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Chapter 13 : The Ghost of my past
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He kept his distance and for a moment I thought I would start running. I tried not to admit that I was a bit frightened. The corridors were empty and he was alone....he was never alone. I walked faster and faster and faster, but in the end he caught up with me and grabbed my upper arm, turning me to face him.
“What the hell are you doing, Malfoy?!” I asked angrily and my eyes thundered when a smirk appeared on his face. What in the name of Merlin’s pants was he up to?
“You going down to the dungeons again, Rider?” he asked sarcastically, his grey eyes narrowing and his eyebrows going up and then down again.
I froze. He couldn’t know...there was no way he could know. And I wasn’t helping the situation either by staring wide eyed at him. “Does it look like I’m going to the dungeons? And what in the name of Merlin are you on about?” I asked, trying my best to sound indifferent.
“I think you know what I’m on about.” He muttered in a mere whisper. “I saw you twice creeping down there. What are you up to?”
“Let me go, Malfoy!” I threatened, as his grip tightened around my arm. It started hurting and I was sure it would leave a bruise.
“Perhaps I should inform Snape that you’re up to something. He’s the one who appointed me this mission.” He said, his arm clenching around my arm harder.
“Let me go!” I said raising my voice.
“The last time I checked, I was the prefect, Rider. And I don’t take orders from a filthy little half blood.” He spat the word out with huge empathies on the words “half blood.”
“Well that’s ironic isn’t it?” I said, giving him my best evil smile. I was trying to ignore the pain that was throbbing in my arm as his grip tightened and tightened. “Since Voldie Boldie is a half blood.”
Draco’s face drained of colour and surprise as horror hit his face.
“What, he didn’t tell you about his muggle father? What about his blood traitor mother? Did he tell you about her?” I was playing a dangerous game, but I had to keep Malfoy off my heels. I couldn’t afford to get Edwin discovered by him. Well...I did find out a lot being Harry’s ex-girlfriend and member of the Order and all. “Try telling him this the next time he holds a pathetic meeting...maybe he’ll start crying in you arms and reveal his darkest secrets to you. Or maybe, he’ll just kill you and your stupid family. If I were him, I’d go for number two.” I winked at him, but Draco let go of my arm and pushed me on the stone floor, pointing his wand at me.
A door opened and then closed, followed by light footsteps. Draco furrowed his eyebrows and the lowered his wand, saying: “You will pay for this, Rider!” he threatened and with that he left.
I picked myself off the floor and held my upper arm. I could still feel his strong grip there, and I was sure to wake up with a bruise in the form of a clenched hand, the next morning. But I didn’t care. I had attacked Malfoy...all of them for that matter, because they’d be too scared to speak out in their Death Eater circle.
But I was angry. I was angry at that bat! That grease ball that...ugghhhh! Why in the name of Merlin’s pants did he put Malfoy to follow me? I walked down the corridors near the Gryffindor tower and gave death glares to some first years as they moved out of my way.
The headache potion was lying a few centimetres away from Severus Snape’s hand and he considered very seriously to take it. His had was running angrily over a piece of parchment with a black quill and the piece of homework behind his hand, was starting to get the same decoration as all the other ones; a vast amount of red writing and crossing out.
Snape could not understand what was so complicated about making a Veritaserium Potion, when they had all the instructions in their manuals. Sometimes he even wondered if they had ever opened their textbooks, let alone read them. Compared to the Gryffindors, the Slytherins did much better: 16 out of 20, compared to 10 out of 20. He had to admit, that as much as he despised Granger, the Gryffindor house was lost without her in his class.
In the end, Longbottom’s essay made Snape drink the headache potion, because he really failed to understand how after nearly 7 years, the boy had no idea what to do with a besoin, and what the main composition of a simple poison healing potion was.
Once he finished with the marking, he massaged his temples...the potion took away his headache, but not his anger on his dunderhead class. He stood up and headed for the big window in the room, opening it with one hand and inhaling the fresh air. The sun was
setting and the clouds had a peach/pink aspect.
