I'm back! Haha, I got over my temporary writer's block pretty quickly.
Alright - I have to make one thing clear before we begin. Al and Adele - they're not getting forced into this. It's arranged, yeah, but it also requires their consent, which means that they want
to get married to each other.
Although, if they were given a choice, they probably wouldn't marry each other...
But given the circumstances, it's either James or Al, and since James has a girlfriend (as we will see later on), She's marrying Al.
Yeah, it may seem like she doesn't want to marry him at times, but, trust me, she really does. And he does, too.
Hey, it saves a life. Who are they to complain, right?
So, I promise, none of this is forced or anything.
I never really liked weddings. They’re always so long, and boring, and the priest just drones on and on about Merlin-knows-what while the bride and groom have intense eye-sex and everyone else bawls into handkerchiefs about how bloody beautiful this all is.
If I were the big man of this earth, I would make weddings short, and in pajamas, so that we could go, slip on the rings, and get outta there in about ten minutes. Done. Easy. Not a problem.
Of course, if I was the big man of this earth, my father wouldn’t owe Harry Potter his life, and I wouldn’t even have to be here, getting married to this random kid I don’t know. I mean, I want to. But still. It sort of sucks either way.
I need to have a word with this ‘big man of the earth’. Talk to him about why the hell he is after me.
I bet I was Hitler in my past birth, and am now repaying all my bad karma points in this life.
…or maybe Voldemort.
Or maybe both.
Oh! I know! I was Hitler first, and then I died and got reborn as Voldemort, and then I died and got reborn as me. This would explain all my horrible, rotten luck.
I hope it stops soon. I mean, I’m not a bad person (not really), so shouldn’t all my good karma points be balancing out the bad ones?!
Nah. I probably need more good ones before I could even tip the scale a little. I mean, I wasREALLY bad in my past two births. I sort of deserved to die. Both times.
Haha. My future father-in-law killed me last birth. I really hope it doesn’t turn into some sort of tradition.
That’s it. I have resolved to become a better person.
What? Don’t look at me like that!
And my hands are really sweaty, so I have to hold really tightly to Adele’s hands so that they don’t slip out. Her hands are sweaty, too. It’s kind of gross. But pretty funny; it makes her seem more…human, I guess, that she’s just as nervous as I am.
I glanced at her, taking in the dress, the hair, the makeup, the beauty again. She looked really, REALLY pretty. It was hard to take my eyes off of her, even though I didn’t like her. I watched as she stared off into space, frowning slightly. Suddenly, she gave a half-grin, and chuckled a little. I wonder what she’s thinking about.
Well, at least I know she knows how to smile. And laugh.
She has hope.
I gazed at her, trying to catch her eye. By some sort of miracle, her eyes wandered over to mine and latched onto them. I raised an eyebrow at her, and she rolled her eyes at the priest as if to say ‘this man is SO boring’. I nodded and grimaced, and she sighed, letting her eyes wander around again.
Wow. Was that a decent conversation we just had? Granted, it was completely silent, but still.
Well, it’s good to know that we’re capable of holding a partway decent ‘conversation’ once in a while. Maybe we won’t rip each other’s heads off.
Nah, we probably will anyway. I snickered at the thought, and her eyes snapped back to me again, a questioning look in them. I just shook my head, and her eyes narrowed. This made me snicker even more, until, grudgingly, her lips twitched into a reluctant smile, and then, slowly, into a giggle.
The priest droned on (he gives Professor Binns a run for his money, this man really does), while everyone else watched in astonishment as the bride and groom erupted into fits of hysterical laughter, right in the middle of their wedding.
Traditional wedding? What’s that? I didn’t know such a thing existed.
I have no idea why I’m laughing.
But it’s pretty funny.
I mean, there we were, getting married, when all of a sudden, I happen to glance at Albus again (I may or may not have been glancing periodically at him…What? He’s hot. I don’t like him, but he’s hot. Don’t judge me.), and find him gazing straight at me (did I mention the gorgeous green eyes? W-O-W), a dark eyebrow raised as if to ask me why the hell I was chuckling to myself. I merely rolled my eyes at the priest and sighed when he grimaced in response. I let my eyes wander away, not wanting him to see the surprise in them.
