It's been six years since Elle left. Six goddamned years. Six years of reading the same, stupid letter at least five times everyday. Six years of my looking at all of our pictures together and feeling tears come to my eyes.
Every fiber of my being to forget about her, but there was just this one part of me that couldn't. I missed her so much. I missed her more than anyone or anything. And the thing is - if it came down to a choice of ridding me of my lycanthropy forever or having Elle back, I would choose the latter without a second thought. We should've been married by now.
James and Lily had already gotten married, and they were engaged the same day as us, but James had just done it more privately. That's technically the last time I saw Elle - at James and Lily's wedding. Somehow, someway they had gotten a hold of her and begged her to come to the wedding. So she came, but only to the wedding. That's probably what shattered my heart the most.
"What? Elle's here?" I asked James, as he fixed his tux nervously, waiting the time where he'd be told to make his way up to the altar to wait for his soon-to-be-bride.
"Well, I'm not sure if she's here yet, but she said that she was only going to come for the wedding, nothing before and nothing after," James said, his hands trembling slightly. "If you want to get her back, you're going to have to get her during the wedding, or right after."
"What about the line up? Am I partnered with her?" I asked and he shook his head.
"She refused to be a bridesmaid, said she 'didn't want to attract any attention to herself'. The wedding started and so did the procession. I walked out with Rebecca's arm hooked with mine but all I could see was Elle sitting in the audience, staring straight ahead at James.
As I stood beside Sirius, my eyes stayed on Elle, hoping for the moment she would make eye contact with me, so I could silently plead with her. She glanced over, her orchid purple eyes meeting my amber ones for a brief second before she quickly looked away, her face being hidden in her hair.
The wedding ended and she gave both James and Lily a hug, congratulating them and giving them a present before making her way to the designated Apparition spot when I grabbed her arm, just as she was a few steps away from it. "Please Elle."
"Don't make this any harder for me than it already is," Elle said, her eyes glistening with tears before Apparating away.
If she was so sad about this, and it was so hard on her, why did she do it? Why did she have to leave?
That was all she said. That one sentence was going to haunt me until I found her and she was safe in my arms again. She told me not to try and find her, but I've been trying to anyhow. I want her back in my arms. I want to hold her forever and kiss those soft, warm lips of hers again.
Mr. and Mrs. Potter were devastated all those years ago when they found out she had run away from the letter she had written for them.
I knew Elle loved me, but why did she have to do this it me? She's the one I needed in these dark times. Voldemort was getting stronger by the day. I had been accepted into a secret organization called the "Order of the Phoenix". It was a group designed to fight Voldemort and ultimately get rid of him. With missions everyday and seeing how many people were getting injured or killed, I couldn't help but think about Elle. How she would've been at home waiting for me, worried out of her mind. But that's not going to happen, now is it? She's gone.
"Remus, wake up," Sirius said, jumping on my bed in the flat we shared.
"I am up," I said groggily, wiping at my eyes. "What time is it?"
"It's quarter past two," Sirius said cheerfully. "So we have an Order meeting in about forty-five minutes, meaning you need to get ready, because after that and dinner, we're going to the club!"
"No," I said bluntly, walking into the bathroom and splashing my face with cold water.
"Look," Sirius said, hopping up onto the counter, "it's been six years Moony; chances are she won't come back."
"Don't you dare say that!" Within seconds, my wand was out and pointed at his throat.
He let out a deep sigh and put my wand down patiently with his hand. "At least come with me tonight, who knows, you might even enjoy yourself."
Hours later, the Marauders had dragged me into a club, where the multi-colored lights were being directed all over the floor, music was blaring and a bunch of people were dancing.
I sat at the bar, taking more and more of some strong Muggle alcohol until everything was a blur. I ended up dancing raunchily with some girl, and within moments we were snogging.
"Oh, Elle," I moaned against her lips and the girl pulled away and looked at me angrily.
