Chapter 1 : Fallin'
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It was a gloomy night. The thunder was shaking though the sky, bolts of white light erupting from every angle of the dark grey clouds, a loud rumbling noise echoing in the eerie silence of the Hogwarts grounds. The sky was dark and dangerous, and people could even call it angry. There was so much power and strength emitted by those strikes of thunder, enough to make even the most courageous of people, whimper in fear.
The day had been promising, starting with a cloudless sky and bright warm sun shining proudly in the sky and heating the Hogwarts grounds to just the right temperature. The students had made the most of the favourable weather as it was quite uncommon to get such beautiful weather at this time of year, early April. Girls took their bikini tops out and sunbathed, boys had water fights with each other and even the lucky Ravenclaw Quidditch team managed to book the Quidditch pitch to have a nice two hour practice. There was a slight breeze that cooled the air gently, blowing into the student’s hair and making the whole day more pleasurable. But it had changed to quickly. Those clouds had appeared out of nowhere and had obscured the grounds at once as if the whole of Hogwarts had been sucked up in a giant black hole.
Now there was nothing but lightening striking the sky repeatedly as if someone above was realising their anger on the poor innocent students who were trying desperately to figure out what they had done wrong. Those enraged bold lines that painted the sky for a few seconds every minute were the only source of light in the room; those thumps of lightening were the only thing that lit up the whole place and brought life to the seemingly dead room.
But if you looked carefully, sitting gracefully on the window seal, her head leaning against the cold wet glass was a beautiful young girl, with flaming red hair and piercing emerald eyes. Her slim figure was resting against the hard stone wall, her head slightly touching the glass and tears rolling down her creamy cheeks. She stared at the storm outside, her unfocused eyes were blankly glancing at the swaying of the branches of the Whomping Willow, as if tried to fight the storm in vain. The sadness is them was almost overwhelming, it seemed quite incredible how someone who was so happy and cheerful in the morning, could suddenly become so upset, in a matter of hours. But she had had a reason, a reason to be this sad after all. It had happened again.
I keep on fallin'
In and out of love with you...
Lily Evans and James Potter had had another fight. But it was different this time, it was different because the circumstances were different, the stakes at risk were different, the atmosphere was different. Their argument hadn’t been one of the many they had had for years and years, it had been completely different. They hadn’t fought like that in months, it was almost crossing a known territory, that both had tried so hard to avoid. Since that fateful Halloween day when the Lily Evans had said yes to the James Potter, they had promised each other no more fights, no more back chatting, sleazy remarks and quick comebacks. It had been the end of the chasing and the beginning of their relationship. Most of the Hogwarts students still couldn’t believe it, still didn’t want to believe it.
Romantic? Yes, it had been romantic.
Expected? No, it hadn’t been expected at all.
What everyone was anticipating to see was yet another ‘no’ by her, another screaming fit directed towards him, another series of name calling. But nothing of the sort had come out of her mouth. A simple ‘Yes’ had left her rosy lips and answered his ‘Will you go out with me Lily?’ From then on, they had been inseparable, acting like love-sick teenagers, spending every minute of every day together as if to make up for the lost years. Yes, they would have the occasional dispute, but they would always solve it together, talking and compromising just like any couple would do.
But this morning, it had been different. A simple thing such as giving a pupil detention had blown out of proportion and into a full on fight between the two, ending up with Lily cursing James once again. The silence that had filled the grounds during the moment the curse had been said was almost suicidal. It was thick, painful and heartbreaking for nearly everyone who had witnessed what had just happened. It had been so unpredicted, so unforeseen and surprising, that it had saddened every creature there at Hogwarts. How could it be that Hogwarts’ perfect couple was fighting in such a brutal manner?
Sometimes I love you
Sometimes you make me feel blue
Sometimes I feel good
At times I feel used…
She ran. As soon as those words left her mouth and her boyfriend was flown across the hall, hitting the hard wall behind him before falling to the ground with a big thud, she had ran. She ran because she didn’t want to see the look on his handsome face when he realized what she had done to him. It had been out of her control. He had made her so angry, he had infuriated her so much and she just wanted him to get out of her sight. But he didn’t move, he kept shouting at her the same way she was screaming at him. She had never felt so much anger, so much anger for the man she loved.
