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Shakespeare, Magic, and Me by heyITSme
Chapter 3 : "Women may fall when there's no strength in men;" Friar Lawrence(2.3.85)
 
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[Disclaimer: I don't own a thing]








C H A P T E R T H R E E: "Women may fall when there's no strength in men." Friar Lawrence(2.3.85)








[Previously:  "He's a defect to the bloody world. Everytime I look at him, I curse his bloody father for not wearing a condom."

"Hey Evans!" Black called, "Did you notice all the kissing scenes in here?"

"Black!" Brad yelled.

I stood up and clenched my fists. "Black you better--"

"Threre's even a sex scene!"

And then I lept at Black, ready to kill, looking somewhat like a deranged cat, probably.
]








That, of course, had to be the moment McGonagall walked in. After I lept at Black, Missy pounced on me to get off her beloved. Then Alice and Marlene jumped in to save me, and Potter jumped in to save Black. Then all hell broke loose. Until, of course:

"STUDENTS! Never, in all my years have I witnessed such a mess! And initiated by our Head Girl as well!" McG screamed, her face oddly resembling my hair.

I had the desency to look down, ashamed. Obviously, Sirius-bloody-Black didn't.

"Practice is over for today! 20 points from Gryffindor, Ms. Evans, for your actions."

I looked up at McG, horrified, "Professor--"

"And 10 points from Gryffindor, Mr. Black, because I'm sure Ms. Evans was provoked."

Black's triumphant smirk slid off his face.

"Professor--"

"I don't want to hear it! This is such a disgrace! Ms. Monroe here is generously trying to give another extra curricular activity to this school and you two are trying to ruin it! I am ashamed that you are in my house!"

I winced; that was harsh.

"And detention, tomorrow morning, 8 o'clock, Ms. Evans and Mr. Black. Do not be late!"
...And then she stormed out. Hot Damn, someone's on PMS. Or Metapause.

Pettigrew coughed awkwardly.

"Er...please read Acts 1 and 2 for next Saturday!" Missy said.

I swear to God you could hear the grasshoppers chirping in the backround.

"Slytherins!" Malfoy called, "We're out."

And all the Slytherins, without saying a word, got up and left. 

What are they, some cult? Seriously, do they think Malfoy is the God or something? Because, y'know, I never actually imagined dear ole' Jesus with hideous platinum blonde hair.

Every one else began to leave after that, and Brad came up to me and told me, being the studious Ravenclaw he is, that he had to study, and then promptly left with Matt Davies, Ravenclaw God.

"Black," I said after a few moments' silence, "I hope you burn in hell."

"Well thanks Evans, but I'm pretty sure you're the one that jumped me like some hobo."

"Oh yeah? Well if you hadn't been an ass then maybe I wouldn't have, you retard."

Black glared at me, apparently tired of being insulted, "Bitch."

I gasped in mock horror. "Sssllllut." I spat, drawing out the first two constantents.

"Whore."

My eyes narrowed, "Fucktard!"

"Skank!"

"...STUPID HEAD!" 

Did I really just say 'stupid head'? Dear Merlin, what am I becoming?

"OK!" Alice cried, jumping in between us. "Enough! Lily, let's go."

With one final glare at Black and an amused Potter, I stormed out of the theatre with Alice and Mar--

Wait. Where's Marlene?

"Mar--" I began to call, but stopped when I saw her screaming at Black, hitting him over the head with her shoe, crying "My-*slap*-Best-*slap*-Friend-*slap*-Is not a WHORE you bloddy stupid head!"

"Hey! Ow, dear Merlin, woman stop hitting me! And you can't take Evan's word--that's cheating!"

"Says who?" she asked through narrowed eyes.

"Uh...James does!"

"What? No I don't." Potter said, "I don't give a flying fuck if she took Evan's word."

"But James," Black whined, "She's cheating."

James rolled his eyes and looked at Marlene, "Sorry, Marls, but Sirius is a wee bit on the whiney side today, he didn't get a lot of sleep."

Marlene also rolled her eyes, "Yeah whatever. I'll see you at practice later tonight?"

Ja-Potter smiled, "Yeah, see you."

Marlene turned to us and smiled, "Sorry guy--"

"FLAT CHEST!" Black screamed to Marlene.

...And then she tackled him. 








A/N: I'm genuinly enjoying writing this story. I just love this Lily! Her character's way of dealing with anger and frustration is so similar to mine: complaining and insulting with bitchy comments. Yeah, we work it ;] 
Any-who, please leave a review and make my day!!


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