Chapter 1 : Grieving Him
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A/N I own nothing nothing nothing.. lol .. all of my respect to JRowling =] and her MAGNIFICENT world of Harry Potter..!!
Stupefy! REDUCTO! Stupefy!
Damn bitch keeps moving! She’s in it with that bastard; it’s his fault—all of their faults—that he’s gone!
Avada Kadavra! Lucky bitch, it missed her! I keep twirling around and dodging curses that she throws at me like Harry taught us in the DA. I won’t die! I WON’T! Harry will not have died in vain! Tears keep falling down my face while Hermione, Luna and I dodge the curses Bellatrix keeps throwing at us. She’ll pay and as soon as we’re done with her, my next target will be Voldemort and I will not fall against him. She throws the Avada Kadavra at me and it narrowly misses.
*“NOT MY DUAGHTER YOU BITCH!” Dear Merlin that’s mum. I can’t lose her too. I’ve already lost so many people.
She hasn’t even finished bellowing her sentence when she’s pushed us all aside and flicks her wand already dueling to kill. Hermione, Luna and I run forward to help her but my mom holds her hand up to stop us, screaming that Bellatrix was hers to kill. The floor cracks around them and another Death Eater approaches. I position myself to duel as he advances on me. Two more death eaters follow him and Luna and Hermione are quickly preoccupied as I.
I recognize the death eater I’m dueling as Dolohov. Isn’t it the bastard that killed Remus? Oh Merlin it is. I sob and scream, “YOU! You killed Remus!” he smirks. “Hmm. A Weasley is it? Didn’t that Werewolf have a disgusting cub?”He laughs and that does it. “STUPEFY!” I roar, How dare he?! I thought. How dare he even speak of Remus, and let alone insult Teddy?!
I let all my anger out on this disgusting piece of shit. Everything, from seeing Fred, Remus, Tonks, Collin and all those other people that I love dead on the Great Hall floor,-- and Teddy, dear Merlin, Teddy left to be an orphan because of this piece of scum--, to Voldemort announcing that Harry had supposedly run off to the gates and that he was cursed from behind. That’s all absolute rubbish in my book. Knowing Harry he probably walked into the Forest with his head held high unarmed and died to protect everything living within range.
I watched as my spell hit Dolohov square in the chest and he was blasted backwards because of the potency in my spell. I smiled when I heard a satisfying crunch as he hit the wall. I was about to help Luna and Hermione with their Death Eater when I heard a voice bellow and I stopped dead in my tracks.
I swirl around and there he is. Wand pointed in between my mum and Voldemort, the charm spreading rapidly and it was so powerful that it spread halfway down the hall knocking some people out of balance. Harry was alive!
He looks a little bruised up, but he’s alive and I swear it’s like I had cotton stuffed into my ears and they’ve been pulled out. I can hear everything. Before it was like all my mourning and rage had me blinded and deaf to everything else around me. It seemed as if no one even wanted to breathe and when they did it was like they all inhaled as one drawing in breath and hoping for the best; that Harry Potter destroyed He-Who-Must-not-be-Named and lived to tell the tale.
While Harry tells Voldemort about his mistakes and how he underestimated a lot of people, my mind wanders to Dumbledore’s Funeral: the day Harry broke my heart to go do some stupid noble thing as I put it.
I saw Harry looking over at me and I knew from the look in his eyes that it was coming. I stood up and made my way toward him. He stood from his seat and met me half way. He wasn’t looking directly at my eyes and this confirmed my fear.
**“Ginny listen…” he was speaking quietly, but I could hear him perfectly.
This was it. The words that came out of his mouth after this cut me through and the pain was unbearable. Merlin only knows how I managed not to cry then and there. The pain in his eyes when he told me we had to stop seeing each other was only enough to let me know that he still loved me although he chose to rather be alone than with me. I asked him if it was for some stupid noble reason although I already knew the answer. When he told me he had things to do alone and that Voldemort used people his enemies were close to I felt like exploding in rage. But I answered instead somewhat more passionate and pained than I hoped.
