Chapter 1 : You Will Always be just Lily to me
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A/N: Hey guys this is my first story. This is set at the end of Sixth Year. Also if you find any mistakes in it please tell me. Enjoy
You Will Always be just Lily to me
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley
He was doubled over in mind-numbing, nerve-wrenching pain. He wasn't in the heat of battle, but on the edge of a deserted forest, deserted except for one girl, the one whom he hated with a vigor and loved with all his soul. Lily. He gasped aloud in pain at the thought of her name. How cruel fate is, treating us like pawns in a game. One day, we are at the top of the world, and with a swish of the wrist, the uttering of a single word all hopes and dreams are gone with a gust of the wind. He was face to face with the one thing in the world he could not live without, and the one thing in the world he could never have.
Imagine, just for a moment, what it would be like, if when ever you thought of the most important thing in your world, no, instead, everytime you breathed in, the sensation of a dagger slicing between your ribs would issue you a crippling pain. What if that oxygen were to tell you that you were not allowed to have it, if it avoided your gasping lungs without heed of your needs and all consuming desires. Worse, what if said oxygen laughed at your efforts, for to it, you did not really need oxygen in the first place, only thought you did. Then the oxygen leaves you where you be, to collapse on the ground, grasping at life. Lily Evans was his oxygen.
His eyes flicked up to the girl now staring down at him, normal facial expressions replaced with her favorite new expression, a stone mask, which kept her face blank and expressionless. His eyes narrowed into a glare. "Follow me." He growled between his teeth.
"Very Well Potter." It's a good thing that she was naturally curious, else she may not have gone.
He, forsaking the moonlit grounds for the untamed wilderness of the Forbidden Forest, forged a new trail between the sparse underbrush and the ancient trees, sentinels to their emotional battle. Even though he bade it not to, the thought of how close Lily was slipped past his carefully built boundaries in his mind. He gasped, and for the hundredth time this week, if not this day, and toppled to the ground. This found them in a small clearing next to the lake.
"Here is fine." He gasped between clenched teeth, bared in a snarl of defiance against the pain.
"Why do you do that?" Her voice was as hollow as a log.
"You seem to be in pain. I am wondering why." Her voice was now cold and direct, as if she were commanding a group of first years, instead of being concerned his well being.
He did not feel inclined to answer, so he did not, only let out a small sigh. Lily bristled at the fact that he had ignored her.
"You don’t need to be so immature, I expected that you had brought me out here for a reason. It is only fair that I ask the answers as to why."
Even though he had heard her perfectly, he asked again. "Pardon me, what was it you asked?"
He snapped. Months of the cramped life style had worn his edges down; now he was done being what everyone else wanted him to be. He was done playing puppet for his friends in order to save his reputation. He was done being that little kid everyone thought he was. Going one step at a time, and seeing as he had been provided with a perfectly good opportunity, he decided to set Evans straight first. "You want to know what pains me, right?" His voice was deadly calm.
She nodded tersely. Her fiery long curls bobbing as she did so. For only a second he let himself admire the beautiful creature that she was, standing out from the white snow and dark forest, but he felt a stab in his side reminding him of the pain he was in because of her.
He raised his voice so that he was nearly shouting. "What do you want me to say? I hold myself together because you're hurting me? Because I feel as though I'm being stabbed in the heart? Because I feel my sanity is about to leave my body? Because you are the reason I live and the reason I want to die! The reason I often have trouble breathing, why I am losing sleep and eating barely enough is because everytime I think of YOU, talk to you, see you, even smelling you causes one hundred red hot swords to plunge into my heart. You are my oxygen; I cannot take leave you, since that would surely kill me, though in my special case, being with you, even near you, is well sending me to the same fate! You chastise me for not sharing my feelings and emotions with you, yet you never let anyone, not even your own best friends, know who you really are! All I've ever wanted to do was make you happy and well, and then every day you dangle yourself in front of me! I feel like a starving dog on a leash, a piece of meat just barley out of my reach! Fate, and don't think you play little part in this, has placed me a hairs breadth in front of the one thing that I want the most and the one thing I can never have. So if you ever see me killed in battle, Crucio’d or hurt or something of the like, rest in peace at night, and know that what you have done was much, much worse, and that I died with pleasure."
By the time he finished, Lily was starring at him wide-eyed, open mouthed, and with tears slowly leaking down her face. This for some reason angered him as well, why should she care? "Don't you cry on my behalf, it's not as though you care! All you're probably worried about is how this will jeopardize your chances of becoming Head Girl, a beautiful person who causes others who love her pain doesn’t go down too well with the teachers from what I heard. After all, what do my feelings mean, I'm just a childish toe-rag, or so it would seem. Well, I'm not your tool, Evans, nor your pet, and nobody else's either. Stop playing with me, because I'm fed up! I'm not something you can play with and throw away when you get bored! I'm not a prefect, and neither am I perfect, or anything other than James. If you are not happy with who James is, than I'm sorry about your luck." He glared at her, she, whose tears were now flowing freely.
"Oh, Potter, James! I didn't, I never... you weren't... I didn't know... I-" She choked off with a sob. She took a half step towards him, and the fiery pain ripped through him, causing him to shudder and collapse on the ground again, assuming a fetal position until the pain subsided enough to move.
"Evans" Wince. Though his voice was softer now, coddling, showing the other half of his feelings for her. "Lily, I love you. Don't cry... This is the price of love, I am willing to pay it." He gasped out as his lungs burned.
"Why, why would you do this? For me?"
"Lily, you have a twisted view of yourself. You don't have to be anyone other than Lily Evans and I’d love you without a second thought. Not Lily the scholar, nor Evans the hottest girl in school. Not even Lillian Evans future Head Girl destined for greatness. I don't care who you are or what you look like, 'cause you'll always just be Lily to me." Then he blacked out the last thing he saw was his beautiful flower kneeling next to him.
A/N: So people who read this are cool. But people who review with praise, help and criticism are AWESOME. Tell me what you think!
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