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I'm Still Alive But I'm Barely Breathing by alicia and anne
Chapter 1 : I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
 
Rating: 12+Chapter Reviews: 3


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Cho threw herself down on her bed, glaring up at the ceiling above her; she let out an angry sigh as she balled her fists up beside her. She had seen them together, and it had torn her apart a lot more then she ever imagined that it could.

They had been sitting by the lake, too preoccupied with each other to notice the crying girl who had seen them. She hated them together, hated her for taking him away from her. Not that her and Harry had been together since almost a year now, it still made her realise how much she missed him.

She thought that if she had given him space they would get back together, hoping that deep down he still had feelings for her. It felt like her heart was hitching in her chest as she thought about never having another chance with Harry.

“Dear God I can’t go on like this” Cho groaned as her hand clutched hold of her chest.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even


She didn’t like knowing that she had missed her chance, knowing that someone else was making him happy, that he was going to like Ginny the way that he had once like her. She sat up at this thought; she couldn’t stay up here and wallow in her self pity.

If she wanted him back she needed to show him that she was ready for him. Maybe and a small part of her brain which she chose to ignore told her that she was being crazy, he was waiting for her.

“Well I’m ready now” Cho said as she all but ran from the room, determined to find Harry and tell him exactly how she felt. She rushed through her common room and out to the corridor, jumping onto a moving staircase, her eyes searching all over for Harry.

Not seeing him she walked towards the Great hall, Peering in she searched the room and saw Harry sat at the Gryffindor table. She felt warmth fill her as a smile played itself on her face, Butterflies flying in her stomach as she took in his appearance, his dark hair messy and his bright green eyes glinting in happiness.

As she walked into the Great hall he looked in her direction a smile spreading itself fast on his face, she felt her heart swell as she took in that smile. He stood up and held out his arms, Cho felt her hopes rise as she took another tentative step towards him. Could it be that he felt the same way?

She felt somebody brush past her and Cho turned her head slightly to see that it was Ginny Weasley, who had rushed past her and into the arms of Harry, hugging him tightly and placing a small kiss on his lips.

Harry stared at Ginny as though there was no one else in the room, but there were others in the room, including one person who felt as though her whole world was crumbling around her. She tore her eyes away from the scene in front of her as she backed back out of the hall, checking that no one was watching her. She noticed that all eyes were on Harry and Ginny’s display of affection.


Her best days will be some of my worst
She finally met a man that's gonna put her 1st
While I'm wide awake she's no trouble sleeping
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven



Cho exited the hall and ran out of the castle; she pushed passed people in her way, mumbling her apologies as they stared after her in confusion and annoyance. She felt her vision blur as she tried to blink her tears away.


What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces


She stopped as she reached the far side of the castle; she leaned against the wall and slid down it, wrapping her arms around her legs she stared ahead of her. She was to blame for all of this, she knew it. If she didn’t avoid him none of this would have happened, if she tried being his friend after they... But she couldn’t it hurt too much, she needed time to let herself heal. But she left it too late; she would always be too late. Was she a bad person for needing time after Cedric died to even think about getting serious with Harry?

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven


Harry had made her feel better; he had provided her with the happiness and warmth that she thought she had lost forever. He had made her forget her problems and everything that had happened. But at the time she felt guilty, guilty for forgetting Cedric, guilty for moving on. She needed to move on and she should have let Harry help her with that. If she had let him in that far, if she had let him fix her they might still be together now.

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)





To say she was jealous of Ginny would be an understatement, she was jealous of how Harry had moved on from their relationship and into this one. Did she know that he had captured the heart of another girl?

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains
Cos you left me with no love, no love to my name.


She felt so broken and she knew that she shouldn’t, she couldn’t control what had happened now. She was selfish enough to want Harry to still be pinning for her. She ran her hands through her hair and then rested them on her knees as she closed her eyes and rested her head on the wall behind her. Taking deep breaths she opened her eyes slowly looking up at the bright blue sky above her, would this get easier?

Looking down at the field the answer hit her like a ton of bricks, no it wouldn’t, and nothing would get easier. She watched as Ginny and Harry walked towards her both of their arms thrown around each other, and laughing with such ease it was heart wrenching. Cho stood up quickly, she couldn’t be near them, and she couldn’t let them see how much she was hurting. She walked away from them as fast as she could, trying to not make eye contact with them, but not resisting looking up as they crossed paths.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in
Cos I got time while she got freedom
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even



Harry’s green eyes were looking into her blue ones, and she felt her stomach fill with butterflies. He gave her a small smile and nod before walking off with Ginny who hugged him tightly. Cho stopped her walking to stare after Harry, realising at once that he had moved on.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love while the other ones leaving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven)


And she realised that as much as she loved him, she would have to let him go, and that thought hurt her more then she could bear.


 




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