“Harry I don’t care! I only want to be with you! Why can’t you see that?” my voice was pained.
**“I care,” he told me. “How do you think I’d feel if this was your funeral… and it was my fault?”* his voice became smaller as he tried to get me to understand. And I did. I knew where he was getting at. It wasn’t guilt like he tried to tell me; it was that he really cared what happened to me. I told him how I never gave up on him. That I always hoped, and I actually had him if only it was for a moment.
His eyes were pained as he took one last look at me. Then, he got up, turned his back on me and left. He didn’t even say goodbye. I couldn’t hold back the tears this time. The fell freely as I walked back to the Common room, leaving part of my heart behind me…
The rest of that day was horrible for me. I didn’t talk to anyone on the ride back home, and I spent most of the summer locked up in my room, only coming out for dinner and to take showers.
I was brought back to the present when I heard a loud gasp from the crowd and I realized that Voldermort and Harry had attacked each other at the exact same time. While Voldermort fired the Avada Kadavra, Harry only used the disarming spell and I knew he was going to leave me yet again. I don’t think I could bear it if I lost him again. A second time would probably kill me because this time I would have witnessed it. But I was widely mistaken. Harry did some sort of twirl of his wand arm and the spell swirled around Voldemorts’ arm and hit his wand. The wand flew out of his hand, spinned and the curse that was fired hit him square in the chest. Voldemort fell to his knees dead. The crowd grew silent for about a second before everything exploded into cheers. I couldn’t believe it. Voldemort was dead.
I heard a groan behind me and I realized that Dolohov must’ve gained consciousness. He was preparing to apparate but I was way too quick for him. “incarcerous!” ropes flew out of my wand and tied him up tightly. As soon as I made sure that he was tightly fastened I ran to Harry and gave him a huge hug and ran my fingers through his hair, secretly looking for any major injuries to his head. He was perfect. No cracks, no anything. As long as he was alive and well I think I could possibly do with only his friendship.
While Harry left to look for Hermione and Ron, I left the Great hall and made my way towards the tree besides the Lake. I needed some time to think and get over the shock I was feeling. He’s alive, I thought he’s alive and safe. But I can’t help but think of the time I thought he was dead. The pain of losing him creeping slowly and torturing me until I broke down completely. The way I let my anger out on Dolohov, Bellatrix and every other Death Eater I came across after I saw Harry lying dead at Voldemort’s feet.
I heard a rustling of leaves behind me and I quickly grabbed my wand and pointed it towards the sound.
“Ginny it’s me,” Harry’s form came slowly into view with his hands held high as in surrender. He was walking slowly towards me, probably afraid of how I might react.
“Oh, Harry,” I said wiping the tears out of my eyes, “Don’t be silly put your hands down. Your acting as though I may attack you.” I sobbed a little jokingly. He immediately reached out to me and held me tightly in his arms. This was all I needed to break down entirely. I sobbed into his chest soaking his ripped shirt. He scooped me up and cradled my head on his shoulder. Then he sat down on the edge of the lake and leaned on the tree with me quietly sobbing into his chest. I don’t know how long we were like this but I knew it was way too long. How can I be crying when Harry is right here with me? He’s alive not dead. This thought brought another wave of tears.
“Shh Ginny its ok” he whispered to me while gently stroking my hair. “I’m here now.”
This got me angry. Of course he’s here. After he died and he left without even saying goodbye.
“You left.” I said, growing inexplicably angry. I could feel hot tears beginning to form in my eyes. “You—didn’t—even—say—GOODBYE!”I was sobbing now and fresh tears were pouring down my face as I emphasized every word with a punch to his chest. “How could you leave me? You know that I loved you—that I still love you!” he was quiet during this whole ordeal. I didn’t dare look at his face for fear of him rejecting my words and telling me he couldn’t love me. But he surprised me. He held me tighter and whispered in my ear, “I’m so sorry Ginny. I love you too.” I froze momentarily and then I looked up into his eyes. His beautiful almond shape emerald eyes. And I saw nothing but truth and love in them. I stood up suddenly and was inexplicably angry with him. How can he say he loved me when he offered himself to Voldemort?