Lily and James’ relationship wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t have to be wonderfully peachy to be amazing. They had each other, every second, every minute of every day. Being in his arms, she felt safe, she felt loved, something she never managed to feel from anyone else. He never treated her without respect, yes, he would disagree with her at times but that just made their relationship stronger. She preferred being with someone who didn’t just agree with everything she said but contested her ideas. But today she had crossed that line between an innocent little spat and a huge fight.
Being with James was something beyond her imagination. He could make her so happy when he wanted, he could make her feel like the most loved girl in the whole world but at the same time he could easily just treat her the way she hated. Sometimes he would make her queen of his world and other times he would just treat her like one of the many, making her feel unimportant to him. She didn’t like that. She didn’t like feeling irrelevant in his eyes, she wanted him to see her always as the perfect girl for him, and that was a fault on her part. Perfection wasn’t what James was looking for, but Lily wanted that perfection in his eyes to be her. And when she noticed that he didn’t give her enough attention, she would get irritated, feeling worthless, unhappy. It would confuse her; questions would fly inside of her head every time this change of character happened in him.
Loving you darlin'
Makes me so confused…
A selfish little arrogant cow, he had said to her. That’s what had triggered her into taking her wand out and cursing him. Those words had gone straight to her head, like a shot of alcohol, poisoning her rational thoughts and making anger take over her blood, her whole self. Rage, followed by screaming and fighting, that’s what those five words had caused. In those five seconds in which she suddenly lost it, it was as if all her love with him had suddenly vanished into thin air and had been replaced with hate, passionate, never ending hate. It’s like she was falling out of love with him and falling into ‘hate’ with him.
How could someone she loved more than anything, suddenly make her feel so much hate in a split second? A stupid dispute about giving a Slytherin detention had turned into a bigger, complicated argument filled of hurtful insults and unwanted abuse towards each other. She knew she had started it. If she hadn’t argued about his reasons for giving the little Slytherin detention and just trusted his judgement, she wouldn’t be in this situation after all. But then again, she hadn’t found it fair that James was giving the little boy detention for being late to class when if it had been a Gryffindor, he would have just let them go without even a warning. She told him her views, how she thought he was being prejudiced and he had suddenly snapped at her, defending his ideas fiercely. So she had snapped back, and soon it had become shouting and from shouting it had turned into yelling until it had ended in cursing.
More tears fell down her pretty eyes as a flashback of the scene hit her again. She wiped them away, sniffing, her nose now red and her cheeks looking sore by the amount of tears she had cried. Her eyes were puffy and her hair was messy. Her exterior look represented her interior state of mind, a never ending mess. She looked down, at the small silver bracelet held tightly in her hands, the bracelet he had given to her for Christmas, just one month ago. She held it so close to herself, as if she was holding on to him. Lily almost felt that is she kept that bracelet in her hand James wouldn’t slip away from her completely.
I keep on fallin’In and out of love with you
I never loved someone,
the way that I’m lovin’ you…
The truth was that she never had loved someone as much as she loved James. She never felt such a passionate and fulfilling feeling as the love she felt for James. She never imagined she could feel something like this for one person, especially him. Who would have thought that the Lily Evans would one day fall in love with James Potter? James, her James, she loved him, she truly did. She knew she did, but now she wasn’t so sure anymore. She knew that what she felt when she sent that curse wasn’t love, it was everything but love. It was as if love had left her body for a split second and all the feelings of hatred she might have harboured for him were coming back to her at once.
She hated the misery she was in at that moment in time. She didn’t like feeling so insecure, waking up each day not knowing what would happen. She liked things to be planned and James was the complete opposite. He just took life as it came, lived every second as if it was the last. He never planned anything, James Potter lived life freely. He was different from her in that aspect and one of the things that had attracted her to him was the thrill of being different from her normal self. But she never thought she’d be this different.
Oh, oh I never felt this way…
How do you give me so much pleasure
And cause me so much pain?
