Chapter 1 : The four words
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Rose Weasley was beyond excited, the Christmas holidays were finally over and she was on the train back to Hogwarts, sitting next to her brother, Hugo Weasley, who were in a conversation with her cousin Albus Potter, whose brother was currently buying sweets of the trolley. She had told him that she wanted a Licorice Wand, and being the kind(yet often annoying) cousin he was, he bought one for her.
No doubt he'd want something in return later on, but at least she got the Licorice Wand. It wasn't long until they were there, and she couldn't wait. James hadn't let her go see her boyfriend during the whole ride, something she didn't understand; she knew James didn't like her boyfriend, Scorpius Malfoy, but they had been together for over 4 months, so she thought he would have gotten over it by now. With a sigh she took that thought back, James would never accept Scorpius; ever.
The holidays had been torture. She had only received two letters from him, and yes, they had been long, but he had repeatedly written that he needed to tell her something when back at school. If she knew him as well as she thought she did – he wanted to tell her that he loved her. 'I love you, Rose', it would be the perfect four words, the best words she had ever heard.
She leaned her head against the window of the train with a smile on her lips, as she thought back to the letters he had sent. Two lines had been stuck on her mind ever since she had read them, they could only mean one thing, right? He wanted to tell her that he loved her.
'There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Rose. We'll talk about it as soon as we're back at Hogwarts.'
Her eyes fluttered closed as she pictured him in front of her; with his messy white hair and his steely grey eyes. His fairly pale skin and toned body. She pictured the way he would grin when he was up to something, and how his eyes would twinkle mischievously.
Fingers snapped in front of her face and she opened her eyes to stare in to her cousin Lily's eyes, before realizing that it had been James who had snapped his fingers to hand over her Licorice Wand.
“Thanks,” she mumbled as she took it from him, “What?”
They had all been staring at her with rather amused expressions, but when she asked what they meant by it, they simply shrugged and looked away. Taking a bite from the wand, Rose sighed and leaned her head back while hoping that it wasn't too long until they were at Hogwarts.
The carriages stood waiting for then at the train station just like they did every year, and Rose was, just like always, glad that she didn't see the Thestrals which pulled them. Her blue eyes looked around, in hopes of seeing a glimpse of the white blonde hair which belonged to her boyfriend, but alas, no. She got up in the carriage and waited for it to start moving.
Albus were the only one of her cousins who sat with her, the others had decided to sit in a different carriage along with her brother. Along with them sat Bethany Nott; a Ravenclaw, Sam Parkinson; a Ravenclaw as well, and then there were also Christian and Jacob Zabini; two Slytherins, who happened to be brothers, Christian were the older one. Rose knew them rather good, since they were friends with Scorpius.
“Anyone of you seen Scorpius? I thought he'd be with you guys,” said Rose and looked between the brothers, who both shifted uncomfortable before shrugging.
“Nah, haven't seen him...”
Liar, said Rose in her head, but decided against asking more questions. So, instead of speaking, she closed her school robes tighter around her body due to the coldness in the air. It was after all January and the biting cold was to be expected.
The castle came to view, and Rose fought the urge to gasp; yes she was a sixth year so this shouldn't be new to her. But she was still stunned by how gorgeous Hogwarts looked. The white snow covered most of the trees which were on the grounds around it, and parts of Hogwarts were just as covered, so it blended nicely in with the sparkling white snow on the ground. It looked as if had just fallen from the sky, there were no footprints in it, and that made it look even more beautiful.
Even though Rose hated the winter and the cold, she loved the way snow looked. It looked so pure. The best thing about winter, in Rose's opinion, was to wake up in the morning of a sunny day and glance out the window to see the snow sparkle like diamonds on the ground and trees. Nothing could be more beautiful to her. Well, she thought, Scorpius is an exception.
The mere thought of Scorpius made the butterflies in her stomach swirl around, and her heart start doing the conga. She was truly head over heels in love with him. Just as she thought about him, she spotted the blonde wizard getting out of his carriage, and called out his name.
“Scorpius!” she tried to push past people to get to him, but when she looked up again, she couldn't find him. “Damn!”
“Is little Prince Charming ignoring you?” muttered James sarcastically as he caught up with her, with a shaky smile she shook her head.
“Nah, of course not. He just didn't hear me,” Rose did her best to sound convincing, but there would have been no chance in hell that he hadn't heard her. “Stop being so mean towards him, James.”
