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Chapter 8 : Damaged
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Nate was in the attic of the Burrow, as usual, it was late in November, he and Autumn were laying on a dusty old quilt, sun was streaming in through the dirty window. On days like this they talked about everything under the sun, they just finished a debate about books and were sitting in silence each thinking of something new to talk about.
“ Do you think it hurts?” He asked randomly, “ Dying? Do you think it hurts to die?”
Autumn turned her head, to look at him, “ No.” she answered, “ I don't think so.”
“ What do you think?”
“ You know when you were little and you fell down, not hard enough to hurt, but you'd cry anyways?” she said, “ You'd cry just because you were surprised, then you realized there was nothing to cry about, then you get up and everything is fine.”
“ So you believe in heaven?”
“ Yeah,” Autumn told him, her heather blue eyes deep in concentration. “Yes, I do.” Nate nodded thinking about what she said. “But you're not going to die.” she added, “You are not going to die. I can't believe that.”
“I'm going back, you know.” Nate sighed, “I'm leaving after I get better, which will probably be soon, and I'm going back out, I'm going to find the men that killed my sister and dad, and I'm going to fight until I can't fight anymore, no matter what the outcome, I'm going to fight.”
“I know.” commented Autumn, “I know, because I know you. I love that you want to fight, I love that you're loyal to your cause and your family. I know you're going to fight, but I also know that your not going to die.”
“How can you be sure?” asked Nate, unsure, “People die every day, in less then a second people can die.”
“I know.” she said, “But you're not going to. You're going to back, you're going watch as You-Know-Who is defeated then we can find your mother, and maybe....” she broke off, Nate looked at her; her smooth ivory cheeks turning pink.
“And maybe?” Nate asked.
“And maybe after that we can get together, and get married.” she looked away her face fully red now. Nate, however, turned to his side, boosting himself on his arm and looking at the girl beside him.
“Maybe.” he agreed. She looked at him surprised but pleased. “Maybe we can move to Paris or Rome or New York, those places you said you wanted to see, or we can move into a little house down in Ottery St. Catchpole, or Godric Hollows, or some other little wizarding town. Just you and me.”
“Just you and me.” Autumn repeated. Nate leaned closer, Autumn's cheeks gone redder, but she leaned too. Nate heard her breathing speed up, her eyes lids fluttered. Nate kissed her, her warm lips felt like feathers. Sub-consetionally he scooted closer to her, he felt like an electric current was rushing through him. He felt like he was melting, and flying, at the same time, he was stuck to the floor, yet he never felt freer. Time seemed to stop, he also forgot to breathe. After several seconds, or minutes, or even hours he broke off to catch his breath.
“I love you.” Nate whispered, Autumn froze for a second, like she was surprised, or didn't know what he said, then she relaxed a little bit.
“I love you, too.” She said finally.
“You shouldn't.” Nate sighed, “ I want you to, but I you shouldn't, I'm not good for you, I'm not good for anyone. You deserve someone whole and perfect, I'm not, I'm damaged and you don't deserve damaged.”
Autumn turned his hand over and traced the lines with her index finger, “I know.” She said, quietly but her heather colored eyes were intense, “I know you're damaged, so am I, we're all damaged, every single one of us, we're all damaged somehow.”
“ What do you mean?” Nate asked looking into the beautiful blue eyes he loved so much.
“ Nathan, I spent eighteen years with my parents as my best friends, my parents, which by the way or I haven't the slightest clue where they are, I'm fairly sure they're both dead; I pass out randomly, and can't control it; I just calmly discussed the death of the boy that I love, with the boy that I love, and I'm fine with that; and to top that I have more split ends then any person in Britain, and for some odd reason I'm concerned about that because you're there and I want to see me as pretty. Trust me, we're all damaged.”
“You're beautiful, Autumn, you are beautiful.” Nate told her, it bothered him that she didn't see that like he did, she wasn't damaged, she was perfect in every way.
“So are you.” Autumn smiled, “I don't think you're anymore damaged then the rest of us.” Nate smiled back at her.
“I...” Nate started, he didn't know what to say, he didn't have the slightest clue. “I'm going to miss you.”
“I know.” she said, “I'll miss you too. How much longer do you think until you leave?”
“I don't know,” Nate told her, “I'm almost totally healed, I suppose I'll be ready to leave in a week or two.”
“Right into the snowy season.” She said, “Shouldn't you at least wait for Christmas?”
“No.” Nate said, “If I can leave before that I will, I've been preparing for months, I'm leaving as soon as I can.”
“I wish I could go with you, but I know I would just slow you down.”
“I wish I could take you with me, but I know I'd just put you in danger.”
"It won't do me any good to ask you not to go would it?"
"No." Nate sighed.
"I didn't figure."
"You'll stay safe here right?"
"Yes, you'll stay safe out there." she didn't ask, she stated.
"I hope so." She put her head on Nate's chest and nuzzled into him, Nate rapped his arms around her and listened to her breathing.
Author's Note: I'm deciding whether or not to abandon this story, because as of now I only have 10 views of the chapter before last, and that makes me sad, personally I love this story and had been planning it for a long time, but if it's bad then I don't want a negitive representation of my writing skills, anyways review and tell me what you would do in my shoes, thanks
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