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My Brain and Black by pensiveprincess
Chapter 21 : The Apocalypse is Nigh
Rating: MatureChapter Reviews: 19

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A/N- Are you ready for the cheesiest chapter ever? Oh and this one is dedicated Lemon Drop 616 because she guessed exactly how this chapter was going to play out…

Chapter Twenty-five

The Apocalypse is Nigh


"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams


The common room was unnaturally quiet and empty for a non-Hogsmede weekend afternoon. A few first years were hunched over a desk scribbling away on parchment, copying a stolen essay. A group of girl’s sat by one of the windows giggling and drooling over the latest edition of Witch Weekly (One Hundred and One Sexiest Wizards Alive Edition.)The Marauders were in their usually spot by the fireplace warming their bones after their latest escapade in the dungeons. James was slouched in the “squishy banana” and Remus and Peter were building a pyramid out of exploding snap cards on the coffee table. Sirius was sitting on the sofa off in his own little world. He was fiddling with a creased and faded photograph in his lap. He sighed, folded it back in half and stuck it in his shirt pocket. He stood up and dusted off his jeans, “I’m going to take a nap.”

James nodded at him, “Okay, I’ll come and get you when we head down for dinner,” and went back to daydreaming about Lily, flowers and unicorns.

But before Sirius could even take a step towards the dormitory, he was accosted by the anorexic house slut, commonly known as Jordan Sparks.

“Siri!” she shrieked. She giggled and flipped her bleached locks over her shoulder as she sashayed towards him, her hips swinging back and forth in tandem with her hair. Sirius groaned, “Why me?”

Seconds later and annoyed Lily Evans shoved a pale Jess off the stair landing and into the common room. Mary stood behind them giggling and holding a video camera.

“I hate you Lillian. I hate you with the fire of a billion suns,” Jessie crossed her arms.

“I love you too. Now get your lazy ass over there,” Lily pushed Jess forward. Jessie glared at Lily and Mary over her shoulder as she stumbled forward, nearly falling flat on her face.

As Jessie began trudging forward, she noticed that her favorite room mate was walking towards the same spot she was.

“Oh fuck no, there is no fucking way that Jo-ho is fucking this up; that’s my job,” Jessie hissed. She plastered a fake smile on her face, “Oh Jordan!” she called out as she quickly bounced up to the Marauders and said girl.

Jordan turned to her, a false smile plastered on his face as well, “Jess.”

“What are you doing?” Jess asked Jordan sweetly.

Jordan looked at Sirius and then back to Jessie. She smirked, “Well, Sirius and I were just discussing how much we miss being together.”

Sirius’ eyes bugged out of his head, “Wha…”

But he cut off by Jordan who pounced on him and began eating his face.

Not even Jess was sure how it happened, but within a few seconds she had ripped Jordan off Sirius, thrown her to the ground and begun attempting to make Jordan a permanent stain on the carpet by pummeling her with her fists.

“Fight, fight, fight!” the first years began chanting. Lily turned to Mary, who had just clicked the record button on the video camera.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked. Mary grinned, “Filming this for Jess and Sirius’ wedding video. We can play it at the reception in between showing pictures of them as children and their vows.”

“You fucking slut!” Jess’ fist connected with Jordan’s nose and blood sprayed all over the two girls, “I’m going to fucking kill you!”

Jordan snarled and began trying her best to rip out Jessie’s hair, “You’re just jealous that he loves me and not you!”

“I am not jealous!” Jessie twisted Jordan’s hand out of her hair with a loud crack. Jordan screamed and cradled her hand to her chest as Jessie’s fist smashed against her cheek bone.

James took a tentative step forward, knowing it was his duty as head boy to stop Jess; but it was Sirius who finally separated the two girls.

Jordan’s nose was streaming blood and her right eye was beginning to blacken. She whimpered and stood up with the help of her posy. She shot a glare at Jess as they helped her sit down on the sofa.

Sirius turned Jess towards him and glared at her. He was irate, “I had that under control! And What the hell was that about?”

“Oh yes Sirius, I could see, you definitely had that handled, “ Jessie shoved him away from her, “ I knew it. You love her.”