“Don't even get me started, Rose. You know what I think about him, and you know that I'm right. He's a git, always have been and always will be. He will break your heart. I don't see how you can't see it...”
Rose glared at her cousin, while she continued walking, and he walked beside her. She had heard it all before, but was still offended when James would say something like that. During the four months she had been with Scorpius, she would have thought that he would have given her boyfriend a chance, but no. The only thing that Scorpius got from James were glares and an occasional taunt.
“He won't,” Rose replied matter-of-factly before she started to walk faster.
“Don't come crying to me when he does!” she heard James shout after her, but she chose to ignore it.
The welcome-back-speech held by Headmistress McGonagall was short, not that Rose paid any attention to it whatsoever. She was far too busy trying to get Scorpius attention, but he simply stared down at his hands.
Rose smiled a bit to herself, she knew how he was feeling; she was nervous too. She supposed that it was normal when you were to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that you loved them.
She found him cute when he looked like that, nervous and a wee bit distant. It was so different from how he usually looked; head held high and a confident grin on his lips. Like he ruled the world and as if he could do anything. Then there was the look he had when he was with her and they were alone. He would look so relaxed when they were together, and have a small smile playing on his lips as if he had never been happier. It was interesting for Rose to see this side of him, but she preferred him less nervous.
Turning her head away from the Slytherin table, she stared down at her empty plate. Glancing to her sides, she noticed that everyone else's plates were already full. She started to serve herself some food, which had magically appeared on the table without her noticing it.
James sat beside her, but they didn't speak. She did, however, speak with her younger brother about his Transfiguration essay. Hugo needed her help, since he had been far too busy flirting with Amanda Jones, a Hufflepuff girl who he shared classes with.
“Hugo!” Rose groaned, it wasn't the first time he had flirted instead of paying attention in class. She blamed James for being a bad influence. Only Merlin knew how James had gotten good grades in school, given how little time he actually studied. Up on seeing her brothers pleading look, she gave in – like she always did. “Fine, I'll help you.”
“You're a life saver, Rose, you really are,” he said before he showed more food in to his mouth, making her roll her eyes.
“I'm stupid, that's what I am. I really shouldn't help you, but I still do it. Every single time...”
Time went by and the next time Rose looked up was as she had finished dessert and she found that Scorpius was looking right at her. As if he had finally decided to acknowledge her presence. She smiled at him, but the smile fell from her lips as she saw how he had to force himself to smile at her. He looked away all too soon, and Rose's eyes fell down on her plate as she slowly put the golden spoon down. No matter how delicious the dessert had been; she couldn't eat one more bite.
“Trouble in paradise?” asked James, whom Rose had been ignoring since they sat down.
“Not at all,” she replied coldly as she tugged on her hair. In the corner of her eye she saw how James opened his mouth to speak, “Save it, James, I don't want to hear it.”
“Of course you don't,” he muttered in an angry tone as he followed his cousins lead and put his spoon down. Rose faced her cousin, who indeed looked rather angry. Nothing new, he always looked angry when Scorpius was the topic of their conversation. James' brown eyes glared at her blue ones which met him in a glare which matched his own.
“What did you say?” she hissed at him.
He reacted just as she had expected him to, after all; he always reacted by becoming more angry. James turned his torso her way, as if trying to get through to her – she almost rolled her eyes at that.
“You never want to hear what I tell you. He's not good for you,” he said slowly as she would understand better if he spoke slow and clear, “You're not in a good relationship.”
“As if you'd know anything about relationships, you've never even been in a serious one. You also have no right judging mine and Scorpius relationship. James, I'm happy, can't you just be happy for me?”
James stared at her as if questioning her sanity. He chose to ignore her remark on his relationships, or rather; the lack of them.
“Happy for you? Happy? Merlin, how could I be happy for you when I know what kind of guy he is? I have this feeling... I just know he's going to hurt you one day.”
“You know nothing,” Rose said fiercely as she stood up, “Nothing.”
“I'm just looking out for you, Rose...”
She was sick of having to defend Scorpius every single minute of every single day, she didn't understand how James couldn't see that she loved Scorpius, she was happy. He just seemed to want to mess it all up.
Rose walked towards the exit of the Great Hall, and as she walked; she made the students turn their heads to look at her. They all knew why she was upset, of course. The reason was always James.
Even though they were cousins, and she loved him, she could get so extremely annoyed with him when he tried to tell her who she could and could not be around – who she could and could not love.
