Chapter 1 : Draco
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So, I'm really curious what everyone will think of this. This is my first Draco story ever, and it's an even bigger step for it to be in first person. I hope I characterized him okay. :/
This will be the first part in a three part series. Next will come Gotta Be Somebody: Astoria. It will be Astoria's side, and then will come the Draco/Astoria novel that is currently untitled, but in the works.
Let me know your opinions!
Is it worth continuing?
Inspired by Nickelback
There was always something settling, curiously satisfying to watching people suffer, to causing pain. I enjoyed watching other people wallow in their misery, grief, and self-pity. People don't always have that low of self esteem, of course. I brought it on them.
I don't know why. I always thought it was because that is how I truly am. A devil. A back-stabber. The vilifier, the traducer, the bandit. The antagonist. It seemed it was where I belonged. I had watched the members of my family repeat this action over and over to people I could easily begin to classify at the age of seven.
I wasn't always this way. You may picture me as the kind of two-year-old who tied snakes together for play, or who chased around the stray cat you found up the street until it went crazy and you drowned it in the mud puddle during a rain storm. No, I was your typical child. I rode toy brooms, I played with my potions set, I even dreamed of being an auror until my father beat me when he heard of the truly disgusting idea from my proud mother.
There has always been this side of me that thought I was, maybe, doing it to please myself. It made me feel better. Somehow, watching them in their misery made me feel so much better.
Working in the Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects was always one of the most boring parts of my day. Out of all the wizarding jobs, out of all the levels and departments in the Ministry of Magic, I settled on this. Why? To be honest, I have no idea. Truly.
A few years ago, my parents had some how miraculously escaped imprisonment in Azkaban. We lost nearly everything. My father was like a muggle on parol, and my mother was too scared to do anything that would be considered "out of line." After that night at Hogwarts, everything changed for me. I didn't want to be the snobby brat I was anymore. I looked at Potter, appraised him. I considered everything he went through and compared it to myself. If I had been the one to confront all those tasks, I wouldn't have even made it past that blimey philosopher's stone in my first year.
I actually commend Potter.
You're surprised at hearing me say this? A year or two ago, I would be surprised too, but I'm not now. I'm not the Draco Malfoy you may think me out to be. Give me a little more credit. I can't believe I will actually say the word...
Anyways, Potter was already his own man - By thirteen, I assume - before the battle, and after it, he came out even higher. I don't think I could ever understand how. I wanted to make myself the man I wanted to be. Not the man my father wanted me to be, picking me out like a designer baby or tossing me into thousands of matches of Survival of the Heartless.
There had to be something more to life than following in someones footsteps. Why not create your own and let others follow in them? I didn't want to be a follower. Much less to my old master or my father. After that night, I realized Potter was the better man. He had always been. Somehow, he had found the right path through everything. I almost wish I could have followed him instead of the ones I did follow.
After that night, I was a different person. I secretly acted upon my thoughts of Potter. What would he do? I refused my parent's money. I moved out after I graduated and somehow managed to obtain my own flat. After a week or two in my depressingly small home compared to my childhood manor, I realized a job was in order. The money had to come in somewhere.
So, I turned to the most common location for wizarding jobs.
I don't even know why they hired me. Considering my father's record. But they did, and I am grateful. It's taught me many things, and despite the sappy moral lessons, it is an exceedingly dull job.
Nothing ever happens in my department. I do nothing, but merely sit at my desk and run the place; it wasn't long before I reached the top of my department.
So, that is how I have come to sit here today.
My feet were propped up on my desk as I read the Daily Prophet. It wasn't unusual for the Prophet to contain information that happened to be less than adventurous these days. With the Death Eaters in hiding, Voldemort dead, and the good coming back into the world, there wasn't too many horrible activities to report.
I tossed the paper onto my desk and kicked back, my hands behind my head. I hummed under my breath, glancing at the clock on the wall in front of me.
Four more hours until I get to go home until my lonely flat. I huffed exasperatedly.
A knock came from my door and I gave them permission. A man whom I have barely spoken to before with shockingly excited blue eyes stood in the middle of the entrance. He has brown hair that doesn't even go past his neck, save for a tiny braid on the left side of his head. His expression is excited, and I have no bloody idea why he could possibly be so excited.
But then again. This was Rolf Scamander. I swear he could be the happiest man in the world without even a single reason to be. Little did I know, I would shortly be giving him every reason in the world.
I rose and offered him my hand with a smile. "Rolf. Nice to see you."
"You too, Draco." His voice is light, bouncy. There's a care-free tone that I could never obtain. "How are you?"
"Fantastic." My voice easily hides the lie inside my head. No, I am not fantastic. I'm itching to leave this godforsakenly benumbing place. The gold object on my desk whizzes. I clamp my hand down on it. "And you?"
