You do everything you can to make sure you come out on top, to make sure things go as planned.
Yet rarely does that happen.
During my life, I’ve had to play many games, but I think I may have just lost the most important one.
I let Rose walk away.
* * * *
I didn’t do it to be cruel, or because I didn’t love her. In fact, I love her so much that I had to say no. I had to let her leave.
You see, being with me could only bring her pain.
If Rose stayed with me, her family would never forgive her. I know Rosie, she loves her family so much that their dissapointment would destroy her. She insists that they'd get over it eventually, and she may be right, but what if they didn't? It warms my heart to know she'd risk that for me, but I'm not willing to take that chance.
And then of course, there's my family, which is an entirely different story.
Rose, bless her heart, refuses to accept her families views on we Malfoys. But in times like these, I wish she would. I just don't think she understands the connotations of becoming a Malfoy. And if she does, then she must be crazy. I can't imagine anyone willingly taking the Malfory name.
Families aside, there's the fact that Rose has got her life together while mine is falling apart.
Shall I list all the ways? I think I shall.
I have a job at the ministry fiing papers for the law enforcement department, but it's not going anywhere.
My father is on the verge of disinheriting me, leaving me more broke than ever.
I have a quick temper as of late, the littlest things set me off.
I'm extremly messy. I haven't seen the floor of my bedroom in months.
I've inherited the Malfoy's inability to get close to another person. Besides Rose, I've never really been able to connect with anyone. It's like there's this wall that goes up whenever I try to be open with people.
Basically, I'm incapable of love, with her being the only exception.
Then there's Rose.
Essentially, she's everything I'm not.
She's got a great job, and knows exactly what she want to do in life. She's got a future.
She is so open and loving to everyone.
She's got a temper, but she understands both sides of the argument.
She is one of the neatest people I have ever met; even her sock drawer is organized.
She feels compassion for people, and can relate to others, in a way most people can only dream about.
Rose has everything.
I’ve got nothing.
The only thing I had is her, and now that’s gone as well. What kind of guy would want the girl he loves to put up with all of that when she could have so much more? A selfish one, I suppose. But I'm through being selfish. This time, it's all about her.
She may not realize it now, but someday, she will.
“Scorpius?” she whispers softly as we sit on the small, yet cozy couch in my flat. Her head resting gently on my chest.
“What is it love?” I say distracted, I have a lot of things on my mind.
“Well, my boss has offered me a position to be the head of the new international campaign they’re starting next month…”
“What!? Rose, that’s fantastic! Congratulations!” I beam at her, giving her a kiss. But she doesn’t return my smile, instead she frowns.
Confused, I ask, “What’s the matter? Shouldn’t a big promotion be exciting?”
“Yes, I am excited. Though it isn’t any old job, it’s an international campaign. Starting next month, if I take the job, I’ll be gone for 18 months. The boss wants to make sure all companies are up to standard, so I’d have to visit all the branches in the UK and several in America.”
Her voice cracks, a sure sign she's getting emotional. She waits for a reply but one never comes.
“That means leaving you.” Rose whispers the very words I wished I would never have to hear.
“Oh,” I look to the floor, not meeting her eyes. There's so much that needs to be said, but words escape me.
“Unless, of course, you tell me to stay?”
She looks at me as she speaks, and in her eyes I can see it all.
The pain. The hurt. The sadness.
Yet, I say nothing.
“Please Scorpius, just tell me to stay, and I will. Tell me to never leave you, and I won’t. I’ll be yours. Just say the word,” she pleads, tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.
“I-I can-n’t say that.” I stuttered, keeping my gazed fixed downward.
“Why not Scorpius?” She questions me, her voice shaking. “It’s easy. If you really love me, well then, you wo-would want me to st-stay.”
Of course I love her. She is my everything. But I promised I wouldn't be selfish. I can’t let her give up this opportunity.
“I want you to go Rose. This is a big chance for you.” I say firmly, my outside portraying no emotion. But, on the inside, I’m breaking down.
“I don’t care about how big of an opportunity it is! I care about you and me! This is about more than just the job Scorpius.”
Her tears are now mixed with angry words.
“This has been a long time coming. If it wasn’t the job, it would be something else. All it really comes down to is do you want to stay with me? To really be together? No more hiding or excuses.”
She looks at me expectantly. I will myself to speak, wishing there was something I could say to make this better.
"GOD DAMN IT SCORPIUS, LOOK AT ME!" Her scream forces me to meet her gaze.
“Do. You. Want. To. Be. With. Me?” Rose pronounces each words clearly and forcefully.
A look of shock crosses her face, and it's almost as if I can hear her heart breaking.
“I said no. You should take that job. I’m not worth your time. You should find someone better to spend your life with.”
“Of course you’re worth my time.”
It’s her turn to stare at the ground. “There is no one else," she says in a whisper.
How can I make her believe me, make her understand that being with me is not what’s best for her?
“Well then maybe you’re not worth my time.” Lie.
She looks devastated.
“Maybe I don’t want to commit myself to you.” Double lie.
“Maybe I don’t… maybe I don’t love you anymore.” Biggest lie ever told.
“You don’t love me?” She says, confused, as if this idea seems impossible.
I can’t say it again, so I just nod my head.
“Alright then. I’ll be leaving, I don’t want to waste anymore of your 'precious' time,” she says rather coldly, though I know her well enough to hear the hurt.
Rose stands up and walks to the door. She opens it, taking one last glance back at me. Waiting for me to tell her it was all just a joke, that I love her and want her to stay.
But I don’t.
I say nothing.
Her last words before closing the door, “I hope you’re happy Scorpius.”
I don't think I could ever be happy without her.
I go to the window and I can see her go down the street. I sit there, no matter how much it hurts, and watch her walk away. I watch Rose Weasley, the love of my life, walk away.
That was one month ago. Today, she leaves to start the new job. I hear from Albus that she’s excited, but that she's also been doing everything in her power to hide the pain she's in.
It kills me to know I hurt her. What I want more than anything is for her to move on and be happy. Maybe Rose will meet some great foreign guy while she's gone and fall in love. By the time she comes back, she won’t even remember the name Scorpius Malfoy.
Just thinking about that makes my blood boil, but it’s better this way. Rose will get the life she deserves. She’ll be able to pick up the pieces and be way better off than she’d ever be with me.
As for me? Well that doesn’t matter. Without Rose nothing really matters. But someday Rose will get her happy ending, and I love her enough that in a way, her happy ending will be mine too.
* * * *
Life is full of games. Love being the most important. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.
Unfortunately, I lost.
A/N: So what do you think? It's rather sad, but The idea came to me one day and I just wrote it on a whim, it's not my best work but I'm pretty happy with it. I'd love to hear your input! - Ronsgirl29
R&R please (:
A/N 2: 5/2/10, I edited this baby quite a bit, so I hope it's better the second time around!
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