Suddenly the door of the once silent room opened, interrupting her trailing thoughts. She didn’t even look up to see who it was, she knew already. She continued to stare down at her lap, her hair falling into her face, her body shaking with sobs. The door closed slowly and footsteps followed. Soon enough, his scent filled the air around her, that masculine smell of his intoxicating cologne. A strong piercing smell that was sweet at the same time. She adored it and it took everything she had in her to stop herself from wrapping her arms around him and taking in a big gulp of his smell. She kept her head down, staring down at the bracelet, at those little diamonds that decorated it and made the glossy silver shine even more.
He sat on the window seal too, opposite her, looking at her teary face and trying to make eye contact with her. She wouldn’t budge; she kept her head down, not wanting to meet his gaze. Was he going to be angry, disappointed or sad? She didn’t want to see his facial expression; it would just make everything more real and she didn’t want that. James’ hand slowly reached out and touched her chin, pulling her face up and meeting his eyes with hers. Emerald met hazel at once and both their hearts broke even more as they saw the sadness reflect in their lover’s eyes. His hand felt cold against her skin, probably because of how much she had cried. Lily almost couldn’t bear to look at him. His eyes were so full of sadness, of misery and despair that it hurt her to even glance at them.
But what hurt her even more was to see that scar on the side of his forehead. A fresh, now stitched scar that she was certain had been created by her curse. She swallowed quickly; her heart felt like it was stuck in her throat. She felt sick, knowing she had physically hurt him. She hadn’t meant to, but she had felt so angry it seemed like the best way to let all that fury out. But now she regretted it more than anything in her life. It wasn’t the first time, she used to curse, slap and hex him on a daily basis but it had been different this year. And now it was like they had gone back to square one.
They were both tired, tired of feeling like this. They both just wanted to go back to being the Lily and James they always were, forgetting this whole mess. They felt the same, without knowing, they did. They wanted the same things; they wanted to stop being fools who kept falling deeper and deeper into a never ending dark black hole they had entered.
And just when I think
I've taken more than would a fool
I start fallin' back in love with you…
His fingers traced her jaw line gently. He was so scared of hurting her, of ruining her delicate skin. Her emerald orbs were so sad; it pained him to see her in this state. It always did and it always would. She stayed still, dropping her gaze and not moving an inch. The storm outside seemed to have calmed down and the strikes of lightening had stopped, the grey clouds becoming paler and paler by the minute. This was worse than being outside in the storm itself. Her sobs were the only thing his ears could hear.
“Lil?” his voice called out her name. He scooted closer to her, his hand skimming over the back of her slender neck. “Lily, please talk to me.”
James hated to see Lily sad, especially if it was because of him. To see her face puffy and red because of tears, to see her sad emerald eyes looking at him so innocently it broke his heart to see her like that. He wanted nothing more than to erase everything that had happened in the last hour. He wished he could go back in time and wipe away every mistake they had made. Would they get through this? Had they gone one step too far this time round?
Lily finally raised her head to meet his eyes, taking up all the courage she had. Her lips were trembling slightly, as if not able to make out any words. His hand rested on the base of her neck, drawing invisible circles with his thumb. He wanted to reassure her, to make the tears stop falling from her beautiful eyes.
“I don’t want you to hate me James.” she whispered quietly, and if her lips hadn’t moved James might not have heard her hushed words.
“I don’t hate you.” he replied simply.
I keep on fallin'
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I'm lovin' you…
Lily looked at him carefully, trying to read his face carefully. “I didn’t mean to attack you.” she stated again, her eyes now looking boldly into his. She wanted him to know how sorry she was; she wanted him to see how guilty she felt.
James’ hand left her neck and ruffled up his hair nervously, like he always did. He was scared of talking about that topic, he didn’t want to start another fight but he knew it was inevitable. James looked down for a split second, feeling just as guilty as she was. But there was another thought clouding her mind at that moment in time, a confusing thought that made her rummage for her feelings at the deep bottom of her heart. The way her skin felt as if ice cold water was continuously being thrown at it because of his missing touch represented just how much she needed him. Goosebumps appeared on her skin by how cold she suddenly felt.
He looked up at her. “I didn’t mean to call you all those names either.”