“What?! No! I… I… Haven’t we already had this conversation? And answer the damn question! I repeat, what the hell did you attack her for? Fuck Jess, you could have killed her!”

“Apparently we haven’t had that conversation,” Jess spat back, “Care to explain?”

Sirius threw his hands up in the air, “No, I do not care to explain that again. Seriously Jessabelle, stop avoiding answer the question! What the hell was that about?”

He glared at her. She glared at him. The first years began making bets.

Jessie took a deep breathe, “Let’s see, why on earth would I beat the shit out of a girl I abhor when I walk downstairs and find her practically shagging you in the middle of the common room? Do I really need a reason other than the fact that you’re my friend and I hate her?”

“When you nearly kill the person, yes you need to have a reason other than ‘oh I hate her, she’s a slut!’ Merlin Jessabelle, I know you hate her, but that is not a valid reason! There was no reason to…”

“No reason?” Jessie interrupted

“Yes! No reason!” Sirius screamed at her. He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head at her.

Beside them Lily groaned and put her head in her hands. Mary on the other hand zoomed in closer to the couple.

Jessie grabbed his collar and pulled his eyes down to her level, “You really want to know why Sirius?” Sirius gulped and began silently praying to any and every deity that would save him from Jessie Spring’s wrath. Jess took a another deep breath, “Because I fucking love you, you moron,” she whispered and crashed her lips onto his.

Once again the common room was deathly silent (with the exception of James yelling, “Holy fuck,” when Jess had kissed Sirius.) Even the wood in the fireplace had stopped crackling. Everyone in the room stood staring in shock, jaws wide open, at the two beaters (with the exception of Lily who just rolled her eyes and Mary who zoomed in even closer.)

They broke apart and Jess shoved him away. Sirius looked at her with a completely dazed expression. She shook her head, turned heel and dashed out of the common room. A single tear ran down her cheek.

The portrait slammed shut and Sirius promptly fainted.


“There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side.”-Anonymous


I did not just do that. Please tell me I did not just do that.

You did.


I’m very proud of you.

Oh shut up. I’ve just completely fucked up my life.

Or made it a billion times better.

I am such a moron. How on earth did I ever let myself believe that he loved me?

Umm… because he does???

I mean, he’s Sirius fucking Black. Hogwarts manwhore extraordinaire; untamable, unmanageable, the boy who has one night stands and digs bleach blonde whores and sluts with huge tits. Merlin, I am so fucking stupid.

You are not seriously doing this…

Doing what? Realizing that it was all a game to him? Don’t tell me it wasn’t. It was all a game he and Jordan created.

What? If I remember rightly, and I do, you and him started all this with your little bet about Lily and James. Jordan has nothing to do with this, other than the fact that she hates you and wants Sirius for herself.

It was all a game. He loves her.

You are impossible.

No, I’m logical.

You logical? The day you are logical is the day hell freezes over.

Rodrigo, I’m pretty sure it just did.

Oh, stop being so overdramatic.

The world is ending. The apocalypse is upon us.

I’m leaving again.

No! I need you!

Come back! Please?



“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.” - Albert Einstein


Jessie soon found refugee among the cherry house elves who were more than happy to see Missy Spring. She situated herself and a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough on a table in the corner. She sat down on the tabletop and rested her feet on top of one of the wooden chairs in front of her. Leaning back against the cold stone wall, she licked the dough off of the wooden spoon the house elves had provided her with. She stuck the spoon back in the bowl and closed her eyes.

Meanwhile, the house elves quietly bustled about preparing all sorts of delicious goodies for dinner. One of the younger ones, smiled sadly at Jessie as she tugged her fingers through her hair angrily. He turned to his fellow elf who was cleaning onions beside him and shook his head, his large ears flapping, “Missy Spring very, very sad.”

“Merlin I hate him,” Jessie said to the wooden spoon, “ I mean if he really loved me, like he keeps telling me, he would have actually come after me. He probably just went back to kissing that stupid slut. I had it handled Jessie. Had it handled how? What does that even mean? What the fuck was he going to do? Continue kissing the tramp? Fuck. And then I go and tell him I love him! For the love of Merlin I am a fucking idiot!”

