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Baby Food by theoneyoulovetohate394
Chapter 1 : Baby Food
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 4

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Baby Food

Sirius bent over the cooing baby, wiggling a finger in its face.

“Harry! Hello Harry! My itty bitty mini-Prongs!” James shot an amused glance at his best friend.

“What’re you doing Padfoot?”

“Just saying hello.” He laughed. James rolled his eyes and turned back to the task at hand.

Feeding the baby. James cautiously approached the open cupboard. There was a note taped to the door.

James, it read, choose a baby food. Give it to Harry. Simple.

Love, Lily.

James sighed. His lovely Lilykins left him a note. She signed it with love. For a moment, he chose to forget that they were already married.

“So…” Sirius broke into James’s daydreams. “Feed the baby.” Sirius had agreed to keep James company while Lily was out having a ‘girls day.’ Something that women needed on occasion. James didn’t see why – what was better than having the pleasure to bask in his company?

They looked over the row of baby food.

“How about squash?” Sirius offered.

James looked at the container.

“It looks gross.” He said, emphasizing with gagging motions.

“How about carrots then?” Sirius said brightly. “Carrots are always good.” James nodded in agreement and took the offered baby food.

He pulled the cap off and looked down into the small jar.

“It looks like shit.” Sirius offered.

“Shh!” James hushed him. “Don’t cuss in front of the baby!” Said baby gurgled a little bit. Sirius rolled his eyes.

“He can’t understand us James! He’s a baby! Can you my itty-bitty Specky?”

“Specky?” James inquired.

“He’s tiny! Like a speck. So he shall be known as Specky.”

“You’ll not be calling the fruit of my loins Specky!”

“And why not?”

“Just… because.” James crossed his arms in front of his chest like a petulant child.

“Fine, fine.” Sirius gave in. “Just feed the kid.”

Nervously, James dipped the small spoon into the orange mush. He poked it around a little bit. He lifted a small portion and allowed it to fall back into the container.

“You are not feeding my godson that.” Sirius said.

“I have to!”

“Say who?”

“Say Lily!” James jabbed his finger at the note.

“I bet it’s nasty.”

“How would you know, Padfoot? I bet it tastes splendid to babies.” Sirius laughed.

“I was a baby once too.” He reminded James.

“Yeah, and I just bet you ate baby food.” James scoffed.

“I did so! I just don’t… er, quite remember what it tastes like.”

“Fine then,” James said. “You try it.” He pushed the unopened container of squash towards his friend. Sirius lifted the glass jar between two fingers and examined it closely.

“I’d rather not.”

“C’mon!” He urged. “Tell me if it’s disgusting, so I won’t feed it to Harry.” James began to pout, clasping his hands in front of his chest, as if begging. Sirius sighed.

“Fine.” James instantly brightened.

“Excellent!” Sirius fingered the jar suspiciously.

“Must I?” James nodded enthusiastically. “The things I do for your child, Prongs.” Quickly he opened the container and dipped one finger in. He closed his eyes and shoved the slimy substance into his mouth. James watched him, eyes wide with fascination.

“How does it taste?” Sirius removed the digit from his mouth. He looked at James.

“It’s mine!” He screamed, running out of the room at an incredible pace.

“So it’s good?” James shouted after him. His only response was the upstairs bathroom door slamming and locking. “Hm…” James mused, looking at the jar with increased interest. “Well, a least we know it won’t poison you, Harry!” He said happily to his son.

James jammed the spoon into the jar, and extracted a large amount of mashed carrot. Despite its slightly nauseating appearance, Sirius’s reaction led him to believe that it tasted fine.

“C’mere Harry! Dinnertime!” He cooed to the baby. Putting the spoon in front of his son’s mouth, Harry opened and readily complied with ‘dinnertime.’ Quickly enough the jar was gone. “There we go!” James said, pleased.

Sirius had yet to emerge.

James shot a glance at the numerous other jars of baby food. Was it really as good as it seemed…? He edged slightly closer to the shelf. Certainly one wasn’t going to hurt anyone. After all, Lily seemed to have purchased plenty. With this in mind, James selected one labeled ‘peas.’ He had always had a fondness for peas.

He opened the jar and imitated Sirius, scooping up a portion with his fingers. He ate it.

It was good. James finished off the jar easily, throwing it aside and reaching for another. And another. And another.

Sometime in between jars, Sirius reemerged. He tossed the squash jar aside and reached for two more. He opened them and dumped their contents in his mouth at the same time, little rivers of green coming out of either side of his mouth.

The two adult men finished off most of Lily’s entire supply of baby food in less than twenty minutes. Baby Harry sat in his high chair, watching with wide eyes as his father and godfather devoured jar after jar, throwing them aside, hardly swallowing before starting on another.

Finally, there was only one jar left. Two messy hands reached for it.

“Let it go, Prongs.” Sirius growled.

“Not a chance, Padfoot.” James snarled in response. “This is mine.

“You’ve eaten more than your share already, mate.” Sirius said through clenched teeth.

“Hardly,” James responded, “After all, my wife did pay for them.” Sirius narrowed his eyes at his friend.

“And what,” Sirius asked, “Is our lovely Lily going to think of this mess?” He gestured around the kitchen, with the hand that wasn’t already clutching the baby food. “She’s due home any minute now, is she not?”

James’s eyes widen perceptibly.

“Oh sh-

“James!” A voice cut him off.

Oh sh-”

“JAMES! NOT IN FRONT OF THE BABY!” Only then did she seem to notice the kitchen’s state. “WHAT DID YOU TWO DO?”

“Er, Lily, you see,” James began, putting both hands in front of himself, as if for protection. He wasn’t able to continue however, due to Sirius’s interruption.

“Yes!” He crowed, cradling the released jar in his hands. He glanced between the terrified James, and the livid Lily, and tore out of the room – again. James was greeted with the now familiar sound of the upstairs bathroom’s door slamming. That coward.

He turned back to his glaring wife.

“You see Lily…” He started.

“I don’t want to hear it.” She said, rubbing her temples. “Just clean this mess up. Now.” James hurried to it.

“Yes dear.”

“And get more food.”

“Yes dear.”

“And I do hope you remembered to change Harry.”

“Er…” Harry giggled a little bit.

James.” Sirius’s maniacal laughter could be heard from the upstairs bathroom.

As was the norm for the Potter household.

A/N: Specky is actually a nickname we gave to my little sister when she had chicken pox. She hated it. xD

I don’t eat baby food. But one of my friends does. Do you?

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