She stepped out from the Great Hall, and leaned against the closest wall and ran her fingers through her red hair.
“Damn you, James Potter,” she muttered angrily.
“Talking to yourself?”
Jumping at the sudden voice, Rose turned around and her eyes took in her boyfriends hair first. The blonde, messy, in-need-of-a-haircut hair hung in front of his steely grey eyes, which looked in to her blue ones. She found it hard to breathe as he walked up to her while smiling faintly.
“Hey,” Scorpius said in a low voice which made Rose smile.
“Hey, you,” said Rose as she studied his face, the hair that hung in front of his eyes made her want to run her fingers through it, it looked incredibly soft. He was so close to her, so she could have counted his dark eyelashes if she would have wished to. Of course she had to tilt her head up a bit, since he – along with everyone else – towered her. Rose noticed how he swallowed hard before speaking again.
“Where are you heading?” he kept his voice low and soft. They began to walk in the direction which Rose had been walking before he joined her, their hands intertwined without them thinking about it. It was something which happened automatically. She looked up to see Scorpius jaw clenched, and he seemed tense. Rose bit her lip a bit before she tugged on his hand, making him look down on her.
“What, no kiss?”
For a second, she thought that Scorpius was going to groan, but he just closed his eyes for a brief second. When he opened them again, he had smallest smile on his lips. He sighed as he tilted his head to the side as he looked deep in to her eyes.
Scorpius hand let go of her own and found it's way to her face where it put a few strays of her hair behind her ear, before one of his fingers traced her jawline. His thumb and index finger took a hold of her chin as he leaned down and captured her lips with his.
Rose's knees buckled as he kissed her, something that happened quite a lot, perhaps that was why his hand had sneaked around her waist; to keep her steady. There was something different about the kiss, but Rose couldn't for all in the world put her finger on what it was.
'Oh, Merlin'... was all she could think as his tongue slowly started to battle her own, making her all light headed and if she would have been asked to speak; her sentences would have been completely incoherent.
His sweet taste lingered on her tongue after they parted, and he had leaned back a bit. His hand still rested around her waist.
“Wow,” she breathed and watched as Scorpius rolled his eyes a bit at her reaction. Obviously he thought she would have been used to his kissed after 4 months. “I missed you.”
“You too,” he replied automatically, before he broke eye contact and slowly let his hand drop to his side. “Wanna go out for a walk?”
“I-I don't know, we're not supposed to be out at this time...”
“We wont be caught. I need to talk to you.”
The way he said it wasn't in a 'I need to talk to you, so can we go outside, please?' kind of way, it was more like 'We're going to talk. Let's go'.
Rose nodded slowly and they began to walk towards the exit. She took his hand and felt him tense up again. Her hand felt so small in his larger one, but she liked it that way. It made her feel safe. What she didn't like, however, was how tense he was. Nerves, she shrugged it off as.
“Rose!” She groaned as James voice called her name, “Wait up.”
“What do you want?” she asked with a sigh as she turned her head to look at him, “Whatever it is, it can wait. We're just going out for a walk, okay?”
“You can't go out now, it's-”
“Oh, and now, all of the sudden you care about the rules? Please, James, we both kno-”
“Don't 'Please, James' me! Fine, run along you two. But just as you know, I'll be waiting for you right here, Rose. I don't like when you go out in the dark, especially with the likes of him.”
“I'll be fine,” Rose gritted out through clenched teeth, “You really don't have to-” she silenced when she saw the serious look on her cousins face, “Fine. Stay. Do whatever you want.”
It was cold outside, even colder than it had been when Rose had been outside the last time. The stars were out in the sky, that's how clear it was. Neither Rose or Scorpius spoke, which resulted in that the only sound that could be heard was the snow underneath their feet as they walked.
They reached the lake in no-time, it was covered in a thin layer of ice. Rose loved the lake, she and Scorpius had spent many days sitting underneath a nearby tree. Before the snow fell, that is. He used to say that it was his favourite spot, that he always felt relaxed there. She supposed that he had taken her there because he needed to feel a bit relaxed when he confessed what was on his mind.
Rose's mouth suddenly felt very dry; he wasn't looking at her, he was looking at her hand in his. Maybe it would just be easier for him if she told him that she loved him first?
Her heart pounded out of control in her ribcage as she cleared her voice, making him look up.
