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Chapter 4 : The confessions of a lovesick Slytherin
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AN: I donot own anything Harry Potter related that is all JK Rowling
Chapter Four-Confessions of a lovesick Slytherin.
I still do not know if I can take Sev’s advice. I know Sev normally gives good advice, but he is about as knowledgeable as myself over all things love and relationship related. Sev thinks I should man up and tell him how I feel. I mean what if he laughs at me and throws it back in my face. After all, he is so righteous and I am well a snake. At least as far as he is concerned. I am so much below him in everyone's eyes but those of my own house. I very much doubt he sees that I do care for people or that I am very fragile sometimes and what he says brings tears to my eyes. It would be hell if he were to repulse me. I mean at least this way I can dream. This way I can still hope my life has some light to it. It is even dangerous writing these thoughts down. I mean I am supposed to be the prime example of my house aren’t I, and what do I do? I go and fall for the prime example of his house. The schools...well if not hero, at least Mr popular. Besides the amount of girls he goes through, he’s probably highly straight.
Nevertheless, I just can’t get that incident from the locker rooms out of my head. God he looked so hot I practically ran back to my dorm to shower. Let me explain, since I was too flustered to write at the time. I had just finished Quidditch practice and was heading back to the showers, after tidying away the training gear. Everyone else from my team had returned to the castle, and I was running late. So instead of checking if anyone was in the shower room and taking a towel in like I normally do, I stripped off in the changing room and dumped my training gear into the basket to be washed…poor bugger who ever has to do that. .. Anyway, I walked into the showers and was just soaping my hair when I thought I heard the shower next to me switch on.
Now this surprised me and I must admit panicked me a little, as I really don’t like walking around in front of people in the buff…no matter what people think I’m not an exhibititionist. Anyway where was I… oh yes well the shower next to me has just switched on, i was dithering like a girl, and I hear Severus shouting down that I'd (and here I quote) better hurry my arse because it looked like it was going to piss down (such a way with words that one). In the spirit of how my day was going, of course this startled me as much as the person next to me. Who, I’m assuming slipped and fell dragging the adjoining curtain from its rail. Well who do you think it was? Guess. Go on. Guess. Yep you got it in one Potter. In addition, he just stood there and didn’t say anything. Well I went bright red and goddess forbid I think I even swore. He just stood there I’m telling you not ashamed just all out there. Well I practically ran from the room. You can imagine the impression I gave can't you. When I got to the door Sev was just standing there laughing his head off, holding my robe. Git.
It has been a while since I confided in you and when I did I was quite rude at points. I apologise for that, you see it is rather hard being the ice king of Slytherin. I cannot be seen to be sensitive or deep or- goddess forbid- homosexual, there is no question of it. I shudder at the thought of some of my acquaintance’s reactions. Unfortunately, for my house I’m definitely one and quite often the others as well. I have rather a large secret, one that only Sev knows, a secret that would definitely get me killed off my father and probably most of my housemates as well. I’m in love with a man. Not just any man mind you but a Gryffindor. I’m not sure which of the three they’d be more disgusted with. I must say it’s a good job I write you in code. And aren't I been dramatic. NOT! Damn and blast it.
I had Quidditch practice today, I haven’t showered there since… well I digress. As I was saying, I had Qudditch practice today the third one this week since we're playing Gryffindor next match. OH Goddess I have to fly against Potter! Parkinson was being a pain and mucking about as usual, he just can not seem to grasp the importance of winning for Slytherin, and even I can pretend I get it even if I really do not.
