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Loony Junior by dubious30
Chapter 3 : Waking Up in Vegas
 
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 3


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Oh, hell. My frigging head. It feels like someone is beating me round the ears with a lead baseball bat. I feel around, trying to turn off the lamp or whatever is shining that blasted light into my eyes. Nothing, it must be sun. I stagger up and to the window to shut it, nearly falling twice on the way.

Once the blinds are shut and the morning sun is gone I turn and squint, trying to find out where the hell I am. A dingy hotel room with peeling yellow wallpaper and furniture with the stuffing popping out. That’s not the strangest part, though.

Somebody’s shoes and clothing are discarded by the door, and a leg is on my bed. Not a dismembered leg, but a leg attached to someone laying on the floor. I walk carefully around the bed to see who it is, feeling flustered to say the least.

“ James?” I ask, my voice hoarse.

James doesn’t stir. He’s in only boxers and socks, and he’s passed out cold. Weird. Then I look down at myself and screech. I’m wearing only my underwear and bra. I dive back under the sheets and start to shiver, wondering what the hell has happened.

“ James Potter, wake up right now!”

With a snort that could break the sound barrier James sits up and stares around, obviously disoriented. I toss the pillow next to me at his head to get his attention. James scratches his face and leans up on his elbows.

“ What is it, Len?”

“ ‘WHAT IS IT, LEN?’ ARE YOU DAFT?”

James jumps up as I scream at the top of my lungs. “ What the hell is wrong with you?”

“ We are in a hotel room, both of us half naked, and I have no frigging clue how we got here!”

As if he’s seen the light James’s mouth falls open. “ Lord.”

“ This is so bad…Oh my god. D-did we?…”

I trail off and James stares at me. We gag in almost the same moment and James starts to pace the room. Undoubtedly something horrible happened last night, now it just matters how horrible it was. If I slept with James that’s something I can eventually deal with through therapy and years of nightmares, but I can deal with it…What else is even possible?

“ Do you even remember what happened?” asks James, still pacing.

I clench my eyes shut, trying. “ Not at all.”

“ Try harder, Lennox!”

Scowling I think back as far as I can. Oh no. James and I kissed at the bar…then what? James and I were kissing at the bar for a while, ignoring Rose and Matt, I remember that. After that we…

“ We went to another casino!” I exclaim, excited I have some recollection.

“ Excellent. I think after we left there we went to a restaurant.”

“ Then?”

“ Give me a minute…Let’s ask Rose and Matt!”

“ Right! Wait, let me get dressed.”

“ I’ll meet you there.”

James runs out of the room and I stand up to get dressed. Suddenly the door opens again and I scream and dive back under the sheets.

James covers his eyes and comes in. “ Sorry, sorry. I don’t know where their room is.”

“ Shit! Um…put a shirt on and go ask the front desk.”

“ Where’s the front desk?”

“ I DON’T KNOW! Find it!”

“ Fine. Geez.”

I count to ten and breathe through my nose for a moment before getting up to get dressed again. I find my suitcase in the closet and throw on a t-shirt and pajama shorts, then I sit down on the bed to wait for James. I will sell my soul if we didn’t have sex. Please, oh please.

I rarely pray, so maybe god will know this is a special case. Then again he’s never cut me much slack. Considering my parents and brothers and luck…wow I’m screwed.

Abruptly I realize that we’re probably late. I look at the clock and curse. We were expected home an hour ago. My parents won’t really care, but Rose’s and James’s parents will rip us apart and eat our entrails.

“ Found ‘em!” yells James, running by the room.

I leap up and dart out after him, on his heels towards their room. We’re both panting as we burst in, finding Matt and Rose awake watching TV.

“ There you two are! We lost you at the restaurant last night.”

Not a good sign. “ Do you know where we went?” I ask, flustered.

Rose stands up, fluffing her hair. “ Let me think…Matt and I came to find you, and you were leaving. James said something about ‘The Little Cross.’ I didn’t know where that was, and I tried to ask, but you left anyway.”