She scooped up another glob of chocolate studded dough and stuck the spoon in her mouth. She put it back in the bowl and put her face in her hands, “Why me?”

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Jessie scraped the last bits of dough from the sides of the bowl and began squishing them together, forming a little ball in the center of the bowl. She stabbed it repeatedly with the spoon and scooped up one of the broken off chunks. She licked it off the rough wooden surface of the spoon and frowned at it.

“I hate her, I hate her, I hate her. I could kill her. Actually I hate them both and the world and peach cobbler and spiders,” she rambled, “I should have known that he was just fucking with me, “ Jess bit her lip and sighed, “Merlin, I am such a moron.”

Jessie licked the spoon again and held it out in front of her, “ And don’t even get me started on how fucking cliché this all is. Boy and girl are friends. Boy and girl hate each other. Boy and girl fall in love. Fucking A. My life has somehow become one of those muggle chick flicks. Has the world like just gone to hell and I wasn’t informed? What do you think Mr. Spoon? Actually I am going to call you Tony. Yes, Tony the wooden spoon.”

“First sign of madness, talking to inanimate objects.”

Jessie ignored him, scooped up more dough and stuck the spoon in her mouth. Sirius tuned one of the chairs around and sat down, his arms crossed over the top. He looked up at her pleadingly. Jess just glared at him and continued eating the dough.


“Don’t even start.”

“Jess, I…”

“Zip it Buck-O! I’m not listening! Shouldn’t you be off with slut-tastic?”

“Come on Jessie…”

“I said shut up! I’m not listening to anything you have to say!”

“Would you please, please, please, please, please, please shut up for five seconds Jessabelle!”

“Fine Sirius. What on earth do you have to tell me that is oh so important? I think we have already covered how you feel. It was pretty apparent earlier!” The wooden spoon clattered into the bowl and Jess wrapped her arms around her knees and looked over to the house elves who were chopping up onions.

“Jazz,” Sirius pleaded standing up. He climbed up on the table and sat down next to her. Jess silently cursed the butterflies in her stomach and scooted away, “Just go away Sirius. The game is over. Congratulations you won. You made me fall in love with you again. Please just leave me alone and go gloat about it with Jordan.”

“Jess,” Sirius shook his head, “You have the worst logic on the face of the planet.”

“No Sirius, I get it. You love her not me. Please just go away. Please? So I can mope in my self pity and come up with ways to kill you both…” Jess begged.

“Is that really what you think?” Sirius laughed, “That I love Jordan Sparks?”

Jess scoffed and turned around to face him, “I think it’s pretty apparent,” she glared and turned away again.

“Jess,” Sirius sighed, “Jazz. Jazz look at me.”

“No,” Jess continued deliberately staring at the house elves.

“Jess, she jumped on me. I was a shocked as you.”

Jessie rolled her eyes.

“And I had a right to yell, you nearly killed the girl for no apparent reason. Well now it’s kind of glaringly obvious, but…”

Jess buried her head in her hands and groaned, “Oh shut up.”

Sirius crossed his arms and pouted, “Hey! Being in love with me is not that embarrassing!”

Jess laughed and sat up, but continued looking anywhere but Sirius. Sirius frowned and poked her in the side, “You’re mean.”

“Jessie, talk to me.”

Jess continued to stare away.

“Please Jessie, I know you‘re mad but could you at least look at me.”

Sirius leaned over and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, “ Come on Jazz, you know it’s only ever been you.”

Jessie reluctantly turned to face him, “You are the corniest person on the face of the planet,” She bit her lip and blinked rapidly, fighting tears as she laughed.

“Oh Jess,” Sirius sighed, “Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying,” Jessie glared as Sirius wiped a tear of her cheek.

“Right, definitely not crying,” Sirius teased.

Jess punched his arm, hard. Sirius yelped and began rubbing the spot she had hit, “Right now is not the time. That fucking hurt Jessabelle!”

“You deserved it,” Jessie hissed through clenched teeth, “Are you done mocking me yet?”

