Chapter 1 : His Silence
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And made them moments of dying inside.
He needed someone to scream his name,
To take his pain, and it's why I'm screaming."
-Annie by Safetysuit (I changed the she's to he's for the obvious reason that Scorpius is not a girl).
I'd been through the barrier that seperated the magical train station from the muggles before.
The first time I came was when my brother, Albus, was first going to Hogwarts, two years ago. I would have gone James's first year, but I had a muggle sickness called chicken pox. So my first memories of the station are riddled with the memories of my brothers bickering over which house Albus would be sorted into - leave it to him to prove everyone's guesses wrong when he got sorted not into Gryffindor or Hufflepuff, as my parents had suspected, or Slytherin, as I knew he feared, but instead into Ravenclaw, surprising everyone but me - and my parents trying to persuade them to 'knock it off, you're drawing attention from the muggles.'
But the one thing that stuck out the most was when my Uncle Ron jokingly warned my cousin, Rose,to stay away from the Malfoy boy. I know all about their past together. I listened to all the 'old war stories' the Weasley-Potter clan liked to drag out at family gatherings, even when all the other children seemed bored out of their minds and begged our parents to just let them go out and play. I even know some stories I don't remember them telling, but that I know somehow are true. I know Uncle Ron was serious on some level about our family and the Malfoy family still not seeing eye-to-eye. I know that Rose, and even my other cousins and my brothers, took the warning to heart. I know that a lot of the more popular students see fit to make sure he knows his place - the bottom of the "social ladder," so to speak. Even the most unpopular students bully him.
I also know that the Malfoy boy - Scorpius - doesn't deserve the treatment he recieves. I know that it takes a toll on him. I know he tries to hide his weak side - even now, as we all crowd onto the Hogwarts Express, he puts on a brave face for his parents, trying to give them some peace of mind for thieir only son - from everyone around him.
"Of course, Mother, I'll be fine." I he mumbles as he hugs her tightly. Not that I can hear him, but I know it's what he's saying. He nods to his father, even attempting the Trademark Malfoy Smirk as he climbs the steps, waving one last time, and pretending to go find friends for their sake. How can everyone not see how they're killing him inside?
"Love you too, Mum. Dad." I grin, hugging them both. I grab my cousin, Hugo, from where he's waiting for me as I pass him. "'Bye, Uncle Ron, Aunt 'Mione. Love you!"
We board the train just in time, as our family wishes us a good year, and makes us promise to write.
"Bloody hell, the whole lot of them take up half the platform, don't they?" Hugo mumbles. He really tends to channel his father when he's nervous. It's rather funny when you get them both in the same room as a spider. They really lose it then.
"C'mon," I call over my shoulder to him, impatiently, "hurry up!"
"Where're you off to? I wanna find James!" he calls back nervously.
Of course he would. Having no brother of his own, he often looked up to mine. James can be a bit of a prat at times, but family means everything to him, so I don't mind that my best friend would rather spend time with him than me sometimes. He's a really good guy to keep on your side.
"Suit yourself, then. See you at Sorting." I roll my eyes, as I finally catch sight of the one goal I had set for myself for my years at Hogwarts, aside from doing well in classes and all that business.
His shoulders are hunched over. He's curled in on himself as the students he passes taunt and tease him, including little first years. The older students egg the younger ones on when they join in. And even in some cases, they use magic against him. I found myself wishing I already knew some charms so I could defend him as he wouldn't do for himself. Can't they see he wouldnt raise his wand to kill a fly, let alone fight them? What are they so afraid of? Or is it just some sick way of making them feel better about themselves? Whichever it is, I know he understands it even less than I do, and I know some day everything he tries to block out will destroy him.
And what I know, without a doubt, is that I will be there to be the one to save him. If he'll let me.
Older students that I'd met through my relatives greet me as I pass, following the unmistakeable form of Scorpius Malfoy. He ducks into the last compartment on the right, and I smile to myself.
"Lily, there you are! Everyone's been looking for you. What are you doing out here?" my cousin, Louis, rambles.
"Just exploring, Lou." I smile. As the youngest of the twelve Weasley-Potters, everyone tends to baby me, but they all mean well.