"Elle? My name is Nicole," She said, huffing before storming off, leaving me to wallow in self pity once more. I saw a flash of red hair and figured it was Lily, and when I tapped her shoulder, the girl turned around and I immediately recognized her.
She swore before quickly Apparating away. It had been Addie, Elle's friend. She had to know where she was...but now she was gone too.
I regret leaving a lot. But if I hadn't, I would've hurt one of them. But if I hadn't left at all, Remus and I would've gotten married, and lived together...but that was just a dream. The dream that popped up every night. Us getting married, seeing him again and everything being alright. It was like some force was teasing me with him, because I knew that I couldn't see him again. But then after such a good night of sleep, the morning after the graduation ball would replay in my head.
I woke up very early the next morning to see Remus fast asleep beside me, his arm wrapped around my bare waist protectively. I got up, being careful not to wake him and slipped into my underwear and bra again, pulling on Remus' shirt from last night and doing up all the buttons. I noticed all the other guys' in the dorm, and made sure I was really quiet as to not wake any of them up, although I was pretty sure they knew what happened last night anyways.
I walked into the bathroom, closing the door and locking it behind me, letting out a dreamy sigh. Remus and I had gotten engaged. He had proposed to me. And then we did have our "special night" as Lily had called it and it was amazing.
"Looks like someone had a little fun," Annie noted and I turned around to see her staring back at me impatiently.
"It's none of your business what I do with me boy - fiancé," I said, straightening out my hair a bit.
"Well, it was a pretty stupid move considering the Prophecy. It's kind of obvious that he's going to be the one you hurt," Annie said as if it were painstakingly obvious.
"I would never hurt Remus," I argued.
"Sure, but you know, there's never been a Prophecy that's been wrong before," She pointed out. "I suggest you leave now, and find some way to let them know not to come looking for you."
"I couldn't do that to Remus," I said. "We're going to get married."
"If you get married to him, you're going to end up killing him. Is that what you really want?" She demanded angrily.
"Of course not," I said.
"Then leave. Don't let them know where you are. Addie would be glad to take you in. And that offer from the record company guy? Those could all come in handy," Annie suggested.
"I don't want to leave him," I said, starting to cry.
"DO IT!" She practically screamed at me, and I summoned parchment and a quill, and started writing the letter that I didn't know at the time, but that would crush the lives of all the people that I loved. I finished the last one, which was Remus', with a shaky hand, and tears splatter on the page, before slipping each one into an envelope with their names on each one. "Now, go to your dorm and get everything. Bring every little thing that belongs to you and leave. Addie'll know you need her."
I nodded and snuck out of the boys' dorms, taking one last look at the boys who had made this whole flashback process so much easier, and who had become my family. I picked up my dress and my shoes, quickly kissing each of them on the cheek, lingering a little longer on Remus before running out and to the girl's dorms. I packed up all of my things quickly by using a spell. I cleaned up my sleeping area, making the bed and such before placing the envelopes in a neat pile on my bed before I grabbed my trunk, put on some trainers and sweaters and ran outside, tears still running down my face. Addie was waiting by the gates, yawning and still in her pajamas and housecoat.
"Good God woman, what could you possibly want at this time in the morning?" She asked, before noticing my trunk, my not-so-put-together attire and my tear stained cheeks. "You're running away?" I nodded and she quickly grabbed onto my arm and Side-Along Apparated me to her flat, which was dead silent and luckily had two rooms. "Nono, you can stay here as long as you need. Now tell me what happened."
So I did. I told her everything, about Annie showing up in the mirrors and secretly dating Sirius at one point, Remus and I finally getting engaged, having sex and then Annie reminding me about this Prophecy saying that I would hurt the people I loved with all my heart as she got me a large mug of hot chocolate. The tears didn't stop streaming as I played with the beautiful, diamond ring on my finger.
