Chapter 15 : All The Right Moves
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Blood. Blood on my hands. Blood on my clothes. Blood on my skin. Blood on my heart. My hair was a mess, my face was all scratched up and my clothes were ripped. I didn’t care about me. I held his limp hand as he was carted down the hall fast. I wouldn’t let go. Not again. We were close to the operation room doors, the fear of losing him for good made me start to shake. One of the assistant healers looked at me concernedly but I barely noticed. Once we reached the doors I felt tears roll down my cheeks until my vision became blurred. I tightened my grip on his hand but it was ripped out of my hands as he was wheeled through the excruciating white doors.
The taller stern Spanish woman came towards me, “Miss he’s going to need emergency surgery. Are you next of kin?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Are you a relative, spouse or down as Mr. Black’s emergency contact person? We need permission to operate.”
“Well you have it…” I stammered clenching my eyes shut in anguish.
“I’m his wife.”
Eight Hours Earlier….
I sat up and sighed. The moment had passed. We were back to where we started. In just a second he had let his guard down but I could tell just from his breathing it was back up. I didn’t test that theory. We hadn’t really spoken in years I wasn’t going to grow a pair and start a conversation about us. I frowned and tried to sit up. My hands were tied behind my back so I shimmied up the wall into a sitting position. He did the same and looked anywhere but at me. We stayed like that for hours. Staring in opposite directions, not saying a word to one another we formed a silent pact to stick it out. I held my end up poorly. He was a few inches away from me. All the things I wanted to say…All the things I wanted to know were just lingering on the tip of my tongue wishing to get out. I stubbornly held my tongue back and refocused on the situation.
No windows, no outlet. Fuck. The door was triple bolted so unless I managed to get my wand back or build a hundred pounds of muscle ….I then began to explore the possibility of overpower our captors and simply walking out. Chances? Not even slim to none. Bound by magical chains, wandless and outnumbered we were screwed. I didn’t even hope to be rescued. No one would notice our absence until the next morning and even then they wouldn’t know how to help us. It was easy to break into someones house. It wasn't so easy to save two people from in the inside of it when there were an unknown number of Death Eater's lingering inside.
I chewed the side of lip irritated by our predicament. Out of all the people I had to die with why him? I could have tolerated Pettigrew. A simple kick to the face and he would have shut up leaving me to deal with the dilemma alone as god intended. Sirius wouldn’t take that. Not only would he be able to stop me from kicking him in the face but he would never let me be the hero. Oh no, Sirius Black couldn’t possibly let me handle this. He would have to contribute something of his own accord. Pettigrew would follow orders aimlessly Sirius wouldn’t. Plus I wouldn’t have to deal with my past, which therefore wouldn’t cloud my judgment and enable me to think correctly. The Renee in my head sighed at me, “Sadly you’re not stuck with wimpy Pettigrew.”
I glanced over at him and regretted it. The cold, callous nature of his expression frightened me. Though I probably did my own part in damaging him I never thought I’d see the day when he wouldn’t be able to crack a joke or smile. His seemingly unfeeling deposition made a wave of depression over to me. Surely I couldn’t have done this to him. Yes, I was the one that was forced to let him go but how long did it take him to start chasing every girl in site? He couldn’t have been that broken up about it to cause internal damage.
This was going to be a long night.
I was about to close my eyes when the fear started trickling down my spine. Fear was a fickle a bitter thing. It catches up to you just when you think you’re beyond being scared. I didn’t recognize it at first. It didn’t happen like an instinctual fear. Instead it snuck up on me and started making me anxious and nervous. What if this was it? All the training, all the bullshit, to die right in front of the man I love without him knowing I still love him seemed …possible. To die in an ironic twist of fate would fit my life story. I fell in love with my enemy only to become the enemy. Gave my life for the man I loved to prove my commitment and loyalty only to have him not know it now when I die. I wanted to see a way of this but as time went on my optimism failed. I wanted to say it. To explain everything so that even if he hated me to my core for what I did he would at least know me for what I am and not for what I was. When the fear came I couldn’t bear to make myself think little of him because no matter what perspective i saw him through the fact was, I loved him. In the deepest essence of my bones I knew it. I loved each and everything about him. His flaws, his qualities, all of it. He may have changed but I still saw through him. He was the same boy who would have given up anything for me in a moment’s notice. The problem was he didn’t know that I was the girl who would always give up everything for him.