She snorted slightly, looking down at her hands. “I deserve it.” She gazed out of the window at the now still Whomping Willow. It had stopped trying to fight the storm just like they should stop this fight themselves. “I’m a selfish little arrogant cow and I should have trusted you. You have your reasons for giving the boy detention and I shouldn’t have picked a fight with you just because I thought you were being unreasonable.”
He shook his head, cupping her face in one of his hands. “You’re not Lily.” He didn’t take his eyes off of her. “I was being unreasonable and you had every reason to say what you said. It was true and you have nothing to be sorry for.”
She stared at him almost in disbelief. Had he gone completely mad? She skimmed over the scar on his forehead with her hand gently as if trying to point out to him why she felt so guilty. “James, I did this to you. How can you say I have nothing to be sorry for?”
He flinched slightly as she touched the scar accidently. Tears started to fall down her face once again as if realisation had finally hit her. She was the reason behind the scar on his handsome face. She had hurt him. It was all because of her. She wanted nothing more than to be able to take that scar away from his perfect face. If she could do that, than maybe the pain would fade away too and they could back to normal. They could forget about everything and stop falling deeper and deeper into that ocean of darkness that they so desperately wanted to get out of.
Oh baby I, I'm fallin'
I'm fallin', I'm fallin', fallin'…
James wrapped his arms around her engulfing her in a tight hug as she cried onto his shoulder. One of his hands ran up and down her back soothingly, while the other held onto the back of her head, tangling itself in her fiery red hair. He kissed the top of her head, holding her as closely as he could. Her arms tied themselves around his neck as she buried her face in the crook of her neck and took in his manly scent. The sense of safety that his hugs gave to her was almost overwhelming. She could stay in his arms forever and know that no harm could ever come to her, not whilst he was still living.
He picked her up easily and she sat on his lap, her head still resting on his shoulder and her tears soaking his white shirt, not that he could care. She was in his arms and that was all that mattered. He held her as tightly as he could wanting to protect her fragile body from everything and everyone when he knew all along he was the one she should have been protected from in the first place. He tried to push that depressing thought out of his mind. They needed each other, he was sure of it. After everything they had gone through they weren’t going to let it all go to waste because of one petty argument.
They didn’t know how long they stayed in each other’s arms for, but long enough for Lily to quieten down and for her sobs to become smaller and smaller, until they disappeared completely. James didn’t let go of her. He was comfortable having her in his arms just like she was comfortable staying in his arms. She could fall asleep right there and then, feeling safe and protected but she had to know if they were ok now. Was it going to be easy to just go back to what they were?
“James,” she started after hours of silence. She sat up and looked right into his face. It pained him to see her. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were scorched with angry red lines falling down her face. He hated to see her in such a state. “Are we going to be ok?” she asked him in a small voice, wanting nothing more than reassurance.
He pushed some of her hair out of her face. “Lily, I never said we were going to be the easiest of couples.”
“But we’re ok now?” she asked him quickly her eyes suddenly very wide. Did he think differently from her?
“We’ll work through it.” He answered quietly.
Those words stung her like an angry wasp directly into her heart. Work through it? She looked deeply into his eyes looking for the smallest glimpse of humour, something that would tell her he never meant what he just said. But nothing was there. He was being serious. Did he think they had problems? Did he think they were on the verge of breaking up? Did he not think she was worth it anymore?
It was moments like this where Lily would start to doubt their relationship. How could he say he forgave her and that he didn’t hate her for what she did to him and then say something like that? He always contradicted himself, or never explained himself properly. Lily liked things to be black or white, she didn’t like doubt and she didn’t like being confused about something she cared about. She liked facts to be clear, feelings to be exact and people to be true to themselves and others around them. She didn’t like not understanding and that was what was infuriating about James. He was never clear with her; he would give her ambiguous answers which made her feel unsecure. It was remarks like these that helped their relationship fall deeper and deeper into darkness. Those incoherent answers that made them confused with each other’s feelings were the cause of their continuous falling.
I keep on fallin'
In and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I'm lovin' you…
His reasons were very much different. What he intended to say was that they were going to work through their fight and they were both going to try and put up with each other’s character more than they already did. He knew they didn’t have problems. To him, they were perfect exactly they way they were and he wouldn’t have their relationship any other way.
