Chapter 8 : Chapter 8.
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Chapter Image By .kapowi (tda)
Hearts Then Tears
Draco is sitting by the lake, all I can see is the back of his head, but I am furious. Stomping up to him I feel my toes tingling from how angry I am just looking at him. It's all his fault, really.
"What the fuck did you do to Hermione?" I ask. I want to scream but people may hear...
"I didn't do anything," he said so nonchalantly, keeping his attention on the lake.
I kneel down towards him and say, "Look at me," he slowly turns his head and avoids direct eye contact.
"What happened?" It kind of seemed as if she hurt him. And honestly, I am not liking Hermione Granger right now. Yes, Draco hurt my feelings, too... but, I will always care about him.
"Why? Did she come crying to you or something?" If only she did that... I wish she did.
I look away for a moment, I can feel the tears starting to form.
Just spit it out!
"I started liking Ron. And it was nice to finally have you off of my mind. She -because of what ever happened between you two- she just came in out of nowhere and she ruined it and... she just, she just kissed him, right there in front of me, practically on top of me... and I was about to tell him that I-" I couldn't speak anymore. I stood up quickly and started to breathe faster. I am crying and the tears won't stop.
"Jacqueline," he whispered softly as he stood up.
"No! Why can't she just be happy with what she has? She had you, and you were supposed to be mine, and finally when I was okay with that fact she had to take away someone else! And I... I just don't understand!" I am whispering but my voice feels so loud, I feel like the whole world knows what I just said.
He doesn't say anything, but he is staring at me. I realize what I said and I start to cry even more, and louder.
"I have to go now," I said and turn around. I wait a moment then I leave. I didn't mean to say that, I don't really know what I meant to say at all.
January Wednesday, 10 PM
I slowly walk to the Library. My legs feel heavy and I just want to stop. Lay down right here in the middle of the hall and just curl into a ball and eventually fade away.
"Jackie," It's Ginny and her voice is consoling me, already.
I stop and turn towards her.
"Yes?" I knew what was coming. I wish we had something else to talk about.
"Are you alright? I heard what happened..." she asked quietly.
I bite my lip.
"No. I'm-" I hesitate. I try to find the right word.
"I feel slow, and light, and I just want to stop moving and I... I don't know. I feel... sleepy." I nod to myself. That sounds about right.
She practically jumps on me with her arms around me, squeezing me tight. It's nice to have a friend who actually listens and cares.
"Thank you." I said as I wanted to cry, again. But, I wouldn't, I ran out of tears for this week.
"He did, I mean, he does really like you. But he and Hermione... well, you know that he's liked her for such a long time." I stare at her. Of course I knew that, but it was so much more than just that.
"I know. Its just... I can't say." I turn away for a moment. I can't tell her, it isn't my secret to share... well not all of it.
"What?" she asked, curious to what I was going to say.
"I can't say!" I repeat, it sounded like I was whining.
"Jackie!” she says in a pleading voice.
"I just," I think for a moment, "She hurt me more than you think, more than you know," I take a deep breath. "You can't judge me, or Hermione, or anyone in the story I'm about to tell you. And you cannot tell a soul," I put out my pinky. "Pinky promise?" she takes mine with hers, "Pinky promise," she says nodding.
I drag her down the hall and once I find an empty corridor I start to tell her everything.
January Wednesday, 10:45 PM
"So you were in love with Malfoy and Hermione started dating him. That is when she first hurt you. Then she snogged Ron and that's strike two?” She asked, her face twisted with... almost horror to it.
“Yes, basically that is it. But, don't you think it's messed up? She is messed up?”
She doesn't look at me, and I get a little worried.
“I can't believe you both fell for Malfoy, of all people. And then my brother? Jacqueline, do you think that she is using Ron as a rebound? I thought that when she realized she loved Ron it would be because she felt it. It was always right there in front of her. But, now I know it's because something happened with the ferret. Ugh, the ferret?”
"Rebound?" I think about it for a moment.
She nods at me, I can tell she is worried for her brother.
"It would make sense, but I don't know."
"How dare she!" she stands, clenches her fists into balls, and her face reddens.
"You don't know anything, remember?"
"Oh yeah..." she looked disappointed, but she sat down again, her hands still in fists. "He's my brother, though. I have a right to be angry."
January Wednesday, 11:30 PM
My feelings for Draco are faint. I do not like him, and I am not in love with him.
The feelings I have for Ron, well, they are still there. Bright and loud, screaming out to me.
Hermione. I don't hate her. It is true, she and Ron are meant to be.
I guess I am just better off alone, I don't really know any other way. I don't want anyone.
I don't need Draco and I don't need Ron.
I just want to finish this year.
I just want to live through the War, which I most likely won't, which everyone most likely won't.
I just want... I just want everything to be better, and stay that way for more than a day.
January Thursday, 11 AM
I'm reading in the Common Room. The portrait opens and someone comes in, but I barely notice it. They walk up to me, and I don't pay them any attention.
"I'm sorry." she whispered, and then I look up at her. Hands intertwined, she doesn't make me want to stab her for once in awhile.
I take a deep breath and nod.
"It's fine." I go back to reading my book. She doesn't leave, and she just stares at me.
"I didn't know, I am sorry. I should have asked or... I just-"
"It's fine," I repeat. “And, you didn't know anything. How would you even know to ask?”
I can feel that she is struggling, trying to say how she is truly sorry.
I close the book, stand up, and standing in front of her I say, “Hermione, it is fine. I'm over it. Thank you for your consideration." I don't wait for her to respond this time, I walk upstairs to the Girls Dorm. That was very grown-up of me.
I plop onto my bed. Grown-up is way too serious. I need to rest. Falling back onto the bed, dreams come easily.