at me. I can see her resolve falling. She hurries out of the room and is back in 30 seconds. I sign the discharge papers without reading them and she hurries out again.
I take the pen and paper, unsure about what to write or who to write it too. I eventually settle on one letter to Dumbledore.
Dear Professor Dumbledore
I'm sure that your worried about me but please believe me when I say that I'm fine. I'm not sure about what to write so I'll keep it short, I'm sure you have better things to do with your time than to read my letters. I know you're probably wondering about why I turned up today. To be honest I'm not sure myself but what I do know is that you've always been here for me when I needed someone. This was my way of repaying the favour. What I said the last time I was here still stands. I don't belong in this world and it doesn't matter how hard I try I never will. This is the reason why I'm not here anymore. This is the first time in a long time where I can forget about my past and start afresh. I know you will want to thank me and I accept your gratitude. I will never forget my time in the magical world. It's unfortunate that I'm writing this, but it's like you once told me. Everyone has a place in the world and I found mine. It's with Belle and Marie and making sure that I can give them the life they deserve. I'm not sure how many times we've said goodbye over the last few weeks but this time it's for real. Please give me a chance to have a life without being haunted by the past……… I will never forget you and all you have done for me.
Forever and always
Your loving student
I re-read what I've written before folding it in half. I write Dumbledore's name on the front before getting out of bed and placing it on my pillow. I take one last look at his name before leaving the hospital and apparating home.
It's quiet and I can't hear anything, although the kitchen light is on. I make my way there silently. Belle is sitting there at the table. Her legs are bent towards her body and tears fall silently from her eyes. A glass of hot chocolate stands untouched in front of her and there's another mug opposite her on the other side of the table.
"That better be for me." I say.
She jumps up in surprise and her head whips around to face me. Her eyes widen in surprise before she let's out a cry and runs to me. I let out a small gasp as she lunges at me and she immediately draws back.
"I'm sorry." She repeats over and over again.
"Forget that." I smile through my tears and I pull her back to me. She wraps her arms around me tightly, squeezing me as if she wants to become one person.
"I thought you were gone…I thought you were dead. It's been so long since you left I thought…" She cries into my shoulder.
"I promised you and Marie wouldn't get rid of me that easily." I hear a muffled laugh and she draws back. She moves me towards the sofa and sits me down.
"Are you okay?" she asks.
"I'm fine…just a bit tired." I lie. My body is still a little painful but I'm sure after a little rest it'll go away.
"You're going straight to bed." She orders.
"Yes Mum." I smile back but don't resist as she moves me upstairs into my bedroom. I slump beneath my covers and she sits on the edge of my bed nervously. I grin at her.
"Get in here." I say. She smiles broadly before getting in next to me.
I find that I can't go to sleep and Belle's eyes are fixated on me as if she's scared that if she closes her eyes I'll disappear.
I begin singing softly (the bedtime song we always sing to Marie) until both our eyes close.
The next morning I slowly open my eyes feeling refreshed. I look at the clock. It's seven thirty in the morning. I moan slightly and stretch my arms and legs. Belle stirs next to me.
"What time is it?" she asks groggily.
"I guess it's too late to go to school then?" she asks hopefully.
"No…it's never too late. Wake Marie and get dressed. I want you both ready and down in half an hour. Today is the first day for the rest of our lives. We are not slacking."
Belle groans but lifts herself out of my bed. We're out the house by 8:45. I know we're going to be a bit late but I wrote notes for Belle and Marie and my colleagues at the hospital would be more interested in the cuts and bruises over my body.
"Love you." I said to both of them as I drop them at the school gates kissing their foreheads. For the first time in a long time Belle doesn't moan in embarrassment. I'm not sure if that's because there's hardly anyone there or because of last night but I like it.
"Love you back." They say before making their way into the building.
The day passes easily enough and before I know it, it's time to pick Marie up. It's a pleasant surprise when I see Belle and Marie both waiting for me at the school gates. Marie runs to me and I scoop her up in my arms before walking the rest of the distance to Belle. I wrap my spare arm around her and give her a small hug.
"And how was school for my angels today?"
Before they can answer I hear someone calling my name from behind me. Thinking it's one of the other Mum's or something I turn, Marie still in my arms.
"What are you doing here? I asked Dumbledore to..."
"I know what you wrote in the letter."
"Then what are you doing here?" I ask him again softly.
"You shouldn't have left the hospital. We were worried about you." I force myself to not roll my eyes at his words. He notices my clenched jaw.
"I know you think that we hate you." This time I can't help but scoff at his words.
"What? You're going to tell me that you don't. That the last three years of my life never happened…It's over Sirius…You don't have to pretend anymore. You got what you wanted. I fought…Voldemort's gone. Please just let me move on." I make to turn around when his voice stops me.
"I'm sorry for what I did and the way I acted. Not just two years ago but this time around too." I turn back to face him my eyes narrowing.
"You're too late. It's too late. I can't forgive you anymore…as much as I want to…I can't forget."
He looks at me with sad eyes. Eyes that I would have done anything for when we were back at Hogwarts but too much had changed and too much had happened.
"Please…" He says quietly. I look into his eyes as they bore into mine. I shake my head slowly before turning around and walking back to Belle. She looks at me when I came closer to her but doesn't walk with me. I stop and look back at her.
"You told me you wouldn't give up." She says.
"Belle…please…don't do this." I beg her quietly.
"I'm doing it for you. You can't guard yourself for the rest of your life. You can't shield your heart from everyone you'll ever meet."
"I can try." I reply back angrily.
"What? You're just going to go through life without loving anyone. You're just going to forget what it's like to love someone…to be loved."
"You don't understand…"
"I understand that you're giving up." She says angrily.
Why does she get to be mad at me?
"If you knew what happened…It hurt so badly that everyday I would cry myself to sleep wishing that my life wasn't happening. I wished that I would die so it would all be over. I'm scared. If I felt that again….I'm not sure I could take it. I'm not sure that I would be able to bounce back again and look after you and Marie. You two are the most important things. If I got hurt again….I'm not going to risk it."
"Love's about taking risks." She says softly so only I can hear. I look her in the eye.
"I took risks…..and look at where they got me…..can we please drop it…please." She looks at me through sad eyes before nodding. I take one last glance at Sirius before walking away. Why can't my past stop haunting me?
Author's Note: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! It was amazing to hear all of your thoughts! I'm sorry this chapter is a) so late and b) so short. I promise that the next chapter will be two chapters in one to make up for it! Seeing how short the validation queue is keep an eye out. Hopefully updates should be coming every few days! Please review and I'll see you in the shortest while possible for the next chapter!
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