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Chapter 9 : An Unwelcome Piece of Reality
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She stopped before me and wrinkled her nose. My chest grew cold as she leaned in and smelled the air around me.
“Oh my God,” she whispered, leaning away from me and narrowing her eyes at me accusingly. “You smell like Scorpius’ cologne. Bloody hell Rose, explain this to me!”
My mouth gaped emptily like a fish out of water and my breath caught in my throat. “I-I just...”
“Sneaked out of your room in the dead of night to see Scorpius Malfoy,” Lily finished curtly. “Rose, tell me what happened!”
I couldn’t speak. Words couldn’t possibly describe what had happened. What had happened was everything that Lily had ever wanted had somehow found its way to me.
“What, are you two lovers now?” Lily asked, scoffing and looking towards the fire. When she turned back to look at me, I knew the look on my face gave it all away.
Her face turned to stone and her mouth dropped open in utter disbelief. “You’re... You’re with him, aren’t you?” Her eyes were so icy I had to look away.
“I... No... Not exactly... I...” I floundered, trying to get her to understand, knowing that I had no words and no time.
“I’m not a little girl anymore, Rose. I can handle the truth. But since you can’t seem to spit it out, I guess I won’t bother.” She paused for a moment, staring at the floor. “You saw the way I looked at him,” she whispered, her voice thick with tears.
I had just been stabbed in the stomach by Lily Potter’s worst weapon; when she was incredibly, indescribably mad, she didn’t yell like most people. A simple whisper was all that was needed to absolutely destroy you.
Lily wiped a stray tear from her face and turned away from me, walking up the stairs and disappearing.
Even then, I knew that was the last time she would speak to me. Because Lily Potter was the most intuitive person I knew; she knew exactly what had happened. She saw the new light in my eyes and felt the happiness radiating from my being; she knew what was going on between Scorpius Malfoy and her cousin Rose Weasley.
Lily Potter was also an X-ray machine when it came to love. She could see right through you. And I knew she had seen through me; she had seen the beginnings of a strong, yet tender love for a boy she had been admiring for years. At first, she hadn’t wanted to believe it. She couldn’t muster up the strength to believe something like that. But she knew the truth; she could see it, she could feel it, she could smell it, she could taste it.
The sun peeked through a nearby stained glass window and bathed me in golden warmth. It didn’t get past my skin; everything inside of me felt ice-cold. I had just lost one of the most important people in my life.
I knew that anyone else would say she was being immature and overreacting, but she wasn’t really. She was one of the few people that didn’t care about Scorpius’ stunt in the Potion’s classroom; she loved him in a classic sense. Admiring from afar and just wanting the best for him, because she knew he’d never want her that way.
And by being with this boy she had chosen to simply love and never ask for anything from, I had betrayed her in the worst possible way. I had invaded her dream and cut her so deep it may never heal.
Best friends don’t do these kinds of things to each other, but I couldn’t help it now. I was on this path and I couldn’t get off; Lily had already walked back to the starting point. I was alone on a path once shared with me by my best friend; now, you couldn’t even tell she had been there at all.
Tears poured from my eyes as I stood dumbly in the middle of the room, unable to move from the spot where I stood.
I needed Scorpius to be healthy right this second. I needed him to make a miraculous recovery and run away with me; far away from here, past the castle and the lake and the forest and the fields. So far away that we’d shed the skins of our former selves, backstabber Rose Weasley and Public Enemy Scorpius Malfoy left behind as nothing but a memory.
I needed him. I needed him right now. I needed him smoothing away my hair and whispering in my ear that it was okay, that he would make everything okay.
And he thought I wasn’t coming back. That was the worst part. He had no idea how much I needed him this very moment. I yearned for him, I longed for him, I craved his soft gentle touch against my skin. But I needed him to be with me in a place where it was just us. I couldn’t handle Madam Pomfrey walking in and interrupting us; what I needed was to pretend that only we existed.
And if I couldn’t figure out some way to do that, my whole world would come crumbling down. I wouldn’t go to class today; I would go find Scorpius and tell him I needed to take him somewhere with me. I just needed a few hours with him, to calm down, to remind myself that I may have lost a friend but I hadn’t lost him.
