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Chapter 1 : Married
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Regina Rosier blushed and turned back to her drink, she tried not to stare across the bar, she really did, but it was hardly her fault, she reasoned, he was just that good looking. He was tall, very tall, sporting a light tan as if he spent most of his time outdoors, with black hair that seemed to be incredibly rumpled, though thankfully not due to hair gel... at least she didn’t think so.
She couldn’t see what colour his eyes were as he was looking away from her, ‘good,’ she reasoned to herself ‘he’s handsome enough as it is, don't need to go making him any more attractive.’ However she guessed they were dark from what she could see; brown she thought, or maybe hazel.
His robes were obviously expensive, leading her to think that he was obviously quite wealthy, not that that mattered to her in the slightest. She had enough money already.
He seemed to be brooding about something; he kept glaring at his glass of fire whisky which he was ploughing through quite quickly.
‘Come on now,’ she told herself firmly ‘this is too ridiculously clichéd so don't even go there, a tall, dark, brooding stranger in your favourite bar? Just leave it be.’
However she seemed to be unable to obey her own brain as she continued to steal looks at him from under her lashes wondering what it was about him that made her unable to stop looking.
As if he sensed her gaze, he looked upward immediately; catching her eye and making her blush and avoid his gaze.
It was as she thought, his eyes were brown, but a very nice, rich shade that was almost the same shade as the brandy in front of her...
“Stop it!” she hissed aloud in an attempt to make herself stop being so ridiculous.
Now she definitely had his attention “stop what?” he asked curiously.
She blushed even more “nothing,” she snapped, more violently than she had intended to “I wasn’t speaking to you.”
He chuckled and looked around the near empty room “there aint many others here love.”
“Go away,” she mumbled all but turning around, and then to the barkeeper she added “I’ll take another one.”
James Potter was in a bad mood, something that didn’t happen very often. He was carefree in the extreme usually; he had even been known to come up laughing after being knocked down, a good thing when you were in a family of hot tempered Weaslys. But this was different.
Rose was getting married, not that this was a bad thing in itself, she was a bit young, only twenty five, but that could be overlooked since she was in love.
It was who she was in love with that he objected to, Scorpius Malfoy, in James’s opinion, was a stuck up prick not nearly good enough for Rose.
And he couldn’t get rid of the prickly feeling on the back of his neck that he was being watched. He waited a few seconds and when the feeling didn’t go away he looked up and immediately found the culprit.
She was sitting across from him at the bar and he caught her peeking at him through her lashes causing her to blush and look away.
This boosted James’s mood immediately, women loved James, and he loved women. And this one was quite pretty with her hair immediately drawing his eyes.
He was unsure if it was the bar lighting or not but her hair was an unusual red gold colour that seemed to glow on its own as the light caught its messy waves.
“Stop it,” she hissed, interrupting his assessment of her, her blue eyes flashing.
He blinked in confusion “stop what?” he decided this girl was very strange.
She blushed even more “I wasn’t talking to you.”
He grinned, realising that he unnerved her “there aint many others here love,” he felt compelled to point out.
She just ignored him and ordered another drink.
“I’m James,” he offered.
“Regina,” she said shortly.
“I play Quidditch,” he blurted after several seconds of silence, appalling himself, he was never this blunt with women, he was usually charming, Sauvé and all the other adjectives he had heard over the years.
She smiled nervously as if she thought he was crazy “how nice for you.”
James cleared his throat “what I meant to say was that I am a professional quidditch player.” This line usually helped him with the ladies, particularly as it happened to be true, he was the best seeker England had seen in years and had been ever since he joined during his seventh year at Hogwarts nearly nine years ago.
The girl, Regina, snorted “right.”
James was baffled “no really, I am. My name is James Potter, I play seeker for England as well as the Chudley Cannons and...” he broke off abruptly when he noticed she clearly didn’t believe him.
“If you’re James Potter, I’m a flying kneezle,” she said flatly.
“Ah,” he said triumphantly “so you do recognise me.”
“I’ve heard of James Potter,” she corrected “but as it happens I wouldn’t be any more interested in him than I am in you.”
James felt vaguely offended by this “what in merlins name is wrong with James Potter?”
“Ha!” she exclaimed “so you admit you aren’t him.”
“Sorry love,” he said with a grin “but I am.”
She shook her head, determined not to believe him “you just referred to James Potter in the third person.”
“James Potter does it all the time,” he said solemnly “it's a bad habit he got into a child and now considers part of his considerable charms.”
She just snorted again, and he found that he thought this habit of hers was quite delightful.
“I’ve heard James Potter is famous for his ‘charms’” she muttered “but as it happens I don't go for players.”
James winced “you wound me love, indeed you do, player is a bit harsh don't you think?”
“Oh?” she asked sweetly “and what would you call it?”
James shrugged and grinned “I don't call it anything, but if I had to give it a name, I’d much prefer to be called something less derogatory, ‘connoisseur of women’ has a nice ring to it.”
This caused her to burst out laughing and James felt quite pleased with himself since she had a very nice laugh and he liked the way her dimples showed when she was amused.
“Merlins pants,” she giggled “’connoisseur of women’, how ridiculous, who on earth came up with that?”
“My cousin Dom,” he said with another of his trademark grins “she has a way with words and she’s rather fond of me, favourite cousin actually, you’d like her, everyone does...” he paused for a moment “well maybe not everyone.”
“Incest,” she muttered “lovely.”
James chocked on his drink “what? Hell no? What the hell gave you that idea?”
She shrugged a mischievous look in her eyes “well I assumed anyone calling you a connoisseur of women had to know firsthand, besides you did say she was your favourite cousin.”
“That joke isn’t even funny,” James growled.
She chuckled, a throaty sound that instantly pulled him back into a good mood “it’s a little funny.”
He just kept grinning as if he were unable to stop himself “so now that we’ve established that I really am who I say I am, what’s your real name?”