"Just as well," Rolf said, and he fell lightly into the chair opposite my desk. I sat down as well and waited to hear what he had to say. He was amused with a trinket on my desk: a Dark Detector. The detector was gold and ariel shaped with curved lines. It would vibrate when it sensed any concealment or lies. Rolf ran one of his bony fingers over the gold spirals. "Very interesting."
"Mmmm," I chuckled. "Dark detector. It detects lies."
"Really? How extraordinary. Gotta get me one of those. I swear this bugger in my division at the Prophet is constantly lying his ass off. Anyways," Rolf sighed.
"How is the Prophet going for you?" I asked, thinking his job must be even more boring than mine.
"It's fine." He shrugged and continued on, "Less exciting with You-Know-Who gone. With Potter heading up the Auror Department, Death Eaters are downright scared to do anything. Writing for the Prophet isn't exactly what I want to do with my life. I've been thinking about leaving and finding a new job. I think working here at the M.O.M. would be quite exciting. Maybe a naturalist; possibly a magizoologist!"
"Sure," I said, and I smiled.
We sat in silence for a few moments, and I began to wonder if there was something he needed, or if he just wanted to chat. I gave him an inquisitorial look and shrugged. "Was there something you wanted to ask me, Rolf?"
"Oh!" He laughed and clapped his hand to his forehead. "Yes. Dear me, I'm quite the scatter brain. Anyways, the Prophet is heading up an article about the Second Wizarding War. On Monday it will be three years since the final encounter. I know you think we would go to Potter first, but we're not looking for information on him. He's been in the spotlight all these years; we want to know what it's been like for his friends and followers, and I was curious if you had any words or references?"
"Oh," I blinked. I was shocked. Me, out of all people. I was surprised that Rolf would come to me. I, at the time, had been on the wrong side. "I don't have much to say. What kind of things are you looking for?"
"Anything. What it was like for you. The courage it took to fought against him."
I can feel the heat on my cheeks.
"I wonder if Astoria still has contact with that Cho Chang..." Rolf muttered to himself.
I didn't pay much attention. "I'm sorry," I murmured. I am embarrassed. I can't help him. I don't know what it was like to fight against him. I fought for him. "I can't help."
Rolf blinked. He didn't seem to understand. "Why not?"
"Between me and you?"
"Sure," he promised. "Just between us."
"I kind of made a switch-over in the midst of it. I wasn't on the side you would like me to be."
"Oh," Rolf blinked. He seemed just as surprised as me. I was surprised I had even confessed. "Well, all right. Thank you; I promise it will stay between us. But do you know anyone who was against You-Know-Who? Anyone I could meet with easy access?"
My mouth opened before I could stop myself.
Normally, I would have said no and showed Rolf out of my office.
But so many things have changed during the past three years. I myself have changed. I want to help.
I wanted to help so much. So, I let my mind race for any people I could think of. Neville Longbottom was away at Hogwarts; Rolf didn't want Potter himself; Ron Weasley would, probably, be just as big on the subject, as well as Weasley and Potter's wife. I don't know what happened to Seamus Finnigan or Dean Thomas. They sort of fell off the map.
"I want to help," I stuttered randomly. I looked about my office, but my eyes landed on the Dark Detector. I blinked a few times, surprised to see it.
Steady as a rock.
But then my mind came to land on a particular blonde, whom I just realized was only two floors beneath my very feet. I looked at Rolf with a smile and said the name of the girl who would soon make Rolf's life shine brighter than the sun. "Yes, Luna Lovegood."
The Lovegood-Scamander wedding was a sappy and cheerful one. And, as much as it confuses me, I rather enjoyed myself.
Four months previous, I had introduced Luna to Rolf and I had seem something between them from the start. I didn't really understand though; I just thought Luna thought Rolf had something in his eye or what not. I had been wrong. She saw something I have never seen before. I have seen their relationship progress, bloom into something amazing.
Something I didn't know could even exist.
A week after I introduced them, I found them snogging on my desk while they were waiting for me to return from my lunch break; they only wanted to tell me thank you. At the time, I didn't know what for. But now... Now, I understand.
They wanted to thank me for bringing them together. For giving them what they have now.
They progressed quickly into their relationship. I grew closer to both, as neither wanted to lose contact with me. At first, I was irritated. I thought they were only trying to annoy the bloody hell out of me, but they only wanted to show their gratitude. They were engaged to be married at a mere two months into their relationship, and in two months came their wedding.
That was how I came to be sitting here on this sunny day. The wedding was outdoors, and it was the perfect temperature. The breeze was brisk and it lifted the summer heat from our necks and backs, reminding us of the beautiful day.