“Just like her cheeks...” he said to himself. The pain was too much...he couldn’t afford to regret his past, because it would make the present unbearable. He closed the window and moved away from the light, but once Lily entered his mind, there was no way to get her out without a memory.
~~“Sev...come on!” said Lily Evans as they ran towards a small clearing, close to Hogsmade.
“Coming!” said Severus, as he tightened his scarf around his neck. The cold was almost unbearable...the snow was up to his knees and his jacket wasn’t very warm.
He made his way through the snow and found Lily standing on a small rock, saving a place for him, as if there were many people around. He liked that clearing...it was always empty and always a good place to hide from the Marauders.
“Sit next to me!” said Lily patting the rock, for him to sit down.
“Remind me again, why we came here?” asked Severus sitting down and shaking. In all his 16 years of life, he could not remember feeling so cold.
Lily looked at him and smiled. Those green eyes, piercing everything that was inside his soul. Her cheeks were pink/ peach and her lips were redder than usual with the cold. Bits of her red hair were escaping from her green winter hat, and she was holding her knees with anticipation. When she spoke, it was only a whisper: “You’ll see. Just be quiet, Sev!”
Severus just looked around the small clearing for a while but nothing happened. Everything was so white, that he felt he was in Heaven. The trees were dressed in a coat of snow that glittered in the sunlight, and a few foxes were looking for food, but all the mice were hidden.
“Lily...what..?” he asked but she shushed him and pointed a gloved finger at a small spot behind a very wide tree. “Look there.” She whispered and came closer to him.
Severus widened his eyes, but he could still not see anything. But then it did appear in front of him...a white misty figure of a woman, holding a baby. Then appeared a man, and he seemed to be holding the woman’s hand. A little girl ran around the forest, emitting the same translucent light.
“Ghosts...” whispered Severus and looked at Lily smiling.
“They’re rising today...they chose to go.” She whispered taking Severus’ bare hand in her own. “Your hand is so cold.” She said and took her gloves off. She then placed her warm hand over his cold one and they just looked at each other for a few moments, as more and more ghosts arrived in the forest.
Severus looked up at the sky and saw the sunset. It was way past curfew, but he just didn’t care, for the moment he was living was too special to miss.
They waited in silence until the sun went to sleep, and when it was completely dark, the forest seemed to have come out of a fairy tale. Everything was coated in a silver, grey light, and the outlines of many people were looking up, as if waiting for permission to go.
“They’ve started.” Whispered Lily, squeezing his hand in excitement.
Severus looked up at the sky, only to see millions and millions of ghosts rising towards the pitch black nothingness, leaving behind small dots of light, which melted the snow off the branches of the tree.
“Come on!” said Lily, grabbing Sev’s hand and running towards the forest. The ghosts were still rising, but the forest was still in a special light. They walked and run for a few minutes, as the snow droplets fell on them like rain. It was also much, much warmer than in the clearing, as if the ghosts took away all the winter with them and left behind a vague beginning of spring.
“Wait!” said Severus and Lily stopped running. She turned to face him, water droplets falling out of her hair, as if she had been running through a summer rain.
Severus picked up a white flower off the base of a tree and placed it carefully into Lily’s hair. It was amazing what ghosts could do to a frozen place. Soon enough, the entire clearing was full of white lilies that came out of what was left of the snow.
“Thank you.” Said Lily looking down at her shoes. Her cheeks went pink and Severus crushed her lips with a very passionate kiss. And Lily responded. She ran her hands over his black hair....it was clean and shiny then.
When the kiss broke, Severus whispered: “I love you Lily.” Her green eyes went wide and then she said: “I love you to, Sev” before crushing his lips with a kiss.~~
Professor Snape closed his eyes, refusing to let the tears come out. He felt pathetic. 16 years had passed since she was killed and 18 years had passed since Voldemort became too dangerous for him to have a family. He hated Potter...and that hate resumed in Potter’s son...Harry, who although had her eyes, was nothing like her.
