Chapter 1 : Reckless
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Thank you all for taking the time to read, this is my first attempt at writing Sirius so any advice would be great!
As always I am not J.K Rowling who owns all the characters and places in this story.
Thanks and enjoy :D x
It was Halloween night 1981 that my life changed forever. I sit here in my cell rotting away and the only thing that keeps me sane is the knowledge of my innocence. Not that I’m not boarding on insanity, I’m halfway there, but a small part of my heart won’t give in to the darkness that plagues me, but I’m barley holding on, I’m barley keeping my head above water.
Every day for the past eight years and every night has been the same, I sit in my hell hole and think of nothing but my best friends and the one that betrayed them. It has become an obsession you see, but in this place you need something to focus on. But I don’t want to stop obsessing; I never want to stop, not until the rat has paid for what he did.
Nobody believes me guiltless, and I have never proclaimed to be. I did send James and Lily to their deaths. If it wasn’t for me they would still be here, Harry Potter would still have his beloved parents. Because I was the one who convinced them to make the rat their secret-keeper. I never thought Voldemort would suspect a weak and talentless being such as Pettigrew and that has been the biggest error of my miserable and pathetic existence. I trusted him implicitly and never believed him capable of such a crime. So you see I am not blameless, but I am not guilty of the crime they have locked me away for.
I sometimes think back to our school days, when it was just the four of us, James, Remus, Peter and I. We were so different then, so young. We all had our problems; James my best friend was in love with Lily, who then thought him not worthy of a smile. Remus, my dear friend, was bitten by the bastard Fenrir Greyback as a child and condemned to the life of a part time werewolf. And of course there was Peter, the rat, the one that I always felt sorry for, the one that I humoured and protected, the one that was always weaker and far less talented than the rest of us. But even though we had problems we also had each other. And that made us strong and I thought us unbreakable. What a foolish and arrogant boy I was.
When we left school we couldn’t wait to join the Order of the phoenix and help take down Voldemort. We were young and reckless then and didn’t realise the things we were about to witness, we didn’t fully appreciate the responsibility until we were living the life for ourselves. Soon the pressure of living up to the responsibility and the never ending threat of Voldemort and his army of followers became too much and I grew to distrust many. Remus, my old friend felt my wrath, I became paranoid that he was a spy and although I never voiced my concerns to him I excluded him from important information, yet I trusted Peter. I am an idiot. No. Idiot is far too light a word.
So as the years went by and Harry arrived there was much cause for celebration, but due to Voldemorts large, black shadow we had to celebrate in secret. It was still a fantastic time and when I was asked to be the boys godfather I had never been so honoured and proud. I loved the child like a son and swore to him as I leaned over his cot that I would always be around to protect him. Cool uncle Sirius I was.
But soon after Dumbledore came to James and Lily’s small but cosy home and bade them go into hiding. Voldemort had marked their son, my godson as his equal, and was determined to kill him. So they left for Godrics Hollow and with the protection of the Fidelius Charm and Peter as their secret-keeper we all believed them safe. No one, not even Remus or Dumbledore knew that Peter was in fact the secret keeper; they all thought it was me, which is what we wanted them to believe. I would give anything to go back and change that. Anything.
The last night of October arrived and I remember it as though it was yesterday. It had been a warm day for the time of year. The sun shone and I had spent the afternoon drinking and writing to my dear friends. I had received a letter from Lily informing me of James frustration of being locked away in their small home. He loved Harry fiercely and would have given his life to protect him, he did, but being in that house dampened his spirit. James was always a free soul, that’s why we clicked, he felt useless in hiding whilst the rest of us risked our lives on a daily basis.
I didn’t know then that they would never get to read the letter. They would perish long before my Owl could deliver it. So as the day went on I spent it laughing and joking with other members of the Order. As the day grew to a close I noticed Peter’s absence. It was peculiar for him, he was always sniffing about and my concerns grew. I told the others I was going to check on him. When I arrived at his dingy little hideout I knew instantly something wasn’t right, Peter had vanished but there had been no signs of a struggle.
