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The Cookie Monster by Flutterbydream
Chapter 2 : “I am Ruby Moore, queen of witty banter, sharp comebacks and amazing insults."
Rating: 15+Chapter Reviews: 20

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This would have been in earlier but I had some problems with the other chapter being validated. I now have chicken pox (Yay) so I thought now we be a good time to write the next chapter.

So review, review!

Disclaimer-  I am not J. KRowling, I don't own 
L’Oreal, but I do own Ruby.

Chapter 2 -  “I am Ruby Moore, queen of witty banter, sharp comebacks and amazing insults." 

I took a step back and smiled lightly at the poster before me. 

I am a genius. 

There is nothing some parchment, glitter glue and a sticking charm can’t fix. You see, after the cookie disappearance I’ve took it upon myself to hang “Have you seen this cookie?” posters throughout the school. And they look amazing, if a may say so myself. 

I am like a young Leonardo Da Vinci. Except I’m female, obviously. 

I slowly fell in to the rhythm of poster sticking (as you do). Closing my eyes I twirl around, blindly sticking posters on every inch of wall. I wonder if asking Dumbledore to lead a cookie search would be going a bit far? 

I shouldn’t think so; if he can approve Carmen Smith’s croissant movement then he can sure as hell lead a search to find a poor, defenseless cookie! 

“What are you doing?” 

I open my eyes and look up in to the eyes of Sirius Black. Just in case none of you know, he is a twat. When I was twelve he purposely sat on my cookies. 

Sat on my cookies. 

As in his bum touched their chocolaty chippy goodness. It‘s safe to say I was in a state of shock for a few weeks. 

I don’t like him, he’s a bad egg. 

I wonder what sort of cookie he would be if it was possible for him to be one? Possibly an oatmeal and raisin… 

Wait a moment I’m a witch, I could turn him in to a cookie and find out! 

I wonder if that’s illegal? I was mulling over this thought when it occurred to me that I had to answer him. 

“What does it look like I was doing?” 

“Acting like a completely insane woman with a dancing fetish.” 

I imagined setting fire to his hair. Now I feel better. 

“I don’t like you.” 

“I never liked you.” 

“You’re cruel.” 

“You’re crazy.” 

“I hope you end up alone on an island, and have to live off nothing other 
than James’s body parts!” 

“I thought you said I was alone on the Island, how could James be there if I am alone?” 

“Shush, you’re interrupting the calm.” 

“What calm?” 

“The one that was right here before you and your stupid, cookie destroying bum entered the room!” 

Let’s see him top that one. He slouches against the wall and shoves his hands in his pockets. 


“I am Ruby Moore, queen of witty banter, sharp comebacks and amazing insults. I will rule the world with my cookie minions, enslaving anyone who dears to put a bum cheek to baked goods. I will strive to make the world free of such despicable mortals, who dear to insult the godliness of cookies. I promise to always try my best to defend the -” 

“I hate to burst your bubble Queen witty banter, but it’s a corridor, not a room.” 

Did I mention I hate him? 

- - - - -

I burst in to the common room and strut over to Lily, who’s curled up on Brian wearing her fuzzy slippers and reading what looks like a very 
interesting book. 


Why is she on Brian? 

Everyone knows that Brian is mine. I should ask her what she is doing. 

“What are you doing?” I place my hands on my hips and do a very good impression of an L’Oreal advert with my hair. 

I can practically hear the house elves whisper “Because you’re worth it."

“Reading.” Lily replies without lifting her eyes from her book. 

“Lily Evans!” I yell. 

She sighs and puts down her book, looking thoroughly uninterested. Scratching her arm she turns to look at me. 

“What is it?” 

“What do you think you’re doing curled up on Brian like that, you know he’s my favourite armchair!” 

Lily stands up and gestures to the armchair. I give her a big hug and snuggle deep in to Brian’s soft, plush material. 

“What’re you reading?” I peer over the arm of Brian and to see what she’s reading. Lily leans against my legs and holds up the book for me to read the title. 

“Easy recipes for the culinary failure.” I read aloud. 

“Yep, Mum sent it; she thinks that I happen to have no cooking skills whatsoever.” 

I place a gentle hand on Lily’s shoulder. 

“But Lily, you can’t cook at all.” 

Before I know it she had grabs a cushion off the sofa and throws it at my head. Giggling I duck and jump on to Lily’s back. 

“You’re only angry because you know it’s true!” I taunt swatting at her hands that were now trying to tickle me. 

“I can cook perfectly fine, thank you very much!” 

“Of course you can. It wasn’t you who gave me food poisoning with your home-made cookies!” 

“It’s not my fault you have an abnormal obsession with them.” Lily growls. 

“I sure don’t have an abnormal obsession with your cookies, Lils!” 

Lily throws me off her back and we roll around roaring with laughter. Did I mention that I love my best friend? 

- - - - -

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