She sighed as if preparing for something dreadful “Regina Rosier.” She had been expecting some amusement, but damned if the dreadful man didn’t burst out laughing.
“My name isn’t that funny,” she said coolly “alliteration happens to be a family tradition, a rather stupid one, but a tradition none the less.”
This sobered him up “good grief, so your whole family has names like that?”
“What’s wrong with Regina?” she demanded.
He chuckled “too stuffy, I intend to call you Regan.”
She blinked indignantly “Regan is a boy’s name you ass,” she snapped.
“Well then we can guarantee that it will just be our special nickname,” he said with a grin “but I'm afraid I can’t let you give our children alliterated names.”
Now it was her turn to choke on her drink “I beg your pardon, our children? At what point in the night did you get me pregnant?”
James wasn’t too sure himself, but at some point in the last ten minutes he had decided that he intended to marry this girl, one of what his cousin Rose would call his ‘famously butt headedly impulsive decisions’.
“I haven’t... yet,” he admitted with a wicked smile “but I'm open to trying when you are.”
She blushed a furious shade of red “you’re insufferable,” she muttered “go away you wretched man.”
“How old are you?” he asked curiously.
She shook her head in amazement “you really are a tactless ass aren’t you?”
James wasn’t quite sure how to respond to this “umm no...?”
“Never ask a lady her age,” was her advice “however since I know you won’t leave me alone until I answer; I happen to be twenty four.”
“Excellent!” said James with a beam that dazzled her “then it’s perfectly legal for me to do this!” with that he crossed the bar astonishingly quickly and slammed his lips against hers.
Regina was shocked for several seconds until it dawned on her what an excellent kisser he was, and her hands slipped around his neck entirely of his own accord.
James broke away after several minutes with a slightly dazed grin “marry me?”
Regina blinked “no.”
“Because,” she said logically “I don't know you and I'm drunk.”
“Excellent,” said James his grin returning “so am I, see we’re a match made in heaven.”
“Do you ever stop grinning?” she demanded.
James continued to grin “only one way to find out, marry me and I’ll tell you.” He wasn’t sure exactly where all this talk of marriage was coming from, particularly since he had never had any interest in it before, he had avoided it like the plague actually. Thought his mate Teddy was nuts when he decided to settle down and marry James’s cousin Victoire. And now this Regan/Regina with the ridiculous name, big blue eyes and adorable dimples was making him consider it.
She just chuckled again “sorry but I have a strict policy, I don't marry men I’ve never been to dinner with.”
“Come on!” whined James “why won’t you marry me?”
“Because,” she said with a completely straight face “I have to wait until last my divorce is finalised.”
James looked so alarmed that she couldn’t help but laugh “I'm kidding. Look, you seem like an... Interesting guy but I really can’t marry you; I don't even know your family.”
“Right,” said James “well, my mum and dad are Harry and Ginny Potter...”
“Wait,” interrupted Regina “THE Harry Potter?”
James nodded “yep, and I have a brother named Albus who’s a year younger than me and too smart for his own good, I have a sister named Lily who never stops talking, she’s three years younger than me. And I have a hundred cousins.”
“Come on now,” laughed Regina “you can’t have a hundred!”
“Do to!” insisted James stubbornly “well, almost anyway. Shall I go in order of age or gender?”
“Ah...” said Regina confusedly “age?”
“Right,” said James determinedly “well Teddy ’s the oldest, though he’s not technically a cousin, but he may as well be since he’s dad’s godson and he married my cousin Victoire.
Next is Victoire, Aunt Fleur and Uncle Bill picked her name because she’s born on May second, which is exactly a year after they won the war, but she’s sweet as can be, She’s also gorgeous because Aunt Fleur is part Veela so before Teddy snapped her up we had a hard time keeping the Hogwarts boys away from her.
Next is Molly, she’s born six months after Victoire and she’s bossy as can be but she takes care of us all.
Next is Freddy , he’s three months older than me and he’s named after Uncle George’s twin who died in the war.
Next is me, and I'm awesome so enough said there.
Next is m’brother Al, he’s a year younger than me.
My cousin Rose is two months younger than him and perfect at everything she does.
Then my cousin Dom is three months younger than Rose,” he paused to grin here “Dom’s my favourite cousin, she’s impossible and slightly evil though, funny as hell. She’s also Aunt Fleur’s daughter and she’s even prettier than Victoire,” he chuckled “we had a hell of a time keeping all the boys she err... was ‘interested’ in away from her before her boyfriend Lysander won her over in seventh year. Her, Rose and Al were all in the same year at Hogwarts, a year below me.”
Regina appeared to be having trouble processing all this information so he gave her a concerned glance “do you need me to slow down?”
“No,” she said in a slightly dazed tone “I’m good.”
“Alright,” he said with a grin “then next is Roxanne, she’s Freddy ’s sister and she’s eighteen months younger than Dom.
Next is my sister Lily,” he shuddered slightly here “love her to death but she’s manipulative in the nicest way possible and she never stops talking, she’s nine weeks younger than Roxy.
Next is Hugo, he’s a year younger than Lily and he’s Rose’s little brother, he’s more like Al and Rose, the only Weasley’s who don’t like pranking people.
Then, last of all is Lucy, she’s Molly’s little sister and she’s born two days before Louis who’s Vic and Dom’s little brother and the two of them are inseparable and are in their seventh year of Hogwarts this year.” He took a sip of his drink “And that’s it.”
“Wow,” said Regina “so there really are like a hundred of you then?”
James nodded proudly “and I'm one of the few without red hair... thank god.”
Regina looked extremely indignant and James decided that she looked quite adorable in this state as she scrunched her nose slightly making her look like an angry rabbit, which he promptly told her.
“A rabbit?” she snapped “first you insult red hair... which I happen to have, and then you say I look like an angry rabbit?”
James seemed to realise he’d made a mistake “an indignant rabbit,” he stressed “and an adorable one at that. And don’t worry about the red head thing, I just meant I'm glad I'm not a red head because I’m a Potter, and Potters always fall for red heads.” He looked meaningfully at her.
