Chapter 1 : She Wolf
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Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy :D This fic really focuses on the lyrics and I thought it would be a crowd pleaser, so I tried it on for size. There isn't much dialogue, but I hope you give the song a listen anyways! Tell me what you think, and review please!
Sitting across a bar, staring right at her prey. It’s going well so far, she’s gonna get her way.
Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent. The moon's my teacher, and I’m her student.
I am addicted to him.
I am addicted to him like nicotine to a lung.
And I cannot let him go.
I continue to stare at him from across the room. He’s with his friends, doing homework and chatting at one of the long tables. I, on the other hand, am a good distance away from him, seated at a single desk with a table lamp. I’m too busy staring at Remus Lupin to realize that I’ve been twirling my quill around in my hand for the past half hour.
These stolen glances, that’s how we spoke.
He looks at me again, his eyes shining in hidden urgency. I know this look. I adore this look. It’s how I know he sees me as I am. His eyes are glistening with controlled excitement, as if we haven’t been looking into each other’s eyes for the past thirty minutes. He’s pretending to be interested in what his mates are saying, but all of his attention is on me. He haphazardly turns a page from the book he is holding.
The secret meetings, that’s how we saw each other.
I bite my lip and try to hold back my inner wolf. We’d usually pounce at each other, but those occurrences are meant for our eyes only. Closets, broom cupboards, abandoned classrooms. Hell, even the restricted section of the library. We decided a long time ago that under our circumstances, no one was to find out about us. It was anything but legal, for the both of us. If anyone found out…it would cause a riot. Everyone knows that a Slytherin and a Gryffindor can’t be together. They can’t be seen as anything other than rivals. And we cannot shake the ladder of this system. It would be chaotic. We are enemies by the placement of our Houses. It is irreversible. If we shook the system, everyone would know about our relationship, and more importantly - they’d find out about our secrets.
The midnight encounters, that’s how we survived.
I know what he is thinking about. I know because I’m thinking of it too. He’s reminiscing of our time under the moon. And we both can sense what each other is feeling; it’s a blessing and a curse. But we can’t object, because this is what comes with lycanthropy. It isolates you and makes you want to run wild, the animal trying to scratch its way out. And then, and only then, there is an equal that comes your way, and brings that animal out in the most sacred of ways. We control each other and sense when one of us is near. Everyone has a different smell, but his… his is intoxicating. It is a smell I’ve gotten to know of very well over the many moons we’ve spent together under the night sky.
We are very different, Remus and I. For one, his friends surely know about his furry little problem. As for me, no one knows but him. Maybe Bellatrix, though. She might have figured it out by now, but definitely not Lucius. He’s as dumb as a brick when it comes to secrecy and reading between the lines. Bellatrix and I were trained to do just that, so I would not be surprised if she already knew. But no one, absolutely no one, knows he and I are together.
I smile and stare down at my blank piece of parchment. His eyes are boring holes in my direction but I do not look up. I still can’t believe he’s mine. Or that I am his. I would stay up at night and wonder - what were we? And I came up with this result every single time: we were two wolves that were meant for each other. Remus and I are part of a world not many people know about. And only the two of us understand each other. I am his oxygen, he is my soul. We cannot leave each other.
I look up from my desk and Remus sighs, staring at me adoringly. Oh, how I want to go over there and take him by his hair. Is it terrible how I want to act like an animal around him? I stifle a laugh at the thought. I bite my lip and he bites his lip. Even from far away, his face feels so close to mine. It’s like I can hear what he’s thinking. But then again, this connection we have (the kind you discover when you find your equal) makes it so we can basically sense each other’s thoughts. I know his moods and he knows my motives. We go hand in hand.
He sets me free. He sets me free like no one else in the world, let alone Hogwarts.
It all started back in Fifth Year… it was a mistake, and we should have never happened. At least, not in our minds. But fate took a hold of us, and we were too weak to disagree. We obliged almost immediately. We are the best kept secret this place has ever known. The infamous couple that leaves the area destroyed and disastrous. He and I have caused so much destruction in abandoned classrooms and closets that the professors took a hold of the students and lectured about vandalism with school property. I almost giggled out loud when McGonagall proposed the speech to the upperclassmen. The teachers thought it was one of the older students abusing the school for some sort of rebellious cause. But the students knew better. Oh, they knew much better than believing it was just a vandalism stunt. The older students knew about the infamous couple that destroyed things in their path. But no one knew who those two people were.
And I made sure of that. So did he.
I felt like I was in disguise for so long, until I met him. When I saw him in that new light. Or rather, when I saw him in that new moonlight. Or would that be too romantically cliché? I’m so happy I just don’t even care anymore. It’s sickening, really. How love-y dove-y we are. We demand control and yet we are not willing to share it when we are together. I bet my life that that is the one of the only reasons we are so strong as a couple. So demanding, and yet so giving. I debated in my mind how this could have happened. How Remus Lupin and I could have ever became what we are. It is indescribable, what we feel. It’s like electricity. When it came to being the woman on Lucius Malfoy’s arm, I felt like nothing but a trophy. An object for show. He was like a husband, and Remus was my bad boy lover. Was I that terrible? Was I that much of a whore to be pretending to love Lucius when it was clear I wasn’t in it anymore? I never really was, to be honest.
With Lucius, it wasn’t like I had a choice in the matter. It was comfortable; our families expected it, so I obliged. He always had some sort of crush on me anyway. And out of everyone in our group of friends, I can happily say that I have some kind of good head on my shoulders. I’m not trying to toot my own horn, but it sometimes seems to me that I am the only one that has a heart. And I blame Remus for that. He made me even softer. He was caring with me, and he still is. We’re both rough in a sense, but he showed me a sensual and loving side that only a man that cared about you could bring forth. I used to be the ice queen. I think I still am, but not whole heartedly. Not anymore. I pretended to be, but it was expected of me and I had to keep up my façade. I would do anything, and so would Remus, to keep things normal as they were to everyone around us. You have no idea how hard it was for me to pass him in the halls and not snog him right then and there.
