Chapter 4 : It's inevitable Princess
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When I woke up the next morning I was in a bad mood, I had overslept and I was late to Transfiguration so when I got there the only seat left was next to either Scorpius Malfoy or the odd Ravenclaw boy with green hair who always tries to grope me.
So I basically, I was either going to end the class having been physically assaulted or driven to physical assault.
I chose the seat next to Malfoy. I’ve always preferred being to one to do the assaulting.
He smirked at me “late again Weasley, did you finally give in and shag Scamander in the third floor bathroom?”
My fingers twitched towards the pen I carried in my pocket for defensive purposes but I caught McGonagall watching us closely as if she knew violence was inevitable so I restrained myself.
“No,” I said calmly “I did not.” I smirked and leant back in my chair “so what is it like to be a canary Malfoy? Because you sort of looked like you belonged on a muggle children’s nellyvision program.”
He rolled his eyes “first of all, it’s television, and second of all,” he smirked “your cousin is always entertaining to fight with.”
“Well if you keep pissing her off she really will turn you into chicken nuggets,” I said solemnly “and if you hurt her you’ll have a whole army of us bearing down on you to turn you into hot wings.”
He raised on eyebrow coolly “you Weasly’s really do breed like rabbits don't you? I suppose that would explain your bathroom escapades.”
I chose to ignore that comment “at least I'm not pining over someone who’ll never want me,” I said with a pointed glance at Rose.
He just chuckled “Malfoy’s don't pine, and at least I can admit to what I want, you on the other hand...” he looked pointedly at Lysander “lord knows he’s probably the only person on earth patient enough to deal with you.”
“Yeah great job on the admitting front,” I snapped “does Rose know?”
He shrugged “she will.”
“What if I tell her?”
He shrugged again “you won’t, you know that she wants me and you want to see how it plays out.”
“I do not!” I said indignantly “you're all wrong for Rose.”
He snorted “I'm right for Rose and you know it, she could stand to...” his voice purred “unwind.”
“Gross!” I exclaimed hitting him on the arm “and stay away from her unless you want to be turned into another form of birdlife.”
“I'm terrified,” he said in a bored tone with a roll of his eyes.
“You should be,” I assured him “because if you roll those eyes again you're going to lose one.”
I had a free period after Transfiguration and while I was buried in homework I decided to use the time to reply to James’s letter since he could be rather like a toddler when he felt he was being ignored. The last time I didn’t reply to one of his letters because I was in France and couldn’t be bothered he sent me a letter bomb and nearly got us thrown out of the hotel.
Hello James, my favourite idiot.
I did indeed stab someone, twice, although not with a pen, with a fork. Scorpius Malfoy actually. Unfortunately he’s still alive but I'm working on correcting that.
I have attached three pens to this letter, use them wisely and for the love of Merlin if Aunt Ginny discovers them, you didn’t get them from me.
One of them is glittery! Rose tried to explain how they got the glitter in there but it doesn’t really make sense.
And in answer to your question, I have no idea how Malfoy got head boy... but I think Rose is about a week away from murdering him so hopefully his replacement will be a Gryffindor.
Also, yes Albus has been reading your charts and we have tryouts booked tomorrow morning at 5 to try and find replacements for you and Freddy. Although where we’re going to find a world class seeker and a nut job beater I don't know.
Hugo is still trying to convince Al to play seeker and let someone else do keeper since he’s nearly as good as you at it but he won’t, according to Rose we should leave him alone since Al likes being keeper.
Hogwarts feels very boring without you and Freddy, it’s far too quiet.
Can you please send me some of those convulsing Candies? I want to kill Lysander Scamander.
He is the most annoying git on the planet James! And I know you’ve heard me say this last year and the year before but he’s gotten worse.
And apparently according to Malfoy I want to ‘do him’. Malfoy’s words not mine.
Can you believe that?
We’re all fine here; Scorpius Malfoy got miraculously turned into a canary yesterday... which I'm sure you know nothing about.
All thanks to Louis and Lucy who mysteriously came into possession of a canary cream... Any idea how all that happened?
You’re just lucky Rose doesn’t know you helped the two of them.
Poor Hogwarts, I bet the teachers were dancing with joy when you and Freddy graduated because they thought they’d be safe from pranks but you still manage to wreak havoc from miles away.
That’s not to say I don’t miss having you around.
If you have time, please send some sort of experimental merchandise from Freddy that I can use on Lysander Scamander.
And James, as for getting Teddy sent to the emergency room, I think that’s a sign you need to stop celebrating, otherwise Vic might just kill you if Teddy gets punched again.
I can’t believe you saw Professor Tinnypenice, I hadn’t thought about him in forever; well, now at least we have proof that you and Freddy are really annoying enough to drive someone clinically insane.
Also if you have time would you mind stopping by either your parents place or mine to see if they got a letter about my stabbing Scorpius Malfoy... again, because Professor Longbottom said he would write to them but I haven’t got a howler from maman yet so I'm hoping it got misplaced.