Regina shook her head in amazement “you’re an idiot,” she told him firmly “and if I weren’t drunk I would probably throw my drink in your face.”
“Well I'm slightly drunk as well,” said James with devastating logic “otherwise I promise I normally have more finesse.”
“Shut up you ass,” she muttered, and then for reasons she couldn’t explain she leant over and kissed him.
Regina Rosier groaned as she heard a loud noise and opened her eyes groggily... and nearly had a panic attack.
This was not her bed.
She was only wearing her underwear.
And this was not her house
And DEAR GOD there was a lolly ring on her finger that had stuck to the sheets... lovely.
A loud slightly accented voice interrupted her thinking as it radiated from another room “James Sirius Potter get up right now.”
She blinked, that was not her name either.
A loud groan came from beside her causing her to shriek and fall off the bed and remember where she was.
She opened her mouth to yell at the man who was sitting in the bed looking at her with an amused expression but she was cut off as someone else entered the room.
“Get up James... oh shit!”
James glared at the unseen person in the doorway “go away.”
Regina looked up in confusion and blushed, the most beautiful girl she had ever seen stood in the doorway in a Chudley Cannons T-Shirt with her dishevelled white blonde hair loose around her shoulders and a knowing look in her dark eyes.
If this was James’s girlfriend, she realised, she was screwed, and there was no way she could compete with that. The girl was truly ridiculously beautiful.
The girls next words threw her into confusion “Merlin James, it’s bad enough Rose is running around shagging the pants off Blondie boy but now you have to go and do it too! Am I the only one who’s not getting fucked at all around here?”
Regina was confused now, it seemed extremely discordant to hear a girl who looked like an angel swear, but her words registered... definitely not the girlfriend.
James groaned again “Dom now is not the time... and ew, I don't want to know about your sex life.”
The girl looked indignant “it’s not my fault; Lysander’s decided to go off with his nut bag family and isn’t getting back until next week.”
Regina was starting to feel slightly offended that the girl hadn’t even acknowledged her and James wasn’t helping.
He snorted and stepped out of bed completely naked causing the blonde to roll her eyes “little warning next time James.”
“I'm trying to shock you into going away,” he said, “is it working? Besides, does Lysander know you refer to his family as nut bags?”
The blonde shrugged and examined her nails with a bored expression “if you want to shock me love, you’ll have to do better than that, and yes, he does know, he refers to my family the same way.”
For some unknown reason this caused James to chuckle and Regina decided she’d had enough, forgetting that she was in her underwear she stood up and attempted to make a dramatic exit but after several seconds she realised that she wasn’t wearing clothes and marched back into the bedroom to retrieve them.
“Merlin James,” said the blonde “can we have one morning where I pop by unexpectedly without there being a girl in your room.”
This didn’t help Regina’s temper and she picked up the nearest thing which happened to be bizarrely enough a large and extremely ugly potted plant and threw it at James.
“I like this one!” the blonde exclaimed.
“Good,” said James with a grin that Regina already knew meant trouble “because you’ll be seeing her a lot.”
Regina snorted “the hell she will, I’m going home.”
“She’s funny,” continued the blonde “keep her around.”
James grinned smugly “I intend to, she’s my wife.”
This time the blonde and Regina had exactly the same reaction, they book gave him horror struck looks “WHAT?” they both yelled.
The blonde, or as the case were, Dominique, turned out to be James’s favourite cousin and once Regina really got a good look at her she couldn’t deny that the two were related, their eyes being the exact same shade of brown which she learnt was common in the Weasly family.
Regina also found to her relief that Dominique was immensely likable, and she quickly formed the expression that the girl was charming, vivacious, teasing, incredibly sarcastic and extremely outspoken but altogether amusing.
It turned out she had arrived to ‘collect’ James as she termed it, seemingly he was late to Sunday lunch and someone called ‘nanna Weasley’ was ‘famously outraged’.
Dominique seemed to have adjusted quite quickly to James’s announcement but in the space of ten minutes Regina had heard at least four times ‘I don't believe it’ and ‘oh, this is famous!’ more than she could count.
James seemed to find all of this incredibly amusing “Regan and I will get ready then,” he said with a smirk.
Dominique wrinkled her nose “Regan? Isn’t that a boy’s name?”
“It’s Regina,” corrected Regina firmly.
Dominique burst out laughing “famous James! Did you really marry the girl without knowing her name?”
“He knows my name!” Regina felt compelled to interrupt “he just decided to edit it!”
This caused Dominique to smirk and lean back in her chair “I get the feeling lunch will actually be interesting today.”
“James...” said Regina slowly “Can I please talk to you in the other room... now!”
“Sure,” said James with a knowing look, then he turned to his cousin and rolled his eyes “you can go now.”
She just chuckled “sorry love, not leaving until you come with me, why do you think the elders sent me? They want to be sure you come to lunch!”
James just rolled his eyes and allowed Regina to lead him into the other room.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” she demanded “We are not married.”
He just grinned “beg to differ love, you’re wearing my ring and I distinctly remember last night.”
“Well I don't!” snapped Regina “but there is no need to panic,” she reassured herself “we can just get it annulled.”
“Actually...” said James in a slight panic. He did not want it annulled! As he looked around the room for a reason to prevent it his eyes lit on the bed and he smirked “you can only annul a marriage that hasn’t been consummated and...” he smirked even more “I think we well and truly consummated last night.”
Regina groaned “we’ll work this out later, I need to sleep.”
He just shook his head “sorry love, but we have a lunch to go to!”
Regina was not quite sure what to make of the Weasley/Potter family. Her first impression was that James had lied.
There were not a hundred of them...
There was a thousand!
“Hey mate,” a handsome man with impossibly blue eyes clapped James on the back “any particular reason you’re late? Don't see any bruises.”
“Bruises?” Regina couldn’t help but question.