Something in the pit of my stomach moved and the feeling of dread consumed me. I ran out of the house and jumped back on my motorbike soaring into the sky I rode like a lunatic. I knew I needed to get to Godrics Hollow.
This is the moment my life changed. I saw from a distance the wreckage of a once beautiful house. I brought my bike to a screeching halt outside the front gate and looked at the devastation. It was then my heart broke into a million irreparable pieces.
I was barely breathing as my feet carried me up the garden path; the green front door was miraculously still in place. With shaky hands I pushed it open; he was the first thing I saw. His body lay upon the floor. His glasses still upon his face, and do you want to know what I did? I laughed, yes uncontrollable laughter left my lips. I don’t know why I had this reaction, my life had fallen apart. I was past the point of speech, I was beyond devastated yet the sight of James dead body and the glasses still upon his face caused this reaction. I had already been driven mad by the grief and shock of losing my oldest and best friend. As the laughter died away and changed to howling sobs I fell to my knees and threw my body onto his. Sobbing like a child against his chest.
After a few minutes I pulled myself together as much as I could, I knew two others lived in the house. Two who I loved dearly. I prayed they escaped but I knew deep down that they hadn’t. I checked what was left of the rooms downstairs and then with a glimmer of hope I walked up the stairs holding the banister rail for support.
It was only a two bedroom cottage and James and Lily’s bedroom had been blown to pieces. The door to Harry’s nursery was open and I can’t describe to you the trepidation I felt as I made my way inside. I saw her body sprawled out before Harry’s cot. Lily Potter who had been so vivacious in life looked terrified in death. I wiped her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead.
My legs buckled as I stood and tried to gather all the courage I had to look into Harry’s cot. I have never been a coward but in that moment I wanted to run and hide. Not even a part of me believed the little boy had survived. And when I peered over the cot and saw his emerald green eyes, so much like his Mothers gaze back at me, a smile upon his one year old face I actually fell to the floor in relief and shock.
One word left my lips over and over again.....Thank you.
Harry was alive; my precious god son had survived. I quickly stood and picked up the child I loved. I don’t know how long I stood there with him in my arms, breathing in his smell, listening to his small gurgles. Our cheeks pressed against one another’s. I promised him again that I would never leave him.
I knew I couldn’t stay in the ruined house, no matter how much I wanted to. I had to leave; I had to inform somebody else. I wasn’t sure if I was in a fit state to drive and I had to be responsible, I had Harry to think about. I was about to send a patronus to the rest of the Order when Hagrid arrived. His giant tears splashed onto a revolting looking handkerchief and I knew then that they already knew. Before I could protest Hagrid had gathered Harry in his arms and took him out of my arms.
“Its Dumbledore’s order, the boy is to go to his aunties.”
When I attempted to talk my voice was barley a whisper and I kept my eyes on the ground.
“But...but Lily didn’t get along with Petunia. They wanted me to have Harry, they made it clear...”
Hagrid put a large palm on my shoulder, “you’ll see him soon enough I dare say.”
But as I watched the sleeping child I felt anger spread through me like wildfire, I was a broken man, but I wanted vengeance, I knew then that I probably wouldn’t see Harry Potter for a very long time. I had a job to do and I wouldn’t rest until justice had been done. Peter Pettigrew had to pay.
I nodded and looked once more at my sleeping godson, I held his tiny hand and bid him farewell that was the last time I ever touched him. I told Hagrid to take my bike; I wouldn’t need it where I was going. I knew once I found Peter I would kill him and gladly serve time in Azkaban for it.
I watched Harry fly high into the night sky, I wish now I had, had the strength to fight for him. I should never have given in but you need to understand that I was a crushed man. I didn’t have the heart to keep fighting.
When they became nothing more than a dot in the sky I turned and gazed at the ruined house.
“Goodbye my dear friends.”
Then I left. You all know what happened next and the events which led to me sitting in this dingy cell telling you my tale. But I won’t give in, I can’t give up, because Harry Potter lives and as long as there’s breath in my body I will strive to bring the rat to justice.
Peter, I’m coming for you.
Me again, so did I do a horrid job at potraying Sirius or was it ok? Please let me know and as always thank you for taking the time to read :D x
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