She walked around the house, bored out of her mind. She hated having to stay inside...she missed the sun, missed the rain, missed interaction with people. She missed her son...Harry, who had to go through life without a mother...without a father.
She sat down at the kitchen table and poured herself some hot jasmine tea. The smell coming from the steam of the cup made her feel slightly relaxed and she closed her eyes for a while, trying to forget the time and place she lived in.
~~“Lily, push! Come on honey, you can do it!” said James Potter as he was holding her hand.
The healers at St Mungos’ were coming in and out of her ward holding different potions and different dried herbs. Someone started a small fire in the chimney and threw some dry jasmine leaves over it. Soon enough the room was bathed in the smell of burning jasmine, and James’ voice seemed further and further away. The pain decreased in dramatic levels, and all she could concentrate on were her abdominal muscles which were pushing and pushing. And just like that, time seemed to move faster and faster, James’ voice becoming louder and louder, and within moments, all sounds ceased, except for a small cry from somewhere in front of her.
“It’s a boy!” said a healer, coming towards Lily and James with a small bundle of skin. His little arms were moving into the air as he was searching for something. And then he was placed on his mother’s chest, his crying ceasing, but salty tears from his mother, falling onto his little head.
“He’s so tiny...he’s so beautiful!” said Lily as she broke into tears.
James was out of words as he placed his big hand on top of Lily’s and over their baby son. The little baby opened his eyes and looked straight into its mother’s eyes...green ones into green ones.
“What are you going to name him?” asked a Healer placing some more jasmine over the fire.
“Harry.” Said Lily not taking her eyes off her son. “Harry James Potter.” James smiled and kissed his wife. Everything was perfect.~~
Lily placed her cup into the sink and went out of the kitchen. The smell was awaking too many memories. She sat down on the couch and took a book that Dumbledore had brought her last Christmas: “The best Potions to maintain your hair shiny and your skin glowing: 10 tips in 10 days”She smiled at the book and opened it at a random page. That was a very Dumbledore thing to bring her. She thought about Severus and what his reaction would have been to those
potions....she could almost hear his voice: “I can’t believe witches and wizards are wasting knowledge on Potions like those ones...”
Oh, Severus. How she missed him. Missed his knowledge...his seriousness...his bad attempts at making jokes. His smell...his eyes....his touch.
~~“Severus! Where are you? Severus?!”screamed Lily from the forest. She just went out to pick some new pumpkins, when her legs collapsed under her. She lay on the floor, in the autumn leaves, trying to block out the cold. Her lungs were occupied with her breathing and if she were to shout his name again, she risked losing consciousness. She closed her eyes and tried not to think of the pain, the curse caused her. Tried not to think of what might happen to Severus and to her....~~
Lily closed the book abruptly and stood up from the couch. Maybe she should pay a visit to Paul, talk about Anna and his wife, Ashely. Although he never admitted, he did like finding out new things about his wife...things from her childhood...little stories that kept her memory fresh in his mind.
The History of Magic Manual lay open on the Gryffindor couch, next to me, but I made no attempt to even open it. It was too boring and I was not in the mood for studying, yet, if ever. The fire in the chimney made me doze off, as the heat played on my face and made funny shadows across the nearly empty common room. I closed my eyes and the first image that appeared in my head, were Edwin’s green eyes, playfully begging me to go to him. Damn him...why did he always have to enter my mind in order to make me do as he said. He knoew I could not resist that look. I opened my eyes and stared into the flames for a while, trying not to submit to him. I failed.
I quickly went up to the Girls’ dorm to get changed, but I found Ginny sitting on the bed, staring absently at the window and the rain outside. I hesitated for a moment, but then I went and sat down next to her. I didn’t say anything...I didn’t know what to say. As much as I wished Ron could be alive and fine, my mind only took me to my negative thoughts.
