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Shakespeare, Magic, and Me by heyITSme
Chapter 1 : "Past hope, past care, past help." Juliet(4.1.46)
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 8

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A/N: Ok so this story kinda wrote itself...Honestly! I'd be sitting in English class while we're reading it...and my mind would wander (wonder where to). But yeah, so updates may be really quick...or really slow. I don't really know. Sorry! But a banner would be cool!

[][Disclaimer] I don't own Harry Potter or Romeo and Juliet[]

I cannot believe I'm actually here right now. This is so ridiculous. If stupid, bloody, Missy Monroe had kept her bloody trap shut--

"Ok, guys!"

Yep, there she goes again.

"I'm so happy you all could make it,"

We don't want to be here. We're being forced, you stupid blonde.

"And I know you all will love this."

Yeah. Because it's every seventh year's dream to act out Romeo and Juliet in front of the school and our families.

"Because I sure know I will!"

I don't give a fuck. Go back to whatever dark hole you came from.

"Ok, so Professor Mcgonagall and I have gone over everyone's...talents and...physical attributes, and we have come up with the perfect cast!"

"Why does she get to choose?" Maria Smith hissed from the seat behind me.

"Because she wants to be an actress on brode-way or bree-fray or something like that. So she convinced McGonagall to let her do this." Francis Jones, one of Maria's many henchmen replied.

"Ugh! That's so bloody stupid!"

Wow. The dumb Hufflepuffs agree with me. I can honestly say I'm shocked.

"Ok, so here's the list!" Missy called, "And only seventh years can play leading roles! Sixth and fifth years, I'm sorry, but you all will still be apart of this!"

"We don't want to be apart of this shit!" Some Ravenclaw fifth year called. Many murmurs of agreement could be heard throughout our new I-never-knew-we-had-this-theater.

"Ok, well!" If Missy-Fucking-Monroe says ok one more time...someone will die. Preferably her. Or Potter.

"Lord and Lady Montague!" Missy cried, pointing to stage left, "Jack Holmes and Penny Chambers!"

Holmes and Penny, who, ironically enough, are dating, rushed up to the stage, hand-in-hand.

"Balthasar, Romeo's servingman; Peter Pettigrew!"

Sirius Black burst into laughter, pointing at Pettigrew who was turning as red as a tomatoe.

"Y-You're a servingman!" Black laughed.

You know, that's kinda mean. I mean, Pettigrew looks like he's going to shit himself. Why draw attention to him?

"Lord and Lady Capulet, Alice Cunningham and Matt Davies!"

"What?" I hissed to Alice, "Whay are you paired with the Ravenclaw God?"

Alice smiled devilishly at me, "Excuse me, dear, I have to go meet my man."

"Ugh, loser!" I called after her.

"Friar Lawrence, Dilan Ames!"

Wow, Missy would choose Ames. I don't want to be mean, but...well to put it delicatly, if the ship were sinking he'd be the first to go. He weighs, like 150 pounds, and that is not muscle, let me tell you. He's funny, oh, God is he hysterical, but he's also somewhat of a pig. He'll cat-call and whistle after girls in the hall. I don't know if he thinks that'll get him the ladies, but it hasn't worked for the past six years. I don't know why he keeps doing it.

"Prince Escalus, Theodore Nott!"

...A Slytherin? Really, Missy? Why would you choose a Slytherin for a muggle play? That girl is blonder than I thought.

"Paris, Brad Jackson!"

"Oh yeah!" I screamed with a laugh. Brad turned while he was jogging to stage and winked at me with his cute brown eyes and chipped tooth. Oh, Merlin I love that chipped tooth. Brad and I have been dating for...four months? Well, whatever it is, we started going out in June of sixth year. And damn am I happy we are. Seriously, have you seen his ass resently? Perfection!

"Tybalt; Lucius Malfoy!"

Ok, Missy Monroe is insane. Absolutly crazy. Two Slytherins? Really? She is so freaking stupid!

"Mercutio, Sirius Black!"

"WHAT?" Black screamed from his seat. "Na-ah! Not me! I am not going into this play! You may have gotten Wormtail--BUT YOU WILL NOT GET ME!"

Potter burst into laughter along with Remus.

"Aw!" I yelled, "Black has stage fright!"

"Oh, c'mon, Siri!" Missy laughed, "You'll be perfect!"

"Yeah!" I called, "Perfect, Siri!"

Sirius visably shivered at Missy's nickname, and slowly walked up to the stage looking back at me with disdain.

"Wittle, itty, bitty, Sirwius is scared!" I laughed in a baby voice.

Black's glare, if possible hardened, when suddenly his eyes brightened as he sprinted to the stage and whispered into Missy's ear. Missy looked hesitant, but obviously did what Sirius said.

"Ok, and, well, ok, I'll be the Nurse,"

"What?" Marlene asked, "Why would she make herself a Nurse? I would take her to put herself as Juliet."

"And Romeo and Juliet are..."

I glanced frighteningly at Black's triumphant face to Marlene's confused face, "She would make herself Juliet...unless...Oh, God--no!"

"James Potter and Lily Evans!"

[A/N: yes, this is short. Yes, Lily cusses a lot. Yes, my next few chapters will be short.
And yes, I do hope everyone reviews :)]

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