The man grinned “yep, I figured since Dom got sent to retrieve him and she isn’t usually gentle that he’d be at least a little bruised...” it seemed to register who he was talking to and the man gave a confused glance at James “when we sent Dom to find out what was taking so long we didn’t mean for you to bring the reason for the delay along.”
“Teddy !” another incredibly beautiful woman with strawberry blonde hair glared at the man sternly causing his eyes to change from blue to green and him to blush.
“Sorry Vic,” he mumbled wrapping his arm around her heavily pregnant waist.
“Umm...” said Regina in alarm “did your eyes just change colour?”
James chuckled “Regan this is Teddy , in addition to being a massive wanker he’s also responsible for turning my cousin into a whale... oh yeah and he’s also a metamorphagus.”
“A whale!” the woman said indignantly “I am not a whale! Go to hell!” with that she burst into tears and waddled away.
Teddy rolled his eyes “well done James, I had to spend an hour this morning convincing her that she didn’t look fat!”
James surprisingly enough looked guilty “she didn’t have to cry,” he mumbled.
“She’s pregnant...” said Teddy slowly “apparently it’s normal, so is throwing things at unfortunate husbands as well as locking herself in the bathroom and refusing to come out unless I get her sister... which I think she’s doing now, where did you leave Dom?”
“I’m here!” the blonde from the apartment skipped towards them “oh I see you’ve met James’s wife,” she said with a grin obviously relishing the confusion that flittered over Teddy ’s face.
“Wife?” he echoed slowly before bursting out laughing “very funny, come on Dom, your sisters locked herself upstairs because James called her a whale,” With that he took off after his wife.
“That,” said James with a sigh “was my cousin Victoire and my friend Teddy and Dom of course but you already met her.”
“James!” this time it was a man who could have been James’s twin who approached them, except for his green eyes he really was almost an exact copy of James “do the elders know you brought a... friend?”
“No Albus,” said James with a smug grin “I brought my wife.”
The man, Albus rolled his eyes “Whatever.”
Regina blinked in frustration “Why is no one surprised by the fact you got married? Have you made a habit of it?”
James shrugged with a wicked grin “the opposite actually, I don't think he believes us.”
“Well it’s not like she has a ring,” said Albus logically.
“Does too!” said James childishly pointing to the lolly ring Regina still wore “see!”
Albus’s mouth fell open and he burst out laughing “to borrow a phrase off Dom, this is just famous! Can’t wait to see the elder’s faces! Welcome to the family!” he added to Regina before sauntering off.
“The elders?” Regina questions in a confused tone.
“The grownups of the family.” Dom was back and Regina felt a rush of affection for the other girl as she slipped her arm through Regina’s in a friendly gesture “you’ll need all the support you can get,” she added with a wicked grin.
Their conversation was interrupted by a pretty redhead who came storming over “DOMINIQUE WEASLEY!” she yelled and then erupted in a blistering torrent of what Regina assumed was French while Dominique replied in kind.
A handsome blonde man stood smirking behind the redhead and alternately glaring at James.
Eventually James stepped in with a torrent of French of his own, frequently gesturing to Regina leading her to feel very left out causing her to glare at James.
The blonde man chuckled at her expression “don't mind them,” he said in a conspiring tone “it’s a family thing, I don't think they even realise they’re blocking everyone else out.”
“Why are they speaking French?” Regina demanded.
The man shrugged “Dom and Vic are French so when Rose gets mad she attacks Dom in French, don't ask me to explain the logic, this family is nuts.”
“Shut up you,” the redhead added as she turned around “don't make me mad at you!”
“But you’re so entertaining when you're angry,” said the man with a knowing smile.
“James got married and Dom didn’t tell me!” exclaimed the girl.
“I didn’t know!” wailed Dom.
“You got married?” the man demanded of James “oh that’s rich! He then went off into peals of laughter for several minutes until the girl rolled her eyes “oh Merlin Scor! It’s not that funny.”
“Sorry love,” he said unrepentantly “but that’s a bit much to fake after bringing her here!”
“I'm not a her you ass!” said Regina furiously “and for the time being am unfortunately married to this ass!”
“What do you mean for the time being?” demanded James.
“I mean that since you’re family obviously isn’t convinced we’re married there’s no point in my being here!”
“What?” yelped James looking furiously at the other man “I’ll show you just how easily convinced this wanker is!” he announced drawing his wand and advancing towards the blonde.
“Enough!” snapped the redhead positioning herself between the two men “James why are you letting him get to you? You know how he is!”
The man from before, Teddy reappeared “good grief,” he muttered “not this again...” he looked slightly uncertain “you are pulling a massive joke on us aren’t you?”
James glared at them all “if you would stop being a wanker for ten seconds you would realise that I would never joke about this.”
“He’s serious,” breathed the blonde man looking as if Christmas had come early before promptly dissolving into laughter so hard that he had to hold onto the redhead for support. Teddy followed his lead leaning against the wall he was laughing so hard.
“Idiots,” muttered Dom to the redhead before turning to stop James from hexing the two men “you can’t complain here cousin, you ribbed Teddy unmercifully when he got married and you did the same to Scorpius,” she gestured to the blonde man.
Regina decided she’d had enough “what?” she demanded through gritted teeth “is so funny about him having married me!”
“It’s not you,” explained the redhead Dom had called Rose “it’s the fact that he got married at all that’s so funny.”
“Oh,” said Regina feeling better “Well if that’s all James just tell them that it wasn’t you’re idea, that we were–”
James groaned but it was too much to hope that Scorpius hadn’t heard this “Drunk,” he echoed in a choked tone “well that does explain it... drunk” he repeated again before his laughter overwhelmed him and he was actually on the floor he was laughing so hard.
James had had enough and he turned to Rose “I suggest you get him out of here if you want him to be in any shape to walk down the aisle!”
“Now James,” said Rose trying to calm him down and keep the grin off her own lips “you have to admit it is rather...” she finally turned and snapped at her fiancée “oh Merlin Scor it’s really not that funny!”