However if they did get it just try and smooth things over a little, mention that he happened to be sitting on top of Rose at the time and refusing to get off... while transformed into a giant canary. So stabbing him in the leg... or wing... with a fork was really the most reasonable course of action.
I had detention with him last night and I nearly died... or killed him, but I'm hoping my detention tonight I will be on my own, otherwise I will take Rose’s suggestion and turn him into chicken nuggets, or just stab him again.
Aurevoir for now,
p.s no I do not agree with you, Tally Ho is, and always will be a lame greeting and I refuse to allow you to adopt it.
With that I finished the letter and folding it up I left with the intent of heading to the owlry.
Lysander approached me as I exited the library “I just had a fascinatingly helpful talk with Malfoy.” He said as he blocked my way.
“Helpful?” I demanded “Malfoy? Are you sure? I can’t imagine anything he could do being helpful... unless he’s decided to jump off the astronomy tower to save me the trouble of pushing him.”
“Don’t you want to know what he told me?”
I had a nasty feeling in my stomach as I responded coolly “not particularly.” I attempted to step around him and continue walking.
“Oh,” interrupted Lysander with a smooth smile as he stepped in front of me blocking my path “but it’s so interesting.”
I resisted the urge to kick him in the shins and continue on my way “fine,” I snapped “since I can see you intend to harass me until I feign some interest, what did the almighty Malfoy tell you?”
“Almighty Malfoy?” echoed Lysander with a grin “don’t let him hear you call him that.”
Deciding I’d had enough I once again attempted to continue walking only to find him in my path once again, solid and immovable “bloody brick walls,” I muttered.
“Brick walls?” he asked with an amused smirk on his face “you really know how to wound a guy.”
“Is there anything in particular you wanted?” I demanded “or are you just having fun harassing me?”
“When it comes to you princess,” he replied with a smirk “there will always be something I want.”
I smiled sweetly at him “any part of you that touches me you’re not getting back.”
He smirked “I like the sound of that.”
“You won’t once you have a bleeding stump instead of a hand.”
Lysander just continued to smile before adding in a conversational tone “we’re inevitable really you know, you’re just lucky I’m patient enough to wait until the information makes it through the haze of stubbornness that surrounds your brain.”
“Why don’t you just hold your breath and wait for that to happen?”
He chuckled “I’m a patient guy Dom, and I get the feeling you’re worth waiting for.”
I glared haughtily “you can wait until flubberworms fly for all I care but we will never ever ever be ‘inevitable’.”
He clucked his tongue “tsk tsk, so rash, but like I said before, I’m pretty patient.”
I snorted “keep being patient, but I'm never going to date someone who goes around announcing that we’re inevitable before he’s even asked me out.”
He raised one eyebrow “do you want me to ask you out?”
“No!” I all but shouted.
He just chuckled “good, because I'm not going to... yet.” With that he stepped aside and allowed me to continue walking down the corridor and I quickly hurried away until a thought struck me and I turned around
“Wait, what was it Malfoy told you?”
He gave a grin that could only be described as wolfish “all in good time Princess, all in good time.”
When I arrived at lunch Rose was conspicuously absent and Albus barely noticed my arrival as he was only emerging from his plate of Sheppard’s pie to breathe.
Lily shuddered delicately as she took a seat next to me “Roxie is studying,” she explained glumly.
I chuckled “nice to know I'm your second choice.”
“Well it certainly wouldn’t be this idiot,” she muttered in response “I'm surprised he hasn’t choked.”
“I'm a growing boy,” objected Albus, giving us a lovely view of the chewed up food in his mouth “and I need to be strong, we have quidditch try outs tomorrow morning.”
Lily and I both groaned “do we have to go?” she demanded “it’s fairly obvious we’ll make the team.”
Albus sighed “I have to at least pretend to be impartial Lil.”
I snorted “please, like we need favouritism, Lily Roxie and I are the best chasers in the school.”
“Damn straight,” agreed Lily and we high fived.
Albus grinned “true, but we still need a seeker and a beater.”
“Damn,” Hugo broke away from his friends further down the table and joined our discussion “I’d forgotten I was the only beater now Freddy’s left.”
“plus we lost a world class seeker when we lost James,” I said glumly “I mean, he played for England in his seventh year as well as captaining the team and sitting NEWTS, where the hell are we going to find another James?”
“Will Louis or Lucy audition?” asked Hugo thoughtfully.
Albus shook his head “I already tried them, Lucy said no, and Louis said he might audition next year for keeper.”
“What about Scamander?”Suggested Hugo “he looks strong enough to swing the bat and his brother plays chaser for Ravenclaw.”
I shook my head “he hates heights,” I explained “you haven’t got a hope of getting him on a broom.”
Lily whistled under her breath and grinned at me “I knew it!”
“Knew what?” asked Albus curiously.
“Dom and Lysander are finally together!”
Albus, Hugo and I all had the same reaction to this announcement. We all promptly choked on our food.