"Well, you wanna come to our compartment, or are you still exploring?" he smirks, like he thinks I'm up to something. In our family, it's practically a given.
I smirk back, "Still exploring."
But my smirk fades away as he turns to the other end of the train, where he stops halfway down and turns into a compartment. It figures my relatives would need to be the center of attention. Everyone loves them. Even Slytherins. The house rivalries had all died out after Voldemort was defeated, contrary to popular belief. Now the only competition arose during quiddich matches and competing fort he House Cup.
I look around, making sure no one's watching, and then I open the door to the last compartment on the right, slowly. His head snaps up, and the look in his eyes is the most tortured expression I've ever seen.
"Did you know this was the compartment my parents used to ride in? And my grandparents on my Dad's side? I always wanted to ride in it. Keep the tradition going, ya'know?" I smile carefully.
He blinks, slowly, as I sit across from him. I'll give him some credit, no one's ever won a staring contest against me, but soon I look away. I can't stand the obvious pain in his eyes, especially when I know I can take it away. When I look back up, he's still looking at me, in confusion. He's not letting his guard down any time soon, that much is clear. I akready know, from my family, that he never speaks - at least as far as they know - but I still decide to give it a try.
"You're Scorpius Malfoy, yeah?" I asked. He nodded and looks even more confused and guarded. It's as if he expects me to prank him, or someone else to, soon. "Lily Potter." I introduce myself, holding my hand out. It surprises me when he takes it after only a few seconds of hesitation, and blushes.
I'm content in just sitting and discretely watching him now and then as he stares out the window. I don't think he's fully forgotten I'm here, but he looks more in his comfort zone just sitting and watching the scenery, so I decide not to bother him. So I settle back for what I hear is a long train ride, and fall asleep within a few minutes.
I dream of him, even as he sits in the same compartment as I do. It feels strange to be in the same room as him, and then get even closer. He's confused. He wonders why I'm sitting with him as he stares out the window, determined not to set himself up for more pain. He's done that enough in his life.
He remembers all of the times he'd been naïve enough to trust when someone said they'd wanted to be his friend, only to turn around and use his foolish trust against him.
But he doesn't feel apprehensive about me at all. He tries not to see me as a potential friend, but he can't. All he knows about me is my family's name, and that gives him even more of a reason not to trust me, but he can't help it. Everything in him is pulling towards me, telling him that I'm not what he thinks. That it's okay to let me in.
He's failing at thinking of a reason to keep me away. He knows I'm different, and it scares him. It hurts the most when he's sure he can trust someone, and then they turn out to be like everyone else.
He sighs bitterly, and wishes he could be alright with no one in his life besides his small family. Then he looks at me and thinks that if he had a family like mine, he wouldn't even be in his situation.
These little dreams used to scare me. It's odd to see through someone else's eyes. Although, I'm never really seeing through his eyes. It's like I'm sitting next to him, seeing what he sees, feeling what he feels, thinking what he thinks, but at the same time, I'm seperate from him. I see with my own eyes, Feel what I feel, and think my own thoughts. Like I have two bodies, right next to each other. The first time this happened, a few days after Al left for school, it really freaked me out, and I wouldn't sleep for almost two days. And then it happened when I was awake too. Always him, and always when he needed someone, but there was no one there.
"You don't talk much, do you?" I ask a few minutes before we're to arrive at Hogwarts. We'd spent the whole ride in near silence, but it felt right. His silence is a comfort I know I'll never grow tired of.
He jumps and shakes his head, looking quickly away from me to the floor between our feet. He thought I was still asleep.
"Yeah, I wish my family would talk less. Maybe then we could get through a meal without an argument breaking out between my brothers." I grin. He fights a smile. "You know, it's okay to smile. I'm not like everyone else." I say softly.
That one gets him to smile softly. Then he glances out the window, and it fades into a look of resignation.
I catch my first glimpse of the castle as the train slowly comes to a stop.
Disclaimer: Sadly, I am not the genius that is JK Rowling, and therefore I did not come up with the brilliance of Harry Potter.
However, I am extremely open to hearing your thoughts. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
Actually, I'm not too fond of ugly thoughts. They might make me cry.
Hahaha, just kidding =]
xoxo -- Jess
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