Chapter 1 : My Life's Not a Fairytale
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I was also inspired for this idea after hearing the song by Taylor Swift. However, this is not a fanfic, so no worries.
Even though I wrote this awhile ago, reviews would still be greatly appreciated. :D
I never thought I would die alone because I always thought everyone had a soul mate, but I often felt alone and that I would die that way. I guess there was just some glimpse of hope that the mudblood, Hermione Granger, would fall in love, but I guess I was wrong since apparently muggle born witches can’t love. Some people, or should I say witches, are just born fools for love, and apparently, I’m one of them.
Ever since I was little, my mother would tell me muggle fairytales of how some princess who was trapped by an evil stepmother or forced to clean everything in the house just for no good reason, had been saved by some prince and lived happily ever after. Is there really a thing as happily ever after? If there is, I sure haven’t found it and I haven’t found my prince. I know it sounds unrealistic, but I always wanted someone to sweep me off my feet, to kiss me in a way that made my heart flutter. However, those expectations seemed to die as I was one of the few sixth year students who had never even been in a relationship.
Even Ronald Weasley, one of my so called friends, recently started a relationship with Lavender Brown. That’s mainly what started all this discussion about falling in love since I have never been in love or fallen in love. A few students think that I loved Viktor Krum, but that was just an infatuation. He was far too old for me, and all he ever did was watch me study or read. I don’t think he ever cared about me to the extent of loving me and I never loved him.
The only real person I’ve ever loved was Ronald Weasley, but he was such a fool to not see it. All the signs were there, especially how we never got along. I’m perfectly fine with Harry around, but as soon as Ronald comes near us, then some argument or spat happens because Ronald and I do not see eye-to-eye. I just don’t understand how he could not see all the signs and not see me.
That is my biggest problem right there. Every time I see Ronald and Lavender in a room together, I tend to ignore them or walk the other way. It’s not that I intend to ignore them, I just don’t want to see those two together because it sort of breaks my heart. Ronald was always my first crush, but he was just too dumb to see it. I thought after fourth year when I went to the Yule Ball with Viktor, he would tell me his true feelings or ask me out, but he never did.
I wish that there was a magic spell that could make him express his true feelings. Even if he didn’t feel the same way about me, at least I would know the truth and could move on with my life, even if that meant finding someone else to infatuate myself with. Maybe if there was a spell that allowed me to read his mind, or for him to read my mind, it would help, but unfortunately I have never found a spell like that.
The worst part of it all was after everything Ronald and I had been through, he decided to date Lavender Brown, just because his sister, Ginny, made some comment about how he had never snogged anyone. How come he didn’t realize he could snog me? Of all the people in the world that he could snog, he chose Lavender. It practically broke my heart when I walked in on the two of them kissing like that. Now everywhere I go they’re flaunting their relationship by holding hands and I know that it should be my hand he is holds as he walks down the halls of Hogwarts.
Despite how I feel, I’m writing all of this down in my journal in hopes of trying to feel better and possibly even move on past the crush of Ronald Weasley, but so far, I am having no luck. Instead, I shut my journal, pack up my belongings, and decide to head back to the Gryffindor common room considering it is late and I should be heading back anyways. What happens next, I never saw coming so I probably should have stayed in the library.
Once I enter the portrait hole, I hear Harry and Ronald talking so I decide to duck behind a piece of furniture near the entrance, a brown chair of some sort, and hide behind it so I can listen to their conversation. I typically don’t eavesdrop on people, but since I cannot read their minds, I simply figure it’s best to listen in on a conversation for a change, plus, I’ve also gotten more daring as the years have gone by.
Watching the scene as both are on the couch, I peak around the chair to get a slight view while both are talking. “Where’s Lavender?” Harry asks Ron, which surprises me since Harry typically doesn’t care for Lavender that much either considering she’s always saying Won Won everywhere those two go.
Ron shrugs before responding. “I don’t know. Why do you even ask?” Ron asks as he looks at Harry with curiosity but also a bit of confusion, which is the same look I would have.
Harry shrugs back and I find that rather funny that boys can use so few body gestures to make a point loud and clear. “Well, with Lavender not around you can always spend some time with Hermione. Maybe have her do some of your homework since that’s the only time you talk to her lately.”
I couldn’t believe what Harry had just said to Ron. Even Harry was starting to stick up for me these days, but like I said before, Lavender’s behavior over Ron was annoying a majority of the students.
“What’s Hermione got to do with anything?” Ron asks, wrinkling his forehead in confusion.
Harry gives Ron a look like he’s stupid before he responds. “Hermione likes you as more than a friend. It’s so obvious even other students like Neville can see it, and let’s face it, sometimes Neville isn’t the brightest, and I mean that in the nicest way possible.”
I wanted to gasp out loud right when Harry confessed my feelings for Ronald. I felt almost betrayed because Harry shouldn’t be telling Ronald something like that. I can’t recall telling Harry my exact feelings for Ronald, but I guess he figured it out since it is so obvious. Maybe Ronald is just a git if he couldn’t figure it out on his own.
Ron shrugs again in response. “So what if she does?” He questions. “I don’t have those kinds of feelings for her and she’s just my friend.” He explains, even if it isn’t the truth.
The words caused my heart to sink as I heard them uttered from his mouth. How could he say such a thing? He was clearly jealous that Krum had asked me to the Yule Ball. He thought Krum and I had a relationship and he was always jealous of it. I think he is lying but I can’t be sure since I don’t see why he would lie to Harry, so I tried to hold back my tears as I continued to listen for anything else of importance.
“Then explain to me why you were jealous when she went to the Yule Ball with Krum?” Harry asks, being just as curious about the same thing as I am.
“Because she ditched us for a Durmstrang! She was fraternizing with the enemy while we had to sit there at the table by ourselves! She chose to go with him over one of us!” Ronald exclaims, a bit of redness showing up in his cheeks as he gets slightly angry since it is a Weasley trait.
At this point, I didn’t want to hear anything more or any of his lame excuses so I just stood up and stormed right over to the girl’s dorm, not carrying if they knew I overheard them. I know for a fact that both of them were staring at me as I stormed up there, but I had to get up there quickly since my heart broke in two. “Hermione?” I heard one of them question as I reached the girls dorm, but I didn’t respond.
As I plopped down on my bed, the silent tears started to flow down my cheeks. Apparently I was always going to be the friend and never the lover. Fairytales could never exist and there were no happy endings for me in my world. I would always be Hermione Granger, the mudblood who wasn’t good enough to date anyone. From this moment on, I decided I would not talk to Ronald and see if he actually cared enough about me even as a friend to find out what was wrong, but a part of me didn’t even want him to talk to me. Why would I want him to talk to me anyways? Without him, I had one more reason to prove that I would die alone without ever finding my soul mate.
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