I was out of the portrait hole before I had even realized that my feet were moving. I ran through the sunny hallways, knowing that it was far too early for anyone to be awake but also knowing that there was no penalty for running about the castle in the young hours of the morning if anyone were to stop me.
I reached the Hospital Wing in record time, bending over and breathing heavily in front of the large double doors. When my breath returned to its normal pattern I pushed open the doors and looked to Scorpius’ cot expectantly, a smile already spreading across my face.
The sound of my glass heart shattering reverberated in my ears as I saw that his bed was empty and made up. Tears sprung to my eyes and I stifled a sob, turning to run back down the stairs and wishing with all my heart to simply disintegrate while I ran full speed down a hallway.
I twisted and turned down corridors and up and down moving staircases, until I was utterly, hopelessly lost. My aching legs gave out beneath me and I collapsed to the ground, sobbing emptily on the cold stone floor.
I stayed there for hours, lying against the stone in the dark, abandoned corridor and sobbing softly. Such a pathetic scene. I couldn’t escape this stupid broken puppet body and I couldn’t fix my stupid broken glass heart.
The corridor was dead quiet, cold and dark. I let the cold crawl across my skin, wanting it to be absorbed and numb my entire body more than anything. My best friend had just left me because I was in love with a boy that she was in a different sort of love with. I had never needed anything as much as I needed Scorpius now, and I had no idea where he was. Even if I could find him, I’d never be able to get him away to somewhere we could be alone. I closed my eyes and imagined his lips brushing against mine; my entire body warmed against the cold and my stomach exploded with nervous, excited butterflies.
But it wasn’t enough. No matter how many times I replayed that night, after a while it just couldn’t satisfy me. I needed more. I needed him.
After a few more moments of lying there in pity I finally decided to hoist myself off the ground and get up, my joints aching in protest. I took a moment to stare down the dark hallway on my right, wondering to myself where in the world I was. When I turned around to head back to the nearest staircase in the other direction, my breath caught in my throat and my body froze in fright.
Someone stood in the dim light, a tall figure leaning against some sort of cane or crutch. A scream built up in my throat but was silenced as the figure stepped into the light of a nearby torch.
A familiar pair of blue eyes locked on me and everything went hazy. I was in his arms before I could even tell my feet to move. His crutch clattered to the floor and he held me tenderly, his bandaged hand burying itself in my hair and his soft lips kissing the top of my head.
I clung to him, knowing that I was probably hurting his chest wound but completely unable to lessen my hold on him. I refused to let go of this beautiful, beautiful boy who had found me when even I had lost myself.
“How did you find me?” I whispered, my hand entangling itself in his lovely blonde hair.
Scorpius chuckled, his warm chest vibrating from the sound against me. “I was heading back from the Headmistress’ office when I heard someone crying a floor down. I knew it was you; I knew your voice. I was here before I could even blink.”
I pulled away and stared up at him, cocking my head and smoothing back his hair. He looked ten times healthier than he had. His skin was practically glowing and his head wound was completely healed. I kissed him softly, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling myself so close that I could feel every contour of his body.
“I thought I’d never see you again,” he whispered as he held me, his warm breath tickling my neck. I wrapped my arms even tighter around him, embracing him tenderly.
“You have to have more faith in me,” I whispered back. At hearing this he squeezed me even tighter, burying his face in my hair and inhaling deeply.
“Thank God for you, Rose,” he murmured. I smiled and leaned my head against his chest, closing my eyes and memorizing every little detail about this moment in time.
Suddenly, we heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs nearby. Scorpius grabbed his crutch and my hand in less than a second, and before I could even blink we were already racing down the dark hallway. We reached a split in the corridor and he chose the right. A few seconds later he started to droop and I grabbed him just as he collapsed in exhaustion against the wall.
“Why did you run away? Are you afraid someone might see us?” I panted, not being able to help sounding a little hurt.
Scorpius turned to me and grabbed my hands, still breathing heavily. “Of course not! I would show you off on my arm to the entire school if I could! But I’m supposed to be confined to the Hospital Wing until they figure out what to do with me; I was in the Headmistress’ office for a meeting then I was supposed to go right back. But can you really blame me for taking a detour when I had the chance to see you?”