“Hell... it... aint,” Scorpius gasped out “you’ve got my complete sympathy,” he added to Regina.
“The hell she does!” snapped James starting towards the man with his wand out again.
Rose glared “you just don't know when to quit do you?” she demanded.
“I’ve hardly even started!” protested Scorpius.
Teddy grinned “do the elders know?”
“Not yet,” said James through gritted teeth.
“Excellent,” said Scorpius with relish “this should be fun!”
James Potter was not very happy with his family.
No one appeared to be taking him seriously when he stated that he had made a life altering commitment. The most common reaction from his cousins so far had been laughter and they hadn’t even gotten round to telling the elders yet and Regan was glaring at him with murder in her eyes.
“I hate you.”
He winced “well that’s a little harsh!”
“This is ridiculous!” she snapped “no one believes we’re married!”
“But we know,” said James slightly desperately.
“Do we?” Regan demanded causing James’s panic to increase.
“Regan come on...”
“Regina!” she all but shrieked “no more Regan! We are getting a divorce as soon as the courts open tomorrow”
“No!” yelped James.
“What?” she demanded in confusion “I thought you wanted one? We were drunk after all!”
James was not entirely sure what he was thinking or why he was behaving this way but all he knew was that he wanted to keep Regan around and divorce did not seem the best way to accomplish this.
“I don't want one!” he said firmly.
“Why not?” she demanded in frustration.
“Because I like being married to you!” said James with what he hoped was a charming grin.
She appeared utterly stumped “Why? All I’ve done is yell at you!”
He shrugged “I don't know, I can’t help it, I’ve never been in love before.”
“You love me?” she all but shrieked “why?”
James was beginning to get the uncomfortable feeling that these sorts of confessions were supposed to go differently “I don't know, I just do.”
Regan appeared to be lost for words so James resorted to a tactic that he had seen his father employ hundreds of times whenever his mother was angry, he kissed her.
Regina had forgotten how nice kissing James felt and when he finally broke away she blushed “I think I kind of love you too.”
Inwardly James high-fived himself feeling very proud, she kind of loved him. Now he just had to explain to his family that he was indeed married, and no matter what his wife seemed to think, they were going to stay that way.
Regina shrank closer to James instinctively, lunch was mortifying and she felt comforted just being closer to him. After his revelation Dominique had marched into the room and informed them that ‘the elders’ were wondering where he was and everyone was getting ready to sit down.
When they entered the ridiculously enlarged dining room Regina had to fight the instinct to run away, there were far too many Weasley’s and potters in the room for her to cope with and James seemed determined to introduce her to each one.
After the initial outcry had died down James once again insisted that he had indeed married her causing the younger members of the family including Scorpius, Teddy , Albus and a chocolate skinned man named Freddy to dissolve into laughter.
In addition to the ones James had mentioned the night before there was Nanna Weasley, a bossy Red haired woman who burst into tears when told that James had gotten married and promptly crushed Regina to her chest in a hug and asked when she would be getting some great grandchildren.
A stunningly lovely French woman Regina immediately identified as Dom and Victoire’s mother spoke rebukingly to James “Zees is not funny, I do not understand Zee joke!”
“Very funny James,” said of all people, the minister of magic, her brown eyes stern “what on earth made you think of this?”
James didn’t seem at all phased by the fact that the leader of the English wizarding world was telling him off, he just grinned “’fraid I'm not joking aunt Hermione, I really did get married.”
“James...” this was said in a warning tone by none other than Harry Potter and Regina had to resist the urge once more to run, but something about James’s hand, warm in hers made her reconsider.
“Enough,” said a red-haired woman who had introduced herself as Ginny Potter “James are you being serious?”
“Yes!” exclaimed James “jeez why is it no one will believe us?”
No one answered his question because at that time they were interrupted as the front door slammed and a young female voice shrieked out from the hallway “sorry I'm late!”
“Is Lily ever on time?” muttered a dark skinned girl to herself.
“I heard that Roxie!” a lovely red haired girl with vivid green eyes entered the room “and since when do you ever turn up on time to anything....” she spotted Regina “oh hello, who are you?”
“Regina Potter,” answered James with a proud grin.
The girl looked understandably confused “I thought dad didn’t have any relatives....”
Mrs Potter looked like she was having trouble laughing “your brother got married.”
Lily’s mouth fell open and Regina jumped when she slapped Albus on the back of the head “why wasn’t I invited?” she demanded “and why didn’t anyone tell me?”
“Ouch!” exclaimed Albus “it wasn’t me damn it! James is the one who got married!”
“Nice try,” said Lily with a roll of her eyes “James would never...”
“He did!” insisted Albus.”
Lily gave Regina a conspiring smile “your husband is an idiot.”
“So I'm starting to realise,” said Regina with a completely straight face.
“Prove it,” said Lily to Albus smugly “let James kiss your wife.”
Albus and James exchanged evil glances “mate I don't want to put you in that position,” said Albus seriously.
“It’s alright,” said James “if Regina says it's ok.”
The entire table seemed to be having trouble not laughing and both Dom and Freddy had ducked under the table they were laughing so hard.
Regina smiled and decided to play along “Al are you sure?” she asked with wide eyes.
Without giving Albus a chance to respond James leant over and kissed Regina as passionately as he could and she felt her toes curl.
Lily looked alarmed “should someone break them up?” she demanded as James and Regina continued to kiss.
James broke away and said with a serious expression “I think I'm in love with your wife Albus.”
“Right!” yelled Albus leaping over the table and attacking James.
“Enough!” exclaimed Mrs Potter after several seconds of scuffling “Lily sit down, Albus you too!”
“What is going on?” demanded Lily “am I the only person who is concerned by the fact that James just tongued Al’s wife?”
Rose took pity on Lily “she’s really James’s wife.”
“Nope,” said Lily stubbornly “not buying it!”
“Why does everyone find this so hard to believe?” demanded Regina “does he hate women or something?” her eyes narrowed at James “you’re not a monk are you?”
