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Keeping Up Appearances by meadowlarks_cries
Chapter 1 : Brillo Pads and Pumpkin Juice
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 5

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Okay, so after a dry spell (in which my writing resembled the Sahara Desert) I have decided to revisit this story and make some changes. It is now (well soon to be) according to cannon, three cheers for editing! Thank you for faithful reviewers and to any new readers! Enjoy…

                   Fangirl screams for the amazing Chapter Image by the terminator @ TDA!

The name’s Lily, Lily Potter, Lily Luna Potter to be exact, the youngest, and only daughter of Harry and Ginny Potter. I am also the only child of theirs who is not either obsessed with being an evil dictator of a Quidditch team or a stuck-up prefect, which pretty much means I am the best. Brother James will be leaving Hogwarts rather soon, and I must say I am somewhat sad to see him leave. Albus, however, will be around next year to torment me with his generally irritating personality. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brothers, but I think I should have been born to the Weasley-Granger Clan. Teddy is probably my favorite of the older cousins, though he can be quite the wanker sometimes. Hugo is a silly plonker and Rose is just about the best confidante a girl can ask for.

You see, Rose is wise in all things guys, whereas I am still a young grasshopper and need A LOT of guidance, especially concerning a certain gorgeous keeper on our Gryffindor Quidditch team. Yes, I am speaking of the rugged and handsome Andrew Wood. Insert swoon here. With his gorgeous thick brown curls and those chocolate eyes that I drown in all the time, its no wonder every time I try to speak to him I turn a very unattractive shade of red resembling a Crayola crayon, which for that matter matches my hair. How embarrassing. But you see I have a secret weapon: Rose. She has been dating Slytherin hottie, Scorpius Malfoy, who even if he is a prat, was blessed by the bum fairy, since my third year. I am now a fifth year and I think that is a huge accomplishment. Rose has been tutoring me secretly every night in the 100 ways to charm a guy without being a slore (slut and whore). I know, lucky me!

For instance yesterday morning I magically curled my ridiculously wild, brillo pad colored hair into soft ringlets, which sadly ended up making me look more like a brillo pad, but a cute brillo pad! I thought I looked quite attractive but for some reason when I walked into the main hall Wood dropped his scrambled eggs into his lap and James laughed at me so hard he snorted juice out of his nose. I didn’t think it was very nice of either of them so I decided to sit with my two best mates, Elizabeth Finnegan and Johnny Bell. Johnny didn’t say anything about my hair in fact I’m not sure he really even noticed I was sitting there since he kept shoveling eggs and hash-browns into his mouth. Lizzie was watching Johnny with a fascination which was bordering on horror, so it was understandable she didn’t see me standing there. I was really beginning to get irritated with nobody noticing my new fabulous hair so I decided it was time to leave the Gryffindor table.

It was normal for Rose to sit at the Slytherin table since she was dating the most popular of the Slytherins and occasionally, I joined them. I was determined to walk right past Andrew just to see if he was going to make a comment about my hair. I was really hoping it would be something that would allow me to hit his arm which would allow me to touch the biceps which made me, and every other girl in this school, drool. I was so preoccupied with the thought of actually touching his arm that I didn’t notice some third year trying to sneak a jug of pumpkin juice back to his room. I was in mid-hair flip when we collided causing the entire jug of juice to pour down my white shirt.

“Oh no you did not just spill a jug of ice-cold pumpkin juice all over my brand new shirt!”
I admit I was a little bit peeved, well more than a little peeved. I mean not only was I now freezing and see through, but my curls were hanging limply around my face. I turned toward the kid who was receiving high fives from his pervert friends and in my most menacing voice said, “You are dead. No actually you will wish you were dead when I am through with you.” With that I spun around trying to make a dramatic exit but ended up slipping and falling on my arse right in front of James and Andrew.