“So you’re saying you don’t forgive me?” she asked him. “You think that we’re not going to be ok anymore, that we’re going to have problems now because of what happened?”
He shook his head. “No Lily I never said that!”
“Well it looked like it!” she snapped standing up and looking down at him with anger mixed with sadness. “James, if you can’t bring yourself to forgive me please just say it now.”
“Lily if you give me a chance to explain it to you, I will!” he stated standing up in front of her.
He put his hands on her shoulders gazing deeply into her eyes. He wanted her to see the truth. She was overreacting. She always did when her emotions ran high; she let her fear take the better of her. She would snap easily and get angry at anything she didn’t like. James had learned how to deal with Lily when she was in these moods. He just had to calmly explain to her and make her see sense. If he snapped back he knew they would just end up in an argument again. It was a fault of Lily’s character. She never fully understood what people were saying and only heard what she wanted to hear. But he had learned to live with it, he knew it wasn’t her fault intentionally. It was the rush of emotions that they had both felt in that hour that was building up this tension and insecurity in their relationship.
“What I meant was that we were never going to be the perfect couple because of out past. But I don’t care if we’re perfect or not because I like it just the way we are now.” The corners of his mouth twitched slightly. “What I meant to say was that we just have to work through putting up with each other. We’re both as stubborn as hell and won’t admit that we’re wrong until we have written proof right under our noses.”
She smiled at his statement. It was true, it was so true. Six years of chasing and six years of rejection just proved how stubborn they both were. They would never admit their faults and that was one of the many reasons why they their fights started. They didn’t like being wrong. They would be able to be themselves again, forget this horrible day and continue living their lives together.
I'm fallin' in and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I'm lovin' you…
“You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” he teased grinning.
She smiled even more and leaned her head against her chest. “Don’t worry, I don’t plan to.” she muttered.
James stroked her hair gently, wrapping his arms around her once more. He breathed in the smell of her perfume, taking it right into him and allowing it to spread from his head to his toes. He loved that scent, the smell of freshly cut roses mixed with a hint of sweet strawberries. Her arms rested around his waist lazily, her ear listening to his gentle and steady heartbeat. She felt so much better, in his arms she felt like that was the place she was meant to be. No one could that away from her. She loved him, she knew she did. And he loved her, she was sure he did. There was no other way to explain how he managed to put up with her otherwise.
He lifted her chin slightly and leaned his head forwards, brushing his lips with hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck at once, kissing him deeply and savouring each minute of it. Their lips touched blissfully, a soft and fluid movement, it seemed like the most normal thing to do. James held her tighter, picking up her little body in his arms easily. The kept kissing tenderly, wanting nothing more than to be in that position forever. Lily wouldn’t have it any other way. She would calmly stay in his arms and kiss his lips for God knows how long and she would be the happiest woman in the world. All James cared about was holding her in his arms, as long as she was there, he would be perfectly fine.
The storm outside had passed. The sky was a deep electric blue now, cloudless and almost captivating. It was a vibrant and lively colour, a colour of courage or daring and taking chances. The faint noise of birds coming out again could be heard and even the odd students who was brave enough to walk through the giant water and mud puddles covering the green grass on the ground. The slight breeze that was now calmly brushing through the branches of the many trees made the grounds now seem peaceful hugely contrasting with the storm from just an hour ago.
Lily and James’ noses touched slightly as they both started smiling and their foreheads rested together. Lily closed her eyes, a big smile etched on her pretty features, making dimples appear on her creamy cheeks. She knew they were going to be ok. They would stop each other from falling any deeper. They had reached the bottom; the lowliest of lows had been conquered. The end of that deep black hole had been reached. It was the end of the falling; now the only way was up.
I'm fallin' in and out of love with you
I never loved someone
The way that I'm lovin' you.
So this is a little one-shot I thought up when I got the song 'Fallin' by Alicia Keys in the challenge. The credit goes to EmeraldCity for giving me the song that inspired this story. I hope you liked it. Do leave a review, even to tell me how much you hate it - I won't cry I promise :D
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