I leaned against the wall and felt like crying. Why couldn’t I say it?
I turned and looked at him softly. “Yeah?”
“Why did you become an Auror?...” His voice was undemanding and faint, “You always made fun of me when I said I was thinking about it. So why did you?”
I considered the question thoughtfully. Then I figured what did I have left to lose? “I was waitressing and the cheesy dinner for minimum wage….I had no family left, no real friends and Parker came by to see me one day at work. We were talking and he pointed out a flyer on the wall that said ‘apply now for training’…Something in me made me try it. I was always fast with quick reflexes but I’d never been much of a fighter. So I tried it. Every test I became more determined and confident in myself until I passed the training….” I dropped my gaze, “I was the first woman to complete the entire program…Alice failed a portion otherwise she would have been.”
“Are you good?”
I shrugged, “I’m alright.”
“If you were just alright Dumbledore wouldn’t have recruited you.”
“Thanks," I blushed slightly embarrased,"…I shouldn’t have been surprised that you were.” I commented to him innocently.
His tone dimmed slightly. “But you were.”
“Not because of your skill or ability…I just…” I stared at my knee, “I never thought I would see you again.”
“Well I’m sorry.”
I twisted back to face him. “I’m not.”
“You seem too.”
“…I don’t like to show …I feel uncomfortable.” I admitted honestly, “Our…history I suppose is complicated and …I know you don’t particularly like me.”
His face loosened faintly as starred at me. “Well…That’s complicated too.”
Then there was silence. My heart was hammering in my chest as I began to feel my grip on my own self control loosening as memories raced through me. All the moments we’d spent together. We’d come full circle back to the way we started off, strangers with only assumptions about one another. I must seem like a cold robotic working stiff compared to who I once was. When were together I was reckless, fearless and completely careless. Saturday nights I would be more likely dancing on a table top with total strangers then doing word searches alone. I’d done a complete 180 but he seemed the same. I heard Potter joking about all his girlfriends and I knew he lived off his inheritance from his uncle but beyond that his life didn’t radically change. At least not like mine which forced me to ask if ever really loved me to begin with. Questions were smarming around in my brain until I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Sirius …” I whispered quietly glancing away from him. “Why did you kiss her?”
I shook my head and grimaced. “Nothing…Nevermind.” I hated myself for even mentioning it.
“I think you’re referring to Evangeline but I don’t see what that matter’s. You’re the one who left me remember.”
“Yeah,” I scoffed darkly. “That’s exactly how it happened.”
“Fine then Jules.” He glared at me, “Why don’t you tell me what happened? Because for the past few years I’ve been wondering what the hell happened and can’t seem to understand how my wife-“
I grimaced at the word.
He gritted his teeth. “How my wife could break my heart, become engaged to …my own brother …and not even say a word to me about any of it.”
“What?” I turned quickly, “I was never engaged to Regulus.”
Surprise fitted his face. “What?”
“Who told you that?”
He looked murderous. “Bellatrix.”
“Well that explains it doesn’t?”
“But….” He furrowed his eyebrows. “You weren’t there….”
I scoffed again, “Yeah because I was in the hospital bleeding to death.” The words slipped out of my lips before I could even process what I was saying.
His face dropped and he came closer to me. “What?!”
“Oh no no no no. What did you mean?”
I moved away from him. I couldn’t bare it. How could I have just let that slip?! Was I crazy? “Nothing.”
He wasn’t going to let this go. “Jules!”
“Just let it go!” I shouted furiously, “You didn’t give a shit then so don’t pretend you give a shit now!”
Another silence lingered between us as I refused to look at him. I knew it wouldn’t last. He wasn’t one to let things go. At least not when they were within arms reach.