My brother, who was supposed to be my protector and keep terrible things like this from happening to me, was doubled over roaring with laughter. Johnny shook his head obviously trying to stifle a laugh while Lizzie was pounding her fist into the table laughing, of course. Albus looked alarmed, but then again he always does. Scorpius was smirking (was it hereditary??) and Rose was slow clapping. I suppose it was kind of convenient that I was sitting in front of my crush in a see-through white top and an angry look on my face. Rose always said that fiery personalities were attractive.

A large hand entered my line of vision. The rest of the body came into view as I looked up into the face of my future husband. I could feel my cheeks warming up, getting pinker and pinker until finally they were beet red and Andrew was looking slightly embarrassed since I still hadn’t taken his hand.

“Oh, um thanks Andrew.” I stuttered taking his hand but still not standing.

“Drew is fine.” He said with a smile as he went to pull me up. Unfortunately, my bad luck was not over yet since as he went to pull me up I slipped on the pumpkin juice yet again and sent us both crashing into a large platter of eggs. I took a moment to examine my situation: my hair was sticky and now had eggs stuck in it, not so good.

On the plus side it appeared as if Drew’s hands were on my butt, Merlin knows how they got there, but I was NOT about to complain. It was quite possible that the entire great hall was staring because for about 15 seconds everything was silent before I heard cheers from Johnny and Lizzie’s end of the table and hooting from the Slytherin side. All of the fuss was drowned out when my prat of a brother decided to start yelling.

“GET YOUR BLOODY HANDS OFF MY BABY SISTER!” I found myself sitting, once again, in the puddle of pumpkin juice once again when James ripped me off of Andrew while James poked his finger at Drew’s chest. “What the bloody hell do you think you’re playing at mate? Hmm? Keep it up and you wait and see if you make it back on my bloody team!”

I couldn’t take it anymore; leave it to James to fight for my innocence when he could have for once let it be! That was the last straw, after all a girl can only take so much stress in one day, so with that I gathered up what was left of my dignity and walked—carefully—back to the common room.

Thinking back on it, maybe Rose isn’t the best influence on me. I mean if I hadn’t been all preoccupied with my hair then none of that would have happened. Well it doesn’t matter because today is a new day, and I have my normal wild hair and no makeup on. I will look impossibly ordinary and get through this day. I hope. Yeah good luck with that…
I managed to make it through breakfast and transfiguration alright, and it was time for potions. I suppose I inherited some of grandma’s potions talents since I am in seventh year potions with, wait for it…Andrew McHottie Wood! Yes, I was looking forward to about the geekiest class I will ever take, but I didn’t really care because Johnny, Rose and Scorpius were also in the class. In other words no James or Albus! I made it to class a few minutes before it started so that I could get the best seat—in other words the one closest to Andrew—Drew I mean but next to Johnny.

“So Lils, you excited to get out on the Quidditch pitch today?”

“And why, Jonathan, would I be going to the pitch later?”

“Um, because it is the day before tryouts, and you are expected, as a Potter to play Quidditch.”

“Johnny, you know I hate playing, James beat me too many times as a little girl. I prefer to watch.”

“Yea, watch some people cough, Drew, cough.”

“Can I get you a cough potion?” I asked plastering a fake smile on my face.

“No, but you can go down to the pitch and practice tonight before James decides to disown you.”

“What a load of poo. Albus doesn’t play, but James is perfectly civil with him!”

“That’s because Albus is a prefect and James has to be on the good side of the law in order to keep his team running.”

“Well, I don’t care what Jamesie thinks, I will not play Quidditch! Why do you care so bloody much anyways Johnny?”

“Oh, no reason, I was just thinking it might be an ice breaker for you and Andrew, maybe I was wrong though…”

I actually paused for a moment, weighing hell on a broomstick with a chance to see my one true love on a daily basis. And on a shirtless basis.

“Ah ha! You almost had me on that one I’ll admit, but no, like Rose, I will be sitting in the stands getting a tan.”