“No.” I said, voice trembling in anger. “If you loved me you would not have left me to go find that crazy bastard. I know you had things to do and I understand that, but do you have any idea how worried I was? A whole year wondering if you were alive; looking through that wretched Prophet and dreading to see your names on the ‘Newly Found Dead’ list” he stood up now and he looked angry.
“What did you expect me to do?” he said getting worked up himself. “Bring you along and have your life endangered? I would have gone mad if something happened to you!” he wasn’t yelling, it was more of restraining himself from raising his voice. But I wasn’t giving up. I am a Weasley after all.
“Not as crazy as I’ve been going. You ‘would have’. I did! I spent nearly every night crying myself to sleep worrying about what news the damn morning Prophet would bring, and to make matters worse, everyday an Order member would show up and all I had to do was wait in my room for someone to bring me the news. I could only relax when I didn’t hear mum crying downstairs.” I took a step closer to him, so I could see his face clearer for it was still dark. He had bruises here and there; a bloody lip and his close were torn. He stepped closer to me too and he lifted his hand to stroke my face and wipe a tear that escaped from the corner of my eye.
“Ginny I’m sorry you had to go through all of that. That was never my intention. All I wanted was for you to be safe and happy. I thought that maybe a life without me would keep you safe, out of harm’s way. I care too much about you. I don’t think I could live in a world where you’re not there.” His quite voice broke in the last sentence.
I ran my fingers through his hair and brought him closer to me. He lifted his hand up to my chin and tilted my face making me look at him strait in the eyes. He slowly brought his lips to mine, moving them gently but passionately. His other hand ran it through my hair, while still kissing me. We kissed for what seemed like hours until we had to release each other gasping for air.
He hugged me tightly to him again and I whispered to him, “Please don’t ever leave me again. Please.”
He released me a little only to look me in the eyes and give me a peck on the lips. “I love you Ginny, and as long as I know you’re not in Danger, I won’t leave you.” he said this in a tone that begged me to understand him. But apparently he was the one that didn’t understand.
“Harry I need you to listen to me,” I began, thinking out what I was going to say. “I know you think that it’s you job to protect me and every other person that needs your help. But I want you to know that we’re in this together; you and me. I am equally capable of taking care of myself as Hermione, Luna and Ron. I need you to understand that. Hell, if I had the chance tonight I would have been right there beside you when you were battling Voldemort. If it wasn’t for the fact that you requested that it had to be you to defeat him, nothing else would have stopped me.” I want him to know that I’m serious. That I care enough for him to do anything the world throws at me. And I know that he feels the same about me.
“I know Ginny it’s just--,” he began but I wouldn’t let him.
“It’s just what Potter? What exactly?” I raised my voice a little menacingly. He seemed to find this a bit amusing for he smiled and chuckled a little.
“It’s nothing love. Just that I love you and if something happened to you I am completely holding yourself responsible” I know he was joking, but I answered him anyways. “Good, that’s all I ever asked for” and I jumped on him, wrapped my legs around his hips and gave him a very ardent kiss. He seemed momentarily stunned by my action but it quickly faded away, for he kissed me back equally eager.
After what seemed to be a beautiful eternity, we went back to the Castle and joined our family in the Great Hall afterwards, finally able to mourn the ones we lost.
*pg. 736 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows American Version
**pg. 646 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince American Version
Disclaimer: Quotes from: * DH
A/N: So? How was it?! I thought i'd write this specific part because i always wanted to know what Ginny was thinking when she was dueling Bellatrix. I hope you all like it..please read and review!!! Tell me what you think!