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Teddy Lupin and Me by quidditch_faerie
Chapter 7 : Make Believe Slytherins and Sadistic Bird... Phoenix.... THINGS!
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 8

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A.N: I’m sorry! Really, really sorry it took me so long to update!!!!!!!! Please don’t hate me! :)



“CRAP!” I shout as I grab a hold of Teddy’s sleeve. “Put it out! Put it out! PUT IT OUT!!!!!!!!!”


“Okay, okay!” he struggles as he gets his wand out of his pocket. “How the hell did the thing catch on fire anyway?! AGUA-”


“Er, Teddy-“ said James.


“Not, now! Can’t you see he’s trying to put out the bloody bird!” I hissed. “Hurry up Teddy! The poor thing’s almost dead by now!!!”


“I’m trying! AGUA-“


“I don’t think you guys understand-“ interrupted Sirius.


“Ignore them Teddy! HURRY UP!” I shout


“FINE! AUGUAMENTI!” he shouted as water sprouted from his word towards the fire where the poor birdy was.


As the fire was put out, something small hit the ground with a tiny thud. I stepped closer to get a better look. It was a tiny featherless baby bird!


“Awe! Poor little thing!” I coo and I pick it up and cradle it to my chest. “Poor, poor cute little thing.”


“Cute? Are you off your rocker?! That thing is-“ said Teddy before I cut him off.


“Adorable, Teddy. Its adorable!” I said viciously while narrowing my eyes at him.


“Ahem… er, guys… that’s not a bird. That’s a phoenix.” Said Remus, trying not to laugh…. And failing miserably. “As in a rare mythical phoenix that’s supposed to set fire.”


“A… phoenix? As in Fawks, Dumbledore’s famous phoenix…. oh bullocks” I mumble while looking at the tiny little thing in my hand who was staring up at me curiously.


I glance to my right to see Teddy blushing red, which given his new skin-tone made him blush purple, and it was that sight that launched me back into reality.


I looked to the room and was Remus, still trying not to laugh. He had tears running down his face and was an interesting plum colour. Sirius was still on the floor. Although now he was rolling around laughing and spluttering things like “putting out a phoenix” and “cute ugly bird!” the git. And James…. Well, James was still hyped up and squealing that he was going to marry Lily Evans… which reminds me.


Okay, this needs to go smoothly. Easy enough. So, I’m going to need another distraction…. But what?...


Hmmm, maybe… no, no, no.


Uh, what … about…. Nah!


Erm, how about… pft, that won’t work.




Nope, I got nothing. Oh well, it looks like I’m going to have to go with something from my cliché books.


“Hey, James?” I say as I discretely take my wand out of my pocket with the hand that wasn’t holding the baby Fawks.


“Yeah!” he says still fidgeting.


“I just wanted to say, LOOK A DISTRACTION!!!” I shout pointing my wand just above him to make it seem that there was something behind him.


“WHERE?!” as everyone turns there head to where I was pointing, not realizing what I had said, I took my opportunity.


“OBLIVIATE!” I shout, hitting James on the side of his face and accidentally making him fly across the room and hit the opposite wall.


Oh! Shite! Well… at least he had that book shelf to break his fall…kind of anyway… But then again it must have hurt to have them falling on top of you afterwards… woopsie.


“WHAT THE HELL?!” was the general response of everyone in the room, except for Dumbledore of course…


But then again, he’s a crazy old man! Ahem! Anyway.


“What the Hell Blair!!!” shouted Teddy as Sirius and Remus sober up and are now pulling out their own wands.


“You’re going to help me with this Teddy Lupin… That is, of course. Unless you’re fine with them knowing that you put out the rebirth of a phoenix.” I said in a low challenging voice.


Teddy thought about it and nodded to himself. “Fine.” He said as he took out his wand.


“What the HELL is going on?!!!!” shouted Sirius, but at the same time I was saying.


“Ready… and GO!”


“OBLIVIATE!!!!!” Teddy and I shout together hitting both Remus and Sirius respectively.


Luckily for them, they didn’t hit the walls. Nope, Remus was knocked onto an armchair and Sirius onto Remus. Not that bad at all! But I have a feeling that I’m forgetting something… but wha- SHIT! Dumbledore!


I scramble to turn around only to find professor Dumbledore sitting on his chair behind his desk and chuckling quietly to himself.