We just had a decent conversation. If that even qualifies. Wow. Weird.
I’m sort of surprised.
Suddenly, I heard him laughing quietly, and looked over at him again. He just started laughing harder.
Um…what is that kid on? He seriously needs to lay off the happy pills.
The thought of him on happy pills made me start laughing.
This brings us to our current state: Laughing hysterically together, still holding hands, while the priest keeps going and everyone else just stares warily at us.
I still don’t know why I’m laughing.
I just can’t stop.
“Albus Potter, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” The priest asked in a flat, uninterested monotone.
“I do,” He choked out. I don’t know if he knows what he’s saying, because he just said ‘I do!’
Haha. This is funny. I hope this is a dream.
“Adele Malfoy, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
A husband? A husband, sure, what the heck.
“I do,” I giggled.
I think someone might have drugged us with something.
A little cousin of Albus’ stumbled forward with the rings, and still chortling like old pals, we managed to slip them on each other’s ring fingers.
Oh, look! It’s so shiny….hee hee.
“I now pronounce you man and wife.”
I let out another peal of laughter at this. Whoever drugged us is so dead. Oh, I can’t wait to get my hands on them! Haha!
“You may kiss the bride.”
Albus was doubled over in laughter, holding onto my hands for support.
“Ahem…you may kiss the bride.” The priest said sternly, while I giggled helplessly in the background.
“Oh! I have to kiss the bride! Kiss the bride, ha ha ha!” He chuckled. He leaned forward and planted one on my mouth. Albus’ cousins and Scorpius let out a couple of wolf-whistles.
I should probably glare murderously at them and then slap Potter for kissing me, but this is all so funny. And his lips are really soft and warm…eh, what the heck? Let’s just kiss him back!
Woo-hoo! Kissing is fun!!
“Haha!” I laughed, after I was done kissing him back. “We just kissed!”
“We’re married!” He choked out, still laughing hysterically.
“Why are we laughing?!” I gasped, still chortling as everyone slowly clapped, looking positively alarmed.
“I don’t know! But I’m going to kill whoever did this to us!” He hooted out.
“I’ll help!” I chuckled. “They are so dead!”
“ADELE OPHELIA MARILYN JEANETTE MAL – er… POTTER! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!” My mom yelled, marching up to us.
“She…she just used The Full Name!” I laughed, while Albus chuckled beside me, occasionally omitting a small hiccup and a fragment of my name. “I hate it when she does that!”
“But it’s a pretty name!” He giggled. “Haha…Adele…Marilyn…Jeannette…Ophelia…Adele…Potter…Hee hee.”
“What just happened here?!” Mrs. Potter appeared beside my seething mother, looking pretty homicidal herself.
“I don’t know!” I wailed out, still chuckling in a helpless sort of way. “I just can’t stop laughi-i-i-i-i-ing!”
“I think someone drugged us!” Albus announced cheerfully. “I’m going to kill them!”
This brought on a whole new round of laughter, and we were soon clutching each other for support as we howled like a horde of hyperactive hyenas.
Hey, look! Alliteration! Go me! Haha!
“JAMES!!” Mrs. Potter shrieked, turning around. “GET YOURSELF UP HERE NOW, YOUNG MAN!”
“I hate your brother,” I gasped to Albus, who nodded and continued laughing.
“Hello, mother,” James appeared and smiled sweetly at his mom. “Adele, Albus.” His lips twitched into a smirk.
Oh, he’s SO DEAD.
But this is all too funny. Haha!
“What. Did. You. Do?” She asked in a menacing voice. Man, I really don’t ever want to be on the other side of that woman’s anger. You can practically see the sparks shooting out of her eyes!
“Nothing,” He said unconvincingly. She raised an eyebrow, still shooting sparks, and he flinched.