This caused considerable laughter at the table “no,” said another redheaded women “he is not, it’s just he’s been so childish about his approach to relationships that we were sure we would never get married.”
“Thanks Molly,” muttered James, not too thrilled with the idea of being described as childish.
A young man with a wide grin and auburn hair just chuckled and shook his head “I'm Hugo by the way,” he said to Regina “and you are officially our hero for getting him to get married, how did you do it by the way?”
“Yes James,” this comment came from Scorpius “how did you come to be married,” there was a slightly evil twinkle in his eye and he winced when someone, probably Rose, kicked him under the table.
“I was carried away by her charm,” said James through gritted teeth.
Scorpius opened his mouth to respond but Rose cut in “Scorpius Lucius Malfoy! Kitchen! Now!”
A man Regina recognised from the papers as Ron Weasly looked smug “is it too much to hope that they’re breaking up?”
“Ronald!” the minister exclaimed “your daughter is happy!”
“But he’s a Malfoy,” Ron looked aggrieved “why couldn’t she marry a Gryffindor.”
“Good point,” said Hugo “what house were you in?” he asked Regina “you’re not a Slytherin are you?”
Rose shook her head “Ravenclaw actually.”
Lily’s eyes widened “I remember you!” she exclaimed “you were head girl!”
“Head girl?” echoed Teddy looking so amused that Regina knew trouble was coming “James married a head girl?”
He then burst out laughing until his own pregnant wife kicked him under the table.
“Welcome to the family,” said Victoire sincerely.
“What’s your name?” asked Nana Weasley kindly “since my grandson has neglected to tell us.”
James flushed “sorry, everyone, this is Regan.”
“Not to be rude or anything,” said Lily “but isn’t that a boy’s name?”
Now it was Regina’s turn to kick her husband under the table “my name is Regina,” she explained “but James seems to have decided to edit it.”
“It’s for the children’s sake,” said James solemnly “alliterated names aren’t good.”
“Regan starts with an R as well you ass, and apparently my name is Regina Potter now so it’s not alliterated either way!” snapped Regina at the same time everyone else at the table exclaimed
“You’re pregnant?” demanded Teddy before bursting out laughing again.
“Who’s pregnant?” asked Rose as she and Scorpius entered the room again.
“No one’s pregnant!” exclaimed James “I didn’t mean it like that!”
Regina buried her face in her arms in absolute embarrassment but fortunately the conversation was again interrupted by a new arrival.
The most handsome man Regina had ever seen stood in the doorway, his grey eyes scanning the room until they rested on Dom who jumped out of her chair and threw herself at him kissing him soundly.
“What are you doing here?” she asked breathlessly as they broke away, then she hit him on the arm “why didn’t you tell me you were coming.”
He grinned “I wanted to surprise you,” he rubbed his arm “and ouch, not so violent Princess.”
Dom rolled her eyes but her pleasure at his arrival was evident “Lysander this is Regan,” she said gesturing to Regina “James’s wife.”
“Very funny,” said Lysander with a grin “nice to meet you though Regan, who is she really?” he asked James.
“My wife.” James was not at all happy that no one seemed to be taking him seriously; it wasn’t that inconceivable after all.
Lysander seemed to sense the tension in the room and nodded “right then, I’ll just pull up a chair then.” He waved his wand and a chair appeared next to Doms and he quickly sat down.
After several seconds his curiosity got the better of him “who are you really?” he asked Regina.
“I'm his wife!” snapped Regina “and my name is Regina, not Regan.”
“Sorry,” said Dom not looking the least remorseful “it’s kind of catchy.”
The rest of lunch progressed relatively smoothly, Regina found herself slightly jealous of the obvious adoration between Dom and her boyfriend Lysander.
Even though Dominique treated him with the teasing sarcasm and biting wit she bestowed on everyone else, Regina still caught the looks that were exchanged between the two that displayed such obvious devotion she averted her eyes feeling as if she were intruding.
She saw the same looks exchanged between Rose and Scorpius as well as Teddy and Victoire as they both spoke quietly to the baby in her stomach.
Regan was upset about something, James realised, he had no idea what but it bothered him. When everyone finished eating and drifted off with coffee to chat he snagged Teddy and dragged him into the empty kitchen.
“I need your help,” he muttered.
Teddy looked baffled “she’s not really pregnant is she?”
“No,” said James in irritation “but she’s sad about something and I don't know what.”
“And you want my help?” asked Teddy in amazement “ask one of the girls!”
“But you’re married!” exclaimed James “what do you do when Vic gets mad?”
“At the moment?” asked Teddy “I duck.”
Teddy nodded “she throws things.”
James sighed “so does Regan, she threw a potted plant at me this morning.”
Teddy sighed, “What is it with men in this family falling for girls with tempers?”
“What’s going on?” Freddy stood in the doorway curiously with Lysander beside him.
“Marital troubles,” said James with a sigh.
Freddy snorted “already?”
Lysander was more sympathetic, James supposed patience was probably a requisite quality when dealing with Dom so he decided to ask for help “Regan is annoyed and I don't know why.”
Lysander looked thoughtful “did anything happen?”
“Aside from us getting drunk and married last night?” asked James sarcastically.
“You were drunk?” demanded Freddy “oh thank god that explains it! I thought you’d deserted me for the enemy camp!”
Freddy nodded emphatically “yeah, like this lot, glad to know you’re still a bachelor.”
“Except he’s not,” reminded Lysander “he has a wife.”
Freddy looked crestfallen “right, but he was drunk, she probably tricked him.”
“Hey!” objected James “Regan would never do that; actually I kind of tricked her.”
“No wonder she’s upset then,” said Teddy logically “besides, this family can be kind of overwhelming.”
“And all the laughter probably didn’t help,” added Lysander, “Dom filled me in on everyone’s reactions.”
“We need help,” said James “we need Dom.”
“We do not,” said Freddy “We can handle it ourselves, we’re four intelligent guys...”
