Sometimes when life gives you lemons, you can’t help but wonder why it didn’t give you something more useful. Like a sense of humor, or money, or the courage one needs to face up to what they’ve done, and ask for forgiveness. But, of course, that’s too sensible. After everything that I’ve done, I have to make fucking lemonade.
I sat down in the common room, thinking about, strangely enough, not Sirius, but Ken Kroger. Was I happy that I was over him and that I’d fallen for someone else? Was I over him? I know that I thought I was, but somehow it just seemed hard to look back on the past few months and not truly think that it was all for him.
I brushed a hand through a lock of my hair and saw that the deep brown roots had progressed down, and my hair was a mixture of faded strawberry blonde and deep mahogany. It was a cliché metaphor depicting how I felt. The brown was who I truly was, and the blonde was who I’d tried to be. Underneath it all, maybe I just should realize that no matter how much I try to change who I really am, the roots will always put in a fight to appear.
I laughed to myself, thinking about how after just a few months, my thoughts had somehow formed a more philosophical nature. That was wrong though, as I was no deeper than the average human being, and it would always be dumb of me to assume I was. I coughed a bit and turned to the side, looking at the fire and watching it burn. The cackling that ensued reassured me. It was a sound I knew all too well.
I tugged at the silver ring that was on my middle finger, I sighed several times, and I change the position I was sitting in at least four times before I heard it. A clopping of sorts, a hip-hopping that was coming closer and closer—footsteps. I looked at the portrait whole, waiting, watching, hoping. And it wasn’t a surprise, but rather a dream come true when I saw him race through it. I caught my breath and watched him, my eyes widening and somehow blurring about the edges.
“Milla,” he breathed as his eyes fell upon me. I felt my brow furrow and waited. “Milla, I’m so…I didn’t even get to react really, and I realize now that I can’t be so…and you didn’t mean to do anything that was…that bastard broke your heart, and you…well, what do you say?”
I stared at him in silence. The meek, rambling, and altogether strange apology was both unexpected and glorious. Sirius was sitting, or rather kneeling in front of me, his hair matted to his forehead as spring had begun and it had likely gotten much warmer. I stared into his gray eyes, the eyes that both taunted and mesmerized me. It wouldn’t be easy, I thought. We argued, we’d never had a real conversation, and we’d likely break up before the month was out.
“We can’t be together,” I whispered, more to myself, but he heard and I watched as his face fell.
“After all that?” I knew what he meant. It was impossible to ignore the fact that we’d been tested already. If we endured all that we had, it seemed ethical enough that we should eventually come together. But my gut was telling me this wasn’t what needed to happen.
“Sirius, we fight. We bicker. We don’t talk much. We haven’t done much else than snog and shag. We’re a mess, and I don’t know if we’ll even have a functional relationship,” I confessed. The words piled out rather quickly, but I didn’t doubt they were already planted in his mind long before I’d whet the inkling.
“But I think…I love you?” It wasn’t supposed to be a question, but that’s how it came out. I sighed and crossed my legs, putting a hand under my chin and leaning forward.
“And that’s unnatural as hell,” I muttered.
“Look, all I’m doin’ is telling you how I feel, alright, so if you could just listen,” he began, but I interrupted him.
“Sirius, you’re starting an argument.”
“You don’t have to be all matter-of-fact about it,” he mumbled getting up and sitting on the other end of the couch. I turned to face him, criss-crossing my legs under me and pulling my hair back quickly. A few strands fell out of place.
Sirius took his finger and brushed them back, folding them behind my ear. His fingers remained there, making my skin heat and my eyes urge to roll. Why was it that we couldn’t be within the same vicinity without being completely crazed? I took hold of his hand in my and held it gently, looking into his eyes and waiting.
A sudden thought came into his mind. I knew it because his eyes went from looking down to looking up rather quickly.
“Conclusion,” I muttered as he opened his mouth to speak.
“Friends with benefits?” he proposed. Gee, what an invitation, I thought. The thought was revolting in my mind—a person used merely for pleasure, and then discarded once something ‘serious’ came up. How charming a notion.
“I’ll try it,” I shrugged my shoulder, sounding a bit too nonchalant. I saw him go over the last few moments in his mind and laughed to myself, thinking back to when I narrowed this guy down to a science, calculating every decision and move before it stumbled into his mind.
Now, there was no calculation. I knew it after it happened. I sighed, and rubbed my thumb over the palm of his hand, feeling the calluses that he’d built up from sports.
When he kissed me I didn’t fight it or try to time it to a precision. I was unraveling, and that was okay.
Wow! Okay, so here is a very short chapter. I'm so sorry about the wait. I've been super sick with pneumonia and I've been slightly banner from the computer. And when I've managed to sneak over, I usually focus on new stories (stupid me) but I finally did this! So, just a few chapter left!
Gosh, can you believe that in two months it will have been a year since I began writing this story? Oh how time flies!!! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have!
oh, and p.s: If you have enjoyed Bragging Rights, please check out my other stories. I have a brand new one--Solidarity--which I'm hoping will be very good. Thanks!!
Write a Review Bragging Rights: Chapter Twenty-Seven. Camilla.