“James Sirius Potter.” She said in a low, dangerous voice. “You just ruined your brother’s wedding. What did you do to them?” She gestured to me and Albus. We were still laughing, now clutching our sides and gasping for air.
“It was a mistake!” James said desperately as she grabbed his ear. “It was meant to be calming, but I screwed up! Ow, mom!”
“Oh, you are in so much trouble!” She shrilled. “Fix them! NOW.”
“I don’t know how to! This whole thing was a mistake, I’m sorry! Ouch, mom, let go of my ear!”
By this time, both the dads had also arrived and were watching all of this with amusement.
Because this is FUNNY!
Oh, no wonder I can’t stop laughing. This is all just so hilarious!
“What just happened?” Ah, Rose, wonderful of you to join us! Come laugh with me and Al! It’s fun!
“MOM! MY EAR!”
“JAMES, FIX THEM RIGHT NOW…”
“…What’s going on here?”
“Adele? Albus? What happened to you guys?”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Someone, make them stop laughing!”
“Oh, YOU ARE SO GOING TO GET IT WHEN WE GET HOME, YOUNG MAN!”
“This is sort of creepy…why won’t they stop laughing?”
“What’s so funny?”
“Mom, you’re going to yank it off! LET GO OF IT!”
“EVERYONE STOP TALKING!” Rose’s mother screamed. The babble died down right away, although me and Albus still occasionally let out a little giggle.
“Now, let’s all calm down, take a step back, Gin, let go of James’ ear, good.” She said in a soothing voice. She pointed her wand at me and Albus, and we immediately stopped laughing.
Ah, sweet relief.
Suddenly, it all came crashing down.
Oh, this is so not funny.
I JUST GOT MARRIED. Oh. My. God.
Realization seemed to have dawned on Albus as well, because he looked down at his ring, and then at mine, his face an expression of horror.
…And then he promptly turned around and flew at James. They landed on the ground in a tangle of punches, kicks, and slaps. Flinging my bouquet of flowers in an astonished Rose’s hands, I dove down at them both, not caring who I hurt.
Let the chaos begin!
All in all, the best wedding I have EVER been to.
I’m not even going to lie; it was bloody brilliant.
So, after me and Adele attacked James (I broke his arm and she gave him two black eyes), Mom decided that he had enough punishment (since she wasn’t going to heal him by magic), and was in a cheerful mood for the rest of the time. Adele was happy because she got to hurt someone, and I was happy because the wedding part hadn’t even been that painful thanks to James.
And then there was the food.
Oh, yes. Food. I am LOVING today.
Wait. I’m married.
Eh, it’s not so bad. My wife is hot, the food is good, and I got to beat up James.
At least we had fun.
Look on the bright side: at least my wife isn’t an ugly troll!
That sounded shallow. But I really am glad that she’s not ugly. Like, genuinely relieved. I don’t know what I would do with an ugly wife.
But still…if the ugly wife had a personality that made up for the ugliness, I wouldn’t mind too much. Adele’s got nothing. After the laughing spell wore off, she turned back into herself – homicidal, surly, angry at the world in general…I wonder what goes on in that head of hers. I really do.
Like, sometimes, she’ll just smile to herself, like something she thought of was really amusing and she just can’t help but grin a bit.
I don’t know. She’s a mystery. One that I really don’t feel like solving. But I feel like I sort of have to. I mean, I am going to be spending the rest of my life with this girl.
“Do you always eat like that?”
I glanced over and saw that Adele was watching me eat with a mildly disgusted expression.
I swallowed. “Like what?”
“Like you’ve just discovered the existence of food.” She still looked sort of disgusted.
Hey, that was pretty funny. I grinned at her. “Yep.”
“It’s revolting.” She stated matter-of-factly.
I shrugged, and continued shoveling large quantities of food into my already bulging cheeks.
She sighed resignedly. “Guess I’ll just have to learn to ignore it.” She muttered, stabbing a carrot with her fork and staring moodily at it.
“Are you always like that?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.
“Like what?” She asked, looking surprised.