I sat at a table by myself as I watched the newlyweds. They were having their first dance as husband and wife. I found myself looking at them in admiration. I watched them in awe, in respect, and in wonder. How could someone find what they had? And, oh Merlin, how I want that.
They look at each other with such love and care. They look like they would step in front of the killing curse for each other at any second. I had never heard such true, happy laughter before Luna and Rolf. I had never seen such bright, big smiles. I had never seen such full eyes; I didn't even know eyes could contain emotion in them. But, now I do.
My eyes feel empty now. I want to look upon someone the way they look upon each other. I want to have someone who makes me smile like Luna does for Rolf; I want someone who will make me laugh. I convinced myself there was someone out there for everyone in the end.
I was just the last to find them.
So many of my Hogwarts peers had already paired off. Harry with the Weasley girl, Ron with the frizzy headed mini-Rowena Ravenclaw, that sappy toad lover Neville and Hannah Abott, who always annoyed the bloody shit out of me. And now Luna and Rolf.
What if there wasn't someone for me?
As I sat watching them, the only person left under the pavilion in the rose garden, I grew sad. I didn't want to live my life alone. I found myself suddenly anxious for someone. I sighed.
My mind was making so many different decisions lately; I didn't know what I would want within the next two seconds. Although I do know this. I know this forever. I want someone.No, I need someone.
I want someone who I can make smile that way, I want to know I am cared for, I want to know I can be loved. And not just by my clingy mother.
A voice ripped me from my thoughts and I jumped. "Don't think so hard."
I looked around for the voice and found a woman standing in front of me. Her black waves and pale skin reminded me of a fairy tale. One of those perfect girls from children's books. Her lavender dress flows out at the knee and reveals her slimming legs. My eyes traveled back up her and find her own piercingly gray eyes burning into me. I tried to chuckle. "I'm not."
"I don't approve of liars," she smiled.
I grinned - cheesy, I know - and shrugged. "All right. So, I was. What are you going to do about it?"
She plopped into the chair next to me and let her chin fall into one of her palms, cupping it. "I'm going to ask you what you were thinking about."
I motioned towards the happy couple now submerged within the rest of the guests. I caught sight of all the couples I had previously thought of. "They're so happy. How is such happiness possible?"
She huffed, seeming to be as distressed as I was. "I don't know, but it's not fair."
"I know it," I muttered in agreement. She smiled again. "I'm Astoria Greengrass."
"Draco." I smiled back.
"I know," Astoria said. "Rolf doesn't shut up about you. You have no idea how much he adores you simply because you introduced the guy to Luna. You're his hero."
I didn't know what to say to this. Instead, I sat in silence until I made pleasant conversation. "Greengrass, you say? You have an older sister. Daphne, right?" She nodded and laughed. "Yes, Daphne never cared for you. Said you were too much of a bully."
"Maybe so," I sighed and then began to cover for myself. "I'm not anymore. At least, I try my best not to be. I was kind of...recalled to life, if you will."
"You want to dance?" she asked randomly. I looked at her, the corner of my mouth pulling into a grin. I nodded and offered her my hand.
It is warm, and it fits perfectly in mine. My chest swelled and my heart beat faster. I can barely breathe. Her smell of honey and roses overwhelmed my senses. I led her to the dance floor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rolf smirk happily at me. I ignored him and I took her hand into mine, placing my other on her frail hip.
She looked up at me. Her face beamed in happiness. She is truly beautiful. I lose my breath again. She noticed, and I cursed myself as she whispered. "Don't forget to breathe."
I let out a gasp and nodded. "I will try."
She blushed and looked away. When she looks back, her eyes are full. I am stunned by what I see. I'm not sure what it is...
And then I looked to Luna.
Her eyes, as she stares into her husband's, are filled with happiness and love. I look back to Astoria, my mind connecting.
She is looking at me just the same.
I feel myself smile until my cheeks burn. I moved my feet in time to the music. Astoria feels right and light in my arms. She molds against the crevices of my body just right, as if she were meant to be there.
My heart beats faster and faster; I am loosing myself in her. I don't know what I will do when I must break from her arms, but I do know that I will hold on for as long as I can. I need to be here.
Maybe this is how Rolf felt. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be.
I don't want to feel the space between us. Instead, I stopped dancing - right there in the middle of the dance floor - and I pulled her into my arms. She gasped at my sudden move, but soon accustoms herself to my arms. Slowly, her arms curve up around my back. I feel her hold me like I am holding her. I see her look at me like I am looking at her. I feel her heart against my chest, beating like my own.
I look back to Rolf and Luna for one brief moment and then back to Astoria. Her smile is slow to spread across her face, but when it comes, it is the largest thing in the world. It is all I can see.
And she's right here.
This is somebody for me.