A lot had changed with my life since then. For one thing, I had called up the record label guy, whose name I learned to be Marvin, and I was hired instantly. Now, I'm one of he most popular and famous singers and actresses in England. Of course, there were quite a few measures I had to take to conceal my identity. Addie came over every morning by Floo to do my makeup, covering the tattoo on my face and doing the dark, metallic and sometimes colorful eye make-up I had become so accustomed to wearing. My hair was also straight, and every few months I made sure to go get the procedure done again to keep it straight, and it now had highlights and purple streaks. I also changed my name to Leah, which was actually one of my middle names, and that's the only name people knew I had. No one had a clue that I was really Eleanor Knightley, because they only knew Leah, and that's how it was going to stay. I had gotten two tattoos, one on my ankle, and one on my lower back. The one on my ankle was a small pink heart with "E.K. + R.L." written in black writing in the center. On my lower back, there was a tattoo of raging storm clouds with Storm written in fancy cursive on the inside of it. I preferred to keep those covered just in case, although I never took off the ring.
Addie had changed her appearance as well, because we both knew that if they did look for us, they would look for her fist. She got her hair dyed a bright, neon orange like it used to be, with a bunch of blonde and orange low-lights and highlights, and got it cut all jagged in a way that totally fit her and her personality amazingly.
I had also earned more than enough to buy my own apartment, which was quite large, and looked like a regular one story house which was really nice. But all of the mirrors in my house had to be covered, unless I needed to look in one desperately. I didn't want to see Annie again. It was too risky. And luckily, I had only seen her a few times since graduation.
And I'll be honest, I've dated a few times since I left Hogwarts, but it was only ever one or two dates. I was never really serious about anyone because I knew no one could compare to my Remus. Except he wasn't really "my" Remus anymore.
But there was one change in my life that made the biggest impact for the best. And trust me, when I say big, I mean big. A few months after graduating, I noticed I was getting really sick in the mornings, having weird cravings and gaining weight, especially in my stomach. I went to a doctor to find out I was pregnant.
And six months later, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl who I named Abigail Anastasia Makeda Romula Knightley-Lupin, although she doesn't know the Lupin part. Yes, she is Remus' child. She was named after my mother, my sister, and on of her middle names "Romula" was from Remus. I figured it would only be right. She became the center of my world. Everything I did revolved around this little girl of mine. I made sure my work schedule worked around her, because she was my baby girl and I loved her so much.
She had pale skin, just like me and medium brown hair, a mix between Remus' and mine, that reached her armpits and was very curly. She had big orchid colored eyes with gold flecks in them, that if she asked for anything, she would most likely get it.
Giving birth to her though, that was scary. I had no clue what I was doing. See, we learned how to take care of a four year old. I had no clue about any of the other baby stuff! But luckily, Addie was there to help.
In addition to all of this madness, Addie brought me back to the colony, my original home and I got coronated when I turned nineteen. I was welcomed back warmly, and they didn't seem to mind that Addie had left either. Everyone kept coming up to me and as soon as they all re-introduced themselves after my speech about the accident, and I remembered them just be their names. They all loved Abbie, their "Little Princess" as they started affectionately calling her.
But I've learned how to juggle all of this in m everyday life. But once again, my little Abbie came before everything else.
I was sitting on the couch with Abbie, who had begged me all day to watch this movie that I was in that she just loved, but she had fallen asleep halfway through it, and I was soon to follow. But I was jolted out of my almost sleep when Adelaide came bursting through my apartment door.
She was panting and out of breath, and wearing a skimpy black dress. Was she just clubbing?
"ELLE, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!" Addie screamed, and I signaled for her to be quiet before picking up Abbie and tucking her into her pink princess bed, kissing her lightly on the forehead before tucking her teddy bear, Mr. Snuggles, who had been given to her when she was born by Addie, into her arms. I closed the door quietly behind me and Addie looked like she was about to have a fit.
"Now, what is the problem?" I asked, moving into the kitchen to wash the dishes from dinner earlier.
"Well, I was clubbing, as you can probably see, and someone tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around to see...Remus," She said nervously and the plate in my hand dropped to the ground, smashing into pieces as every part of me became numb as I stared at her wide-eyed.