“There's something I've been meaning to tell you, Scorpius...” she cursed herself for sounding so nervous, she took a shaky breath.
“Same here,” he replied dully. Rose looked at him, wondering why he was acting so strange. It wasn't like him at all. He uncertainly met her eyes. They held an unfamiliar emotion, something Rose couldn't place.
“Go ahead,” said Rose out of politeness, even though she knew that he was going to let her tell him first. Scorpius hung his head and as he did so, he broke eye contact with her.
“Ladies first,” he mumbled.
In one breath, Rose mustered up all the Gryffindor courage she could.
“I love you, Scorpius,” the four words were said from her side. Time seemed to stand still. No wind was blowing at all, not even a small breeze. There was no sound whatsoever as they stood alone out in the cold by the lake. Scorpius didn't show any sign of hearing her. The smile on her face began to fall, but then he looked up and the smile was back in it's place. Scorpius, however, was not smiling. He opened her mouth, and she awaited the four words she had been longing to hear.
“I slept with someone.”
As if she had been punched in her chest; her lungs stopped working and she could barely see through her shock. Those words didn't make any sense to her, she must have heard him wrong, she must have. Her hand slipped from his as he released his hold of her.
There was no chance that he had just said... said that he had...
The question came from her own lips, but she wouldn't have noticed that she had asked it if she hadn't felt her lips moving and heard her own voice.
“During the holidays, I... I slept with someone else. Rose, I-,” Scorpius couldn't seem to finish his sentence. All air seemed to have been knocked out of her, and she had to tell herself to breathe. Something she seemed to have to forgotten how to do. In a long breathe, which sounded more like a gasp, she finally filled her lungs with the fresh, cold air which surrounded them.
Rose blinked away a few tears as his words still didn't make sense. Those were not the four words she had expected.
She had just confessed her love for him, and he had thrown that in her face; never before had she felt so vulnerable and humiliated at the same time. Was it all a sick, and cruel joke? It must be, right?
But she knew, by looking at Scorpius' face, that he was being perfectly serious. She wanted nothing more than to scream out loud, but when she spoke, it just came out as a thick whisper.
He broke eye contact to look down at her slightly trembling hands, as he answered her.
“I was at a party, and I had a few Firewhiskey's and there was this girl, she – I...” Scorpius swallowed hard before he continued, “I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”
His words played over and over in her mind, and she wished that she could somehow mute his voice. That proved to be impossible.
“You-” Rose couldn't stop the first tear from falling as she spoke again, “You knew. All this time, you knew. When you were kissing me, earlier... You knew that we were through. You held – You held my hand and yet you knew! How – How could you?”
The pain in her heart hurt so badly, she wanted to drop to her knees and sob for all she was worth, but she wasn't going to. She was going to stand up and look him in the eye, despite the tears which were falling down her face.
Scorpius didn't say anything, he just looked at her. But she wasn't expecting an answer, there were no explanation to why he had done what he had done, and there was no words that could make it right. She knew that – He knew that. As the shock became less evident, her anger became more so.
“After all I've done – I've defended you time after time. Everyone I know kept telling me, they- they kept telling me that you would break my heart, but I refused to listen to them. I defended you! I said you weren't like that. Way to prove me wrong, Scorpius!” She understood that James had been right, after all. “I've never felt so humiliated!” she whispered before she let out a quiet sob.
Rose clenched her fists, until her nails drew blood – it seemed to distract her a bit from her broken heart. Her mind was a complete mess, she couldn't think straight.
“Has there been others?” She didn't know where she had gotten that question, or the strength to ask it either, for that matter. But James voice rang in her head as if telling her where she had gotten the question from; How can you still be with him? Can't you see that he's flirting with other girls, even when he's walking hand in hand with you? The slimy little git.
“No,” said Scorpius at once, “Just one.”
'Just one', the words made her feel sick. Just one. Just.
“Just one?” she repeated slowly, Scorpius sighed sadly and understood that he had said the wrong thing. “Want to know what the worst with all this is?”
The question wasn't something he was supposed to answer, but she still made a pause.
“I thought you wanted to tell me that you loved me,” her voice was still a whisper, and she saw a flicker of emotion in his otherwise rather cold eyes. Was it pity?
Her heart dropped and she went completely numb when realization hit her.
“You never loved me, did you?”
Scorpius looked taken aback by that question. His eyes became pleading, as if he begged her not to ask that particular question; and that was all the answer she needed.