That’s not news in itself I know but today he embarrassed me completely. Gah! It’s horrible …. We were out flying and with the weather being so cold they all had extra layers on the wimps. I mean really how are you supposed to fly well in five layers? Well I don’t feel the cold much, so I just had old raggy, faded dark blue t-shirt on, with a pair of tight black slacks, equally as worn (shocking I know, since everyone thinks I don’t own clothes more than three months old. But I refuse to wear new or good clothes to Quidditch) and my training robe, (plain black, with red piping if you must know). Shocking I just realised I can not colour co-ordinate and I was wearing red. Sorry I am going off on a tangent again, so back to the situation. We had cut into the Gryffindor’s practice time over much (which was my fault since I’d forgotten my watch), and they had been jogging (!) around the pitch for a while, when Parkinson suggested we should land. Well of course when we landed the ordinary insults commenced. I was standing there wishing they’d hurry up before Potter came out and saw me all sweaty, with hair like a haystack and in ancient clothes ( I had not realised about the lack of colour co-ordination or that I was wearing red, or the ground really would have swallowed me whole. Wait I just realised what house Potter is from so the red might not have mattered so much.) I didn’t realise he was already there until I saw the extremely toned chest, and long legs in pants that showed everything, fighting its way out of a jumper. Well as I explained before I had tight trousers on and being a seeker is quite exhilarating, so well you can imagine. I hate Parkinson! I will get my revenge! No one does that to me!
Guess what he did! He noticed my predicament and shouted at the top of his very grating ill breed voice that I looked like I needed an icy shower. I swear I tried to retain my dignity but I hate having such pale skin shows up every blush and Quidditch robes are NOT made for cover. Maybe I embarrassed myself? I think I definitely put the seal on the whole Lucius Malfoy is a selfish bigamist twat view of the Gryffindors. I should never have replied that what I needed wasn’t an icy shower but a willing bird. Then I realised Potter was staring at me clutching his broom in front of himself and looking like he wanted to hit something. I ran out of there so fast, my heart still hasn’t slowed down. I’m going in the shower now. Maybe I just shouldn’t leave my room until after the half term.
Sev convinced me to leave my room to go to Hogsmead. I almost wish I hadn’t, as not only was the weather awful but bloody Bella and her annoying little sister joined us (I will not apologise for my language concerning them they drive me insane). As I was saying I almost wish I hadn’t gone, but it was worth it. I got my revenge on Parkinson, with out even having to plot. He has fancied Bella for ever and she hasn’t paid the slightest bit of notice to him. Well she owed me a favour since I saved her from becoming embroiled in one of the Marauder’s brilliant pranks, so I asked her to talk to him and put him out of his misery. I’ve never seen her look so horrified. Revenge is sweet though. He followed her around like a lost puppy. Black of all people helped me get my revenge, while Lupin pinned Lestrange to the floor (I didn’t realise that guy was so strong, note to self do not annoy any of the Marauders if Lupin will hear of it). Potter wasn’t there though, which made me somewhat sad, but maybe in hindsight is a good thing although I don’t doubt the gruesome twosome will tell him. Ouch sorry Sev. Anyway Black waltzes up to Parkinson and demands to know what he’s doing behaving like a muckworm, especially since he has such a good example of how a proper king cobra should behave and jerked his head at me -Shock! Black thinks I’m a threat or something. Anyway Lestrange does not take kindly to people trying to mess with Parkinson and so without any finesse starts in and before you know it he’s face down on the floor with Lupin kneeling on his back, and fight though he will he just cant seem to move. I must admit I would have been quite happy to see just that, the guy is a bully. HMMM I'm not talking like a good little Slytherin, Oh well. Bella growls at Black and tells him when she wants the help of a traitor she’d ask him. So Black tells her a few home truths and Parkinson agrees with the bit that she looks like a muggle hooker in her get up, I don’t think he’ll be getting out of hospital in a while. Parkinson not Black. Bella and Black seem to trade insults like nothing else, without wanting to hurt each other, permanently at least, but goddess forbid anyone else joins in.
We walked past Potter when we finally made it back to the castle, apparently, Slughorn of all people had given him a detention and there everyone thought he loved Potter. I found out at dinner it was because Potter had upset that Evans lass. He looked very hot, with dark blue jeans, which made his legs go up to here, and a slack silvery, green shirt. Dreamy.