“ What the bloody heck is ‘The Little Cross’?” asks James, furrowing his brow at me.

“ How am I supposed to know?”

“ Are you ok, Matt?”

James and I look away from each other and over at Matt as Rose speaks, sounding concerned. Matt has stood up from the bed as well, his mouth open to the point of making him look like a fish.

“ Did you say ‘The Little Cross’?”

“ Yeah.”

“ As in…the Little Cross Chapel?”

“ I don’t know. What’s the problem, mate?”

Rose claps her hands over her mouth and stares at us as well. “ Oh my god!”

“ What’s going on?!” I demand, panicking. Everybody seems to know what’s going on besides James and me.

“ Lenny, w-what’s that on your hand?”

Rose points shakily at my left hand, and I raise it. Nothing on the pinky, the pointer, or my middle finger. But on my ring finger is a little gold band, with something carved into the back. Confused, I lift my hand up to read the inscription.

“ Married at the Little Cross Chapel.”

I look over in shock as James reads at the same moment as me. I’m even more confused as I see he’s reading a ring from his left hand, too, looking just as perplexed as me.

“ I don’t understand.” I say slowly.

Rose walks over and takes my hands carefully, watching my face. “ I think that maybe you and James have gotten…married.”

There’s a long silence where the entire earth seems to stop moving entirely. After a while I realize I’m sitting on the edge of the bed and Rose is rubbing my arm, and James is pacing under the supervision of Matt.

“ MARRIED?!”

Everybody jumps as I curl my hands into claws and yell at the top of my lungs. Rose automatically holds me down, as if I’m going to kill somebody or something. It’s possible.

“ You!” I screech, glaring daggers into James Potter.

James scowls back. “ Me? It was probably your idea!”

“ Mine?! That is RICH! I don’t shag everything with legs, so don’t you play that card on me. You promised me you wouldn’t let me get drunk and do something stupid, James! You bloody promised!”

“ Are you crying?” asks James suddenly, horrified.

Furiously I wipe at my eyes, realizing I’m not only crying, I’m sobbing. “ You promised!”

“ Lenny, I’m sorry.”

Rose hugs me tight, and I cry into her shoulder. James stands with his hands on the back of his neck, looking so unhappy I almost feel bad. It’s not like I want to be m-….m-…m-married either! Damn, that stupid word.

“ Hey, maybe you didn’t get a license. It won’t be valid if you didn’t!” shouts Matt abruptly, and James and I both bolt for our room.

We tear the room apart, hoping we won’t find the little piece of paper that will seal our fate. We’ve already had our eighteenth birthdays, so not having a license is our only hope. Oh, please, don’t let there be a license!

“ Oh my god.”

I know it’s all over when James stands up, a crumpled piece of paper in his hand. Rose snatches it from him as I sit hopelessly on the unmade bed, my face in my hands. She scans it, apparently not finding any loopholes, and sighs.

“ Lennox Hermione Potter.”

Dear god. “ What do we do now?” I whisper.

“ I have no clue.”

“ We should talk to your parents.”

“ Are you daffy?” I ask, laughing incredulously.

Rose gives me a very maternal look. “ It’s your only option. They’ll help you out, I’m sure.”

“ After we’re already an hour late, got drunk underage in Las Vegas, and got married without their permission? Yeah, they’re going to be full of helpful advice.” growls James.

I can’t help but agree. Maybe my mother will be calm, like she always is, but my dad will freak. And no doubt James’s parents will kill me. I love Ginny and Harry to death, they are my godparents, but I know them well enough to know we’re both done for.

“ We’re married! Holy hell!” I say under my breath, not quite able to accept it yet.

James curses under his breath. “ Diana is going to be pissed.”

“ ARSEHOLE!”

Rose grabs me just in time to stop me from jumping on James, with good reason though. How could he be thinking of his girlfriend with his wife in the room? SHIT! I am somebody’s wife! And I’m only eighteen!

Someone shoot me.

*

“ H-hello.”