“Like, you know…homicidal. Depressed. Surly. Angry. Irate. Feel free to come up with more synonyms for ‘freakishly mad at the world for no apparent reason whatsoever.’” I waved my hands around vaguely.
“I’m not.” She still looked surprised. “Is that what I seem like to you?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
She laughed, a soft, shimmery sound that was very much like a wind chime. “Then that just goes to show that you know nothing about me, Mr. Albus Potter.”
“Well, you’re always glaring murderously at everything, so…” I started, defending myself.
“No, I’m not.” She shook her head. “Well, lately, I have been, but I’m usually a pretty happy person. Unless I get mad…” She added thoughtfully.
“Right,” I said doubtfully. I’m sorry, but I don’t see even the slightest bit of happiness in her. Well, right now she seems pretty normal, but I just can’t get the glowering, angry Adele out of my mind.
“You don’t know me.” She reminded me again, catching my doubtful tone.
I just shrugged and kept on eating. She sighed and nibbled on the carrot, looking miserable. Well, I can’t exactly blame her for that, seeing all that she’s been through lately. Even I’m miserable right now.
But still. Adele Malfoy and happy? Yeah, right!
He thinks I’m a homicidal, depressed freak.
I’m NOT! I actually pride myself in being a rather cheerful person!
Daddy even says that I can make the room brighter by just bouncing in.
…although he is sort of biased. But still. Not all parents say that to their hormonal teenagers!
I don’t know what that kid is going off about. Let’s rewind and replay the past week or so. Then I’ll show him. I am not depressed.
Hmm…crying, glaring, punching, screaming, glaring, cursing…
Well, that explains it.
Wow. I wonder how Rose and Lily got to like me so much. I really was acting like a surly, irate, homicidal person.
Well. I have to turn back into myself now. NOW.
I think it’s time for a mental brain-to-er…person pep talk.
Adele Mal – Potter! You are married to Albus Potter whether you like it or not, so you better buck up, young lady! You won’t be solving anything by moping around! You’ll just make things worse. Stop hiding behind your surly attitude and face the truth! You’re doing this for your daddy. You want to, remember?
So, missy, I expect you to be bright and cheerful for the rest of the evening, understood?
Are we clear?
I tossed another green bean in, trying my best to ignore the nauseating munching sounds coming from my left.
“Can I suggest something?” I finally asked, turning to him. He raised his eyebrows at me over his bulging cheeks. I allowed myself a quick giggle at his face, and then continued on. “How about waitinguntil you’ve swallowed before taking another bite?”
He just shook his head, cheeks still stuffed with food.
“Hey! It’s a good idea!” I said indignantly.
He swallowed. “Look, I’ve been eating like this for the past sixteen years of my life. What makes you think I’m going to stop now?”
I bit my lip, pondering this. “Oh!” I snapped my fingers at my stroke of sudden inspiration. “Because I very politely asked you to and since I have to spend the rest of my life eating dinner with you?”
And…unleash the puppy-dog eyes!
He winced and looked away. “Stop that.” He muttered.
“Stop what?” I asked innocently.
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He flicked a pea at my face.
“Hey!” I exclaimed. He just ruined the PDE! Crap! It was so perfect, too.
I flicked a bean at his face, and watched as it landed right smack dab in the middle of his forehead, and stuck to it.
“Hee hee.” I giggled, pointing at it in that ever-so-mature way of mine.
“Oh, this means war.” He snarled, brushing it off.
“You’re on.” I smirked, grabbing a spoonful of mashed potatoes and holding it at the ready.
“Oi! You two!”
Albus jumped in surprise and hurriedly looked over, me doing the same. Standing in front of us was the oldest witch I had ever met, wearing the single most grumpiest expression ever to be seen on a human face.
“Aunt Muriel!” He said in a rather high-pitched voice. “Er…how are you?”
“You,” She growled at him. “Fix that hair of yours. Would it kill you to invest in a comb?”
I snickered as he shot me a look and tried flattening his hair. There’s a lost cause if I ever saw one.