“Hey, Anna.” She said absently.
“Are you okay?” I asked looking at my hands as they kept clenching and unclenching.
“Hmm.” Said Ginny, still staring at the rain.
I sat there in silence for a few minutes, but then I decided to go. I went over to my bed and pulled a truck from under it, taking out some muggle clothes. I decided to dress warmly, since I didn’t know what
Edwin would want to do this time.
“Anna?” asked Ginny from behind me. I turned to face her and she was looking straight into my eyes.
“Yes?” I said trying to feel comfortable. I hoped she wouldn’t ask one of those questions, when I forget how to breathe for a few moments.
“When...when Jack was kissed by the...de-dementors, did it take you a long time to accept what had happened to him? “she asked, her voice shaking and her eyes watering. I didn’t know if they were watering because or Ron, Jack or both.
So it was one of those questions. I hated being reminded of those early moments after my brother’s soul had been taken away.
“Yes.” I answered and looked away for a while. When I managed to force myself to stop thinking of that night, I faced Ginny again and said: “Ron’s going to be okay.” I said and I was surprised how strong my voice sounded. Inside it was breaking apart. “You’ll see.” I added and the slipped into the bathroom to get changed from my school robes.
He was listening to me, his face pale and serious, and his eyes glittering in the moonlight. His hair was messy and a bit of a spider’s web was entangled between the brown mass of hair. He nodded when he nodded to nod and he gave me a reassuring smile when I needed it. From time to time he would place his hand over my shoulders and reassure me that Ron would be okay and after all, he had been right about Hermione, since she was getting better and better physically every day. Then he would withdraw it as if afraid that I didn’t like the way he was behaving.
A few minutes later, I managed to close my mouth and just stare at the dark lake. We were sitting on a big boulder by the shore, inhaling the cold night air. He sometimes picked up small rocks and threw them in the lake, watching them sink in the liquid that seemed black in the absence ofsunlight.
“I miss the sun...I haven’t seen it in so long.” He said looking up at the moon.
“How old were you when you...when your dad, I mean when Snape made you...go in...”
“I was four” he said looking away. I could hear the sorrow in his voice and I knew he wanted to enjoy the night in the freedom of it, but I really wanted to know more.
“How old are you now?”
“19.” He said and then gave me a little smile. I returned the smile and then looked down at my feet. It was a very chilly evening and the wind was making my hair fly around my head as if it were the Whomping Willow. I suddenly blushed as I thought of my appearance and when I looked again at Edwin; his green eyes were looking into mine, in an intense way. Maybe it was me but I really did have the impression we were much closer to each other. It must have been the cold.
It was a very unexpected event when his lips crushed mine in a passionate kiss, but what was even more unexpected, was the fact that I responded to the kiss in the same passionate way: my hands were running through his hair, while his arms were pulling me closer to him. Suddenly the night seemed less cold. I took my hands out of his hair and placed them on his chest, before pushing myself away from him, as Harry’s face penetrated my head.
“I’m sorry.” He said automatically and his cheeks became red. “I don’t know what....I was...err”
“No...it’s okay.” I said not really looking at him. It’s okay? What the hell was wrong with me. “Don’t do that again....I mean...I don’t
even ....just.....shall we go?” I asked feeling really awkward.
“Okay.” He said. “Friends, for now?” he asked giving me his best puppy eyes. For some strange reason, the “for now” bit made my stomach go upside down.
“Yeah.” I said standing up and heading towards the castle, with Edwin next to me.
What I didn’t know that night, was that the kiss would change my life forever and what I also didn’t know, was that from a very high window of the castle, a certain blonde boy had seen me with Edwin.
A/N I finally updated chapter 13 and I really hope you like it. I know it's a bit different and I hope you liked my little experiment. I do like to write about Snape and Lily as well...I think they are really sweet characters and It's easy to write about their past because you can make up so many things. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you
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