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Chapter 1 : I Won't Say I'm in Love
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If there’s a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I’ve already won that. No man is worth the aggravation, that’s ancient history-been there, done that!
“Come on Lily, you know that you like him,” a blond-haired, blue-eyed babe named Emma Sinclaire said.
“But I can’t,” I insisted. “I can’t fall in love with him. I mean, come on! He’s James Potter! He has a different girlfriend every month! And plus, I can’t trust any guys right now. I mean, not after what happened last time. Remember?”
“You have to forget Derek!” Veronica Hastings, a girl with auburn-colored hair and brown eyes that seem to turn red whenever she was mad, said. “That was two-and-a-half years ago!
“I know! But, still…” I trailed off. Then suddenly, I don’t know where from, but an outburst came from me: ”I don’t love James Potter!” I think I was trying to convince myself more than my friends.
“Sure,” said Emma. “You just keep telling yourself that.”
“Shut up, Ems!” I exclaimed, throwing the pillow in my hand at her and reaching for another one to scream in.
Who do you think you’re kidding? He’s the earth and heaven to you. Try to keep it hidden! Honey, we can see right through you! Girl, you can’t conceal it, we know how ya feeling and who you’re thinking of.
“Who do you think you’re kidding, Lily?” Veronica asked, laughing. “You know, if you weren’t so good at keeping your emotions in control, you’d be on your knees every day in front of James asking, no, begging for him to take you to Hogsmeade and be your boyfriend!”
“We can see right through you,” Emma added, also laughing.
“I know,” I said, sighing.
“Girl,” said Ronnie, laying a hand on my shoulder, sympathetically,” you can’t hide your feelings from us. We’re your best friends. We know that you’re always thinking of James. We even know your real feelings for him.”
No chance, no way, I won’t say it no, no. You swoon, you sigh, why deny it, uh-oh! It’s too cliché, I won’t say I’m in love!
“Why don’t you just tell him, Lils?” Emma asked. “It’ll make him so happy that you finally said yes! Plus, you’ll finally get it off your chest.”
“No way!” I exclaimed. “Absolutely not! There is no way that I’m ever going to tell him that. I don’t like him!”
“Come on, Lily,” Ron insisted. “When he looks at you, you swoon. Whenever he smiles or winks at you, you sigh. Why do you keep denying the fact that you love him?”
“But it’s too cliché!” I exclaimed. “I mean, before he liked me and I said no. now he doesn’t like me and I’m saying yes. What am I supposed to do?” It was just so confusing! I thought.
“Who said he doesn’t like you anymore?” Veronica asked.
“W-well,” I said, stuttering. What am I supposed to say? Words were just coming out of my mouth and I had no control over them! “He hasn’t asked me out all this year. Normally he would ask me out every day!”
“So? He still winks at you all the time. And, whenever you are in the same room as him, he’s always looking at you. Well, as long as he can until Remus or Sirius hits him in the head and he compelled to break his gaze from you and hit them back. Which normally turns into a wrestling match,” she added, thoughtfully.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that I thought, miserably. But I won’t admit it! I yelled in my mind. I won’t say I’m in love! Especially not with James Potter!
I thought my heart had learned its lesson. It feels so good when you start out. My head is screaming get a grip girl! Unless you’re dying to cry your heart out. (Ohhhhhhhh)
“I thought I had learned,” I said, completely changing the subject.
“Learned what?” Ronnie asked. Then she moved her eyes to Emma, who had fallen asleep. “Wake up, you lazy-butt!” she yelled. Then she threw a pillow at her.
“Ahhhhhhhh!” Emma screamed, falling off of her bed.
“Learned what?” Veronica repeated, looking back at me.
“I thought my heart had learned that it’s not supposed to fall in love anymore. Come on, girl! My brain yelled to my heart. Get a grip on yourself! You can’t fall in love with James Potter! Sure, he’s hot and he’s smart. But... do you want to spend the next two years crying over him when he breaks up with you? Are you really dying to cry your heart out again? I asked myself, sighing.
You keep on denying who you are and how you’re feeling. Baby, we’re not buyin’, Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling. Face it like a grown up, when you gonna own up that ya got, got, got it bad.
“What are we talking about?” Emma asked, rubbing her head.
“Lily and I are talking about James,” Ron replied.
“Oh,” Ems said, grabbing her water bottle and taking a few sips out of it. “Why do you keep denying your feelings for him?”
“We just went over that!” Ronnie exclaimed, pulling at the roots of her hair in frustration.
“Yeah,” I cut in, just so I could be in the conversation and not feel left out. And so I could take my frustration out on somebody. “If you were awake then you’d be caught up.”
“Well, I’m sorry that I’m tired because it’s two o’clock in the morning!” she yelled, yawning. “Anyways, we’re not buying the act. You can keep it up around James, but you can’t fool us.”
“We saw you hit the ceiling,” Ronnie added.
Then, all of a sudden I felt hands gripping my shoulders and shaking me really, really hard.
“When are you going to face love like a grown up, Lily?” Emma screamed in my face. “When are you going to admit that you really, really like James?”
Owwwwwww! I took my pillow and started to hit Emma with it to get her off me.
Fortunately, it worked.
No chance, no way, I won’t say it no, no. give up, give in, check the grin you’re in love. The scene won’t play; I won’t say I’m in love. You’re doing flips, read our lips: you’re in love.
“Like I said before, there is no chance that I’m ever going to tell James that I love him. No way! I won’t say it! Nuh-uh!” I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head hard, almost giving myself whiplash. I’m eventually going to have to tell him. It’ll just break my heart if he gives up on me and forgets me, and goes off and marries some other girl. Like…Amanda Clark, one of the other girls that share the room with me, Ron, and Emma. I know that she likes him and hates me because James has eyes only for me. She’s also a really big jerk. She’s not the only girl in the school who hates me, now that I think about it…
Ron took my head and made it face her. “Read my lips,” she growled, pointing to her mouth. “You’re. In. Love.
“No I’m not!” I yelled in her face, taking her by surprise and making her fall off of my bed.
You’re way off base, I won’t say it. (She won’t say it, no.) Get off my case, I won’t say it. Girl don’t be proud, it’s ok you’re in love. (Ohhhhhhhh)
“Yes you are!” Emma and Ronnie yelled in unison.
“You two are way off base!” I screamed, making very frustrated hand movements. “I won’t say I’m in love with James Potter!” Even though I really am, I added silently in my head. I really have to stop denying it. I’ve also got to keep it down, I realized. If James is in the common room, he might hear me.
Defeated, Emma turned to Veronica and quietly said, “She won’t say it.”
“No she won’t,” I agreed. “I mean, no I won’t.” then I smiled.
But Ronnie wasn’t going to admit defeat so soon. “She has to!” she yelled to Emma. Then, turning to me, “You have to!”
Then, I just lost it, “Get off my case, Ron! Why won’t you just accept the fact that I’m not ready for a boyfriend?”
“It’s been two-and-a-half years,” she said, feeling sad.
“You don’t have to be proud,” said Ems. “It won’t hurt your reputation if you just tell James. “
‘I know! This is not about my reputation! It’s not that I can’t, I can! I just don’t want to,” I said, quietly.
Actually, I want to. I really, really want to. But, will he forgive me for turning him down all these years? I just don’t want to find out.
At least out I won’t say I’m in loooooooooooove. (Sha la la la la la laaaaa)
“Sha la la la la la laaaaa,” sang Emma, swaying from side to side.
“What?” she asked when Ronnie and I looked at her. “I’m kind out woozy right now because of lack of sleep.”
“Like that explains it,” Ron said.
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