“Right, because you can tan.” Johnny was laughing and I was beginning to wonder why we were friends, in a joking manner of course. Johnny and I went way back, all the way to first year really when I saved him from the hordes of giggling girls who were already following him.

“I can! Well not really, but all the pretty people are tan. All I have are these bloody freckles and red hair so I have to bloody try don’t I?!” Johnny stopped laughing and draped his arm around my shoulders.

“You are plenty pretty Lily, you don’t need to change how you look.”
Oh, I suppose that was why I kept him around. It was always nice to have an attractive, but purely friend, guy who said you were pretty. I would have replied with something smart, but Andrew hurried in just before class started. Professor Zambini glared at him, but turned back to the board. Andrew took the seat in front of me like he always did, then turned to talk to me.

“Hey Lily, how’s your hair?”

“Erm,” What was it that caused me to babble like a bumbling baboon every time I saw him? “I got all the egg out.” Oh dear Salem, strike me down now! Yes you got all the bloody egg out of your hair Lily! Think of something witty, now! “I mean, how do you think it looks?” I finally asked after a moment of silence.

“Erm, it looks fine I suppose.”

“Oh, uh, thanks.” Come on Lily! Think ice breaker, think sassy, think sexy, think…well whatever just bloody say SOMETHING!

“Are you excited for tryouts tomorrow?”

He finally chuckled flashing his white teeth and cute dimples. “Well I was, but I suppose now I should be a little more concerned, James was in a right foul mood with me after you left yesterday.”

Oh gods, Lily what have you done? What if he doesn’t make it back onto the team just because you were selfish and let him grab your rear trying to save you from public humiliation! Well sort of…
I was about to hyperventilate, I could already feel it. Andrew went from looking happy to concerned in a matter of seconds.

“Eh, Lily I was kidding, you know that right? James doesn’t have any other keepers trying out.”

Oh well that was good, at least I didn’t have to feel bad about the best moment of my five years of Hogwarts. Too bad I had looked like a fool again in front of Andrew.

“Oh well then, that’s good news I suppose. I mean it is good news, but I guess if you’re not excited about it then it wouldn’t be good news. Not that you’re not excited, I just needed something to explain that suppose I said like two sentences ago.”

“If you are done babbling Miss Potter we will begin class.” Professor Zambini was staring at me, as was the rest of the class.

“Yes, sir.” I sank down in my chair blood rushing to my cheeks as usual. If I was struck down by lightning now it wouldn’t be soon enough. I swear, I am the most embarrassing person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. This had to change. I could not handle being a socially inept being for the rest of my life. I am going to make a list of things I will do before Christmas Break.

1. I will shed my image of everlasting dorkiness and social awkwardness and replace it with a clever and funny image, like that of Rose or Lizzie who also is attractive.

2. I will go to every Quidditch game this year no mater whether I have to break out of detention with professor McGonagall or battle my way past the giant squid.

3. I will date and become the girlfriend of King of the Quidditch Hotties Mr. Andrew “Drew” Wood before he leaves me forever to go and be a Quidditch Hottie while I ready our house for our many children. Wait I am getting ahead of myself. Cross that last part out.

4. I will have beautiful red hair which does not resemble a brillo pad and freckles which do not make me look like I just took a mud bath.
Wow, that’s quite a list…good thing I have a few months left! I couldn’t help but to stare at the back of Drew’s head. All those curls just lying there, waiting to have me run my fingers through them.

“Pay attention Lily.”

Leave it to Johnny to tell me what to do and still be right about it. Everyone had started on some sort of potion while was sitting in my chair staring at Drew’s hair. I suppose this might be part of the reason I was a social leper…ah well a little daydreaming never hurt me, yet…well I hope it won’t, I don’t like pain very much.

And I give you chapter one (revisited!) I hope you enjoyed it and don’t have to many complaints. I know not much happens in this chapter, but everything is now set up, well almost everything! Reviews are brain food! Thanks for reading, next three chapters are being revised too!

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