“Is this her?” She asked, jerking her head towards me. I quickly rearranged my face into a pleasant smile.
“Yeah. Auntie Muriel, this is my, er…um…this is Adele.” He stumbled over the words.
“Hmm,” She grunted at me. “Malfoy’s daughter?”
“Er…yes?” I guessed.
“Yes or no, child?”
“Yes.” I decided.
“Hmph.” She said. “Stand up.”
“What?” I asked blankly.
“Stand up, girl. Are you deaf or what?”
Well, jeez. Looks like someone is on permanent PMS. I stood up, and she surveyed me critically.
I feel mildly violated right now. I glanced pleadingly at Albus, but he was watching with a smirk on his face, looking thoroughly entertained. Git.
“Pretty.” She decided, and Albus’ mouth dropped open in blatant disbelief.
“Thanks…?” I said uncertainly.
“Eh.” She responded. “Too blonde.”
My hand jumped to my head. Too blonde?
Would someone please explain to me how a person is supposed to be ‘too blonde’? I can’t seem to understand the concept of that.
“And too tall.”
Hey! I’m only five-seven! That’s not too tall! Just because you’re only four-eight. Midget.
“Her breast size is too perfect.”
My mouth dropped open, and Albus started snickering.
First of all, a) Why is she looking at my boobs?
and b) ‘too perfect?’ What the hell?
“She’s way out of your league.” Aunt Muriel turned back to Albus, who looked affronted at this. I started cracking up, and was still laughing as she tottered away.
“Who was that?” I giggled as he glared and muttered angrily under his breath.
“My dad’s great-Aunt Muriel. Who really should’ve been dead by this point, but is, by some sort of miracle, still alive.” He said grumpily.
“She’s funny. Does she always criticize people?”
“Always.” He responded. “She’s never said a single nice thing to anyone before. Well, except for you.” He added grudgingly, glancing at me.
“Meh,” I responded, not knowing what else to say, Well, it might have been because I was currently stuffing my face full of cheesecake, which had suddenly appeared on my plate.
Cheesecake is amazing.
I love cheesecake.
Cheesecake is pure, sheer genius.
I LOVE cheesecake. A lot.
“Can I suggest something?” He asked amusedly, looking at me. I raised my eyebrows at him.
“How about swallowing before you take another bite?” Another smirk. Does that child ever genuinely smile?
I rolled my eyes and swallowed. “Yeah, yeah, you showed me, woo-hoo, this is so bloody funny.”
“It is slightly revolting, how you’re eating that cheesecake.” He stated, still smirking.
“Shut up.” I retorted brilliantly. “And let me eat my cheesecake in peace.”
Ahh. This is heavenly.
Of course, my heavenly cheesecake was only enjoyed for about three seconds, because just then, dear, sweet Rose appeared and yanked me away from it.
I think she’s out to get me.
“What are you doing?” I cried as she pulled my arm impatiently. “I want my cheesecake!”
“Ten minute dance lesson.” Rose said, looking extremely harried. I watched as Scorpius and Al appeared as well, both looking disgruntled and slightly wary.
“Ten minute what?”
“DANCE. LESSON.” Rose pronounced, turning around to glare at Al and Scorp when they both made noises of protest.
“Why?” Al asked, his eyes wider than usual.
“Because you and Adele have to dance in front of all of these people.” Rose stated. “Alright, Scorpius, put your hand right here.”
“What?” My brother squeaked, looking alarmed.
“Very manly.” Al complimented him, smirking when Scorp turned around and shot him the finger.
“Wait, Rose.” I said urgently, pulling her away from Scorpius, who was still looking lost as he stood there and stared incredulously at her. “I can’t dance. Like, at all.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
I yelped and jumped about a foot in the air when Al’s voice appeared at my ear. “Merlin!” I cried, putting a hand over my heart. “Don’t do that!”
“Sorry.” He didn’t look it. In fact, he looked thoroughly amused and rather pleased with himself.
Great. I married a git.