“What?” I demanded as Hugo began to franticly pound a choking Albus on the back until with a loud spluttering noise several pieces of Sheppard’s pie dislodged from his windpipe and flew across the room to hit an extremely irate Professor McGonagall.
“Kindly masticate with your mouth closed Mr Potter,” she said primly before continuing up to the teachers table.
Albus went bright red and looked at me in alarm “did she just say what I think she said?”
I sighed “she said masticate Albus, it means to chew.”
Hugo snorted “yeah right.”
“Are you sure?” demanded Albus “because it sounded like she said...”
“We all know what it sounded like,” I interrupted “but masticating means chewing.”
Albus continued to look disbelieving but Lily, peeved that her announcement had been forgotten quickly returned to the subject “so when did it happen?”
I blinked “when did what happen?”
“You and Lysander of course!”
“Me and Lysander what?”
Lily looked exasperated “the two of you are finally together!”
“When did this happen?” demanded Hugo.
“No idea...” I muttered “if Lysander and I are together then it’s news to me.”
“I didn’t even know you liked him,” commented Hugo.
“I don't,” I said flatly “but according to him we’re inevitable.”
“That’s so sweet!” exclaimed Lily.
Hugo snorted “it’s not sweet, it's creepy!”
“Finally!” I exclaimed “someone agrees with me!”
“Wait...” said Albus slowly “Dom are you sure that it means chewing?”
“Honestly Albus!” exclaimed Lily “we’ve all moved on from that! Try and keep up.”
“Yeah...” said Albus stubbornly “but I still think it means...”
I took a deep breath “Albus,” I said in a sickly sweet tone “do you really think that the Headmistress is going to tell you to masturbate with your mouth closed?”
“Do I want to know what you’re all discussing?” Rose slid into the seat across from me “or should I just summon a physiatrist?”
“What does masticating mean?” demanded Albus.
Rose looked baffled “chewing, why?”
“Good,” Albus looked comforted.
“Oh so when Rose says it you believe her,” I muttered.
He just shrugged “she’s not the one who apparently has a secret relationship.”
Rose turned an interesting shade of pink at this announcement and I decided to question her later “I do not have any sort of relationship,” I insisted “Secret or otherwise.”
“Sure...” said Lily with a wink.
I took a deep breath “I am not dating Lysander Scamander and I never will.”
Lily just grinned “sure...”
When I arrived in detention that night there was an unpleasant surprise waiting for me, not only was I going to have to scrub caldrons... without magic, but I had some unexpected company... again.
Malfoy looked up when I entered the dungeon “hello Princess,” he said with a smirk as he scrubbed his own cauldron.
“Do not call me that,” I said through gritted teeth “and you had better not be in my detention every night for the rest of the week, why couldn’t I be on my own?”
He ignored me “Scamander really hit the nail on the head with that nickname.”
“Well both you and Scamander are going to get hit on the head if you don’t stop using it,” I muttered picking up a scrubber from the pile Filch had left for us and selecting a cauldron.
Malfoy chuckled “now if only Scamander was here to see you on your knees... not that it’s an uncommon sight.”
“What the hell is your problem?” I demanded “what did I ever do to you?”
“You stabbed me with a fork...” said Malfoy as if he were speaking to a very stupid child “twice.”
“So what?” I continued “I stab lots of people... and occasionally I get stabbed back... don’t you dare turn that into a sexual innuendo!” I warned as I saw him begin to smirk.
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” he drawled.
A few minutes of silence went by, punctuated by the occasional muttered swear word as one of us dealt with a particularly stubborn stain before I finally blurted out something that had been bothering me all day
“What did you and Lysander discuss about me?”
Malfoy looked up in amusement “what makes you think we discussed you?”
“Because he couldn’t wait to come and tell me that the two of you had engaged in a fascinating discussion.”
He smirked “you do have a high opinion of yourself, what makes you assume you’re the only thing we could have discussed that Scamander would have found fascinating?”
“Because you have the intellect of a frog and Lysander has decided to go around announcing that he and I are inevitable.”
Malfoy snorted “and here I thought he would at least have some finesse about it.”
“What like you?” I raised one eyebrow “tell me Malfoy; exactly how much finesse does it take to tackle a girl while you’re transfigured into a giant chicken?”
“I wouldn’t know,” he said with great dignity “I was a giant canary, not a chicken.”
“And the difference is....?”
Malfoy looked annoyed “people eat chickens, they don't eat canaries.”
“I'm sure some people do,” I said with a smirk, “like people who can’t afford chickens.”
“What like your family?”
I sighed sarcastically “no Malfoy, my family is far too poor to afford canary meat; we just eat slugs instead, so if you ever see James coming towards you with his wand drawn you should do what the other slimy creatures do and run in the opposite direction so that you don't become Sunday lunch.”
Malfoy chuckled “Scamander is going to have his hands full with you that’s for sure.” When he saw my glare he smirked “and no Dominique, that was not a sexual innuendo.”
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