“Exactly,” stressed Teddy “we’re four guys, Regan is a girl, and therefore we need a girl to help us know why she’s upset.”
“Probably her period,” said Freddy solemnly.
Lysander gave him a disgusted look “With all you know about women Fred, it’s a wonder you’re not still a virgin.”
Dom looked mildly amused as they explained the problem to her and she rolled her eyes when they finished “you’re an idiot,” she assured James “why the hell are you asking me?”
“Because,” said James slightly desperately “you’re a girl.”
“So I'm automatically insightful?” Dom snorted “Rose is the one who’s good at this sort of thing.”
“Can you just try,” said James hopefully.
Dom sighed “look, if it were me, I would be annoyed that I got married and I couldn’t even remember it, she doesn’t even have a proper ring you idiot!”
“A ring!” exclaimed James “I’ll be right back!” with that he dashed out the door and into the living room grabbing his father by the arm and dragging him out into the hall.
Harry Potter looked at his son in alarm “James,” he said carefully “are you alright?
“I'm fine dad, I need a favour though.”
Harry nodded “anything.”
“I need Grandma Lily’s ring.”
Harry was confused again “James...”
“Look dad,” interrupted James “I know no one believes me with this whole marriage thing and I'm not quite sure why I did it myself, but all I know is that I think I'm in love with her and I want to give her a ring because the one she has at the moment is starting to attract insect life.”
Harry nodded realising that this appeared to be one of the rare things his son was truly serious about “the ring is in a green velvet box in my sock drawer.”
“Thanks dad!” yelled James as he disapperated back to the Potter house.
“So he really married you?” demanded Lily, she seemed to be having a hard time grasping the fact.
Rose sighed “for the millionth time Lil, I think we’ve established that.”
Regina shrugged “I'm not too sure myself.”
“That is so romantic!” Lily exclaimed bouncing up and down in her seat.
Regina smiled, she liked Lily and Rose, Lily’s energy was infectious and she seemed to be able to chatter constantly without a breath.
Rose was different, she was quieter but she had the ability to put people at ease and within a few minutes Regina’s nervousness had melted away.
“He loves you,” said Rose calmly “I can see it. So can Dom, that’s why she’s being so nice to you.”
“She isn’t always that nice?” asked Regina in confusion.
“No,” said Lily with a snort, then she quickly amended “not that Dom’s a bad person, because she’s not, she’s an amazing friend, but she’s not exactly warm with new people.”
“She gave Lysander hell before she finally went out with him,” explained Rose “she can be a little... cutting, with new people. But she’s fiercely protective of the people she loves, and she loves James, and she can sense how much you mean to him, so she likes you.”
“Oh,” said Regina, she had seen enough of Dom’s sarcasm to know that she didn’t want to be on the end of those barbs “but you’re wrong, he doesn’t love me, he’s only known me for a day.”
“It’s a Potter thing,” said Lily with a sigh “our grandpa James fell in love with our grandma Lily in a day and she didn’t love him back.”
“She hated him actually,” added Rose.
“But he wouldn’t give up!” exclaimed Lily “he actually kind of stalked her until she agreed to go out with him.”
“Potter men are determined,” said Rose with a careful smile “and they always fall for redheads.”
When Regina and James arrived back at James’s place that evening Regina was unsure of what to do, she knew they were married but she was unsure if she should go home or stay. After all, she still fully intended to visit the divorce courts the next morning.
Ah commented her conscience but is that really what you want?
Yes damn it! I don't want to stay married to someone I don't know!
But you like him
So stay married
But you heard his family! The idea of James marrying anyone is ridiculous!
He didn’t marry just anyone, he married you
And what happens when he gets sick of me and I get hurt?
What happens when he doesn’t?
I hate you
Only because you know I’m right.
James looked at Regina with a worried look on his face; she appeared to be in deep concentration and occasionally muttering to herself.
James wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think that it was a good time to give her the ring.
She turned around “what?”
“Ah...ah...ah” James panicked at the look on her face and instead of speaking he reacted instinctively, slamming his lips against hers.
And this time, Regina remembered every single second of the kiss, and everything else that followed that night.
When she woke up in the morning she snuggled closer to James, her head on his chest unable to bring herself to move.
“So you’re finally awake.”
She looked up and he was grinning down at her “what are you doing?”
“I was watching you sleep,” he said “but now I'm thinking how adorable you look.”
She snorted “please, what part of my drooling and snoring on your shoulder as I sleep is adorable?”
“Every ten our fifteen breaths you make this little snort noise,” he said “and every now and again you make this little noise in your sleep and nuzzle my chest.”
Regina couldn’t help but smile as she climbed out of bed reluctantly and pulled on one of James’s shirts while she rummaged around trying to find her clothes “ok, slightly creepy.”
He just chuckled “come back to bed.”
She shook her head “no.”
She paused unsure of how to continue “James, I have an appointment today... at court.”
He sat up “what? Why?”
“Because I'm filing for a divorce, I have an appointment at ten.”
Now James felt panic come over him and he jumped out of bed “what?”
She took a deep breath “I said...”
“I know what you said!” said James “I want to know why!”
“Because we were drunk!” said Regina “and we didn’t mean it!”
“I meant it!” said James indignantly “and I happen to think we work very well as a married couple.”
“Because you’re sort of in love with me?” she asked nearly in tears “that’s not good enough James!”
“I'm not sort of in love with you!” exclaimed James “I'm completely head over heels in love with you!”
“You’ve known me for two days,” she said quietly.
“What?” asked James “you don't believe in love at first sight?”
“I know that I like you a lot,” said Regina slowly “too much probably.”
“Then stay!” said James he got out of the bed and crossed over to her side, “stay,” he repeated more quietly.
“I can’t!” said Regina pulling away “we were drunk, you were drunk, so drunk you don't even remember!”
“I wasn’t that drunk!” said James desperately.
“What?” shrieked Regina “so you knew I was and you...” she began to slap him anywhere she could reach “you knew I was drunk and you married me?”
