Chapter 10 : Lost
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And it's not a cry you that hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Harry ignored the knock at the door the next morning. But Kreacher was right on it.
“ Hello, Kreacher,” Hermione’s voice said kindly. “ Is Harry here?”
“ Miss Hermione wants to see Master Harry, but Kreacher does not want to show him to her.” The house elf said like he used to, apparently not thinking Hermione can hear him. “ She doesn’t know Master Harry is in a bad way.”
“ We know Harry is in a bad way, Kreacher,” Ron said, “ That’s why we’re here, he’s been in a bad way all week.”
“ But Kreacher doubts Master Harry was this bad, sir. Master Ron doesn’t know Master Harry was screaming last night in his sleep, Master Harry was screaming terrible things, Kreacher wished he did not hear them.”
“ He was crying in his sleep again?” Hermione said concerned.
“ Yes Madam, Master Harry was crying and screaming, Kreacher heard him yell, ‘ Kill me, just kill me, I’d rather die then live without her.’”
“ Can we just see him?” Ron demanded.
“ Please, Kreacher,” Hermione pleaded.
“ Kreacher will show them just because Kreacher hopes they can talk some sense into Master Harry.”
“ Thank you.” Harry didn’t turn around to see Hermione and Ron walk in, but they sat by him, and Hermione took his hand, “ Harry,” she said as though address a very sick person on his death bed, “ are you okay?”
“ Good God!” Ron exclaimed, “ Did you drink all of those yourself?” He indicated the ten or so empty fire whiskey bottles the littered the floor.
“ Kreacher didn’t want to keep giving Master Harry drinks, but master Harry insisted, so Kreacher had no choice.” Kreacher said quickly as if he was afraid they’d blame him.
“ Why not?” Harry asked, “ Why not drink? There’s nothing left for me to hold on to.”
“ Of course there is, Harry!” Hermione said, “ You have us! And your family, the Weasleys are still you family!”
“ No,” Harry said, “ If you knew what was good for you, you’d stay away from me.”
“ Well, we don’t know what’s good for us!” Hermione said.
“ Listen,” Ron said, “ You acting like a jack ass won’t bring Ginny back, all it’s doing is causing us more pain, so get over yourself, and start helping out like everyone else, you’re not making this any easier for my mum.” Harry ignored him.
“ You’re lost, Harry,” Hermione said shaking his forearm, “ You’re lost and you need our help. We know you, Harry, you’re trying to distance yourself from us, you always do that, you did that when Sirius died, and Dumbledore, and Fred, you can never just except that you need help.”
“ It’s not me I’m worried about!” Harry snapped.
“ For goodness sake!” Ron exclaimed, “ We’ve been over this! You’re not cursed, nothing is going to happen to us!”
“ Hermione almost died last week with Ginny because of me.”
Ron looked pained but Hermione said, “ That was different!”
“ The hell it is!” Harry shouted. “ It’s my fault and it could’ve just as easily have been you that died instead of Ginny…” An evil terrible part of Harry wish it was, he loved Hermione, she was his best friend but if he had to choose between her and Ginny… Harry banished this thought from his mind as soon it entered.
“ This is ridiculous,” Ron said. “ You can stay here another night to cool off if you want, but we’ll be back tomorrow, and you’re coming with us whether you like it or not!”
“ You can’t make me do anything!”
“ The hell I can’t!” Ron roared.
“ Leave! Just go!” Harry yelled.
“ We’ll be here tomorrow.” Ron said grabbing his traveling cloak, “ And don’t think we won’t.”
Harry knew the potion well enough, he mixed it several times during his Auror training, but he used it for an antidote, he never thought of drinking it, or even giving it to someone else to drink. But there he was, in the dark kitchen of Grimmauld Place with a caldron full of it. He didn’t even decide to brew it, he just did. It was like his body was on autopilot.
But the fact remand that there he stood with a caldron full of Velox Virus the fastest acting poison in the world.
Dumbledore’s words echoed in Harry’s head, telling him to pity the living, not the dead, surely he wasn’t doing anything that wrong, he was just reuniting with Ginny, and Sirius, Lupin, Tonks, his parents, Fred, Dumbledore, and all of his other friends that died because of him.
He stood staring at the bright red potion, he didn’t have to drink it, and he knew that. But a part of him told him that he’d never be happy in this life.
Funny, the last time he faced death he walked head held high, ready to accept it, because that was his duty, he didn’t have to come back, Dumbledore told him that. He didn’t have to come back, so dying now would just be like changing his mind a year later. After all, he should have died seventeen years ago, he just dragged it on for a while, he’s just doing it later then he should have.
It’s not a big deal anyways, dying, he’d already did it once before hadn’t he? So why was he so reluctant this time? Because now he didn’t have to? Or because he was leaving Ron and Hermione, Teddy and the Weasleys behind?
Either way Kreacher would be home soon, Harry only ordered him away for an hour, soon he’d be back, undoubtedly with Ron and Hermione right behind him, then Harry’s chance would be gone.
He poured himself a cup of the red liquid, right then he heard the door opened forcefully.
“ HARRY!” Hermione’s voice screamed. Quickly Harry downed the poison; he felt an unbearable pain shoot up his back and his muscles seized up. “ Harry! No! HARRY! RON I FOUND HIM! Harry…Harry…” But even then Hermione’s voice was dull and distant, Harry could barely feel her touch though she was forcefully shaking him. And before Ron could even make it in the room, before anyone could do anything, the once great Harry Potter was dead.
Author's note: You're all going to yell at me aren't you? Sorry! I love Harry and Ginny, and I do NOT think suicide is the answer EVER!
Suicide=BAD. DON'T DO IT!
However, I was writing this directly after reading Romeo and Juilet. Please read the next chapter, it's better I promise. I hope you liked this chapter, like it or hate it, please review
Italic's are from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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