I smiled at him, but Lily’s face flashed before my eyes and I had to bend my head down so that he wouldn’t see my tears.
“Rose,” he said softly, “What's happened that’s making you cry?”
I sniffed, pulling my knees up to my chest. His arm wound around my shoulders and he kissed the top of my head, waiting patiently for my reply.
“When I went back to the Common Room, Lily was waiting for me,” I began.
“Your cousin Lily? The one who chopped all of her hair off?”
I nodded, biting my lip and debating on whether I should tell him the real reason she cut her hair. “Yeah. She... she smelled your cologne on me and wanted me to tell her what happened.”
“How is it any of her business?” Scorpius asked, sounding a bit ticked off. I sighed and took in a deep breath before continuing.
“Scorpius... listen.” He turned his beautiful face towards me and for a moment I was completely stunned by how incredibly beautiful he was. I cleared my throat and continued shakily. “Scorpius... Lily really likes you. She’s felt that way about you for years. But she knew that you would never feel that way about her, so she chose to never tell you and just keep loving you from far away. She’s pretty much psychic when it comes to me; she knew exactly what had happened and she’s really hurt. I...” I stopped as tears slipped down my face, “I betrayed her, and I don’t think she’s coming back.”
Scorpius grunted softly and slipped his arm back to his side, looking down at the ground, deep in thought. “I knew this would happen, Rose,” he said softly. “I knew I would ruin everything for you.”
I pursed my lips, not knowing what to say at first. “It’s not your fault,” I began tentatively, “It’s mine. I should have tried to talk to her. But it really hurt me that she couldn’t even try to be happy for me, you know?”
“Yeah,” he murmured, looking down at the ground. I could practically feel the guilt radiating from him. I shouldn’t have told him.
“Hey,” I whispered, tipping up his chin to look at me. He met my gaze with sad eyes. “I don’t regret any of this. Lily and I were both wrong. This isn’t your fault.”
He didn't look convinced in the least. I sighed, looking down at the ground in thought when a crazy idea popped into my head.
I gently pushed him down to the ground and lay on top of him. This was a little racy for me but I needed to make a point to him. I needed to show him how much I wanted him, how much I needed him.
“Scorpius,” I looked him straight in the eyes, my tone very serious. He looked shocked at the position I had just put us in but didn’t say anything to stop me. “I’m never going to regret you and me. I want to say I’ll never regret loving you, but I don’t think we know each other well enough to be able to say we love each other. But when I do know that I love you, that I really love you, there will be no regret associated with it. You have no idea how happy you make me feel and how different I look at myself because of the mere hours I’ve gotten to spend with you. You have changed me more in a few seconds than anyone has my entire lifetime. I have never wanted nor needed anyone as badly as I want and need you.”
Scorpius was completely silent, staring up at me in complete shock, his mouth opening to say something but being too stunned to speak.
“Rose... you’re making it so hard for me not to make love to you right here,” he whispered, brushing a strand of my red hair from my face, “I've never felt this way about anyone before.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I murmured, tilting my head and kissing him softly. “I’m not ready to make love with you, Scorpius,” I whispered, smoothing back his hair, “I don’t want to ruin what we have.”
“I would never make you do anything you weren’t ready for. You mean too much to me. I’m not ready for that either. I want to know everything about you, Rose, while we still have time.”
“What do you mean, while we still have time?” I asked, panic lacing my insides and leaving ice in its midst.
“I mean... The Ministry is after me, Rose. They’re going to set up a hearing and I’ll probably serve time in Azkaban. I’m going to have to leave school, and I don’t know when... or if... I’ll see you again.”
Scorpius' pained face blurred as a piece of reality I didn’t want to face revealed itself before my very eyes.
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A/N Author's Note: Longest chapter yet! Whoo! So I just realized that I used Madam Pomfrey in this story... hahahaha. We'll just say that she is the Potter Generation's Madam Pomfrey's daughter, because that would make sense in my world. :P This chapter got a little racy, but I still think it was only of a mild sexual nature. I'm not a graphic writer, so younger readers don't worry. This chapter was posted pretty close to the previous one, but I just couldn't wait to get it up for you guys. :) Please review!!!!
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