“Please Miss Blair, don’t waste you magic on me.” He said with that irritating twinkle in his eye again.


“Er… right.” I said with a blush.


Luckily for me James just woke up.


“Huh? Where…..What… happened?...” he asked confused.


“Oh! James... do you remember me?…. Er, I mean… what’s the last thing you remember?” I ask crouching down beside him.


“I….uh… yeah, but I don’t really…. Um did I get drunk again?” he asked stupidly.


“Uh, no…. by the way, professor Dumbledore is right here.” I said pointing at the professor to make my point.


“OH! I er…..uh… I mean, I DON’T get drunk, that would be against the school rules! Hahaha! What I MEANT to say was, was… What I meant to say was I er…. I er…… Wow, Blair that is a really ugly bird!”  He says trying to change the subject.


I hear someone snort behind me and turn to find Teddy trying to help Sirius and Remus who have regained their consciousness and were now stumbling around to get themselves straightened up.


“Nice one…” He remarks as he hauls Sirius to his feet “By the way, that Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawks.” He says with a smug smile, knowing that only moments ago it was he that had been corrected.


“Oh! I’m sorry professor, I didn’t know it was yours…. Not that if it was yours it would be less ugly… I mean, NOT ugly NOT UGLY… it’s er, beautiful, in a uh… majestic way?….” He said going slightly cross-eyed.


Pfft! Amateur! He should have just pretended to faint again and then wake up not remembering anything. That’s what I do…. Don’t judge me. Anyway, back to the matter at hand!


“Hey guys, are you okay?” I ask in my innocent sweet girl voice.


“Yeah, nothing broken here.” Said James.


“I’m fine too.” Said Remus.


“I’m not!” whined Sirius. “Moony you make a crap pillow, you’re all bony!”


“I’ll have you know that I am NOT bony! It’s all muscle.” He said pouting at the end.


Sirius snorted. “Muscles? From what?! Carrying your books?” he said with a slight laugh.


“You’d be surprised how much books weigh.” Sighed Remus getting tired of the argument already.


Riiiiiiiiiiiiight…. Personally, I agree with Remus, there is no way that all that is just skin and bones…mmmm. No! Bad Blair, don’t think naughty things about him! Bad, bad Blair! Don’t think about him without a shirt on! And DEFINITELY don’t think of him covered in chocolate-


“OW!” I shout. The ruddy phoenix just bit me!


Stupid bird, like it knew that I was thinking about sexy Remus Lupin with no shirt on and covered in chocolate, begging me to lick it all off-


“OW!!!” I said again as Fawks bit me again. “Fine, fine! I get it!”



“Er, Blair? Are you talking to a phoenix?” asked Teddy.




Okay, think. I can’t exactly tell them I was talking to a bird… even if it is a magical sadistic bird that can apparently hear your thoughts and bites your finger for its own enjoyment…


So, another change of subject then.


“Did you guys get a good look at the Slytherins’ that attacked you?” I asked.


“Slytherins’?” asked Sirius.


Oh, how I love stupid boys with short attention spans! It even seems that they’ve forgotten about being blue as well!


“Yeah, they came in and attacked you guys! It happened so fast all I saw was a blur of green.” I said in a little voice looking down at my feet so that they couldn’t see my face scrunch up in disgust.


Green blur? That’s all I could come up with?! I’m losing my touch…


“Did they hurt you?” asked Remus, who moved forward to place a hand on my shoulder.


“What?” I asked confused… Oh, right.


“They did, didn’t they! Those slimy, good for nothing-”


“No! No, luckily Teddy was there, he….. saved me?” I said looking towards Teddy, who was staring and gaping at me for making up an idiot story that made me the victim, when he knows I can easily remove any possibilities of a man ever producing children, by experience of course….. What? He healed!


Right, well, here comes the hard part.


“Thank you, Teddy! For saving me from the Slytherins’.”  I said through gritted teeth that I formed into a smile.


“Er…. Right, yeah. No problem.” He said with a disturbed look on his face.


Hmm, I guess I don’t look like I’m smiling then.


“Cheep” I looked down to my hand where baby Fawks was looking up at me with a twinkle in his eyes, I take it he agrees… wonderful. 


A.n: there you have it! Please review!!!! I will send you cyber hugs if you do!!!! :D

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