“I can’t believe they left something in one of the rooms this time.”
My wolf ears perk up and my head instantly leans back towards the direction of the voice in question. A girl. Maybe a Sixth Year. And she is not alone. I smell ebony and rose about four meters from me. She’s with another girl.
I lean back into my chair and smirk to myself, holding my head up with my hand.
Remus furrows his eyebrows for a split second, asking me what is going on. I tilt my head slightly at the direction of the two gossiping girls. Before I can even say anything, James Potter asks him a question that knocks him off mental trance and tears his eyes away from me.
“Yeah, I heard they always leave some sort of clothing behind. You know, to show their wild side,” one of them says. If I remember correctly, and if these two girls are indeed Sixth Year, then it’s Jennifer Priestly and her mousy friend Carolyn Jukinheimer.
“Wow,” Carolyn gushes out slowly. “That’s…”
“Kinky,” Jennifer giggles.
“Scandalous!” Carolyn corrects. I smell a small sense of warmth, she’s probably blushing. I can smell the blood flow.
“Oh, don’t be so naïve, Carolyn. They’re like Bonnie and Clyde, except, totally not. You know?”
“Minus the stealing and the burglaries and the gunshots, er- yes.”
A couple days ago, Remus and I met up in an old classroom near Professor Flitwick’s office. Probably a few doors down or something like that. Anyway, Remus decided to leave one of his old shredded shirts behind when we left. I told him it wasn’t a good idea, but we always leave something behind as a token of our… growing collection of vandalism? It’s usually a scarf or something that we haven’t worn in years, and is always too torn to get evidence from. His shirt was so ripped to shreds; it was comical how it looked on him when he tried it on again. How was he supposed to walk through the darkness of the corridors and back to bed looking like that? You couldn’t even tell it was a shirt anymore. So Remus left it there, but not without burning all the traces of wolf hair combined with some of his own normal DNA with some sprinkles of magic. And he walked the rest of the way back to his common room shirtless. Let's just say that part was alot more fun.
“I wonder if one of them is Sirius Black,” Jennifer sighs adoringly. “I hear he’s-”
And just then, Sirius Black bursts into laughter from across the library, causing the entire room to look at him. Including the librarian, who is glaring daggers at him. This causes Jennifer to drop the book in her hands. Now both of them are blushing. I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing.
Oh, did I forget to mention that Remus and I aren’t the only ones with animal instincts?
For a split second I lock eyes with Sirius Black; his friends are having a laugh and he catches me with a glance. Oh, this boy. This boy is a problem, I tell you. His eyes always narrow at me and I can tell its not because of blood related hatred. It’s like he knows I can sense he’s an Animagus. Even though Animagi are nothing like werewolves, they can leave a print on a human being - or in this case, wizard - in many different ways…all depending on what they are. Sirius happened to have gained an acute sense of hearing. He is an unregistered Animagus; a black dog. How fitting. Each one of Remus Lupin’s ‘marauder’ friends has some sort of gift or talent thanks to their animal, I just haven’t figured them all out yet. Except Sirius. Him, I can read like a book.
He heard every word those girls where saying about him, just not the conversation as a whole. Sirius can hear peoples voices like whispers if they are in the same room. If he focuses on a conversation, he can make out some of the words. But only when ideal things are being said can he really tune out things and easily eavesdrop. Like, say, someone speaking out your name. In Jennifer’s case, Sirius was already mildly interested in the conversation. His ears quickly snuck into the discussion as soon as she said his name. Sirius was never this good with hearing. He turned into an Animagus back in Third Year; but he has become an expert at this now.
See, I know this because I’ve studied all about things like this. Back before I knew what I had become, I tried to study and find a cure - or figure out a way to return to normal - so I did a lot of research. You could say I learned a few things.
I forgot caring about who Sirius was anymore, or who he hung out with, a long time ago. It bored me to tears that people were still obsessing over his absence at the dinner table. Wasn’t like we were close to begin with, anyway. He is just a minor bump in my life. A minor bump that’s making Remus and I being together more difficult. Because Sirius pushes me to be three times as careful, which is good in a way. But not all the time. Tension in the library is radiating off of me, the boy I love, and the relative that excommunicated himself.
See, I am many things to people.
I am a lot of things to my family.
I am nothing to some, and everything to others.
I am a wolf. A girl, trapped inside a curse.
It can never break.
I have a story no one will ever know.
My hidden agendas will break you.
I am deceiving to those that want to hurt me.
And this is just the beginning.
I can tell this new school year is going to be great. The more Sirius Black follows me around, the more suspicious he gets, the more he mentally stabs at me with his quill - the more I want to claw at his face. But that’s an impolite gesture on my part. Here are the facts: No one knows about Remus and I. Sirius does not know. And he sure as hell doesn’t know what I am, either.
Nothing can break us. I can smell the competition and the barriers in this room. I can sense it and feel it. I’m not dumb. I know my last year of Hogwarts will be challenging. But I’m ready for the walls. Why? Because I’m not worried about climbing them. I can break them. Because even though I have a relative who is getting more and more skeptical of my persona, and I have a fatal curse, and the boy I love cannot be seen with me in public, I have something no one has.
Because that is for me and Remus. Just us alone. I am a she wolf with an internal demise and façade of all sorts. I’m scared every day that something can go wrong and people will know. But every time I get nervous, I remind myself: no one knows my name. Nobody knows about the she wolf. I am in disguise. I am a secret. I am his best kept secret. And who am I?
That information is highly classified.