Sirius rolled his eyes, “ I’m not here to mock you Jess. Although I must admit it is fun... Oww!”

Jessie punched his arm again.

“Violent woman,” Sirius muttered. Jessie grinned at him and he reached over and ruffled her hair, making her curls fall over her face. Jess tossed her hair out of her eyes, “Prat.”

“I love you to Jazz,” and Sirius leaned over and promptly kissed her.


Wait a second. Jessabelle, what are you doing? No, don’t give in! He could be lying. I can’t go over to the dark side. But they have cookies and Sirius…and he’s such a good kisser and he loves you. He loves me! He loves me! He loves me! No! you sound like one of those girls who drool over him! Merlin, how many voices are inside my head? Should you really be thinking about this at a time like now?

Oh fuck it…


They broke apart and Sirius gently let go of her face.

“Hi,” he said and Jessie rolled her eyes.

“You did not just say hi.”

“What?! I thought it was perfectly appropriate,” Sirius said crossing his arms.

Jess laughed and shook her head.

“What?” Sirius asked, grinning.

“Nothing, you just look adorable when you pout,” Jess tousled his hair and wrapped her arms around his chest.

“Dork,” Sirius teased putting his arm around her shoulders.

“Yes, but I’m your dork,” Jessie lifted her head and kissed him lightly on the lips.


“Really, really,” Jess smiled, “As long as you promise to never ever break my heart again, because then I will have to kill you slowly and painfully.”

“That I can promise.”

“Come on let’s get out of here before we scar the house elves,” Jess said scooting off the table.

Sirius frowned, following her, “I’m sure they’ve seen and heard worse.”

Jess raised an eyebrow as Sirius wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He smirked, “Lily and James come down here.”

Jessie shook her head and wrapped her arm around his waist, laughing.


“My only love sprung from my only hate.”-William Shakespeare


James Potter was one very, very confused man. There was no way in heaven, hell or any universe Jessie and Sirius had just walked into the common room hand in hand. I mean sure they all joked about Sirius and Jess hooking up all the time, but… no, that was impossible. James rubbed his eyes. No, it was still there.

“Stop doing that James, it’s not a mirage,” Lily sighed setting down her notes.

“But…” James said.

“Honey I love you, but sometimes you can be exceedingly thick,” Lily patted his arm, “Sirius and Jessie have been in love for a very long time. They just never knew it. And you, James Potter, will not go and ruin it because you’re sure it’s either a prank or the start of the apocalypse.”

“But Lils, it is the end of the world…”

“What is it with you and Jess believing its the end of the world whenever something romantic happens?”


“James,” Lily warned.

“Yes dear?”

“Stop it. They’re…Oh for the love of Merlin, get a room before I give you detention!” Lily yelled shielding her eyes.

“Oh shut up Lily, you were the one who made me tell him. And you and Tweedle-Dee are much worse,” Jessie rolled her eyes.

Sirius frowned, “I thought I was Tweedle-Dee?”

“No you’re Tweedle-Dumb,” Jessie smiled at him.

“Well, I will see you all later,” James stood up, “I’m off to write to mum and tell her that the world is ending.”

“Oh please,” Jess retorted, “That started when Evans here said yes to you.”


“You are everywhere inside my head and I'm all tangled up in your web…So surreal, but I like how it feels…” -Emmy Rossum, Falling


Short, sweet and to the point right? Finally the chapter you were all waiting for. Firstly, thanks you for being patient and not attacking me with various instruments of torture after the last cliffhanger. I love you all! And yes I know, this was horribly cliché and corny, but I loved the idea to much to change it… plus I had fun abusing Jordan Sparks. And speaking of that, the story Jordan Sparks is in no way molded after the singer Jordan Sparks. I have nothing but the utmost respect for the singer Jordan Sparks! Just thought I would clear that up! Also, I have decided I shall write a sequel when this is all said and done! Yay? And on that note, it is my sad duty that there are only a few more chapters left… So let me know what you thought, Mr. Review Box is sitting down there, calling your name, waiting for you to scroll down and type away! THANKS for taking the time to review!

-pensive princess

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