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Twitching and Torture by thisbehecate
Chapter 1 : twitching and torture
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 8

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I realize this says it's #11 and my last posted one is #9.  I am unable to post my #10, 'Attack of the Fanfic Punch Lines' as in the story, I use quotes from other fanfics (all with permission from the authors of said stories) but, apparently that permission is not good enough, and I REFUSE to change my story.

A/N: How many times must I write/type that I own nothing? It is very depressing... If it has ANY monetary value attached to it... I do NOT own it... k? ok... Hm... this one is kinda short... oh well!

"You can't be serious." Hermione all but cried one morning before potions.

"You're right." Harry replied, shooting her a grin. "I'm Harry." With that, he grabbed one last piece of toast, stood from the bench and started out of the great hall. Glancing over his shoulder, Harry saw Dumbledore watching from the high table. Harry threw him a smile and shot him off a salute and left the great hall, and slowly made his way down to the potions classroom, he leaned against the wall, a smirk on his face, and waited for class to start.

"Sir?" It was part way through class. The students were working on their potions, and Snape had just asked them to put their homework on their tables so he could collect it while he checked on their progress when Malfoy raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Malfoy, what is it?" Snape asked somewhat distracted.

"Do you believe someone should be punished for something they didn't do?"

The question successfully got their professors attention, and he looked suspiciously at his student. With a feeling as though he were on thin ice, Snape answered.

"No, Mr. Malfoy. I do not believe someone should be punished for something they didn't do."

"Really, Sir?"

Even more suspicious than before, Snape reaffirmed his answer.

"Oh, okay, well... in that case, Sir-" Malfoy began, and paused, allowing Harry to continue.

"Then, Sir, in that case, I didn't do my homework." At his professors growl of fury, Harry simply smiled and returned to work.

"Harry..." Hermione asked the next day. "Are you ever going to stop?"

"Hm?" Harry glanced up from what he was doing and looked thoughtful a moment. "Well... no, I don't think so."

"You do realize he's going to kill you someday, right?"

"Naw, Dumbledore's protecting me." With that, he was gone, off to class before her, again.

"Potter." Snape called out. Repeatedly. "POTTER!"

Harry rolled his eyes dramatically at Malfoy, in plain sight of Snape, and then finally responded to his fuming professor.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Sir. Did you need something?"

If ever smoke would have come pouring from Snape's ears, it would be then.


"Oi, SIR!" Harry inserted a finger into his ear, indicating the volume of his professors voice hurt his ear, he cringed and continued. "No need to shout, Sir."

Snape's eye began to twitch.

"Homework. NOW!"

"You know what I find to be true more and more as I get older, Sir? History really does have a way of repeating itself. I mean: I didn't do my homework last class, and I didn't do it for this class either. Ironic, isn't it?"

With that, Harry returned to his classwork, ignoring his professor who was finding it more and more difficult to rein in the impulse to leap over the tables separating him and the student and attack him with his bare hands.

"Harry," Hermione tried one last time to talk some sense into her friend. "Are you trying to drive him crazy?"

Harry ever so slowly lifted his face to meet her gaze. He had a some what crazed smile on his face.

"What would make you think that, Hermione?"

"Do you realize that his eye twitched all the way through dinner last night?"

"Really? Hm, maybe today I can make it last until breakfast tomorrow!"

Harry hopped up from his seat, and made his way from the great hall, off on his way to potions.

"Sir, you will NEVER believe what happened to my homework! I DID IT!"

Hearing this, Snape extended his hand, expecting Harry to hand him parchment with the assignment on it, but Harry made no move to his bag to produce it.

"Wait, wait! I did it. But then, I got bored. I made it into a parchment airplane, and IT GOT HIJACKED!"

Snape simply twitched.

"Well... Sir, if you don't believe that... would fifty bucks give me an extension to complete the assignment?"

Here, Harry had to duck under the table and run for the door, as Snape had lunged for him. For some reason, Snape had seemed to forget he was a wizard and had a wand, lucky for Harry, so once safely on the other side of the room, Harry tried again.

"No? Okay, no cash for you. Oh! I know! Sir!!! My homework called out SICK today! Yes, that's it! Dragonpocks! Nasty colors. Poor thing."

Snape twitched and growled.

"Okay, okay! I'll be honest, Sir! It was just too boring, I just... didn't feel like doing it!"

Harry saw Snape finally reach for his wand, and that was when Harry bolted from the room, and ran to the safety of the headmasters office. In exchange for immunity from punishment for torturing a teacher, Harry just had to share his memories with P Dibby.

Harry thought it was a fair trade.

Down in potions, Snape was still frozen in place, wand in hand, the door blasted apart, and his eye still twitching.

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