Scorpius didn't love her. James had been right all along. She had been so blind.
“Leave,” she mumbled, but he didn't move, “Leave!”
Slowly he walked past her, and as he did; he accidentally brushed against her – making her stomach clench. The ache in her heart was unbearable, and it was all because of him. More tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision, before they fell down. One followed by another. She could hear him slow down, before he stopped walking all together.
“Rose,” she heard him say, and spun around so fast she became slightly dizzy.
“They were all right!” she shouted at him, no longer caring if he saw her break down from the pain he caused her by his words and actions, “They said you were no good, they said that you'd break my heart! I was so stupid! I should have listened to them!”
“Rose...” by the sound of his voice, he tried to calm her down. He was unsuccessful.
“You're a very good actor, Scorpius. I mean it, I never saw through your façade. I honestly believed that you had feelings for me. They saw through you. They warned me, I should have listened to them-”
“Did I say I didn't have any feelings for you?” he hissed at her.
“You wouldn't do this to someone you felt something for,” she whispered back, she couldn't bring herself to shout at him again. “I should have listened to James...”
“Yeah, maybe you should have,” said Scorpius bitterly, “Potter's always right isn't he? Merlin forbid if you'd do anything he didn't approve of!”
With that, he turned around and left – just as she had asked him to a while ago.
When Rose was sure that Scorpius couldn't see her, she dropped to her knees and hid her face in her hands. She couldn't care less about the fact that it was cold enough outside to make her teeth shatter, her legs wouldn't support her. Four months – perhaps it didn't sound like that long of a time, but they had spent most days together. She didn't understand, if he hadn't loved her – not even a little bit, then why had he spent that much time with her? It didn't make sense to her.
Against her will, she started to think about memories. Glimpses flashed before her eyes, the first time they met, the first actual conversation, the first date, the first kiss they had shared with one another. It was heartbreaking, and to know that she had just confessed her love for him... A confession he hadn't even cared to comment on, as she thought about it; her heart broke all over again. As she thought about all the happy and wonderful memories she had of him, she knew that it would tear her apart trying to get over him and that realization only made her cry harder.
Slowly her fingers became numb from the cold, her teeth shattered and the tears on her face felt as if they had frozen. She was cold to the bone. It felt like a thousand knifes stabbed her body at once, and she knew somewhere in the back of her head that she should try to walk up to the castle, but she couldn't bring herself to move.
Her eyelids felt heavy, and despite her exhaustion, she tried to force herself to stay awake. Falling asleep wouldn't be good... Slowly her eyelids fluttered closed.
“Rose?!” somewhere from afar, she heard her name being called, followed by a loud curse, “ Rose? Can you hear me?”
It was James' voice, she registered somewhere in the back of her mind, he sounded terrified.
“Can you hear me?”
Yes, she thought, I can hear you, of course I can hear you. What kind of question is that?
She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids were too heavy.
“Merlin, Rose. Speak to me...”
I'm far too cold.
She heard him search for something, and then she heard James mumble something, and she instantly became warm. Slowly, she tried to open her eyes again. A blurry version of James came to view, before his face became more clear to her. She opened her mouth, but her throat was so dry that she couldn't speak. It just came out as a moan.
James helped her sit up, and took her face between his hands. She had never seen his brown eyes so big, or so worried.
“Thank Merlin, I thought you were dead...” he mumbled before he pulled her to him and hugged her tightly, “What happened?”
Her conversation with Scorpius came crashing back, and she shook her head and buried her face in his chest. Her arms felt heavy as she put them around his body, but somehow she managed to do it.
“Please don't say 'I told you so'...” she whispered and blinked away a tear, her eyes hurt so much from her earlier tears, she didn't think she'd be able to cry any more. “I-it's over.”
She couldn't hold back a sob, the humiliation, the hurt, the way she had been wrong... It all came back at once. “It's over...”
James didn't say anything at all, instead he gently stroke her hair and rocked her back and forth as she repeated those words. It's over.
James waited for a while, before he carefully picked her up and carried her up to the castle. She needed to get under some warm covers, and get some sleep. He never stopped stroking her hair or speaking softly to her as he made his way up there with her in his arms.
[Hey, my first try on something really... angsty... how did I do? How was the story? How was Scorpius? Rose? James? Do you think I should write a sequal or leave it as it is? :) Please leave a review, I'd love to know what you think. Thanks - Cathyyy]