He moved over and lowered his face so I was forced to look at him. “Okay maybe you weren’t engaged but you never replied to any of my owls. You owe me an explanation.“
“I don’t owe you anything! You never spent me any owls because you never cared!”
“Never cared?” The intensity of his tone was so strong I felt myself falter. “Never….” He began to shake as he moved back to where he was sitting, “You almost killed me.”
“I almost killed you?” My voice shook with anger. “Do you have any idea….Of course you don’t!”
“WHAT? Oh no please elaborate on just how you could have done what you did!”
I was furious, “You want to know what happened to me? YOU HAPPENED TO ME! I didn’t ever give a shit until you! Then after five months with you I gave up my family, my friends, everything for you for what?! Bellatrix told my father about us. If you did send some letters I never got them because my mother intercepted all of them. “ I noticed I was shouting but I didn’t stop, “My father called me into his den and told me that I would never see you again. I showed him I was engaged he said he didn’t care and that it could be broken easily. I said no and he beat me until I laying on the floor in a pool of my own blood.” I glared at him. “When I got out of the hospital I was disowned from everything. The first week they just fazed me out then they began to beat me.” My glared intensified. “And my father told me if I ever spoke to you again he’d kill you and considering what he did to me I obliged….” I frowned, “Then I saw you with Evangeline…That shanky whore…And the next week I saw you snogging every whore in sight..Never the same one either…I finished the term and thought I’d never see you again.”
His face was blank and he said nothing.
“So when you think I was the one that broke your heart. Think again. You seem just fine to me.”
I lied. He looked destroyed. I tried to be the cold and unfeeling thing he thought me to be and think he was awful. That didn’t suffer but his eyes betrayed me.
“I went for you.” He muttered almost under his breath, “I went to the Slythern compartment and couldn’t find you. That’s when I ran into Bellatrix. I broke into your house and searched for any trace of you and found nothing. I practically slept outside the Slythern come room trying to get information out of that friend of yours. I sent you letter after letter and when I did see you in school I got a letter in your handwriting telling me to leave you alone. So never say I gave up on you,” He shifted his weight to draw attention to the chain around his neck. Through the shirt I saw the outline of a ring and my jaw dropped, “Because I never did.”
I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t expecting this. “I thought…”
“Well you thought wrong didn’t you?” He sighed, “I understand why you did it…but after everything why didn’t you fight?”
“I was pregnant."
His breathing became sharp and ragged as his eyes began to water with rage.
My voice grew soft, “Before you yell at me about not telling you. I didn’t know until they told me i…” I never finished the sentence. I couldn’t.
Tears welled up in my eyes and for once I let them fall. I was tired of lying, tired of hiding the truth from everyone, including myself. And for the first time since I left Hogwarts, I cried. It wasn’t sobbing or hysterical crying but it was tears none the less.
“How far along were you?”
“I don’t know…They never said.”
He came over to me, “I…” His voice shook and I saw how sorry he was, every fiber of it was on the surface of his watering eyes.
“You couldn’t have known.” I told him as he drew closer. I put my head on his chest.
“I was so stupid.”
He rested his forehead on mine and smiled sadly. “To think you would just leave without a good reason.”
I lifted my head and raised my lips. His expression changed from light joking to sincere longing. I knew what was going to happen. I felt it growing in my stomach and rise up in my chest. Everything was in that moment.
“Didn’t I break you two up already?”
And then the bitch came…
I tightened my jaw so suddenly a jolt of pain echoed through my mouth. I wanted to break her limb from limb. Every fiber being of me hated her and yet I had to give it to her. She was clever. Only a cleverly constructed plan would have separated me and Sirius.
“He wants to see you,” She smiled at us evilly, “Both of you actually.”
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Chapter Eleven: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots, Pt. 1 By: The Flaming Lips
Chapter Twelve: Learning to Breathe By: Switchfoot
Chapter Thriteen: Everything We Had By: The Academy Is...
Chapter Fourteen: Up Against A Wall By: Boys Like Girls
Chapter Fifteen: All the Right Moves By: OneRepublic
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