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A Stained Glass Window by blackthoughtsredwriting
Chapter 1 : Losses and Lamentations
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3


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A couple of years and I'm a silhouette
My halo is broken now and I'm all that's left


Now what I thought stupidly?  How could I have not seen it? She changed me. She's the only one who bothered to get to know the real me. Before her I felt so worthless. I wondered if I was even worth loving. She showed me different, but I proved her wrong in the end.

I hate to disappoint but it's the way things went
I was bound to the things I did
And after what was said


I knew that she was frustrated with me, but I never thought she would actually do this to me. I blame it on myself really. It was my fault that she left me. I should have seen it coming I was blind to how I treated her.


Tie up these loose ends
These voices are calling me out



I admit I didn't treat her right. I don't know why I treated her so. I loved her and I still do but now she is gone because of me. I let all the insecurities in my life dictate how I treated her.

I've got the solution
You can feed me to something
That is leaving this doubt


And that was when I knew that she would never come back to me. I would never get to hold her again. I would never get to whisper I love you in her ear or stroke her hair as she fell asleep in my lap.

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a whole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone


I wrote to her many times asking no begging for her forgiveness but she wouldn't budge. She told me that she could not love like me.

Whoa, cold comes cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do it alone


I didn't understand. My mind couldn't, wouldn't grasp the concept of a life without her. I needed her.

A couple of tears and I'm a broken mess
The sadness has taken me far to deep in regret


I don't know how many people I attacked and to be quite honest I don't really care. Her words etched into my heart and mind where they will forever stay until my dying day

So sing me a song about something good
My heart's on the thrashing floor
And I've done every single thing I could


It feels like I'm dying right now. I didn't know what to do I had long since given up the hope that she would ever take me back. She wouldn't look at me. She wouldn't talk to me. It was killing me  slowly starting on the inside of my heart and radiating outwards.

I use to believe in
Some kind of feeling
That could change every thing
I thought I knew


I can still remember the exact words she said to me.

Flashback:







"Why can't you just forgive me Hermione?" I asked

"Because you do not care about me. You've proved that already. You've watched me cry and just walked away. If you just had shown that you cared, things would be different. It hurts my heart to entertain the possibility that the person I fell in love with isn't who i thought he was."

"I can change," I said frantically, "I can be that person I use to be."

"Draco, she said, "That person you use to be is gone and that person you use to be isn't coming back. That person you use to be shouldn't have left in the first place because he was perfect and he meant everything to me."

Her words cut me like a knife slicing through my heart. I turned around and walked away. I couldn't bear to hurt her anymore.

 

 

 








End of flashback


But that door is closed and
My heart feels like it's frozen
If you hear me I can feel you


I don't know how much longer I can live like this. When you have your lost your true love you feel like apart of you just died which is how I feel. I never want to love again because the pain that comes with love is too unbearable. I should've just listened to my father. Love is weak. But no, My father id dead. I killed him.

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a whole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone


I guess there is only one thing left to do now that I have nothing in my life to live for. Nothing to keep me moving on.

Whoa, cold comes cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do this alone


I went to the place where we use to just sit and watch the sun sink beneath the clouds. It was my favorite spot.

The coldest heart can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes
The coldest heart can be brought to life
When it's thrown into the fire of goodbyes


I'm having second thoughts of doing it now. I have to keep on telling myself and willing myself to do it. I can't back out now.

Whoa, I'm losing hope
There's a whole in my heart
That's been cut out of stone


I stand now on the edge. The edge of all my fears. I stand on the edge to try to erase the memories of her. Then all of a sudden I feel an odd sort of peace come over me.


Whoa, cold comes cold goes
Could you fill this hole?
Cause I can't do this alone


'I love you Hermione," I said. I look over the edge and down into the bottom of my heart. I see my death as how I planned it. But all of a sudden I smile and I turn away. I am better than this.

I've got the coldest heart
I've got the coldest heart
I've got the coldest heart
I've got the coldest heart


I will live with the pain and regret of my choices and my mistakes. It's the punishment and shame I bear that cause me to go on and hope someday she can forgive me for breaking her heart. And then I remember the note I left her before I left and I felt an overwhelming sadness come over me. I need to go back. I need to go back and put things right before its to late. And with that, I head back to the place I never thought I'd see again.

(Cause I can't do this alone).

 
To anyone who cares:
        They use to say that love is what we live for. They say it is better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all, but they aren't the ones who live everyday feeling their heart getting ripped out of their chests. And I do feel that way. I live that pain everyday. They don't know the feeling. They will never know.
         So I have decided to fix my pain in a way that others cannot. No one can help me and I have finally decided that I don't want to live like this anymore. I don't want to live the rest of my life only half alive. So those of you who read this will know that I am dead already. To the one that I love, and the one that used to love me; we got to the edge and jumped. You made it across. I didn't. I fell to the bottom. I'm still waiting for when you will come and help me up.
                                                                   Draco
 
 Far away back at Hogwarts, just as Draco turned away from the edge, A young girl could be seen, one tear fell from her eye as she read the letter by a stained glass window. Then her resolve stiffened. She reread his letter and made her decision. She would go and help him up from the bottom of the hole that she had left him in.
 
 
 




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