Sev says I should talk to him. Since at least then I’ll know one way or the other. He keeps saying that but I don’t see him talking to who he likes. I’m so confused. Bah, I hate not knowing my own mind. I mean I know for definite I have the hots for him, I know for definite he’s everything I could every ask for, I just don’t know if I can ever talk to him. oh i just realised, Potter was wearing Slytherine colours. Oh the shock. Goddess that's even more sexy.
Well I’m off to bed and I had better remember to put a silencing charm on the bed, I don’t want everyone to know my secret.
I did it I took Sev’s advice! Then all hell broke out. But let me proceed in order. I was up nearly all of last night worrying what I should do and so when I went down to breakfast I don’t think I was in my right min, because I begged Sev for James’ timetable. Now it was only in one of his lessons I had a free today and I’m in disgrace with all my lecturers this morning, bless them I was on planet lala. I think I may have scared my year group as well. Anyway, I ran out of my last lesson and went to a small classroom that is off the corridor for potions and waited for him. When he went past, I pounced and dragged him into the room. Well I stood like a ninny for several minutes and he nearly shouted at me well I was so nervous I just started spilling every thing out, no planned speeches or anything. I noticed he didn’t seem to be paying attention and had started to trail off, when he leant forward and kissed me softly on my lips. Well he seemed just as scared as me at that point and that and how soft his lips were made me stop caring who could walk in. I dragged him towards me by his hips and deepened the kiss. God he an absolutely fabulous kisser. As he slid his tongue over my lips, I felt his hands roam up my back and pulled him closer still, god if it weren’t so good I’d be ashamed to say I groaned when our hips touched. He slipped his hands into my hair and just as I parted my lips and felt his tongue slid into my mouth he dragged his nails over my scalp, I nearly exploded. I don’t know how long we kissed for but I was hotter than I'd ever been and more than willing to do anything he could’ve asked when he pulled back. No shouting or anything. I’m ashamed to say I left rather rapidly holding my robes over me.
And now for the not so fun part. At dinner I was sitting there and tried to catch Sev’s eye when he came in, he ignored me…bright kid that one. Well I must have looked like a puppy or something because he hit me, I’ll have a bruise tomorrow. Then all hell broke loose. James walked in and Sirius looked like a rabid dog ready to kill him, and Lupin well the less said about how afraid I was that he was going to lynch James the better. I was worried sick so poor Sev… it is always poor Sev, dragged me down to the common room and sat and talked to me for well over three hours (although apparently he only caught the end and beginning of the major display). I must be a large burden on that poor lad. I swear I am going to do something to help him if I get with James.
Just to show him that Sirius and Remus do not merely have eyes, ears, and whatever else for each other. I have seen some of the looks they give Sev, hmmm I see a plan if James will ever talk to me again. Mwhahahaha no it is not evil but I think a makeover is in option. For Sev I mean. Just a few touches and they will not be able to resist him. Although I maybe biased he’s easily one of the best looking boys in school.
I’d better go there’s an owl at my window, it’s got a note, oh my god it’s got a letter from James!!!!!
Sorry, the letter reads, ‘I enjoyed today. Do not worry overly much about my friends reactions Paddy and Moony were just being idiots. Did Sn…Severus know what you were planning to do? I want to tell you more but I do not think a letter is the best place in case someone else reads it. I have to go now as I have homework to do. Please say I can see you again and that today was not a joke. Btw you should wear clothes like what you had on at Quidditch practice the other day more often :P. oh and Paddy told me what happened at Hogsmead I’d apologise but since you and Sn…Severus didn’t kill them I assume it was all ok. Please write back James’.
OMG! I have to write him back! Pants the owls gone, I’ll use a school owl tomorrow mines too obvious, being the only black one in the school. Hmmm I wonder why he calls Black and Lupin them names, very strange nicknames.
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