“ We’re home.”

Rose and I throw our luggage onto the floor of my living room, and I’m pale and nervous as hell. We decided to go to my house because my parents are less likely to be suspicious, and James can fend for his bloody self at his house. Arseface.

“ Keep calm, Lenny. We don’t have to tell them right away.” whispers Rose.

I nod and try to keep from vomiting as my mother appears at the top of the stairs. It doesn’t help my nausea that she’s wearing huge, magnifying glass spectacles and a Snorcak horn cap. That’s my life for you. I get married in Vegas and my mother wears horns of nonexistent animals.

“ Lennox! Rose! Oh, I’m so proud!”

I don’t have time to say anything else before my mum is hugging me, swallowing me in the smell of burnt hair and a strange floral scent. For the fear I’ll burst into tears again I hug my mum back silently, trying not to resent her in my time of need.

“ Thanks, Mrs. Scamander. We’ll take our luggage up and be right down to tell you all about graduation.” says Rose as she’s released by Mum, and I flinch.

I am no longer a Scamander. Now, I’m unwillingly a Potter. Never have I missed my crazy name more than I do at this moment. I almost want to dissect a Snorcak horn for old times sake. Almost.

“ This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.” I announce as Rose and I shut ourselves in my room.

“ Let’s not blow this out of proportion.”

“ It’s blown, Rose!”

Rose huffs at me. “ Lennox, I know that this is horrible. You are married to my cousin, who I might add I wouldn’t trust with my favorite CD, let alone the vows of matrimony. But there is nothing we can do about this right now, so let’s just make the best of it, ok?”

“ There is no good side to this, is the problem. I’m not in love with James.”

“ Maybe you can fall in love eventually. The two of you don’t have a choice really.”

I scoff. “ Why is divorce not a choice?”

“ Think of that, Lennox. Think of the embarrassment that it would cause both our families. We’re both celebrities, whether we like it or not.”

“ Yeah, I see your point. But staying married doesn’t make any sense either. I can’t just stay married to James!”

“ Let’s go about this slowly and rationally, alright? There isn’t any rush. We can take our time and make a decision that isn’t something you and James will regret later. Divorce is also a bad option because your parents will probably hear it through the grapevine at the Ministry.”

“ So? They’re going to hear about this wedding through the grapevine as well.”

“ No, they won’t.”

I frown. “ How do you figure that?”

“ The license the two of you got was in America, and it was a Muggle license. If you get divorced it will be in London and through the Ministry. Apparently you only know your way around the Muggle legal system when you’re plastered.”

I can’t even muster a little smirk at Rose using language like ‘plastered’. “ Alright, I get it. No rash decisions, keep it secret for now, work it out. I can do this…with your help.”

“ Duh.” laughs Rose.

“ Thanks. I just hope that we didn’t have sex last night.”

Rose opens her mouth to speak and I hear a muffled noise outside the door. I cock my head to listen, confused. Rose prods me in the arm and points to the bottom of the door, and my ears burn with anger. Extendable Ears. I will kill Lorcan and Lysander.

In my blind fury I wrench open the door and pull Lorc and Lys into my room, their shocked little faces not even the least bit humorous.

“ If you breathe a word to anyone I will castrate you in your sleep!” I hiss.

Lys, being the sneaky bastard out of the two, sneers. “ If we tell Mum and Dad you’ll be disowned, so you won’t be able to get to our beds.”

“ Yeah. Better start sucking up, Lennox.” joins in Lorc, beady little green eyes sparkling. How come those two are always calm and then become evil masterminds when I’m going through hell?

I sigh and let them go. “ Fine. What’s your price, Jekyll and Hyde?”

The twins exchange a quick glance and then cross their arms, giving the appearance of impish FBI agents. I scowl.

“ Our price is…PSYCH! We’re gonna tell Mum!”

There’s no time to reach out and grab them before they take off down the hall, and I gape after them. Rose bolts up and chases after them, leaving me dumbstruck. Those little gits are about to ruin my life!…even further!


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