“I’m sorry!” said James “but I wasn’t thinking clearly! And I liked you! A lot! And I might not have been wasted but I was still very drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time And I'm not very good at this!”
“Good at what?” yelled Regina “getting girls drunk and taking advantage of them?”
“I didn’t take advantage of you!” exclaimed James “not like that anyway, we didn’t have sex.”
“What?” yelped Regina “then it wasn’t consummated and we can just get an annulment!”
“Actually...” said James slowly “I think last night definitely counts as consummation... multiple times.”
“You bastard!” shrieked Regina picking up one of James shoes and throwing it at his head “I wouldn’t stay married to you if you payed me!”
“But I'm in love with you,” said James slowly.
Regina glared at him “so?” she demanded before disapperating back to her apartment and promptly dissolving into tears.
“James!” wailed Dom “you told her! What the hell is wrong with you?”
“I don't know!” groaned James “I just didn’t want her to go to the divorce court and it seemed like a good solution at the time.”
“Telling her that you knew what you were doing when you married her even though she was drunk?” demanded Rose “how is that a good solution?”
The two girls sat on his couch and glared at him in complete agreement.
James groaned again and buried his head in his pillow “is it possible to smother yourself?” he asked curiously “or would you just pass out and then start breathing normally again?”
Dom looked horrified, “give me that!” she exclaimed yanking the pillow away “and man up!”
“This is not James Potter,” said Dom distastefully “I know James Potter, I’ve grown up with him, and you sir, are not my cousin, you are a whiney, lame imitation and I want the real James back.”
“Then bring back Regan,” mumbled James “I'm sad.”
“Yelling isn’t helping Dom,” said Rose gently “James, go and talk to Regan.”
“I tried talking to her,” said James “and she threw a shoe at me!”
“Are you a Potter man or not?” demanded Dom “your grandpa stalked your grandma for like two years until she agreed to go out with him!”
“So you're saying I should stalk her...” said James slowly.
“No,” said Rose firmly “we’re saying you shouldn’t give up. She thinks that you’re not really in love with her, that you're not serious about this, but you need to show her you are.”
“How do I do that?” demanded James “her court hearing is in ten minutes!”
Dom grinned “then it’s a good thing you can apperate and you already have the ring.”
Regina stood in the snow on the steps of the courthouse unwilling to go in, she knew she should be furious, she was furious, and she still wanted to rip James limb from limb, but there was something else that she didn’t want to identify, something that made her want to cry when she thought about divorcing him and once again the little voice in her head decided to intervene.
You love him
I do not!
Do too, why else aren’t you going in?
I like it fine out here... it’s... pretty.
Sure, a stone courtyard with no trees and ugly muggle buildings in freezing weather... it’s the garden of Eden. Just go back to him.
He made a mistake, he said he loves you.
He just wants sex
He already had that, last night, why would he still be lying if he’d already gotten what he wanted?
Because he’s sadistic
Now you know that’s just not true
I'm not listening to you any more
Then you're an idiot!
“Damn it!” she snapped aloud “why is it you have to kick me when I'm down? Do you get some sort of perverse joy out of it?”
No more than you do.
James panted as he sprinted across the courtyard, she was standing on the steps, and he felt a rush of warmth when he spotted her, she was still wearing one of his shirts under his coat and it was comically large.
He felt an absurd sense of pride as he noticed this.
As he approached she didn’t turn around but she did speak, “damn it!” she snapped “why is it you have to kick me when I'm down? Do you get some sort of perverse joy out of it?”
“No!” exclaimed James “and I would never kick you!”
She spun around and blushed “I wasn’t talking to you!”
“Who were you talking to?” he asked curiously “is there someone else here?” his eyes narrowed “did they kick you? Because I’ll kill them if they kicked you, I will, I’ll kick them back, and then I’ll give you the ring and then you’ll have to forgive me and then we can go home and you can stay and we can be happy and you can even throw a shoe at me again if it makes you feel better...”
“No one kicked me!” interrupted Regina “I talk to myself; it’s a bad habit I know.”
James just grinned “well you are fascinating to talk to so I can’t really blame you.”
Regina snorted “suck up.”
“I know,” he continued shamelessly and he took off his shoe hopping comically on one foot to prevent his bare foot landing in the snow “And you can even throw this at me if it makes you feel better, because I love you, and I'm sorry and will you marry me?”
“I'm already married to you...” said Regina slowly.
“yeah,” said James still hopping “but I know you don't feel like it so I'm asking again,” he stuck his hand into his pocket and pulled out the ring box “this was my grandma Lily’s ring, I figured it was appropriate since my grandpa James had to kind of annoy her into marrying him, so I kind of hoped I could do the same.”
Regina chuckled “you’re trying to annoy me into marrying you?”
“Is it working?” asked James hopefully.
Regina narrowed her eyes “maybe. But I'm still furious!” she exclaimed “you’re so stupid and dishonest and I can’t believe you did that and I really ought to tell you to rot in hell because that was just mean and have I told you lately you’re an idiot with a really bad sense of humour!” she paused for breath and glared at him “And put your shoe back on before you get frostbite!”
James couldn’t help but laugh that she had ended her tirade with concern for him “was that a yes?” he asked.
Regina sighed “yes, it’s a yes you wretched man.”
“You’re willing to stay Regan Potter?”
“Regina Potter,” she corrected, then she sighed “After all, we don't want our children to be scarred by my having an alliterated name do we?”
The grin James gave her could have lit up the square as he kissed her so hard she was nearly dizzy and then proceeded to do a bizarre victory dance that had her shaking her head in bemusement.
“You really are an idiot,” she added.
James just continued to grin “yeah,” he agreed “but I'm your idiot.”
So this is sort of a companion one shot to my story ‘Camelot’ which is Dominique Weasley’s story but I really liked the character James so I decided he deserved his own story.
I was reading a Johanna Lindsey romance novel before I wrote this so if it's a little sappy... ;)
Hope you enjoyed it, if so, check out Camelot and don't forget to review!
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