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Muggle says what? by thisbehecate
Chapter 1 : cats, shoes and... duck?
 
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 4


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A/N: Lets see... I'm still broke, I still don't own anything worth anything, so it would be a complete waste of time for anyone to sue, so yea... please don't! Harry isn't mine (in case you didn't already know, I had to state the obvious!)




"Please Hermione?" Harry pleaded.

"No." Hermine didn't even bother looking up from her book any longer. Harry had been begging her for her help for the past two days, and for the past two days she had been giving him the same answer: no.

"Plea-"

"No!"

"Hermi-"

"NO!"

Harry crossed his arms across his chest with a sigh of frustration. He could usually convince her to help him, and he had no clue why this time was so different. She wouldn't even explain why she was saying no! Suddenly, Harry had an idea. Had Hermione been paying attention and had caught the mischievous glint in his eye, surely she would have made a run for the nearest exit and gone into hiding until the end of the school year.

"Fine." Harry said in a sing-song voice. "I'll get the headmaster to make you help me!"

Hermione let out a laugh laced with sarcasm.

"I hardly doubt the headmaster will make me help you, Harry. Just because you've lost your mind that doesn't mean everyone else in this castle has. Besides, this is just silly! There is no need for the headmaster to get involved. It's childish, he wont stoop to your level and make me help you."

"We'll see, Hermione, we'll see."




"I don't believe this!" Hermione stated. It was safe to say that she was in shock. "This is... well, this is just ridiculous!"

Harry had indeed gone to the headmaster, and just as he thought he would be able to do, Harry had convinced Dumbledore to assign Hermione to helping him.

"Sorry Hermione, you left me no choice." Harry said deadpan, attempting not to laugh. He knew Hermione's temper was holding on by a thread, and he did not want to be the one who caused that last bit to break.

Hermione simply glared at him and continued down the hall. When Harry made a turn instead of heading straight, she paused with a look of confusion on her face.

"Aren't we going to the common room?" She asked Harry.

"Oh, uh, no. We're going to the Room of Requirement. A couple people are waiting there for us." He said this without meeting her gaze.

"Who is there, Harry?"

"Oh, just... you know, Ron, Ginny...." He mumbled something else, but Hermione couldn't understand him, and when she asked him to clarify, he pretended that he hadn't heard and just walked on.

Hermione entered the room steps behind Harry, who, when she crossed the threshold, closed the door behind her. Taking a look around, she let out a groan of annoyance as she spotted a head of platinum hair to one side of the room.

"Well," Draco drawled, "It's about time you arrived, Granger. Can we get going now? I'm not here because I want to be here, you know."




(The next day, potions)

"Where is Mr. Potter today?" Snape asked just as class got under way.

He had just begun taking attendance when the dungeon door was thrown violently open and the boy in question stumbled in, clothes shredded in some places, his face and arms covered in cuts that looked as though they only just stopped bleeding.

"Well, it's about time Mr. Potter." Snape sneered. "Take your- what has happened to you?"

Harry walked slowly, with a pained expression on his face as though every step were agony, toward his seat. Placing his bag on the table, he gingerly sat.

"Well, Sir," Harry began. "Have you ever heard the expression, 'There's more than one way to skin a cat'?"

"Yes." Snape replied, with a look of resigned weariness.

"Take it from me, Sir, none of the ways are with the cat still alive."

"Class dismissed."




(The next... next day, potions)

"Homework out!" Snape called out to his students.

Almost against his will, he shot a quick glance over at Harry, and was surprised to see the boy reach into his bag and remove a roll of parchment and place is on his table to be collected.

Snape had been fooled before, however, and would not show any surprise until he was sure that what the boy had on that parchment was, in fact, not just homework, but the correct potions homework, done correctly and completely.

Unable to help himself, Snape started on Harry's side of the room, and was shocked when he collected Harry's parchment and discovered that it was, indeed, the assigned homework.

Before moving on to any other tables, Snape looked past the papers in his hand and glanced down at Harry and raised an eyebrow at the boy. Harry simply sat there and beamed at his professor, not saying a word. The homework collection went on without a hitch until he got to:

"Malfoy?" Snape asked with shock evident in his voice.

"Sir?"

"Where is your homework?"

"Are you sure you really want to know, Professor?" Draco asked with his most sickeningly sweet voice, and Snape knew, if he asked, he would get an excuse worthy of Potter.

"No." Snape hastily said.

Suddenly, Snape heard something he never thought he would hear, at least, never in his classroom. He heard a student laughing uncontrollably. Looking over he found who he knew would be the offender.

"Something funny, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked.

"Shoe's on the other foot, huh?" Harry asked.

Snape looked as though he was going to curse the boy. Imagine, mocking him because a student from his own house didn't do his homework, and he would now have to deduct points! Then suddenly, Malfoy joined in with Harry.

"MALFOY! Enough! Both of you!" Snape yelled.

"Sorry Sir..." Draco choked out. "But... he's right!"

With that, Draco pushed away from the table, and shocked the class by dropping to sit Indian style on the floor. With everyone watching in confusion, Draco removed his shoes then switched them so they were now on the correct foot.

"Class dismissed."




(The next... next... next day, potions)

So far, nothing strange or unexpected had happened in class. So, of course, Snape was suspicious as heck.

He was making his way around the room, checking on the students work, making little snide comments here, or unwarranted compliments there, completely biased of his own house, of course.

He was just reaching the golden trio's table when suddenly Harry looked up, and as Snape watched, a look of confusion, humor, shock, and then alarm crossed the students face.

Suddenly, Harry opened his mouth and called out to his professor:

"DUCK!" And pointed at something behind Snape that the potions professor could not see.

Automatically, Snape put both arms over his head, ducked his head down, pivoted on one foot and looked up to see what was in danger of colliding with his head.

And saw absolutely nothing. He quickly pulled himself upright and turned around to deduct points and assign detention to the student who made him look like an idiot... again. Snape opened his mouth when suddenly:

"QUACK!"

Snape thought for a moment he was going to have a heart attack. He jumped at least three feet off the floor, and, attempting to spin midair, he instead got tangled in his robes and crashed painfully back onto the floor in a heap.

And found himself face to face, or more precisely, face to bill, with a real living and breathing duck.

With a sigh, Snape once more opened his mouth:

"Class dismissed."




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